Imagine being in your partner’s shadow. We know that Beyonce and her crew started this game together, but Beyonce wanted all the glory and Michelle Williams just held up the back-end. I know that no one really gives a fuck about these girls and that they are old news, but it’s funny to see “Beyonce’s Bitch” droppin her top a little to show some nipple, just trying get some attention. I guess life in someone’s shadow is a lonely place to be. The only time I was ever in anyone’s shadow was last summer. I was taking my wife for a walk, she rode her fat person scooter but when we got to the pond, in the park, she stood up, blocked out the sun and I thought it was the terrorists invading or some shit. It’s not the same kind of shadow as Michelle Williams, but a shadow none the less. Now go fuck yourself for thinking my story sucked and look at the nipple.

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I was planning on moving away from celebrity pictures. I wanted to make the move towards more life-changing content. Everyone and their fucking retarded cousin has a celebrity blog and although I don’t mind being compared to retarded kids, I do feel that it’s fucking played out. When I come across pics of Alba rockin’ out in a bikini and grabbin her own ass, I can’t help but post them for you, the people. I know that the last time you saw a girl in a bikini was when you were 12 at the public pool, before the rash on your back that made you too ashamed to take off your shirt in public. These pics are for you: T-Shirt swimmer.

For More Higher Quality Pics (cuz I am ghetto):
CLICK HERE (via HollywoodTuna)

For New Higher Quality Pics (cuz I am lazy to do a new post):
CLICK HERE (via Phun.org Forum)

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So I just finished trying to have sex with a hotter body than you will ever witness and I couldn’t keep my shit up. I know everyone will say it’s no big deal – don’t worry about it – etc. But realize that when I was at the top of my game I could fuck like a fuckin monkey throws shit on his other monkey friends. I feel mildly useless but luckily I came across the Lohan Vanity Fair pics hitting newstands tomorrow. Now I feel pretty, like a 19 year old buying her first pregnancy kit. That’s right bitch I am talkin to you and your useless womb. Celebrities don’t use condoms, especially in Miami, that’s how Freddy Prinze Jr. was conceived, that dirty Mexican fuck.

See Lohan Buying a Pregnancy Kit HERE (AIDs and babies is what happens to sluts who don’t use condoms, tell your mom)

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I asked Joe Rogan to send me a message a week, that I would post here for all you losers. I figured you were the kind of person who sits in his mom’s basement, dick in hand, waiting for fear factor to have a water challenge so that you can bust a nut. Since Joe was there for all those TV/Bikini induced orgasms, having him as part of the site seemed fitting.

This was his response. So I decided to make it the unofficial Joe Rogan Message of the Day. I figure his legal team will ask me to take it down, eventually.

Thanks for the offer, but I barely have time to write anything for my own site.Take it easy,
Joe

Thanks Joe. I can’t wait til next week’s message of the day.

This is where I’d promote his site, but this is an unofficial Joe Rogan Message of the day, so I don’t wanna share my traffic with people who have no time for me.

However you can check out another Joe Rogan Here

Cuddles.

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To all my loyal Readers,

Yeah, I know, I have been gone too long, I’d like to tell all of those who come back daily that I appreciate your persistance, but take a fuckin’ hint, I don’t like you.

I got fired from my day job at the factory so I will be updating on a regular basis now, I got people working on a redesign, I got some plans and all that good shit to take this site to another level. If you wanna be part of this movement – drop me an email.

I hope you all had a good holiday season and feel free to send me pics of your crazy adventures.

Starting January 5th, the site will be updated daily. Can you feel it in your lady parts?

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

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Pradeep

I never read the Kama Sutra. My parents strictly forbade it. My perverse yogi uncle however, did introduce me to several positions of sexual pleasure. They all seem to involve rusty sewer pipes, his sphincter and freshly made, hot dhosas in my virginal girl slit. They sear the most sensual scars on my purple labia. I find the connections to the Kama Sutra obscure and evasive. But what do I know. A simple call center girl from Bangalore should never question such wondrous mystery.

This brings me to the first new sex ritual of the New Year. It is a tribute to one of your great authors, Ernest Hemmingway. I call it, The Old Man and the Sea. To perform this most erotic act, you need to kidnap an old homeless man. The one in the picture is Pradeep. My uncle found him in the Ganges deep in meditative prayer. So he beat him senseless with a stale phulka and brought him home to my meager cot. There, my uncle awoke the old man with a sound slap to the genitals. Fragrant cardamom pods were put in his nostrils. My uncle then made the rundi ka bacha sodomize me with his unusually virile lund while he strangled his feeble neck with a dirty bungee cord. When his ejaculate had coated my tender chipkali to my uncle’s satisfaction, he filled his anus with coriander and drowned him in our slum’s communal bathtub because he had defiled me. This is The Old Man and the Sea. Own it and love it. Happy New Year from your favorite girl Hindu.

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This is Christmas in Bangalore, India. A decrepit old relic of a Santa Claus, who reeks of burnt fenugreek and prods my girl holes until I run under our front porch to play with rats. Merry Christmas from your favorite little Hindu, Priti. Motherfuck you.

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Jessica Simpson’s lips are fucked since she injected them with plastic. There’s nothing wrong with plastic surgery if you got face problems. What happened here is an insecurity developed based on nothing, she would freak out about her pencil thin lips and how unattractive they made here. Now bitch looks like she got beat up by her bf, and although he’s cut, I doubt he could hurt her, motherfucker’s too into cock. Either way, I gave you 2 Simpson pics for the day. Be happy.

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Jessica Simpson’s lips are fucked since she injected them with plastic. There’s nothing wrong with plastic surgery if you got face problems. What happened here is an insecurity developed based on nothing, she would freak out about her pencil thin lips and how unattractive they made here. Now bitch looks like she got beat up by her bf, and although he’s cut, I doubt he could hurt her, motherfucker’s too into cock. Either way, I gave you 2 Simpson pics for the day. Be happy.

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Terry Richardson was made famous by Vice Magazine, Vice Magazine was made famous by American Apparel. American Apparel was made famous by amateur photography that bit Richardson’s style. Richardson bit Nan Goldin’s style. It’s all whole cycle of who made who famous and who ripped who off and the point of the story is we don’t give a fuck. I remember Stephanie Seymour when she was the coke/dorritos girl, obviously not too well, I have spent many years drinkin to forget, but it seems I only forget the things I am not trying to forget…..

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