Your bitch is fat, but that’s ok, she’s the best you can do. Let’s face it, hot girls make you nervous, you lose your train of thought, get an erection and your social awkward behavior just fucks the whole deal up, who am I kidding, you are never in a situation to talk to a hot girl….anyway you take what you get, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think it’s important for you to recognize this fat chick fuckin’ issue, so stop chronically masturbating and feeling ashamed when you introduce her to your family, and announce this shit to the world, all through the power of this T-Shirt….Don’t feel so bad, my wife is fat, but I only married her for citizenship and her two daughters…….

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For all the homos out there, I would like to say, I got yo’ back, maybe not the way you’d like me to get it, but in a way that only a drunken stepfather could. There is a condition called Gay Bowel Syndrome which happens after inserting foreign objects in the bum. A penis is considered a foreign object, and a stretched asshole often times means dirty sheets/underwear from fecal seepage. Now I remember the first time I did a girl up the ass, it was a magical experience, that changed my life. The story goes like this: Brenda was a devote christian, she was from texas and she refused to have sex before marriage. That shit threw me off a little and I kept my distance because what the fuck do I want with a girl who doesn’t put out. I am not a sister, and don’t care to learn about your life. As time went on and Brenda kept running after me, I told her straight up that if she doesn’t let me fuck her, she’s dead to me. I like ultimatums. She told me that even though her reverend dad would not approve, like I cared, she would hook me up with a good time. So we met outside the Taco Bell, near the dumpster, I like to have a little bit of Mexico around me at all times, she took off her pants, spread her ass cheeks and invited me in for some backdoor fun. I don’t remember there being and seepage, but I do remember a distinct bean burrito stench……

The soiling of clothes from fecal seepage is a problem for many homosexuals … To avoid soiling of clothes, homosexuals with mild problems are advised to use a menstrual-type pad in the back of their underwear to absorb moisture and waste. (6) Homosexuals with big buttocks require a fluffed-up cotton ball placed against the anal opening, together with a pad to help absorb moisture throughout the day. (6) Medical advice for homosexuals with persistent soiling includes rectal wash-outs to remove residual feces from the anal canal after bowel movements. (6) This involves inserting an ear syringe into the rectum that is filled with warm water and coated with a water-soluble lubricant. Squeezing the syringe gently and repeatedly helps wash out any residual feces from the anal canal.

For more go here HERE

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Claudia Schiffer is a model and you are not and that’s okay. Not everyone is in the right place at the right time, but more importantly not everyone has what it takes. I remember late nights looking at her pics in the ’90s. This was a time before I masturbated because as a catholic person, I was raised to believe that Jesus was watching me. Every three weeks, if I was lucky, I would wake up covered in cum feeling really ashamed, I would take off my pyjama bottoms and cry myself to sleep because it felt so good, but was so wrong. Yes, I had a wet dream problem, and lucky for Claudia Schiffer, she was never in them…. Here are pics of her topless and old….

More Pics After The Jump –

via GorillaMask

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Paige Davis from Trading Spaces has a sex tape. It is floating around, and I can’t deliver the goods. Rumor is that that cunt Ty has an appearance where he delivers a fantastic facial, but not the porno kind….come on… we all know you’re a little limp in the wrist Ty….

The reviews are here

The pictures may come in the next few days, I am waiting for Paige to get off her fat ass and out to the photo store to pick them up..get it, i just pretended Paige was my bitch…that was funny.

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We’ve gone through this Kate Beckinsale business before, she’s a celebrity, and with celebrity comes a certain level of desirability, because we all know that the chances of meeting her are so rare that the opportunity to fuck her is pretty much non-existant, so we sit in front of computers like the perverts we are, and we hang bitch’s posters like the groupies we are, and we argue with our friends (if we have any), about how we think Kate Beckinsale’s got it going on, and they tell us she’s a washed up slag that anyone in their right mind would treat like the slag that she is, and we cry because we have just alienated ourself from our peers all because the movie Seredipity got us wet. Kate does yoga in the street, I figure that there is no real problem with announcing to the world that you care about your health, especially when you wear tight pants.

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So I get this information from the controversial people at WizBangBlog.com about a girl named Cherry Dee who is already slotted to be a Page 3 girl when she turns 18.She is already getting her titties insured for $1 Million. That means that she is not 18 yet, and we have pictures of her rack. I don’t know if this is legal, but I am going to post it anyway. As a risktaker, I am always willing to throw away everything for the next hot story. She has been modeling topless since she was 16, I seriously wonder who her dad is, I would actually like to meet him and find out how he pulled this off and convinced his girl to show the world her tits. Who am I kidding, no girl with a dad would do something like this, I call a broken fuckin home. It’s okay her mom worked double shifts at the local grocery store to make ends meet, have a little fucking respec.Her tits aren’t all that hot, definitely not worth a million dollars, and I doubt I would even front the $10 to touch them at a local strip bar, however they are under 18 years old, which in itself makes you a sick fuck for looking at them!

Read the article HERE

Her official site (no nudity) is HERE

via WizBang

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So she’s a pop queen and she went from the bubblegum, good role model for our youth, to the polar opposite once she came of age, or rippened, as we like to day at the Stepfather school of perverts. That happens often in younger girls, I call it the identity crisis, they denounce everything they ever represented and did in attempts to find themself. This works out to our advantage every once in a while, because that means the virginal bitch turns into a full fledged whore ready and willing to fuck everyone that comes their way, at the same time. The nice thing about this identity crisis is that the waters do eventually calm, and balance is found, the person accepts both their embedded morals/values of their youth and the experiences when they denounced those same morals to work the streets and suck all the cock they could. X-Tina is one of those girls, from one extreme to another, Genie in a bottle to breast implants and piercings, gang bangs and videos where you can practically smell her dirty cooch, now she is a nice well rounded girl getting married and starting a family, but still has her nipple ring.

It’s funny how life works out.

This has been brought to us by DoubleViking (visit them they love you)

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it has been only a few hours, but they have been the longest hours of my life. you wont answer my text messages. jesus, why wont you answer my text messages? just because i aborted our 3 children does not mean that i deserve this. i miss getting drunk off tequila bang bang and passing out in the kiddie pool in our trailer park and waking up with your hand in my crotch. i miss getting drunk off stolichnaya and letting you paint my toenails with your favorite pink color and then having a sword fight with our fripperie pans. i miss getting stoned off gasolene and windex and running after the police dogs. can i PLEASE come see you today when you are finished work, so we can get drunk, chain smoke, pick up 17 year old girls with peg legs and yell pirate obscenities at passersby, specifically priests, nuns and god.
please? i miss us. and i promise the next time we get pregnant, i will have the child, and we will call it john malcovitch.
love always, minx.

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Dude, today is really out of control with the whole seeing celebrity nipples, it’s getting pretty fucking repetitive for me. She’s the girl from “8 Simple Rules to Dating My Teenage Daughter”, she’s out and about, no bra, cuz it’s out of style, and the camera flash just fucking shows us everything. Rumor is she had nothing to do with killing John Ritter, all the coke from the 70’s fucked him up, he was pretty much a walking timebomb….moment of silence to our fallen coke soldier please

More Pics After Jump

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Celebrities don’t know how to keep their fucking shirts on it’s crazy. You would think with all their money and fame they would have a certain awareness that they are wearing a potentially dangerous outfit, one that could mean the nation sees your motherfucking nipple and knows exactly what proportion it is to your little breast. This could be very damaging if you don’t have amazing tits, and very rewarding if you have the perfect placement and proportion, the point of this post is to say, girls why the fuck aren’t you all showing nipples in everyday life. Bras are a thing of the past, only middle-aged women rock that shit, sheer shirts and thin fabrics are sexy and trust me, guys will be happy looking at your chest, your nipple contrast, size and placement, you may even find yourself some cock for a change.

Celebrities don’t read this – but keep up they need to keep up the nip slips, even though I don’t know why they don’t just wear a fucking turtleneck….I guess no one pays attention to the bitch in a turtleneck. Not being in the public eye could ruin someone it could mean losing that next big role. It’s cool though, my site depends on your nipples.

WORD

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