After sleepless nights and a shelf of ‘little mothers helpers’; I decided to go the way of the blind date. I am thinking this will be my ticket to the bounce back. However, the cross over from blind-date-material to casual-sex-partner is apparently massive. Similar to crossing the grand canyon on a sheer thread of integrity. After taking about 10 different angle looks, I decided that this would not be for me. Even after chugging 4.5 glasses of cheap-acid-bar-wine, I still couldn’t make the cross over. Moreover, it still felt like I was wearing a sweater made of hair. Thank god, the goatfucker ex doesn’t live in this city. My luck I would walk right into him and his new lovely addition. Them both gleaming in all their new found glory. Me, with jogging pants on, a weeks stack of movie rentals under my arm, getting off the bus, with a huge oversized puss ball zit on my face. Would be fucking fantastic. Instead I walked out of the bar alone, and literally almost got clipped by a taxi.

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Every person has one special day…Their birthday. Back in my law school days my tea`cher offered me an A for a good time on his birthday. Ever since then birthdays have been a scary for me. But i know some of you still regard this as a special day. Denise Richards is the top birthday today; did you know she was a guest in seinfeld in the Shoes episode as the NBC boss president? And who can forget her p-boy pics from December, which we have posted after the Jump. So lets find out who else was born today.

#3)Ronald Knox (02/17/1888 – 08/24/1957) writer, theologian

Quote: “A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

#2)Michael Jordan(02/17/1963 – )

Quote: “Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.

#1) Denise Richards (02/17/1972 – ) US actor (wife of Charlie Sheen)

Quote: “First of all I work out, second of all the Director of Photography on our film is amazing and I told him if any cellulite shows I will kill him!”

Celbrity Factor Gallery

Denise’s Mr Skin Bio:

With flashing eyes of emerald green and lips like plump, candied slabs of love, Denise Richards is pretty enough to have secured a movie career without ever having shown anything. Indeed, her breakthrough role in Starship Troopers (1997) was a fully clothed jaunt, although no amount of fabric could conceal the trundling treasures of her heaving chest. Those beauties, and the booty that backs them up, were brought to light in Wild Things (1998). Playing a devious and oversexed rich chick, Denise started off by doing a bold bikini strut but soon discarded that top for wilder things. The film’s highlight was a three-way grope and slurp that featured Matt Dillon and Neve Campbell going hot and bothered for the bare breasts and sucking tongue of pop-top Richards. In a celebratory mood, Matt dribbled champagne through Denise’s cleavage and tongued the bubbly off. His is not the only cork that will pop.
Skinfo: Denise married Hollywood scion Charlie Sheen. Their pre-nup reportedly had a clause that guaranteed her $4 million if Charlie was caught cheating, even if it’s only with hookers.
Quote: About the Wild Things nudity: “I had such anxiety about those scenes. For me, it was a big deal because they were my breasts and there was a shot of my rear end.” Those are a big deal for everybody, honey.

Denis as Molly in Seinfeld

Denise in Wild things

P-BOY Magazine

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I remember the first doll I ever got. It was one of those cheap blow up dolls made out of beachball material. That was before I saved up my money made from collecting bottles and cans by digging deep into the trash on every street corner to purchase a realdoll. I am joking people. I don’t have sex dolls, they are too damn expensive and after I am done with them they smell like shit and stink up my whole house. I think that may have something to do with the fact that I really get off by shitting on their little plastic faces.

Celebrities get dolls made in their image, so perverts everywhere can pretend the toy in their ass is really Britney Spears. I dug deep into the depths of the internet to find some random celebrity dolls…

Check them out – After the Jump

Dead

Sonny Bono – Dude can’t ski, hit a tree

Princess Diana – Killed by the government – Covered up by blaming people with cameras and motorbikes…

FloJo – Steroids stopped her heart

Groucho Marx of the Marx Brothers – pneumonia

Freddie Mercury – Pneumonia caused by AIDS caused by Homosexuality

Liberace – Aids caused by Homosexuality (batty boy boom)

George Burns – Old Age

Jim Morrison – Drugs

Elvis – Drugs

Gay:

Elton John – Just Gay.

Boy George – Just a Tranny

Pedophile:

Michael Jackson

People Who Will Never Have Dolls Made In their image again:

Cher

NKOTB

NKOTB-Donnie

NKOTB-Jordan

NKOTB-Joe

NKOTB-Danny

Vanilla Ice

John Travolta

Prince Charles

Luke Perry

Donny Osmond

MC Hammer

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Today is a special day, a day for video clips for you to watch at work and hopefully get in trouble for. I didn’t actually make these videos because I am a talentless hack, but I have found them for you from the various sites for you to watch, enjoy and possibly masturbate to. You are a pervert and your mom knows you’re chronic. Touch your toes.

Clips after the jump

Pillow Fight
Here

Snowmobile Accident
Here

Crazy Driving
Here

Guy Sprays Axe Up His Nose
Here

Intercom Commercial
Here

Lesbian Clip
Here

Sandpaper Drag
Here

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Naomi Campbell is known for being a cunt. She was recently dating Usher the orgy loving sexual deviant and she was all over the news for a scene she caused in a restaurant. After seeing these pictures, which are obviously old, Campbell should be worrying less about being a Diva Cunt, and more about maintaining that disgusting bush. I love bush as much as the next pervert, but when it’s clumpy cabbage patch hair, also called taco meat like Bill Cosby’s chest, my penis retreats back inside my body. Which isn’t a very far journey….

Check out the Cabbage Patch of Love – After the Jump

via TAXIDRIVER

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Allegra Versace, niece of murdered designer Gianni Versace and daughter of Donatella, and owner of a controlling stake in the $A585 million fashion empire is Anorexic.

I know I don’t care either.

More pics after the jump

Watch out – She’s already a cunt
Article here

Post inspired by a thread at LuxuryFashion.com

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Allegra Versace, niece of murdered designer Gianni Versace and daughter of Donatella, and owner of a controlling stake in the $A585 million fashion empire is Anorexic.

I know I don’t care either.

More pics after the jump

Watch out – She’s already a cunt
Article here

Post inspired by a thread at LuxuryFashion.com

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Every person has one special day…Their birthday. Today there wan’t that many great birthdays so we will limit it to the top 3. So if you are born today, Feb 16, you share a birthday with these fine folks:

#3)John McEnroe (02/16/1959 – )tennis

Quote on losing a championship: “”This taught me a lesson, but I’m not sure what it is.”

#2)Sir Francis Galton(02/16/1822 – 01/17/1911) English scientist

Quote: “Well-washed and well-combed domestic pets grow dull; they miss the stimulus of fleas.”

#1) Sonny Bono (02/16/1935 – 01/05/1998)singer, congressman (ex-husband of Cher)

Quote on fame: “You’re just borrowing it. It’s like money. You’re going to die, and somebody else is going to get it.”

John McEnroe picture and fan site after the Jump

Quotes:

I’ll let the racket do the talking.
John McEnroe

If you believe that [Anna Kournikova’s claim that she is a virgin], I’ve never questioned a call in my life.
John McEnroe

If, in a few months, I’m only number 8 or number 10 in the world, I’ll have to look at what off-the-court work I can do. I will need to do something if I want to be number 1.
John McEnroe

It’s a fabulous place [Buckingham Palace], I’ll never forget it, and the right guy won.
John McEnroe

Now I get docked 10 to 20 per cent (of my appearance fee) if I don’t yell at some people and break at least one racquet.
John McEnroe

This taught me a lesson, but I’m not sure what it is.
John McEnroe

You are the pits of the world! Vultures! Trash!
John McEnroe

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“You are always there to help a lending hand dear. I love you most of all because you are you.” These are the words I like to send to all video clips I watch. I think they get enough love on the net, like the local slut, but I also think people just watch the clips and forget about them….well not me…I love them and I am not embarassed to tell the worls

Video clips after the jump…..

Guy doing weird things with his eyes
here

Sore Loser (old but funny)
here

Light Tower Collapses
here

Simpson’s Voices on Conana
here

Chicken Shit Bingo
here

Guy Pierces his own Tongue!
here

Clowns
here

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A big thank you to our friends at JEWS KICK ASSThe chosen tee shirt for the chosen people….
Yep, Amanda from The Amanda Show, is Jewish! (don’t feel bad I have never heard of the show either). Amanda Laura Bynes was born on April 3, 1986 in Thousand Oaks, California. In 1999, thirteen-year-old Amanda was given her own variety show, “The Amanda Show,” in which she starred in all of the skits except “Totally Kyle”. One of Amanda’s earliest TV moments was when she gave introduced the “Jewish/Catholic” episode of “A Walk In Your Shoes” on Nickolodeon’s Noggin channel. The intro featured Amanda talking about her half-Jewish, half-Catholic upbringing and how cool it is to practice different religions.

Although “The Amanda Show,” went off the air in 2001 when Amanda was at the ripe old age of fifteen, Ms. Bynes has been keeping busy. In 2002, she co-starred with Jennie Garth in “What I Like About You” as Holly, a 16-year-old girl who moves in with her sister after their father decides to move to Japan. She also celebrated her Sweet Sixteenth birthday and got her drivers license on April 3, 2002.

On April 3, 2004, Amanda celebrated her eighteenth birthday on the 17th Annual KCA Awards where we she won an award for best actress for her role as Daphne, a girl searching for her father, in “What a Girl Wants.” She graduated from Thousand Oaks High School’s independent study program on June 10, 2004 and filmed “Lovewreck” in 2004.

IMDB BIO:
Amanda Laura Bynes was born on April 3, 1986 in Thousand Oaks, California. The youngest of three children, she became interested in acting and performing from the very young age of three, when she would say her older sister Jillian’s lines with her while she performed in plays. It was from then on that her family and friends knew that she would be a star some day.

Her acting debut was in 1996 when she auditioned for and got the role as a newcomer on “All That.” Right away, she became very popular as people enjoyed her acting and skits, especially the “Ask Ashley” skit where she played a little girl running an advice column who would get very angry every time she read a letter.

In 1999, thirteen-year-old Amanda was given her own variety show, “The Amanda Show,” in which she starred in all of the skits except “Totally Kyle”.

In 2001, she co-starred with Frankie Muniz in “Big Fat Liar” as Kaylee, Jason’s friend who helps him prove that he really did write the essay “Big Fat Liar” and regain his father’s trust. It was also in 2001 that she began dating Taran Killam, from “The Amanda Show” and “Big Fat Liar,” who is four years and two days older than she is. She also won a Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award and, at age fifteen, ended “The Amanda Show.”

In 2002, she began co-starring with Jennie Garth in “What I Like About You” as Holly, a 16-year-old girl who moves in with her sister after their father decides to move to Japan. She also celebrated her Sweet Sixteenth birthday and got her drivers license on April 3, 2002.

In 2003, Amanda won two KCA Awards and starred as Daphne, a girl searching for her father in “What a Girl Wants” with Colin Firth and Kelly Preston as her parents. She continued acting in “What I Like About You” and broke up with Taran.

On April 3, 2004, Amanda celebrated her eighteenth birthday on the 17th Annual KCA Awards where we she won an award for best actress for her role in “What a Girl Wants.” She graduated from Thousand Oaks High School’s independent study program on June 10, 2004 and filmed “Lovewreck” in 2004.

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