Upset with to constant phone calls and emails, Nicky Hilton runs to the store to buy some comfort food and fish last night’s cocaine out of her nose. I remember when I was hitting coke on the regular back in the early 80s, I would always go diggin after a hard night, looking for a little leftovers. I was a cokehead on a budget – Fuck you.

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Today’s product is an enema. It’s a reminder of my hospital visits as a constipated kid after eating too clay back home in Mexico. We were poor and I was hungry. Ever since then, I became a total Klezmos. During my highschool years I would just kick back with a spliff and fucking enema the shit right out of me.

The best pre-insertable, insertable! Yes, ma’am it’s the most convenient way to flush before play… this unique douche (and enema!) bottle has two types of nozzles and also comes with an adapter to allow use with other enema nozzles. All of this versatility for so little a price! Perfect for vaginal douching and rectal rinsing!
Price: $26.00

Find out more HERE

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We are the inefficient home of Lohan, we haven’t covered her granny speaking out about her dad’s arrest, we haven’t bothered mentioning her dad’s death threat to the family, we haven’t bothered with the whole Paris Hilton phone calls, the Fisher Family or posted her answering machine message. (scroll down), we haven’t discussed her breasts being too big for the disney flick, but we will still pretend we are the home of Lohan….

The doll was recently showcased, and all you perverts who want a little lohan up your ass…this is for you.

Doll Preview after the jump:

Via Not His Real Dad

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The fleshlight is the tool for masturbators who are bored with masturbating with their hand and other household items. They are people who do not have constant sex and who are willing to fuck a silicone insert that resembles an anus, vagina, mouth. I own two.

Here is the post of the day

Ok I need help your guys, i am going to order the stww ice case, and insert (discret) the thing is that i dont want my mom to be home when it arrives, can you guys help me decide the best time to order my FL. I just turned 18 last week, and if my mom is home she will open it to see want it is, and i will be so imbarassed (and she will kill me LOL). if she finds it later on in life i can say it is a piggy bank (The discret one lol) but if she opens the box, and see’s the lube…….This is my moms sched.

Monday – 6:00am – 4:00pm
tuesday – 2:00pm – 11:00pm
wedsday – off
thursday – off
friday 2:00pm – 11:00pm
saturday 2:00pm – 11:00pm
sunday 6:00am – 4:00pm

what day should i order it on. thanks in advance
P.S i’m in Florida

Check the thread out here

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Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin were married. I don’t know if they still are because I try not to care about celebrities over 25 years old. They shot this sex scene for some movie and the rumor is that they were really doing it. I think all movies should have unprotected full penetration sex scenes. It would be an interesting societal experience, let’s see how how long it takes for the famous to spread STDs and get pregnant. I want Hollywood to be filled with illegitmate children and Herpes….even more than it already is.

Click this link to see the sex scene (we all know you’re a pervert, pervert)

SEX SCENE

Nothing after the jump (Grambo)

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The fetish of the day is dressing your woman up like a horse, throw on a saddle and some reins and make her trot around the room. This shit is pretty weird, but not as weird as my fetish. I like to dress woman up in heels and evening gowns and make them roll around in 4 day old kitchen garbage, all while singing “Tiffany-I think we’re alone now”. I think it reminds me of the late 80’s when I was living on the street and hooking up with homeless chicks in an dumpster behind a chinese restaurant.

check out the Equus Eroticus Pics after the jump(Grambo)

Check the site out HERE

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Everyone loves a guy on their birthday. Today Steve Jobs was born so if you are nice you will buy a mac to support him.

#3)Michelle Shocked (02/24/1962 – ) singer songwriter

Quote: “The secret of a long life is knowing when it’s time to go.”

#2)George Harrison (02/24/1943 – 11/29/2001)English musician

Quote: “I’d rather be a musician than a rock star.”

#1)Steven Jobs (02/24/1955 – ) entrepreneur

Quote: “So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.'”

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I am a fan of strippers, not because it forces sluts to talk to me, but because they work for me and I can disrespect them and treat them like the whores that they are…Getting naked and seducing horny old men doesn’t take much skill, anyone with a vagina can do that…there will always be a willing pervert with a 20 in hand, wanting to see your tits, no matter how ugly you are.

If being a stripper has been a dream of yours, buy these dvds – they will teach you the basics, but I can teach you better.

Check out all the preview clips AFTER the jump

Pole Work
Preview

Dance Moves and Floor Work
Preview

Live On Stage
Preview

Lap Dancing Volume 4
Preview

Purchase DVDs
HERE

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So this past weekend was nice, i started this abstinence thing because my cantor told me that i would cum alot harder with him if i would abstain from sex more, so that when he takes me behind the bimah to show me who god’s prophet is, the lack of cumming on my part would have built up to the extent that i would explode-only i would not be exploding, i would just be coming alot more, shaking more vigorously and altogether screaming my tonsils out with the release of my bodily fluid.

READ THE REST OF THIS STORY – AFTER THE JUMP

i spent two days not doing anything with my nether regions- i did not even let the sultanate of the UAE come and play with my nipples during our weekly meeting. so you can probably guess how insane i am going. the thing is, i don’t want my cantor anymore. sure, he’s mexican and hairy and starts to smell like tequila bang bang when he starts to sweat when i play with his balls, but i am looking for something bigger, something better, maybe even something that comes in an human mouth machine box? but then again beat boxers are so last post, and guys in astronaut suits are so the post before that! this weekend it has been suggested that i do a burger king bathroom tour with my better half, so she and i will be doing some standing around at various burger king bathrooms in the downtown area. you will know me because i always have a cigarette in my mouth and my tits somehow always fall into view, and you will know her because my left hand will be up her vagina. so, see you there. AND LICK MY CAMEL TOE, FUCKERS!

Previously:
i am – soaking wet for jesus martinez / i am – coco / i am-who is this morning’s outfit? / i am – coming clean / I am – Another Magical Afternoon /I am-hitting the parade /I am – Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie /I am – all for sexual favours

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So this past weekend was nice, i started this abstinence thing because my cantor told me that i would cum alot harder with him if i would abstain from sex more, so that when he takes me behind the bimah to show me who god’s prophet is, the lack of cumming on my part would have built up to the extent that i would explode-only i would not be exploding, i would just be coming alot more, shaking more vigorously and altogether screaming my tonsils out with the release of my bodily fluid.

READ THE REST OF THIS STORY – AFTER THE JUMP

i spent two days not doing anything with my nether regions- i did not even let the sultanate of the UAE come and play with my nipples during our weekly meeting. so you can probably guess how insane i am going. the thing is, i don’t want my cantor anymore. sure, he’s mexican and hairy and starts to smell like tequila bang bang when he starts to sweat when i play with his balls, but i am looking for something bigger, something better, maybe even something that comes in an human mouth machine box? but then again beat boxers are so last post, and guys in astronaut suits are so the post before that! this weekend it has been suggested that i do a burger king bathroom tour with my better half, so she and i will be doing some standing around at various burger king bathrooms in the downtown area. you will know me because i always have a cigarette in my mouth and my tits somehow always fall into view, and you will know her because my left hand will be up her vagina. so, see you there. AND LICK MY CAMEL TOE, FUCKERS!

Previously:
i am – soaking wet for jesus martinez / i am – coco / i am-who is this morning’s outfit? / i am – coming clean / I am – Another Magical Afternoon /I am-hitting the parade /I am – Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie /I am – all for sexual favours

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