Unsorted Archives - Page 171 of 511 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

27

Mar

I am – Goldie Hawn is Old and Saggy of the Day

It was table scrap Monday at the strip club. It’s the night all the bitches take off because Thursday thru Sunday night is good business and even then strippers need a little fucking downtime. We were warned by 2 dudes not to step into the bar because they only had 4 nasty whores on staff, but dude didn’t realize that that was what I was drawn to. I went to take a leak and overheard them talking about how they paid 1000 dollars each for a blowjob from one of the nasty whores working, so I had to explain that a solid street whore is a fraction of the price and sucks dick way better because they are usually missing teeth. It comes with meth addiction and bad hygiene but in all reality it doesn’t matter what causes it, what does matter is how close to heaven it feels.

Speaking of Heaven, based on Goldie Hawn’s tits, she’s on the highway to heaven, lookin at her is like counting the number of rings on a tree, it’s a pretty simple science and I’d still bang her if my dick wasn’t broke and broken.

Posted in:Goldie Hawn|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel's a Lesbian of the Day

No Comments »

I love bowling. It is official. I ended up going and it was a dream come true. I saw all kinds of weird fucking people, like the professional asians with wrist guards and shit to the 300 pound bitch behind the counter that was too fucking fat to get me change but not fat enough to be my wife. I bowled a solid 60 and drank enough beer to make me forget how I can’t do anything right, all while watching the piece of trash chick in spandex in the lane next to me out bowl me not that I would really know because I was too busy staring at her ass. I don’t think that bowling slut was a dyke, even though you would think anyone who bowls has to be a fucking lesbian, but I do think Jessica Biel is because it makes for a solid fantasy. All i see is her with some chick that looks like a dude buying toilet paper to wipe their cum shots off each other’s chests, but I am not always right.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel’s a Lesbian of the Day

11 Comments »

I love bowling. It is official. I ended up going and it was a dream come true. I saw all kinds of weird fucking people, like the professional asians with wrist guards and shit to the 300 pound bitch behind the counter that was too fucking fat to get me change but not fat enough to be my wife. I bowled a solid 60 and drank enough beer to make me forget how I can’t do anything right, all while watching the piece of trash chick in spandex in the lane next to me out bowl me not that I would really know because I was too busy staring at her ass. I don’t think that bowling slut was a dyke, even though you would think anyone who bowls has to be a fucking lesbian, but I do think Jessica Biel is because it makes for a solid fantasy. All i see is her with some chick that looks like a dude buying toilet paper to wipe their cum shots off each other’s chests, but I am not always right.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Nancy O' Dell is Knocked Up of the Day

1 Comment »

I write constant posts about pregnant chicks being whores because they let dudes cum up in them and advertise it to the world, when most girls who let guys cum inside them try to keep that shit under wraps. I know girls who are in their 30s and still pretend they’ve never had a cock in their mouth even though they’ve been doing it since they were 15, but for some reason when they get that ring on their finger they have no fucking issues telling the world that they do dirty fucking things behind closed doors, and it’s ok because they have given their cunts to their man before god or someshit.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I do know that as Nancy O’Dell rubs her little prize in her belly, she’s basically telling all of us how dirty she is without the guilt you feel when you get caught jerking off in your mom’s room to her dirty laundry….

Posted in:Nancy O'Dell|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Nancy O’ Dell is Knocked Up of the Day

1 Comment »

I write constant posts about pregnant chicks being whores because they let dudes cum up in them and advertise it to the world, when most girls who let guys cum inside them try to keep that shit under wraps. I know girls who are in their 30s and still pretend they’ve never had a cock in their mouth even though they’ve been doing it since they were 15, but for some reason when they get that ring on their finger they have no fucking issues telling the world that they do dirty fucking things behind closed doors, and it’s ok because they have given their cunts to their man before god or someshit.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I do know that as Nancy O’Dell rubs her little prize in her belly, she’s basically telling all of us how dirty she is without the guilt you feel when you get caught jerking off in your mom’s room to her dirty laundry….

Posted in:Nancy O'Dell|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Kristen Cavallari Lasik Eye Surgery of the Day

2 Comments »

I always thought that Kristen Cavallari was some useless reality type MTV star that no one really cared about but would bang if they met her in a club because it’s not everyday that you get to slam some bitch you saw in the commercial break between the Christina Aguilera and Shakira video you’re jerking off to. I guess I don’t really know what you jerk off to and I am sure it’s a lot creepier than music videos but it helped drive my story home….

The point of what I was trying to say before I was rudely interrupted by my own ramblings was that I thought this bitch was useless until today when she’s living out my medical fetish. There’s nothing hotter than a bitch on the operating table with a laser zapping her retarded eyes in efforts to make her normal…especially when that bitch has bigger tits than I thought because we all know that tits make a lady…

Posted in:Kristen Cavallari|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Victoria Beckham's Nipples of the Day

No Comments »

I was emailed these pictures of Victoria Beckham’s tits in some grey cotton and decided to post them because they are fucking hot. I really have no right to be posting these pictures proven byt he fact that I contacted a lawyer about all the lawsuits I’ve been facing the last 2 months, but I will post them anyway. My lawyer told me that there is nothing legal in what I do, and I figured that there is because I am just telling you stories about random shit I’ve seen set to pictures I find. I don’t really know who the source is and for all I know maybe I took the fucking picture. I am pretty fucking drunk and what it all comes down to is that my insider lohan connection told me she was pretty drunk to. I was getting tired of being judged by the people around me about my lifestyle choices and seem to have found comfort in other alcoholics, like lohan. I am back on my Lohan love affair mission that I’ve been pretty slack about lately, mainly because she has enough money to pay my rent for me, but also because I have never banged a redhead and want to…

I read somewhere that the way to a woman’s heart was to look for pictures of famous bitches with erect nipples because it doesn’t make you look like a desperate, virgin pervert and it really makes them want to take off their panties for you… True fucking story.

Posted in:Unsorted|Victoria Beckham

2007

27

Mar

I am – Victoria Beckham’s Nipples of the Day

25 Comments »

I was emailed these pictures of Victoria Beckham’s tits in some grey cotton and decided to post them because they are fucking hot. I really have no right to be posting these pictures proven byt he fact that I contacted a lawyer about all the lawsuits I’ve been facing the last 2 months, but I will post them anyway. My lawyer told me that there is nothing legal in what I do, and I figured that there is because I am just telling you stories about random shit I’ve seen set to pictures I find. I don’t really know who the source is and for all I know maybe I took the fucking picture. I am pretty fucking drunk and what it all comes down to is that my insider lohan connection told me she was pretty drunk to. I was getting tired of being judged by the people around me about my lifestyle choices and seem to have found comfort in other alcoholics, like lohan. I am back on my Lohan love affair mission that I’ve been pretty slack about lately, mainly because she has enough money to pay my rent for me, but also because I have never banged a redhead and want to…

I read somewhere that the way to a woman’s heart was to look for pictures of famous bitches with erect nipples because it doesn’t make you look like a desperate, virgin pervert and it really makes them want to take off their panties for you… True fucking story.

Posted in:Unsorted|Victoria Beckham

2007

26

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

2 Comments »

Today has been an exciting day of not being allowed to vote because I am not on the voter’s list and only finding that out after waiting in line for over 45 minutes. Today has been about trying to get money from my wife to buy a cigar but not finding any in her purse, but I did find a lot of empty chocolate bar wrappers. Today has been about going trying to coordinate a bowling game with my homeless friends, but no one can afford to pay for me…

Today has been a good day and I am happy to be alive. To celebrate I have found you these links so click on the motherfuckers…

Anna Nicole Simpson’s Autopsy Results
Go

Star Jones Bikini Pics
Go

Hefner’s WIfe Wearing a Classy Dress to His Birthday Party
Go

Some Hot Ass in the Gym QUICKIE
Go

An Almost Slutty Music Video
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Some Spring Break Whore
Go

Britney Spears is Out
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Fetish Videos of the Day – GIrls With Balloons
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Hilary Duff Gets More and More Duffgusting With Age
Go

Britney Spears Vs Jessica Simpson is a Stupid Fucking Video
Go

Jennifer Lopez Being Slutty in U-Turn
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Some Internet Pornstar Named Wifey Masturbating
Go

Kelly Brook Bikini Pictures
Go

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Sandra Bullock Sex Scene
Go

Some Hot Photoshoot Video with Some Bitch Named Hyacinthe
Go

Some Slut Named Francine Dee Video
Go

Some Slut Named Kayla Cole
Go

Some Slut Named Ava Devine Showing Off Her Retardedly Huge TIts
Go

Some Slut Named Sabrina Rojas On The Beach
Go

Some Slut Named Uma Thurman’s Thong Whale Tail
Go

Some Slut Named Natalie Portman’s Sex Scene That Sucks
Go

Some Slut Named Danielle Lloyd
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Some Slut Named Evelyn Lory
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Some Slut Named Paris Hilton Making Out with Hugh Hefner
Go

Some Slut Named Abigail Clancy Bikini Pictures
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Some Slut Named Bianca Gascoigne With a Friend and Tits
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Some Slut Named Reon Kadena
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Some Slut Named Barbara Stoyanoff
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Some Slut Named Emilia Attias
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Jessica Biel’s Dog Sniffs Her Crotch When She’s on the Rag
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Some Teens Fucking in the Park
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Some Guy Hits a Girl and Gets Struck by God’s Vengeance or a Cab Driver..
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Julia Roberts is Pregnant and Getting Gas
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Some Pole Dance Video
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Michelle Marsh in Maxim
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Some Angelina Jolie Crotch Comic
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Some Neil Young VIdoe
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Some Britney Spears Blowjob Links
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Meet The Pussy Cat Doll Contestants
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Nylon TV Makes Shitty Hipster Videos
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Some Naked DJ
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Scarlett Johannson in Vogue
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Miss USA Camel Toe
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Brianna Frost has an INSANE Ass
Go

The Best of Miss Hooter’s 2007
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This Spray Will Get You Laid
Go

A drunk cop Beats Up a Bar Tender
Go

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

26

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin of a Shitty Burlesque Show of the Day

1 Comment »

I was working on this ad deal, which is something that I am not really used to doing but figured I should learn because everyone else is cashing in on these kinds of sites and I am tired of being poor. So I took one bloggers advice contacted some company they sent me a contract to fill out and I did it. I went do the local Staples and had the retarded work program lookin’ chick help me out with the fax machine because I have never sent a fax before and paid 6 dollars I don’t have to send it. I get back in after all the fucking headaches only to be told that they can’t advertise on the site because there is nudity. I wrote back that all the other sites have nudity too, but I guess it doesn’t matter what the other sites have because they turned down working with me…

I am not going to sell out because I am punk rock like that. I am not Blink 182 and I will never bang playboy playmates but in this time of stress I have no choice but to daydream about a fat chick doing burlesque, but since burlesque sucks, it’s gotta be sped up….and that’s what makes it my daydream….

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

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