Kristen Cavallari Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Kristen Cavallari Category

2022

Jun

Kristen Cavallari Bikini Top of the Day

There was a time when Kristen Cavallari was some 20 year old reality star and I didn’t give a fuck about her then, so now that she’s a textbook white girl of instagram, drinking her rose in her mid 30s, like other rich white moms of instagram, who don’t really do anything of substance, yet for some reason they are ALL the fucking same, in everythin they do, from the way they dress, to the way they decorate their houses, to the cars they drive, to the face injections and tits they get, to the workouts, it’s actually some stepford wife attack of the clones tainted by social media and media…but at least, the internet skews slutty so they are all sitting at home figuring out ways to film themselves fucking for reddit or onlyfans without being a slut, and the second they start doing that, it’s fucking over…..

If you leave the house and I have, the mid-30 to 50 year old white ladies dress the raciest….and probably fuck the raciest with all the sex toys that GOOP tells them to use…..and it is disturbing, but you can jerk off to it, just not when it’s Kristen Cavallari being boring as shit with a bikini top on.

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Posted in:Kristen Cavallari|Kristen Cavallari

2018

Aug

Kristen Cavallari Nipple Slip of the Day

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If a reality star from 10 years ago, who ultimately doesn’t matter, pulls out her tit, and everyone can see the nipple that she has used to feed multiple children, does she make a sound.

The answer is yes…

I’m more into reality stars realizing that they are useless and feeling depressed when they realize they are useless, so they turn to sex tapes.

You know fame addicted, ready to be used after being used by MTV….

But I guess Cavallari is different, because she’s always had a little ego about her. She didn’t go onto do the Hills after Laguna Beach because she thought she was going to be famous as an actor, or doing something beyond Laguna Beach….only to return to the Hills their final season after all the other cast members got rich as fuck doing the far more popular spinoff show….

Desperation comes in all forms….

The good news for her is that she was able to use her “celebrity” to get herself a rich athlete to pay for her luxury life…who needs to make your own money making a fool of yourself on MTV when you can fuck some wallets…based on the access you have…

The good news for you is that she’s pulled her tit out in public like a feminist who knows that Much Music Canada, may be a bootleg event, but that she’s there none the less, and there are paparazzi around and her tits will be seen….THE TITS MUST BE SEEN…so see the tits.

It’s better than the old battered horse face.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

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Posted in:Kristen Cavallari

2010

Mar

Serious Trash from The Hills of the Day

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It amazes me that these girls are “famous” and making money from being on a TV show, and not in a one legged midget doing back flips kind of amazement, but more like the amazement I get when one of the dirtiest hookers I’ve seen on the street corner the last decade tells me she’s marrying a retired doctor she met at the gym…like she’s not a fucking street hooker with a vagina that hangs to her fucking knees….

It’s like if this trash can do it, anyone can…or if this trash can do it, there’s something seriously wrong with America and I guess that’s something we can all agree on….seriously…Audrina not photoshopped is ugly, Cavallari back on the show cuz se couldn’t find other work is pathetic and me knowing their names, their show, their stories is straight up depressing…..

Pics via Fame and
Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Kristen Cavallari

2009

Jan

Kristin Cavallari’s Cameltoe for her 22nd 80s Party of the Day

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I have said it before and I will say it again. I love the idea of leotards. It is the one piece of clothing that grabs pussy, tits and ass at the same fucking time and that’s just something I don’t have the skill to do because I only have 2 hands. Sure, I could always throw in my feet, but I’m just not that flexible and sure, one-piece bathing suits and a few other clothes do the same fucking thing, but they just make me think of my fat wife at the waterpark or laying in the park like a pile of fucking shit that she is and this cotton shit reminds me of dance class, or the month I spent in an aerobics class back in the late 80s when I was running low on jerk off material and tired of fucking girls in bars.

I find the whole 80s party pretty fucking played out, I mean she could have come up with a better theme, like maybe famous for being the idiot who turned down a high paying job on the hugely successful spinoff of the show that made her relevant, but then everyone would just dress like her and there’s no fun in that.

Either way, here is her leotard huggin her cunt because it doesn’t judge her for the mistakes she’s made in her career like everyone else who hugs her.

Posted in:80s|Birthday|Cameltoe|Kristen Cavallari|Leotard

2007

Jun

I am – Jodie Sweetin Goes to the Pink Taco Opening Party of the Day

16 Comments »

So this is that meth-head Jodie Sweetin who was Stephanie Tanner on Full House when she was a kid. She always took the backseat to the Olsens and from the way I see it, she was just an accessory to making them billionaires, while leaving her in the corner hating herself so much, unable to get work and turning to smoking meth. Think about it, you’re on the same show as these cunts and they don’t even have a fucking talking role because they are still in diapers, but for some reason they still build a fucking empire out of it, while you just fizzle off into nowhere, living in your parents shitty house they bought with your money, your big tits and all, you’d be hurting too…

Reality is that her tits are so fucking stacked that there is no way she was ever really addicted to meth. The way she can barely fit into her jeans makes me think it was some E! True Hollywood lie to get her back into the public eye, land her some interviews on TV and in Magazines and give her the opportunity to show the world she’s still around and by still around I mean her massive tits. This Bitch is all big and bubbly and trying to make a comeback. all the meth addicts I’ve known have had ratty fucking skin, emaciated meth bodies, no tits, yellow meth eyes and have been shaky, speedy, itchy anxiety ridden. I don’t think there is anyway that this bitch was on meth, I think it’s a way to launch a K-Mart product line and series of children’s books.

Either way, she is at the opening of Retard Harry Morton’s restaurant/club called Pink Taco. He’s Lohan’s ex boyfriend, son of the owner of Hard Rock Cafe, Grandson of Morton’s Steakhouse and I am assuming that dude wasn’t inspired by Lohan when he came up with this fucking stupid name, because if he had the place would be called “The Big Spotted and Scabby Red Cunt That Smells Like Shit From Rotten Cum From Other Dudes She had Raw Dog Sex With and Let Drop Load in Her and a Tampon She Forgot in there a Month Ago when She Was Drunk”, I don’t think that would have been so good for business, but he’s a rich kid, he doesn’t need the business to make money, it’s just his dad’s way of giving him something to keep his son busy with…

That Lohan Vagina joke was probably pretty obvious, but I am hungover again and just trying to get through the day….

Other People in Attendance of His Big Opening:

Jessica Alba With Her Extreme Face Close-Up

Some Chick Named Nikki Griffin I want to See Naked

Kristen Cavallari With Her Weird Tattoo

Summer Altice and her Muscles

Kimberly Stewart And her Stupid Outfit

Mary Carey and her Busted Face

Amy Smart

2007

Mar

I am – Kristen Cavallari Lasik Eye Surgery of the Day

2 Comments »

I always thought that Kristen Cavallari was some useless reality type MTV star that no one really cared about but would bang if they met her in a club because it’s not everyday that you get to slam some bitch you saw in the commercial break between the Christina Aguilera and Shakira video you’re jerking off to. I guess I don’t really know what you jerk off to and I am sure it’s a lot creepier than music videos but it helped drive my story home….

The point of what I was trying to say before I was rudely interrupted by my own ramblings was that I thought this bitch was useless until today when she’s living out my medical fetish. There’s nothing hotter than a bitch on the operating table with a laser zapping her retarded eyes in efforts to make her normal…especially when that bitch has bigger tits than I thought because we all know that tits make a lady…

Posted in:Kristen Cavallari|Unsorted

2006

Jul

I am – Two Useless Sluts on the Beach of the Day

3 Comments »

Nothing says “We’re the lamest family in the fuckin’ world” than playing cards with you mom at Starbucks. Nothing says “I love you” more than making you dress up like a highschool mascot and jerking off in your furry face. Nothing says “future rapist” than pulling out your dick at a laundry mat and telling the girl at the cash that you need more quarters or you’ll rape her. Nothing says d-list celebrity like running around on the beach in a bikini. I have nothing to fuckin’ say about anything and I hate you….

KRISTIN CAVALLARI

JESSICA BIEL

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Kristen Cavallari|Unsorted