2010
17
May
It was Megan Fox’s Birthday, and if you’re wondering why she looks so sad, it’s because all she wanted from David from 90210 was for him to let her off her leash and out of the cage he has her in, you know to give her some freedom and let her leave him, and he gave her a taste of freedom, but made it clear that if she ran, he’d kill her fucking family, so she better stick close….cuz kidnapping and brain washing is the only explanation for this decade long relationship….
Pics via Fame
2010
16
Mar
Eva Longoria turned 35, which explains why she has zero fucking sex appeal, as shit died then she turned 30. It’s not really her fault, it takes a specific strong gene to carry a girl I want to fuck into her 40s, for the most part, especially when they are Mexican even if they pretend they aren’t Mexican and actually offend all Mexicans but are destined for short, fat, breeding, the boners fade at 30. So this picture might as well be the fucking Golden Girls on their way to a lawn bowling competition, or at the beach smothering sun tan lotion on their loose fitting skin, cuz nothing says washed the fuck up like Kim Kardashian, Robin Antin and other old, boring pussy the bitch from Desperate Housewives has managed to get to latch onto her useless celebrity status….celebrating her 35th birthday.
Pics via Fame
Posted in:Birthday|Eva Longoria|Kim Kardashian|Robin Antin
2010
15
Feb
Aubry O’Day is known for being on some fake tit whore on a really useless Diddy show, that gave her the taste of black that made her want to slowly turn herself black or at least milk the fact that she became a black object of interest, with a fat ass and titties, and so she took up eating to stay thick without realizing that all fat white chicks are black object of interest because she doesn’t want to admit that she’s a nobody that is only good for fucking….
She has befriended some no name Australian slut who was also on a reality show and who looks like a pornstar, but I’m not allowed to say is a pornstar because she’ll sue me, as she has tried before, and I guess they are celebrating Aubry’s birthday together because they have so much in common, mainly being totally fucking irrelevant bitches with fat tits who are too fuckin’ annoying to actually become pornstars everyone already thinks they are….
Either way, here’s a whole lot of fake tit…
Pics via Bauer
Posted in:Aubry O'Day|Birthday|Trash
2009
26
Oct
I am friends with Mark Cobrasnake, so I want to say that I am not going to hold the fact that he went to Katy Perry’s cheesy birthday party where he looked like he was having the time of his life amongst people I hate, like Perez Hilton and Katy Perry, because I’m going to tell myself shit was just an act for some exclusive pics he can sell to the paparazzi for a couple hundred thousand dollars, because that would be the only acceptable reason anyone I know or like would put himself in this kind of horrible situation.
The only thing worth caring about when it comes to a Katy Perry birthday party filled with L.A. idiot scensters who collectively feed their egos for being allowed in the event and her ego for suckin’ her dick while at her event, is her tits, because tits sometimes have the power to make me forget how much of an unattractive lame piece of garbage cunt this Katy Perry asshole who managed to trick the world into thinking she has talent better than me is….
Here are the pics to start off the week.
Pics via CobraSnake
Posted in:Birthday|Bullshiit|Katy Perry
2009
20
Jul
I get that Annalynne McCord’s mastered the real secret of staying in the Paparazzi’s lens and securing her celebrity for being on a shitty TV show, and that’s by wearing a bikini as often as she can because bikini pictures get picked up everywhere and people talk about you, sure it’s a cheap strategy, but the only other thing that will get her on this site is if she’s got a sex tape or is flashing her tits and pussy, because despite appreciating the fact that she’s skinny, I just can’t handle that stupid fucking face and dopey lookin’ mouth all teeth and smiles, shit’s ugly and the only way I can look past that is if I am lookin’ at her other lips…you know her LABIA lips….
Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Bikini|Birthday
2009
29
Jun
Lohan’s birthday party wasn’t hosted by me, like it probably should have been, I mean if she wanted shit to be a little less cheesy and a lot more homeless, but I guess when you do it in Vegas, cheesy is totally what you’re into, and when you’re Lohan, so is drugs and other girl’s vaginas, I mean not that I know that for a fact, because she’s playing to cool to answer my fuckin’ emails that I’ve been sending her the last 2 weeks and shit is breaking my fuckin’ heart, but not as much as seeing her in this bikini that looks like it can’t give me a boner, even if i was railing lines of Viagra all fuckin’ day….maybe it’s got somehting to the swollen vagina in her bikini bottoms that looks like it is throbbing, pulsating, convulsing, and ready to attack, suffocate and murder a motherfucker that it crosses paths with….
Here she is a little covered up….
Posted in:Bikini|Birthday|Lindsay Lohan|Uncategorized
2009
07
May
Brooke Hogan’s birthday was a couple of days ago, I slept on it, because I don’t really care for birthdays especially when they are for big girls. You know at the bar next to me, where their better lookin’ friends try to get them dick and turn to you because everyone else in the bar has already rejected them and you have nothin’ going on so you entertain the idea of fucking her and when it really comes down to it, she’s way better looking than the woman you share a bed with, so you buy her a drink, because it’s the nice thing to do, and you get to talking and within a minute she gets nasty and all the bitterness that she has burried up inside, the same bitterness that made her fat in the first place starts coming to surface, you know how her friends are cunts for being prettier than her and how guys are assholes cuz they only let her suck their dick and refuse to ever introduce them to their friends, and within 4 minutes entertaining some fuckin disgusting birthday girl turns into a therapy session you can’t fuckin’ escape….but then I realized that Brooke Hogan’s story is not one of big girl, but instead one of incest, of a love for her father that makes other’s uncomfortable because they just don’t get it, they don’t see how true and real it is, they are jealous that they have spent their lives searching for this love that Brooke’s already found, even if it is with her father, and that is the kind of magic I just can’t ignore.
Posted in:Birthday|Brooke Hogan
2009
31
Mar
It was DJ AM’s birthday the other day and he went out for dinner with his girlfriend, American Apparel model I make fun of, because the only thing my wife ever modeled was a shit stained mattress for some art project I did when I took an adult ed course for my Welfare program. So everyone go wish him a happy birthday, I hit him up on Twitter, just to say “hey man, let’s laugh about all that mean shit I say about you, cuz it’s just jokes, and happy birthday, send me nudes of Jessica Stam, Cuz I know you have them”, and he just ignored me and I take that shit personal. I was trying to reach out, make good and use his birthday as a jump-off to a long lasting friendship, and he just shunned me and that would hurt if I had emotions.
I know, there’s no pussy in this post, but I am just wakin’ up and working on it. Relax you fucking pigs.
Posted in:Birthday|DJ AM|Girlfriend
2009
11
Mar
Since today is a day for celebrations, I figured it’d only be appropriate to post these pictures of Eva Herzigova, some model I’ve never heard of, celebrating her birthday, and since being alive is no jive, this is the best kind of celebration you can have, so throw a bikini, some friends, and a beach and you’ve just added some glorious memories for the scrapbook that is your life. Good fucking times.
Yeah, I know, I don’t care about birthdays, but I’m trying to keep upbeat since 1 hour of sleep fucks with my brain and ability to pretty much do anything.
Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Birthday|Eva Herzigova
2009
06
Jan
I have said it before and I will say it again. I love the idea of leotards. It is the one piece of clothing that grabs pussy, tits and ass at the same fucking time and that’s just something I don’t have the skill to do because I only have 2 hands. Sure, I could always throw in my feet, but I’m just not that flexible and sure, one-piece bathing suits and a few other clothes do the same fucking thing, but they just make me think of my fat wife at the waterpark or laying in the park like a pile of fucking shit that she is and this cotton shit reminds me of dance class, or the month I spent in an aerobics class back in the late 80s when I was running low on jerk off material and tired of fucking girls in bars.
I find the whole 80s party pretty fucking played out, I mean she could have come up with a better theme, like maybe famous for being the idiot who turned down a high paying job on the hugely successful spinoff of the show that made her relevant, but then everyone would just dress like her and there’s no fun in that.
Either way, here is her leotard huggin her cunt because it doesn’t judge her for the mistakes she’s made in her career like everyone else who hugs her.
Posted in:80s|Birthday|Cameltoe|Kristen Cavallari|Leotard