I guess I should start posting, I figured everyone was on Christmas Vacation already and wasn’t going to bother, but that’s just because I am lazy and any excuse to stay in bed all day is a good one…
So while I was sitting in my ratty ass sheetless bed, Christina Aguilera was out celebrating her 28th birthday. Wow, 28. Where does the time go. It seems like just yesterday I was jerking off to her on the Mickey Mouse Club….Oh that’s right, I was jerking off to her on the Mickey Mouse Club yesterday, thanks Youtube.
To See The Rest of the Pictures of this Weathered Drunk at her Weird Clockwork Orange Themed Birthday, Follow THis Link….Because the Paparazzi Hate Me… GO
I’ve had a few people email these pictures of Tara Reid at Rox Bar in Miami celebrating her 30th birthday claiming they were taken yesterday, a day after she was admitted into rehab, or at least a day after her PR person tried to orchestrate this stunt, It didn’t make sense to me, at first I thought maybe the rehab story was a lie, to distract bar owners nd bouncers from stopping the puke covered Reid from getting in their club, because they’ll think it’s just a look a like because the real one’s in rehab, or maybe it has to do with securing a potential role, but then I figured out, thanks to Google, that her bithday is in November and that these shits aren’t of her back in action, sucking the booze like it was Carson Daly, and that she may actually be in rehab trying to clean up her act because she’s turned soft and boring. Either way, I am posting them to clear up the air to the 2 people who emailed me this shit, who happen to be the 2 people who read this site.
So the guy behind Von Dutch and Ed Hardy, Christian Audigier has a 16 year old daughter who he neglects and he tried to make up for his absence by throwing her some really over the top birthday party that featured performances by T.I. and The Pussy Cat Dolls, who were introduced by Perez Hilton. Other people in attendance were cheesy coke party slut Paris Hilton and her sister Nicky and some Kardashian.
When they brought her down to get her gift she was surprised by not 1 but 2 cars, because at 16, you need really need 2 fucking cars. I guess that goes to prove that Ed Hardy hasn’t just ruined my life, but it has ruined the life of this little broken down girl who you will see a lot of in the party scene over the next 10 years, but that’s just because daddy’s feeding her money and letting her in on some of his cocaine stash, while every cheesy person in the world and stripper alike are going to be suckin’ her dick, because to an Ed Hardy collector, this Crystal bitch is better than the 900 dollar t-shirt they bought last week.
The highlight of the video is when someone screams “I saw your porno” to Paris Hilton. I wish that person was me. Totally over the fuckin’ top and the whole thing is disgusting to me, the outcome of all this, probably won’t be, because I like seeing people fall from the top because their daddy wasn’t around. It’s pretty much the reason behind 95% of the times I’ve got laid and 95% of the porn I’ve jerked off to….Good times.
Now I may not be one to give parenting advice, because I am the kind of guy who encourages my stepdaughters to fuck, as long as they videotape it for me to critique, but this kind of excess is fucking child abuse. If I was the richest Nouveau Riche man in the world, who huffed lots of blow, fucked lots of hoes and believed that spending all my money on trash made sense, I still would never spoil my kid like that, not because I hate them for ruining my life, but because I know this kind of behavior fucks them up and no good comes from it, but I guess when you’re the guy who conceived Ed Hardy, no good is all you know….
I guess having a 40 year old Pam Anderson surprising Hef naked, showing off her retarded fake tits and kissing him on the mouth like he’s not a 82 year old, is not that big of a deal, considering he pretty much made her fucking career by having her get naked, like he’s done time and time again for other sluts over the course of his lifetime. At least he’s got enough of a perspective to realize that there’s really nothing for him to wish for, he’s got money, all the hottest pussy in the world, he’s healthy, I mean he’s pretty much had this amazing life and lives this amazing lifestyle that people wish they had….and I find the whole thing totally overrated, I mean sure he has Pam Anderson getting naked for him, but I get girls naked for me too, sure, I don’t have to bother with actually having to talk to them, or compliment her, or make them lots of money, because I do it all here from my command center shitty computer, amongst my garbage and dirty clothes and the girls don’t know I exist, because I’m just watching their videos, but it’s better that way, because if I tried to pull that shit in person, no girls would fall for it…Either way, Watch the Video. Even though it’s OLD.
I have always found Paris Hilton offensive, I think it started when I saw how bad of a fuck she was in her shitty video and continued in pretty much everything she did, including this stunt at her birthday party this past weekend where she performed with the Pussycat Doll like she’s someone we want to see in lingerie, without realizing that she is someone we want to see disappear.
I figure that at 27, bitch should lay off the club slutting and settle down with some unwanted pregnancy and deadbeat boyfriend, at least that would get her out of her lingerie and into a housecoat which in Paris’ case, fully clothed is a lot hotter than half naked, but instead she insists on hitting the clubs everynight like some kind of 19 year college girl looking for a rich guy to give her free drinks off his bottle to get her drunk enough to take her back to his luxury condo to teach her ass a life lesson about taking free drinks from a dude.
In these pictures Paris looks like a tranny rockin’ out at a drag show which makes sense since she’s at LAX in Vegas and that’s DJ AM’s on the “down low” gay club that he pretends isn’t a gay club because of he throws bikini contests to distract us from the fact that it’s a gay club, like that time I walked into the bus station at 2 am to take a shit after drinking too much on a bench outside and every bathroom stall was being used by married dudes who would meet there to get busy with other men they didn’t know while their wives were at home. It made for a pretty awkward shit.
Either way, we know the truth about DJ AM and that he is responsible for turning Nicole Richie into a little 90 pound 14 year old boy a few years back because it was the only way he could get it up for her. From what I’ve been told his erectile dysfunction had nothing to do with all the drugs he did in the past, but had to do with wanting dick and even going so far to get gastric bypass to be more desirable in the gay club circuit and I can only assume he’s involved in the hardening of Paris’ face that’s making her look like this skinny dude I know who has a little addiction to size 10 high heels and cheap lingerie, he’s not gay just a little confused from all the drugs he’s on to forget the time his childhood piano teacher taught him what jerking off is with his mouth.
I hate the word Douche and Douchebag with a fucking passion. I don’t know why this shit got picked up so aggressively the last couple of years because people have been saying it a long time. The only really experience I have with douche bags is when I worked at a Pharmacy and some old fucking lady came up to me and asked where she could find the 3 Gallon douche bags. I didn’t really know how to react so I took her big vagina to the douche section and could only find her the 1/2 gallon douche bag. She was furious and I said she could just use the half gallon one 12 times and she wasn’t impressed.
Either way, I accidentally dropped the word douche this weekend for the first time, because I guess I am like you and easily influenced by the media and people around me, and when I realized that shit came out of my mouth, I wanted to kill myself.
Speaking of suicide, here are some pictures of Kim Kardashian celebrating her birthday with her tits at Les Deux in Los Angeles. I don’t know how old she is, but another year older means another year closer to death, and let’s face it she might as well just speed up the process because she’s a waste of fucking space and that would only prove she’s not too stupid to realize it. But I do like watching her blow out her candles on her cakes that are even more obnoxious that she is even though it’s not as exiting as her blowing black men, but it’s good enough for monday morning entertainment.
I hate the word Douche and Douchebag with a fucking passion. I don’t know why this shit got picked up so aggressively the last couple of years because people have been saying it a long time. The only really experience I have with douche bags is when I worked at a Pharmacy and some old fucking lady came up to me and asked where she could find the 3 Gallon douche bags. I didn’t really know how to react so I took her big vagina to the douche section and could only find her the 1/2 gallon douche bag. She was furious and I said she could just use the half gallon one 12 times and she wasn’t impressed.
Either way, I accidentally dropped the word douche this weekend for the first time, because I guess I am like you and easily influenced by the media and people around me, and when I realized that shit came out of my mouth, I wanted to kill myself.
Speaking of suicide, here are some pictures of Kim Kardashian celebrating her birthday with her tits at Les Deux in Los Angeles. I don’t know how old she is, but another year older means another year closer to death, and let’s face it she might as well just speed up the process because she’s a waste of fucking space and that would only prove she’s not too stupid to realize it. But I do like watching her blow out her candles on her cakes that are even more obnoxious that she is even though it’s not as exiting as her blowing black men, but it’s good enough for monday morning entertainment.
Lindsay Lohan celebrated her 21st birthday out of rehab with her friends and coke addicted mom in a bikini, when I was in rehab i was told to stay away from the enablers or old friends that didn’t want to make the same changes in their life as I had. It meant dropping everyone I knew and partied with but I guess that rule doesn’t apply when the bitch who fed you cocaine when you were a teenager was your mom. The biggest supporter of the drug was the person you turned to for life advice. I don’t have proof of that shit, but I think it’s pretty obvious.
Either way, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree or whatever that expression is, so it’s safe to say that Lohan has a life of addiction ahead of her, but so do most of us, unfortunately not all of us look have as much money as her for the shit to not ruin our lives. We also aren’t as good lookin’ as she is when she does it. It’s not that I think Lohan is hot but she’s hotter than you and even though that’s not saying much it’s saying something.
I remember I had a friend who got his mom hooked on meth with him. He was doing it for about a year until she caught him doing it and freaked the fuck out. He told her that it was diet medicine and before you could say “bust out the pipe” this middle aged suburban woman was smoking meth with him. The dad had no idea what was going on, but he didn’t complain when the house was cleaner than it ever was, her body was thinner than it was when they married, there was always big feasts cooked and dude felt like he had a new lease on life and on his marriage. He had never been happier until she emptied the bank account and ran off with her drug dealer. My friend ended up going to rehab, getting back on track, landed a good job and a wife and shit but never heard from his mother again, she’s probably sucking dick on the streets near you, so next time you hire a 60 year old drug addicted whore, you can thank him for hookin’ you up, because if she never did meth with him 10 years ago, she’d never be taking your load on her face.
I guess that’s a pretty sad story, but them’s the breaks.
Bonus
Lohan Running On Beach Almost Losing Her Top Over the Weekend GO
So this bitch is a porn star and since pornstar lives consist of getting fucked up and getting fucked, you’d think it’d be a good time. I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t invited. I never get invited to much but a few years ago when working at some porn company in the stock room packing boxes the whole company was invited to one of their launch parties. I remember thinking it was going to be a big deal where I would witness live sex and other dirty things, but it turned out the star of the movie was knocked up by the other star of the movie because they loved fucking each other so much they decided to start a relationship up or some shit. I guess it’s one of those things where since they both work in the porn industry they both can’t get jealous that the other one fucked someone else all day. But I am thinking that there’s really no point of a relationship when you get all the sex you need. I know that when I was a janitor, I never cleaned my house. When I was a gardener, I never mowed my lawn, when I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant, I never ate restaurant food, so if I was a porn star, I probably wouldn’t fuck after work hours.
It really doesn’t matter because my penis doesn’t work and when it did work it was too small to do porn, but I’ve decided that I hate porn chicks. They are too easy and trashy and have fake tits they like showing off. They don’t fuck like real people fuck and they fake orgasms and can’t act. I am way more into subtle sluts who keep the craziness for behind closed doors because that’s what amateur ex girlfriend porn is made of…and not by crying for attention everywhere they go….
So this bitch is a porn star and since pornstar lives consist of getting fucked up and getting fucked, you’d think it’d be a good time. I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t invited. I never get invited to much but a few years ago when working at some porn company in the stock room packing boxes the whole company was invited to one of their launch parties. I remember thinking it was going to be a big deal where I would witness live sex and other dirty things, but it turned out the star of the movie was knocked up by the other star of the movie because they loved fucking each other so much they decided to start a relationship up or some shit. I guess it’s one of those things where since they both work in the porn industry they both can’t get jealous that the other one fucked someone else all day. But I am thinking that there’s really no point of a relationship when you get all the sex you need. I know that when I was a janitor, I never cleaned my house. When I was a gardener, I never mowed my lawn, when I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant, I never ate restaurant food, so if I was a porn star, I probably wouldn’t fuck after work hours.
It really doesn’t matter because my penis doesn’t work and when it did work it was too small to do porn, but I’ve decided that I hate porn chicks. They are too easy and trashy and have fake tits they like showing off. They don’t fuck like real people fuck and they fake orgasms and can’t act. I am way more into subtle sluts who keep the craziness for behind closed doors because that’s what amateur ex girlfriend porn is made of…and not by crying for attention everywhere they go….
