I borrowed my friends car today because he was too drunk to drive himself to the hospital and he was shitting blood or something equally disgusting that I didn’t want to know about because I have no interest in that shit and I forgot that I can’t see very well. I am not sure if it’s because I have some kind of eye condition, or maybe it’s just bad eye sight, but I am too lazy to find out because it would mean walking out of my house.

Either way, I cut off some dude driving a handicapped person van without realizing it and dude got all aggressive and tried to tough guy me. When I rolled down the window, I told him that I found it ironic that the retard bus is being driven by a retard and realized that I am not funny.

Here are my links:

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Nothing says wholesome like seeing a pregnant chick rockin’ a see through dress when she’s ready to drop, other than ready to drop porn with internal cumshots because let’s face it, if a bitch is knocked up she’s already had a full medical and doesn’t have AIDS and can’t get pregnant a second time when she’s already packing a baby in her uterus….

Christina Aguilera is out with her pet monkey she let knock her up like she was lonely in the jungle or at the zoo, lookin’ for a good time and the only pussy around that won’t say no is living in the tree you’re sleeping under. Unfortunately, Christina Aguilera’s monkey isn’t the kind that leaves you coming home with AIDS or Ebola shitting your eyeballs out, but instead is the kind who has way too much money that no pussy can say no to, because women fuck wallets and not good looks, but that’s only because their pussies are shaped like an ATM machine that you can swipe your hard card through.

I had an experience with my own kind of Monkey this past weekend, I was drunk in a bar and this little gangster was standing behind me. I got pushed into him by the bouncer and told him to fuck off and dude reacted badly. He started screaming and pushing at me and even punched me in the back of the head. When I turned around to see what was going on, dude was having a fucking freak out. He was screaming at me and started throwing hundred dollar bills at me because he wanted to see it rain on them hoes, but unfortunately that money could have been better spent on real hoes because there was no way I was putting out. Little jiggy started acting out his hip hop video because of his identity crisis of being an obvious adopted by a rich white family black dude trying to find his black roots whose only tie to being black was the same as other rich white kids, which was rap videos. I left when he started to take off his lame bling while throwing punches in the air like Mike Tyson before a fight, but before he did I asked the bouncer if they always let their monkeys run loose in the bar…..

I’m not racist, I just call it how I see it, but this story will probably offend you, so to calm yourself down look at Christina and remember when she was dirty in a good way, and not in a pregnant damaged goods with baggage way. Cuddles.

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Her name is Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace, also known as Whoregan because this girl is a fuckin’ exhibitionist, attention whore of a slut, who gets naked or topless every chance she gets because it leads to her getting publicity.

Not being from the UK means that like most people, I have no idea who this slut is and if you do it’s because she’s got a hot set of fake tits, even though I hate fake tits but she shows them off, which isn’t unlike everyday girls with fake tits, but that’s only because they don’t feel like it’s part of them and are more like an expensive shirt or accessory they bought, not to mention any girl who gets fake tits is doing it because she doesn’t like her small tits and thinks life is better with silicone and once they buy that shit they have no problem showing them off because they are brainwashed into thinking that big tits change lives and bring confidence and everyone wants to touch them…..it’s all pretty strange but I am not complaining because I like touching all tits I get the chance to touch.

In reality, I think all girls should rock this kind of bikini every chance they get. I’m talking even days they don’t go swimming or tanning and just do everyday shit, but that’s only because I am a pervert and want to make going to the grocery store or unemployment center a hell of a lot more interesting….

Here is Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace by the pool, posing like she’s doing a playful lesbian Playboy shoot, but not getting paid Playboy money for it, and that’s the kind of commitment I look for in a girl, but that’s just because I like a cheap date.

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Some sleazy motherfucker from LA went to LAX this past Sunday and saw that Paris Hilton was there. He snapped off some shots of her being the drunken cokewhore that she is and sent them to me. I thought these were just the boring standard Paris being Paris pictures that we’ve all seen a bunch of times before, but luckily there were a few upskirt shots in the set. When I zoomed in like the pervert I am, I noticed what looks like her pussy or maybe her pussy being cameltoed by her underwear and figured I won the fucking lottery before realizing that Paris vagina shots is just Paris being Paris and are as boring as Paris partying or Paris doing anything because it happens so often, kinda like masturbating is for you…

I guess the good news is that masturbating to dirty pussy is what you do because you can’t really find anyone who hasn’t fucked so much that she’s given up on having standards and takes any cock that comes her way, including yours because it makes her feel special for those 3 minutes. So I had to post them and here they are.

I think the funniest thing about this set is how Paris’ friend is showing us how big her cunt is with her fingers…like it’s some kind of rich girl on coke gang sign….

The Rest of the Pics:

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I accidentally drank a bottle of wine to myself because some asshole bet me that I couldn’t drink a bottle of Ketchup. What he didn’t know is that I usually make myself tomato soup using hot water and Ketchup on the days I have no money for food so shit was easy. I guess that’s not as interesting as walking into a coffee shop and getting some girl to tell me all about how she likes rough sex and doesn’t cum unless she sees blood, but I am falling asleep at my computer and will be back for more soon enough….Cuddles.

Here are my links..There are A Lot of Them….Click Them….

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I’ve gone over how much Lohan loves American Apparel and so do I, because girls don’t realize that every time they rock a pair of these tights, I can usually see their mounds and that may sound perverted, which it probably is, but I am not the one walking around in tights showing off my mound.

Bonus – Lohan and Her Dad

Some More Lohan in Tights

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Here are some pictures of Kelly Brook Riding the Zane Train.

Kelzane is my new catch phrase that represents this couple in hopes that one day people will actually care about them so I can be the next guy who invented “bennifer” or “vaughniston” or “Brangalina” or “Tom Kat”, because it’s always been my dream since I think hybrid celebrity couple names are the future.

Famous or not, they are out of control lately, all over each other on the beach the last few days and the only excitement they brought me was a lawyers letter to take the fuckers down but that’s just because I like feeling like I am breaking the law, it makes my wife think I’m dangerous when in reality she is the dangerous one because if she rolls over in her sleep, I could never wake up.

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