Her name is Myleene Klass, she’s on a show called “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here” on some TV channel called ITV. I haven’t got a whole lot of travel experience under my belt, not because there’s no more room under my belt because I am filled with cake but because I am broke and have always been.

I do know that these caps of her are from the show and she’s in a bikini. I tend to post a lot of bikini pics on this garbage site. Perverts everywhere seem down with bikinis, and the more perverts I have stopping by the more I have to pay in bandwidth driving me further in debt, preventing me from future travels, so theoretically it’s all your fault that I am in this mess, but that’s not the point.

The point is that the lovely people at Vice, who have never answered an email of mine and who refused to publish my “how to have free sex with a hooker” article, invited me to attend their VICE GUIDE TO TRAVEL DVD premiere. Vice is pretty much the American Apparel of Magazines and they work pretty tightly together reaching that 14 year old market. This DVD was financed by MTV, so despite coming across as underground, it’s pretty much the same shit as Laguna Beach only in this episode they go to the slums of Brazil, the Chernobyl Radioactive-Zone, Afghanistan illegal arms trade caves, the Congo looking for dinosaurs and it was actually pretty fucking entertaining. So BUY A COPY and email them telling them that I referred you and that they should some of that MTV money my way because my ideas are better than theirs…

Either way, Here’s Myleene Klass….

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I was out of commission the last couple of days because i was dragged out for a drink on Thursday night to celebrate my 2 year. That ended with us drinking homemade absinthe in a closed bar at 4 am. I don’t know if you’ve ever drank homemade absinthe, or any alcohol for that matter, but that shit kicks you on your ass in about 30 fucking seconds. I couldn’t wake up on Friday and I couldn’t bring myself to post anything. I am a bit of a failure like that. Later that day, I ended up going to some movie called Destricted that was some porno art film shit that had a segment by one of my favorite directors, Larry Clark. He did Kids and Ken Park and this short movie was about the porn process, from finding male actors on craigslist, interviewing them and choosing this one emo kid. Then emo kid went through the process of choosing a pornstar to fuck, so he interviewed all these weird porno girls who had been date raped, or 40 and on crack or money hungry and mexican and he ended pickin’ the 40 year old….and did her in the bum til she pooped all over him…and the floor…and made the movie amazing….speaking of amazing here’s a close to pussy shot of Britney Spears, you can’t see the junk but you can’t see gunt and sometimes a fat bellied pig with a bald lookin’ gunt is better than seeing the mangled mess her her kids graced her with. That may sound gross but it’s just an ignorant comment on the result of having babies…don’t be so sensitive, it’s not like you’re Britney Spears….and if you are…I loved you in Crossroads.

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Firstly, I would like to say that my apologies go out to the GodsGirl who inspired my GodsGirl post. I hate when people take what I say personally, I was just doing commentary on the whole alternative model cuz you aren’t pretty enough to be a real model phenomenon. I don’t like that she felt singled out. I am a nice guy and would take her on a date if I wasn’t married.

I would like you to congratulate me for keeping this site up for 2 years…My first post was writen on November 23rd, 2004. I guess in a lot of ways this has been an accomplishment, just not one I can tell future employers about. I’ve stayed commited to something that has made me no money, that hasn’t made me famous as I still only have 10 readers, that opened one door with one movie producer who told me my ideas sucked. It’s driven me into depression and back out of it, it’s been a major undertaking and obsession and despite what my posts look like, a lot of heart goes into it. Sometimes it all feels like it’s all been for nothing but it’s also made me laugh a lot, I haven’t been arrested, killed or sued….so overall it’s been a good thing. Thanks goes out to my daily 10, you know who you are. I’d say something like here’s to another 2 years, but reality is, if I am still doing this in 6 months, I’ll be pretty pissed off. Admit this paragraph was very honest and classy of me.

Lastly, I would like to say that my stepLINKS are shit today because it’s thanksgiving and nothing exciting is happening on the internet. I guess you American’s run this thing and everything goes to shit when you are sitting at home eating turkey and watching football. Assholes.

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I am a fan of breasts of all variety, that means that I am not dissing Alyssa Milano for having stretch marked titties, I am just pointing out that she has stretch marked titties. It’s very easy to be a scared virgin celebrity blogger with a knowledge of HTML and a fear of the outside world to post pics of celebs and point out their flaws, but I am realistic and I look at my wife’s disgusting stomach, tits and ass daily and I’d still stuff her like a turkey if I had the needed erections. It’s a whole beggars can’t be choosers, I have no standards or taste kind of thing. I couldn’t even imagine a girl as successful as Alyssa Milano even signing an autograph for me, so I can sit her and shit on her, which I do in most of my sexual fantasies, or I can be realistic and accept that she’s way out of my league, even though she’s a stretch mark tittied, hairy troll of a woman…

Speaking of tits, I left Starbucks and when I got up to put on my jacket, the woman in then chair behind me was breastfeeding her kid. I didn’t realize what she was doing so I stared at her for 45 seconds before figuring out what was going on. I am sure part of her thought I was a pervert while the other part of her loved the fact that I was staring at her tit because reality is, she’s an exhibitionist otherwise she’d feed her kid in the bathroom. That’s the story I heard.

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I am a fan of breasts of all variety, that means that I am not dissing Alyssa Milano for having stretch marked titties, I am just pointing out that she has stretch marked titties. It’s very easy to be a scared virgin celebrity blogger with a knowledge of HTML and a fear of the outside world to post pics of celebs and point out their flaws, but I am realistic and I look at my wife’s disgusting stomach, tits and ass daily and I’d still stuff her like a turkey if I had the needed erections. It’s a whole beggars can’t be choosers, I have no standards or taste kind of thing. I couldn’t even imagine a girl as successful as Alyssa Milano even signing an autograph for me, so I can sit her and shit on her, which I do in most of my sexual fantasies, or I can be realistic and accept that she’s way out of my league, even though she’s a stretch mark tittied, hairy troll of a woman…

Speaking of tits, I left Starbucks and when I got up to put on my jacket, the woman in then chair behind me was breastfeeding her kid. I didn’t realize what she was doing so I stared at her for 45 seconds before figuring out what was going on. I am sure part of her thought I was a pervert while the other part of her loved the fact that I was staring at her tit because reality is, she’s an exhibitionist otherwise she’d feed her kid in the bathroom. That’s the story I heard.

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That says PLEASE FUCK MY SLUT WIFE

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I was first introduced to GO by stepSTEVE aka Stephen James to those of you who have already forgotten who he is and only recognize his new name. Assholes. Either way, they are like Suicide Girls, and like Suicide Girls, they are unattractive girls who went out and got inked and pierced and naked and idiot dudes everywhere, bisexuals and indy rock kids went crazy. They were distracted by the tattoos to realize that these bitches were the ugly duckling in the back of your highschool classroom. The one who cut herself and who didn’t go to Prom because no one asked her, but she pretended that it was by choice, because people as hard as her don’t do dresses, they do ritual sacrifices in the backyard.

I’ve been trying to think of a proper Suicide Girl analogy like they are like busted up old cars with a new paintjob or strippers under the blacklight with brand new tits..but my gay black jewish blogger gave me this one:

its a like a retarded kid saving someones life. Does that make him normal now? No, hes stil retarded just a hero.

So they aren’t hot, just naked with a fresh paintjob…but hot or not, they are still worth posting….let’s hope this bitch doesn’t see me out and try to kill me. I hear that’s what their type does.

UPDATE

God’s Girls Don’t Like Jokes About Alternative Models….

StepSTEVE says:

those chicks in the gods girls pics are pissed. one of them is crying

StepSTEVE says:

i think you should replace it with a post about how, apparently ppl who pose naked for counter culture porn site also come from broken homes and dont take critisizm well….

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It is American Thanksgiving and that means that my readership has dropped 50%. That means I am wasting my time writing this down for 5 fucking people which seems lie a total waste of fucking time. There’s a stay at home father sitting in front of me doing crosswords with his 2 little kids. He’s trying to do a a crossword puzzle and the kids are running around the coffee shop like this was Disneyland. When they get too out of control he hands them a Starbucks cookie that he bought them, hoping they’d shut up. I am trying to figure out why a wife would leave her husband to care for her little kids, my wife won’t even let me give my stepdaughters a bath and they’re 15 and 17. I guess she’ll realize this is a bad idea when little Timmy weighs in 40 lbs overweight at the next pediatrician appointment. I just ate a starbucks cookie they forgot to charge me for and I feel the sugar in my fucking balls….I hope I am not diabetic, cuz if I am, I may die.

Speaking of eating, here are some pics of Nicole Richie eating, because she is fat and you are ugly and it is Thanksgiving and you are American and that means you are eating Yams with Whip Cream on them and that is disgusting and part of the reason your nation is fat, but I am fat too so don’t worry about it and have a good time, which you will, cuz fat people always have a good time eating….even when they emotionally eat because they are sad they are still happy. Fuck Off.

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This is a message I came across on Facebook:

hey love! Just checking up on you… wanted to know if theyve cured that nasty rash you know where! Remember im here for you no matter what std you may be sporting babe xoxox

These are my links:

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