I don’t know if these are actually pics of Keira Knightley, mainly because I don’t know who Keira Knightley is. I guess I do know that she isn’t important enough for me to remember her, but then again either is my phone number, address or my name 85% of the time. I am damaged goods and a little on the forgetful side of things. Speaking of damaged goods. This slag looks like damaged goods, not because the pictures are a piece of shit quality, but because she’s rockin’ American Apparel. American Apparel ruins bitches in my eyes. It makes me think of rich kids at Last Night Party events, flashing their “father is a doctor” and their “I go to prep school” tits. In theory you’d think I’d be down with the girls who were too good for my dick when I was in my 20s turning into the local hussies, but I am not happy that it took a brand like American Apparel to be the reason for it. I like girls to become loose in the hips like elvis at their own volition and the fact that they are rocking American Apparel like it is The Gap, even though bitches look good in the shit, pisses me off, because there’s nothing different between the Lesbians of the 90s in their Gap khakis and this movement… Minxy Winxy made me go into an American Apparel store yesterday so that she could try on some kind of shitty Cardigan. The place was employed rich Jews who were trying to be Hip in their Lee Jeans and styled hair and it annoyed me. Other than the whole politics behind the brand, I love the way girls look in it.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez – On the Road

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Lucky for you, I couldn’t keep away from the computer for as long as I thought I would be keeping away from the computer. Last night, while I was lying in bed, and by bed I mean on a bench in the bus station, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept having visions of you never coming back here because I am inconsistant in my posts and not as funny as I used to be. I guess it’s also got to do with replacing my drug addiction with a computer addiction and a typing addiction and a making no money addiction and it’s got to do with the stress of losing my picture source because I kept bugging her for pictures of her box, but the real reason I couldn’t sleep was because I was in a fucking bus station.

Without a picture source, I am forced to post dated Brooke Hogan FHM pictures. I was convinced that this girl was a fat piece of garbage, I’m talking so trashy that bitch is the kitchen garbage bag after you clean out your fridge, with an ass full of rancid ground beef coupled with a stench of rotten cabbage. I had no idea she had a body like this. I know it’s airbrush magic and I am okay with that. The reason I am okay with that is simple. I like that society has a skewed perception of what a bitch is supposed to look like, and that girls have a negative self image, even when they are hot, because it makes them easier to bang. If more and more clueless men tell the hot girls they are fat and ugly and that they have shit on Brooke Hogan, a girl we all know is busted, they will end up hating themselves more than the fat girl with leg braces, acne and a rash thus making them put out a whole lot easier. I am talking teenage pregnancy, herpes infection and working in porn by the time they are 18. Ideally all after they’ve had a visit with my mouth.

That may not make sense, but it does to me and I guess that’s all that matters here.

Signed, Jesus Martinez on the Road. Cuddles.

PS – My Dream Is For Her Dad To Read This…I Loved His 1986 Work Out Program/Audio Cassette Set…

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Lucky for you, I couldn’t keep away from the computer for as long as I thought I would be keeping away from the computer. Last night, while I was lying in bed, and by bed I mean on a bench in the bus station, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept having visions of you never coming back here because I am inconsistant in my posts and not as funny as I used to be. I guess it’s also got to do with replacing my drug addiction with a computer addiction and a typing addiction and a making no money addiction and it’s got to do with the stress of losing my picture source because I kept bugging her for pictures of her box, but the real reason I couldn’t sleep was because I was in a fucking bus station.

Without a picture source, I am forced to post dated Brooke Hogan FHM pictures. I was convinced that this girl was a fat piece of garbage, I’m talking so trashy that bitch is the kitchen garbage bag after you clean out your fridge, with an ass full of rancid ground beef coupled with a stench of rotten cabbage. I had no idea she had a body like this. I know it’s airbrush magic and I am okay with that. The reason I am okay with that is simple. I like that society has a skewed perception of what a bitch is supposed to look like, and that girls have a negative self image, even when they are hot, because it makes them easier to bang. If more and more clueless men tell the hot girls they are fat and ugly and that they have shit on Brooke Hogan, a girl we all know is busted, they will end up hating themselves more than the fat girl with leg braces, acne and a rash thus making them put out a whole lot easier. I am talking teenage pregnancy, herpes infection and working in porn by the time they are 18. Ideally all after they’ve had a visit with my mouth.

That may not make sense, but it does to me and I guess that’s all that matters here.

Signed, Jesus Martinez on the Road. Cuddles.

PS – My Dream Is For Her Dad To Read This…I Loved His 1986 Work Out Program/Audio Cassette Set…

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I got bad news that someone important to me has cancer in 6 places, and I hate putting my life out there for you fuckers to rip into, but it’s the reality. I have to leave town tonight and I won’t have internet access for the next 2 days. I am going to do what I can to get to an Internet Cafe or something to throw something up here for you fuckers, but if you are still reading this in 2 days, it’s not because I died, and it’s not because I don’t love you, it’s because I am not near a computer. I would rather be here rocking my keyboard like Liberace plays the piano, but real life duties are a little more important. So got shitty news today and what better way to celebrate shitty than to bring you shitty links….

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Before my walk, I would like to say, that MUNG is a disappointment, not only to family and friends, but also to 1000s of people he doesn’t know from the Internet. At least you are coming to terms with fact that you are attracted to cock. I knew a guy who was a total fag, but he hid it with being the Football quarterback through highschool and dated the hot slut from our class. By the time he was 22 he started dating women who would treat him like their bitch, there were lesbians without vagina or someshit, and he became their vaginna. Anyway when he was 25 he finally started fucking men dressed like women, because it made it easier to accept – and that continued til he was 30. By 30, Mr Quarterback was choosing curtains and linens with his life partner at Pottery Barn, if you get what I am saying. If not, let me put it like this. MUNG is HOMO.

NEWSFLASH! I didn’t see anything on CNN, hear anything on the radio, or read anything in the newspaper but apparently over the weekend they developed a space-age camera that turns hideous trannies into somewhat attractive women. There is one downfall though! The pictures can only be processed in black and white and sometimes the pictures come out with grotesque moles all over the picture of the new body.

With that being said, I would do PINK if she actually was this hot…but she isn’t. She has a 12′ penis with big hairy testicles, an adam’s apple, and I heard she farts a lot in bed.

MUNG

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I figure that since celebrity bloggers get big by making up celebrity catch phrase names, that I would start giving the celebritites no one really cares about catch phrase names, like this slag Evaginaline Lilly. So here are some pictures of Evaginaline Lilly in her bathing suit bottoms showing the world how disgusting her midget mexican looking legs are. This bitch is built to last in that rough Mexican Climate, she’s built Ford Strong in the Mexican Ford Factory, she’s built to carry more Tortillas down the mountain than you, and have many criminal babies while riding donkies and drinking tequila. Point of all this is to say she’s sturdy, hard to push over, not that you’d want to because you know she’s fucked a midget. Not that I’d care, I’d fuck a midget, I’d also fuck ethnic people with study lesbionic looking legs. I have no stories yet, I am going on a walk to clear my mind and look for funny. Like yesterday’s walk where I saw a rapist looking homeless man with his dog, rocking an acid washed jacket and watching little kids play in the park. He started staring me down and there’s nothing comfortable about some rapist looking homeless man I had never seen before giving me the death eyes. So I started rubbing my man titties, like I do in all awkward situations.

Love

Jesus

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I haven’t been on the computer all day, because it’s thanksgiving and I am too busy eating apples. If you are wondering why I am eating apples on thanksgiving, it is because apple picking is some french tradition to do on thanksgiving. I had never heard of it, but my fat french wife made me take her daughters because she’s pretty much unable to leave the appartment due to eating one too many candy apples in her fat useless life. I don’t have a car so I had to convince this sketchy molester of a neighbor to come with me in exchange for a pair of my stepdaughter’s used panties. I’d go into more details about how I got to pet a pony and how I have a 7 dollar bag with 75 apples that I picked next to me, but the whole experience was as boring as it sounds. I did get catch a lesbian couple with a baby going at it behind an apple tree and I did get lost lost amongst 3000 french people next to some maple syrup store.

Speaking of boring, useless and lesbian…here’s a picture of DJ AM with a black eye. I guess someone else realized that he’s a cunt.

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I haven’t been on the computer all day, because it’s thanksgiving and I am too busy eating apples. If you are wondering why I am eating apples on thanksgiving, it is because apple picking is some french tradition to do on thanksgiving. I had never heard of it, but my fat french wife made me take her daughters because she’s pretty much unable to leave the appartment due to eating one too many candy apples in her fat useless life. I don’t have a car so I had to convince this sketchy molester of a neighbor to come with me in exchange for a pair of my stepdaughter’s used panties. I’d go into more details about how I got to pet a pony and how I have a 7 dollar bag with 75 apples that I picked next to me, but the whole experience was as boring as it sounds. I did get catch a lesbian couple with a baby going at it behind an apple tree and I did get lost lost amongst 3000 french people next to some maple syrup store.

Speaking of boring, useless and lesbian…here’s a picture of DJ AM with a black eye. I guess someone else realized that he’s a cunt.

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I am in Canada and that means that it is a long weekend, not that I deserve a long weekend because everyday feels like a weekend as is. That’s nothing to be jealous of, it basically means I am a waste of space. I run this site for a “living” and make no money doing it, but at least I don’t have to rock an alarm clock.

I went out for lunch with a friend of mine, one of those guys who lives in the gutter but has rich parents and is trying to make a point guys, you know lives on the street for 6 months, until his dad dies and he inherits the family business and wipes off his feces covered brow and puts on a suit and puts his Ivy league education to the test and turns daddy’s business into a multi-million dollar busines kind of guys.

Anyway, we end up a this trendy breakfast place where all these amazingly hot french girls in stylish outfits are eating…we sit at a table next to some busted up pick-up truck of a woman who keeps staring at our table and laughing like a lunatic. I start to feel awkward because of my social anxiety and hatred of freaks and decide to keep my eye on her….She starts to twitch like she’s getting punched in the fucking box, starts laughing again and then starts rubbing/scratching herself all over her white soiled jogging suit…After an hour of sitting next to her and she hasn’t taken a bite of her food, she stands up to walk out, and her whole back is covered in a red rash.

Normally rashes turn me on but this time I thought her scabies jumped onto me and for the last 3 days, I’ve been making my wife inspect.

Speaking of twitcy crackwhores with rashes….here’s a picture of Fergie from the cover of Oct. 19th Rolling Stone…..

Now you can wish me a Happy Thanksgiving and go fuck yourself. Cuddles….

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