While sitting at home alone, running off only a couple hours of sleep after a bit of a bender, but not really, becaue I am a cheap drunk now that my liver doesn’t work so well, either way, I sit here in an empty one room apartment, because the girls are our with their friends and the wife figured a way to fit her fat ass out the front door to get her blood pressure medication. I can’t help but wonder what it’s like to be the guy who ruined Britney Spears. Before you, she had a career, a life, fans and looks. After you, she looks like an aborted fetus would if it survived…you know if it fed off the other aborted fetus’ in the dumpster out back at the back alley abortion clinic.

I am not sure where I am going with this, but it’s not a good place. Tell your friends.

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The issue isn’t that Jojo is 15 and you are looking at her tits, because let’s face it, you like tits. The issue is not that the magazine sexed this bitch up or that her “people” are trying to sex up her image to sell records, because that’s just what they do. The issue is that this bitch has a face that makes me think that she was born out of her mother’s rectum, not womb. I don’t know if that came across the way I wanted to because I still haven’t slept yet. The fuckin wife smells like an out-house.

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I have heard stories about his bitch. Those stories were about how much of a coked out party slut she is. I have decided that I am jealous of coked out party sluts because whenever I party hard enough to be considered a coked out party slut, I feel my heart giving out. My heart sucks.

Sienna Miller is also involved in being the biggest scandal in TV since the dad in happy days slammed Urkel up the ass. I don’t know what that means but I am keeping it in this post because I wrote it a few hours ago while wasted and after re-reading it, have no idea where I was going with it.

It is 7:30 AM and nothing exciting is going on. My cunt of a wife kept me up with this gurgling sound she makes when breathing. I am convinced that her lungs are filling up with cookie dough ice cream, but I am no expert.

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I have heard stories about his bitch. Those stories were about how much of a coked out party slut she is. I have decided that I am jealous of coked out party sluts because whenever I party hard enough to be considered a coked out party slut, I feel my heart giving out. My heart sucks.

Sienna Miller is also involved in being the biggest scandal in TV since the dad in happy days slammed Urkel up the ass. I don’t know what that means but I am keeping it in this post because I wrote it a few hours ago while wasted and after re-reading it, have no idea where I was going with it.

It is 7:30 AM and nothing exciting is going on. My cunt of a wife kept me up with this gurgling sound she makes when breathing. I am convinced that her lungs are filling up with cookie dough ice cream, but I am no expert.

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Whenever I post on Nelly Furtado, I always want to rip into her for being Portuguese, but it’s not her fault she’s low class fisherman shit, it’s kind of a cultural thing, and if my culture was built on cod fish, I would stand proud at every motherfucker who makes fishing jokes around me.

What I do hate about this cunt, besides her busted up face and busted up body, and busted up music, and her inate ability to bait a hook (although convenient, not very lady-like), is that she is taking on Hip Hop now. Bitch is biting that cunt Fergie, who was a bigger piece of trash, until seeing the video with Nelly singing about being a slut. I guess she know’s all about being a slut, considering she’s got a fresh baby of her own, her vadge hasn’t even healed yet, and in order to get pregnant, must raw dog a cock and let that shit cum in your Uterus….just in case some of you still think the stork still drops babies off at the door because you are virgins….We’ve gone through this before. Cuddles.

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There was a huge media blitz about this Madonna concert, it was some kind of big deal that she was making a stop in Montreal. I didn’t go, mainly because I am straight and because I am broke but also because I don’t like washed up whores, unless they are really desperate to make a couple bucks. I usually take advantage of the situation because I am a bit of an opportunist when it comes to whores and I get off on seeing much I can get for as little as possible. The best I have done is a rim job after a 6 day bout with the stomach flu and no shower.

This isn’t about rim jobs, it’s about the fact that Madonna kicked off the craziest weekend in this city, Grand Prix (that’s race cars). Celebrities come for that shit and I am hoping some of my readers are out there with cameras getting me some exclusives.

So far, all I have heard is that Malcolm in the Middle was at some supper club last night, all the slammin local bitches were trying to get a piece, while he looked his awkward, nervous self. It’s funny how much girls love getting celebrity cock. If a dude looked like THIS, uneven legs and all, but was on TV, he’d still land pussy. And they say not all girls are whores……

That’s the story I heard. Here are pics of Madonna’s useless concert. A little bondage never hurt anyone, except that dude from inxs who died jerking off with a belt around his neck, but that wasn’t really bondage, that was in the name of self love.

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I am doing this one for all potential advertisers visiting this site today. I read somewhere that all the big brands love to advertise on sites that show pictures of cunt.

This is some bitch from Big Brother UK having a full out vagina slip. Her name is Nikki Grahame and here’s her bio.

Nikki Grahame is a 24-year-old model and promo girl, who worked in Harlequin Shopping Centre for two years.

Before she went on Big Brother Nikki said that her ambition was to marry a Premiership footballer and that she is ‘man mad’ and ‘obsessed with men’. In the first week she did tell Big Brother, however, that she did not fancy anyone in the house.

I think we all have a pretty good idea what kind of girl this is (she had no father growing up) and I have got nothing more to say about this.

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Here’s a little follow-up to my last Victoria Post from 2 days ago. The dude who was eating her out is about 5 ft 2, and dude’s got her smellin his feet while having his way with her. I always found little-big-man syndrome fucking hysterical. I love how these midget motherfuckers are the biggest sexual deviants around.

I think the first time I really noticed little-big-man syndrome was when I was 14 and saw Debbie Does Dallas for the first time. The dude who owned the sports store who slams Debbie in the end of the movie was this little dude who said something like “I was always too small to be on the football team, but was big in other ways”, or some shit, while rockin’ a huge boner.

For the rest of my life, I’d always see little dudes driving around in their expensive cars, or eating at expensive restaurants, with tall,hot, model type girls. If you watched them long enouhg you’d catch them making out, rubbin down the bitch, doing whatever they could to let the people around know that little-big-man owns the bitch.

I guess what it comes down to is that they felt inadequate all their lives and tried to make up for it by makin lots of money for themselves. Now they parade the shit for all to see thinking to themselves “and you laughed at me in high school, look at me now”. It’s a pretty easy formula, hot girls like lots of money, make lots of money, you’ll get the hot girls.

I am 5 ft 6 and was always too lazy to feel inadequate or make a success out of myself. So all you short people reading this, don’t get your 28 inseam pants in a knot. Not all of you are total insecure fucks with lots of money, I would bet that all the short people reading this are actually virgins. That’s the story I heard.

Here are a whole lot of pics from the Silvstedt little man vacation.

UPDATE – I Am – Not Very Creative of the Day

Turns out that a loyal reader found an identical post from 1 year ago, I repeat myself without realizing it. I am a bit of a drunken idiot. That’s all part of my charm.

Click This Link If You Want To Read It

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I don’t know if these motherfuckers are starting a fucking orphanage, but there are a lot of kids in these pictures. Maybe it’s got something to do with Michael’s craddle robbing fetish. Either way, this motherfucker has ruined this Mexican bitch, who was once hot. Speaking of Mexican, some motherfucker wrote this about me;

The guy who writes Drunken stepfather is pretty clearly neither Mexican nor anti-semitic, but rather some dude from Quebec who may or may not be himself Jewish (I’m guessing “may�) who is doing his best to ape the style and tone of Vice Magazine, also from Montreal, which he also disparages on occasion with often lackluster results.

When I read that drunk last night it made me mad, because I HATE Vice with a passion and anyone who knows me, knows that. I have never read a full Vice Article in my life and I think Gavin (the founder) is a completely useless cokehead piece of shit. He’s banged some friends of mine and he’s a poser. Not to mention, I would never turn Jewish, not even for the hottest piece of ass, because I will always have a thing for Santa Maria and Santa Claus, it’s kinda who I am. Now go fuck your self.

Speaking of fucking yourself, why aren’t girls sending in anymore “DRAW YOUR VAGINA AND DESCRIBE IT IN 10 WORDS OR LESS”

Bonus – Them Getting on a Plane – Be Excited

Update – they opened a children’s hospital

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