Here’s some fresh, wet-haired pictures of Longoria, everyone’s favorites Mexican desperate housewife. I think what I like about her is that she’s a cougar. She’s in 30 and banging some 21 year old NBA star. What I like even more about it, is that she goes on Oprah and openly tells the world how in love she is with this boy toy. From my experience in banging older chicks, they usually kept it secret from everyone, like I was their dirty secret. I guess the fact that the only old ladies I ever bagged were living in the Old Folks Home I was an orderly at, and the medication, old age and dementia probably made them forget. Again, another weak fuckin’ joke, but I am not the one reading this, you are. Cuddles.

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Here’s some fresh, wet-haired pictures of Longoria, everyone’s favorites Mexican desperate housewife. I think what I like about her is that she’s a cougar. She’s in 30 and banging some 21 year old NBA star. What I like even more about it, is that she goes on Oprah and openly tells the world how in love she is with this boy toy. From my experience in banging older chicks, they usually kept it secret from everyone, like I was their dirty secret. I guess the fact that the only old ladies I ever bagged were living in the Old Folks Home I was an orderly at, and the medication, old age and dementia probably made them forget. Again, another weak fuckin’ joke, but I am not the one reading this, you are. Cuddles.

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I guess it’s pretty obvious that when girls have a babies their hormones get all fucked up. They get all weird because they just brought life into the world and destroyed their bodies doing it. Their husbands don’t want to bang their newly gaping baby holes and the only action they are getting is from their kid, suckin’ their tits. Point of the story is to say that these new moms are rockin’ thongs and exposing themselves to the world, just craving a little attention from a man, any man, even a homeless mexican on the internet man…..

Britney Spears

Jennifer Garner

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I went to the strippers last night. It’s something that I do when I feel like feeling like my life doesn’t fully suck as much as it does. The reason I choose strip clubs is simple. The girls are forced to talk and listen to my insanity, even when I am not paying them and they are just trying to solicit lap dances from me. So they come around and chat with me, and I tell them that I don’t eat table scraps, and they look at me wondering what the hell I mean, and I respond by asking how many dudes have grabbed their tits tha night, at which point they fuck off. The only difference last night was that one black chick chatted us up about how she wants to produce porn and how she’s friends with some black star named Lexington Steele, and how if we want to see her in action search her name. This is what I found(NSFW), really fucking classy. A lot like Brooke Hogan. Bitch comes from money, but still manages to look like a piece of trailer park stripper trash. Like Mya Lovely, who sucks dick and gets fucked on the side for some extra coin, but is still too much of a piece of trash to get enough work in the porn game, not that porn is any classier,but she still has to strip to make money. Hogan sings shit songs and has a shit reality show, but still can’t stop buying her cheap outfits at the prostitute store. That concludes this story.

Bonus: Dressed like a Trashy Banana (Jay-Z’s Fetish)

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This is the drunkenstepfather link dump. It may not be good, but my eyes are burning and I need to sleep. It’s only 9:30 but I have destroyed my body and any potentialy energy a healthy person could have, I lost to the booze. So here are some links, enjoy.

Heather Mills – Paul McCartney’s soon to be ex-wife Topless
Ice T’s Wife’s Got Tits and Looks Like a Whore
Gwenyth Paltrow’s See Through Top
Girls Gone Wild Style Flahsing (girls are retarded)
This is the Weirdest Naked Chick I have Ever Seen
Orliath McAllister Naked Beach Pics
Howard Stern Hates Brandon Davis Too
Foot Fetish Clip of the Day
Miller Light Chick’s Vagina
Britney Spears Almost Drops Baby, Porn Star Saves the Day

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If you are black and you’re reading this, the only difference between Jay-z/Beyonce and you is that they don’t have to steal cars to feed their family. That was my bad racist joke of the day. I remember a couple of weeks ago I was at someone’s house for dinner. Yes, people occassionally invite me to dinner parties and I got stuck talking to someone who knew about the site and felt like upstaging my comdey, if you can even call it comedy, I call it social awkwardness. Dude was like “Jesus you’ll love these” but anyone who reads this site knows, I never drop racist jokes, I find them cliche, but this guy at the party just wouldn’t shut up, he obviously thought I got hard for them and this asshole dropped the birthday-bike joke, the hanging from a tree joke, the velcro on the ceiling joke, the bucket of shit joke, pretty much every lame black joke. I just asked him if he was on a joke of the day email list and he told me he was and I told him to go fuck himself and that the next time I am stuck talking to him, he best be packin’ som Jew jokes. I am always in the mood for Jew jokes, no matter how cliche they are. If you have any send them HERE.

I guess the point of all this is to say that although Beyonce’s upper body looks tight, and her ankles look slim, there is a reason she’s rockin’ those shorts, and that reason is her fat ass. Cuddles.

Bonus: Beyonce Dressed Like a Banana Yesterday (it’s one of Jay-z’s Fetishes)

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I have had a thing for Ricci since The Adam’s Family. I would have gone for her in Mermaids but I like my woman’s age in the double digits. Yeah, that was a lame pedophile joke, deal with it. The truth is I was always into her, I thought she was a good enough actor, only because I don’t know what a bad actor is. Her hair was always black, her skin pale, she smoked and had a few tattoos and I found her teenage angst hot. That was before the suicide girls ruined girls with piercings and tats for me. Thanks Suicide Girls. I thought about jerking off to her enormous tits once, but she doesn’t have those anymore, she chopped them off. Now all we’re left with is a sloppy, small breasted, bad tattooed dirtbag of a celebrity I once loved and I would still bang in a bikini of the day. It is late and I have sleep apnea…

Bonus: Magazine Make Girls Pretty or Not…

Another Bonus: Cher in her Lingerie for as punishment for not laughing at my Mermaids joke….

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I have had a thing for Ricci since The Adam’s Family. I would have gone for her in Mermaids but I like my woman’s age in the double digits. Yeah, that was a lame pedophile joke, deal with it. The truth is I was always into her, I thought she was a good enough actor, only because I don’t know what a bad actor is. Her hair was always black, her skin pale, she smoked and had a few tattoos and I found her teenage angst hot. That was before the suicide girls ruined girls with piercings and tats for me. Thanks Suicide Girls. I thought about jerking off to her enormous tits once, but she doesn’t have those anymore, she chopped them off. Now all we’re left with is a sloppy, small breasted, bad tattooed dirtbag of a celebrity I once loved and I would still bang in a bikini of the day. It is late and I have sleep apnea…

Bonus: Magazine Make Girls Pretty or Not…

Another Bonus: Cher in her Lingerie for as punishment for not laughing at my Mermaids joke….

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Four….

…Three…

…Two…

…One….

…None…

…Ruben ate them…

…because he is fat, and it is lunch time in Miami.

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Four….

…Three…

…Two…

…One….

…None…

…Ruben ate them…

…because he is fat, and it is lunch time in Miami.

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