No one talks about Cameron Diaz anymore. So I am not going to either. Because I hate this cunt more than I hate myself, and according to Oprah, that’s a lot. I am going to talk about her mom and the fact that her teeth are fucking retarded. You would think that her cunt of a daughter would have the decency to buy her a new set of teeth. I watch Extreme Makeover, or watched it when I could afford cable, and I have seen the wonders they can do to a set of teeth. I know Cameron is pretty useless, but that Charlie Angel’s shit had to have made her enough coin to afford the procedure. I am not an authority on dental hygiene, I have gone months without brushing, I have gone years without seeing a dentist, I have chewed on pieced on pebbles just to see what happens. I also had a bit of a Meth problem a few years ago and that shit rots out teeth…so this mouth is one that you’d probably avoid if you saw it walking down the street, a lot like Cameron Diaz’s moms’, and by Cameron Diaz’s Mom I mean Toni Collette.

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No one talks about Cameron Diaz anymore. So I am not going to either. Because I hate this cunt more than I hate myself, and according to Oprah, that’s a lot. I am going to talk about her mom and the fact that her teeth are fucking retarded. You would think that her cunt of a daughter would have the decency to buy her a new set of teeth. I watch Extreme Makeover, or watched it when I could afford cable, and I have seen the wonders they can do to a set of teeth. I know Cameron is pretty useless, but that Charlie Angel’s shit had to have made her enough coin to afford the procedure. I am not an authority on dental hygiene, I have gone months without brushing, I have gone years without seeing a dentist, I have chewed on pieced on pebbles just to see what happens. I also had a bit of a Meth problem a few years ago and that shit rots out teeth…so this mouth is one that you’d probably avoid if you saw it walking down the street, a lot like Cameron Diaz’s moms’, and by Cameron Diaz’s Mom I mean Toni Collette.

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And by AIDS I mean Myspace, because I have never met her, so I can’t be sure if she stinks of AIDS or just dirty hipster. She’s the girl that was a washed up model by the time she was 18, she was naked in Bully when she was 21 and was rockin’ a solid bush. She dated fellow loser kid of a musician….Sean Lennon. I remember a couple of years ago she was dominating the coked out dirty hipster scene in NYC… I wasn’t there to take part in it because I don’t have a trust fund, acting career, modelling career or style. I have posted her tits before, if you want to see them just do a google image search. In the meantime add her and her current boyfriend to myspace. This was a weak fuckin’ post, but it’s Friday, so Fuck You.

Bonus:

Visit Bijou Phillips on Myspace by Clicking THIS Link

Bonus Number 2:

Visit Danny Masterson on Myspace by Clicking THIS Link

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And by AIDS I mean Myspace, because I have never met her, so I can’t be sure if she stinks of AIDS or just dirty hipster. She’s the girl that was a washed up model by the time she was 18, she was naked in Bully when she was 21 and was rockin’ a solid bush. She dated fellow loser kid of a musician….Sean Lennon. I remember a couple of years ago she was dominating the coked out dirty hipster scene in NYC… I wasn’t there to take part in it because I don’t have a trust fund, acting career, modelling career or style. I have posted her tits before, if you want to see them just do a google image search. In the meantime add her and her current boyfriend to myspace. This was a weak fuckin’ post, but it’s Friday, so Fuck You.

Bonus:

Visit Bijou Phillips on Myspace by Clicking THIS Link

Bonus Number 2:

Visit Danny Masterson on Myspace by Clicking THIS Link

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I think Victoria’s Secret has done an amazing job of hiring some of the hottest women in the world to wear their lingerie for them. I am assuming this Karolina Kurkova slut is some kind of communist, while Lima and Gisele are hot tribal Brazilian bitches. Either way, Lima is the hottest out of the three hands down, and I’d be rockin’ a Lima stalker post if there was enough dirt on her on the net, which there isn’t. I’ve looked.

When I was young I had this crazy thought that I would end up with a Bikini/Lingerie model. This was before there was a Victoria’s Secret catalogue and before I realized that I was destined for failure. These kinds of girls only like fat guys with a lot of money, and in the event you haven’t realized, I am not that guy. I still wear jogging pants I got at the Salvation Army 9 years ago. I am not trying to depress you. I am okay my life. I have accepted that my wife is a fat whore who can’t wear a bikini or lingerie because they don’t make them in her size. It’s criminal (her size, not the fact they don’t make lingerie for REALLY big girls).

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I think Victoria’s Secret has done an amazing job of hiring some of the hottest women in the world to wear their lingerie for them. I am assuming this Karolina Kurkova slut is some kind of communist, while Lima and Gisele are hot tribal Brazilian bitches. Either way, Lima is the hottest out of the three hands down, and I’d be rockin’ a Lima stalker post if there was enough dirt on her on the net, which there isn’t. I’ve looked.

When I was young I had this crazy thought that I would end up with a Bikini/Lingerie model. This was before there was a Victoria’s Secret catalogue and before I realized that I was destined for failure. These kinds of girls only like fat guys with a lot of money, and in the event you haven’t realized, I am not that guy. I still wear jogging pants I got at the Salvation Army 9 years ago. I am not trying to depress you. I am okay my life. I have accepted that my wife is a fat whore who can’t wear a bikini or lingerie because they don’t make them in her size. It’s criminal (her size, not the fact they don’t make lingerie for REALLY big girls).

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The other day, I was sitting in a park. The reason I was sitting in the park, was because it is free and on a good day girls tan in bikinis. I like free because I am ghetto and I like bikinis because I am perverted. If you have pictures of you or any girls you know in bikinis, feel free to send them into me because Bikinis are my crack.

Anyway, I am in the park and I saw some bitch walking her cat and I found it really weird because dogs are made for walking, while cats are made for eating, if you are ALF or Chinese. I want to make fun of her/criticize her, but according to Oprah (yes I am watching Oprah right now, I went over this in the Beyonce post), criticizing her would mean I hate myself. I guess I didn’t really need Oprah to tell me that I hate myself, I was pretty aware of it and it was the cause of 3 drug overdoses, thanks O! She also said that people who Gossip, Drink, Smoke, Eat/Starve themselves, have unprotected sex, all have the same self-hatred psychological disorder. I know most of the people reading this site are virgins and are more into masturbation than unprotected sex, but it’s not by choice, so you probably hate yourself too….Either way, this woman is walking her cat, and that is fucking weird.

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I am not racist. By being a Mexican, I am lower on the socio-economic scale than black people. It would be wrong for me to make black jokes even though they are funny. There’s actually a epidemic in the USA right now, according to Oprah (yes I watch Oprah…everyday….), that black youth think the only thing they are capable of is being in life is rappers. So if they can’t rap, their lives are fucked. So they turn to a life of crime so that they can pay for the ice that they’re flossin’.

Point of the story is that this is what two successful black people do, once they’ve made it. They sit at a fuckin pool and relax all day. I want to sit at a pool, with a computer and an expensive girlfriend, so I have decided that I want to be a rapper too. Look out for my first single, coming out soon. Only problem is that I can’t rap, maybe I’ll just sit here instead. That dream was short lived, but pretty glamourous, admit it.

Bonus: Jay Z and Beyonce Walking out of Somewhere, Probably the Probation Office….

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