Thanks to Kimmy Stewart, people everywhere can go to bed knowing that no matter how much money your daddy gives you, you’re still a fat ugly bitch.

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When I go to the Drug Store to buy embarassing items, I always do a cover-up buy buying normal things like cold compresses, a sleeping mask, maybe a little shampoo, to take focus away from my yeast infection medication (it’s a fetish) and my herpes medication. You see, even though I don’t really care what the cashier thinks about me, she’s still got a mouth and no one wants her telling her friends that Tori Spelling’s got herpes. That’s pretty much the end of this post, how’d you like it?

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I like to believe that the only people who read this site are losers who live in their mom’s basement and never get laid, or leave their computer for that matter. I go out of my way to give advice to you hurtbags as to how you can go out and get a little vagina, or a big vagina or any vagina, because it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than reading this shit. I figure even if you are paying for the shit, you at least get to cum in the presence of another person who isn’t a 48 year old man in Arkansas pretending to be a hot horny 18 year old college girl in the chat rooms you frequent. No one’s judging, you’re just looking for love and a little attention.

But I was wrong, a girl actually reads this site and she goes by the name Miss Lilly. She writes into me with a couple of pictures and I was totally blown away. She didn’t send me pics of an erect penis saying “I Will Fuck You UP Jesus”, like I’ve grown accustomed to. I guess I can’t say much other than this bitch is worth a round or two,Frosted Lipstick and stripper eyeliner aside, if I wasn’t a married, impotent or a lazy fat man, I’d be starting up a “Donate Here” post all you fuckers to help pay for my ticket down to where ever the fuck she is. I would totally raw dog this girl, because honestly, some girls are worth the risk….

This is the email she wrote me and Miss Lilly we loovvvee you too.

Hola! I’m finally sending you an email just to tell
you how much i loovvvee your blog! I used to just read
it every now and then to kill time at work and now its
my favorite pass-time! keep doing what you do cuz you
got fans,baby! …nothin but respect – xoxox MissLilly

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The latest craze for celebrity singers with really ugly boyfriends is to go out to the farmer’s market and buy a couple pumpkins and by pumpkins I am not talking about another set of fake titties. I guess there’s nothing really exciting about X-Tina and her virgin-lookin boyfriend buying pumpkins, even if it’s for some satanic sex ritual where they stick the pumpkin in the microwave for 45 seconds, or until it’s nice and warm, cut a penis sized hole in it, and take turns fucking the shit out of it, ya know X-tina on the stem, boyfriend in the hole, it’s a great solution for those herpes outbreaks. I am just bitter at the fact that I never celebrated Halloween as a kid, my mother wasn’t too involved in my life, and Halloween was a time she was out making money, she’d dress up in a bear costume with 2 fuck-holes in it and get all out of control with the American business men in town. Those aren’t my memories of Halloween it was every fucking day of my life.

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I don’t feel guilty looking at these pics if the girl is confident posting them. However, this shit’s gotta be illegal cuz a 16 year old rockin out in her underwear seems like something you shouldn’t be taking part in if you aren’t 16 or younger. I got a theory that if you pick up a young girl in the club never ask her how old she is, just the fact that she’s up in there is proof enough and you can go home with her, without worries. The doorman’s job is to approve the girls you can legally fuck…so if he does a bad job, you get to luck out. If you’re out in the playground lookin for dates, brother, you gotta switch up that strategy, cuz if not you’ll make my sexual offender of the day post, and I don’t think your mom would be too proud.

If you are wondering what pic I am talking about check the Myspace Profile Here

I didn’t feel right posting it, not cuz I am soft(figuratively) but because I don’t need to get arrested, again.

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There’s something about erotica and artistic nudes I don’t fully understand, it’s naked bodies all up against each other but the shit couldn’t get me hard even if I wasn’t impotent. Now, we know this bitch as the bikini clad host of Wild On, but like everyone she had to get a start somewhere. These pics are really old and I know nothin’ about her; other than the fact that you can see beaver in the last 2 pics.

Check out pics here

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The only person who reads this site sent me in a story about how Zach Braff and Summer from the O.C. are fucking. His name is Dipo and he’s from Nigeria, but I guess you already know that since you’re my only reader. Either way, I’d like to thank you for coming back over and over, without you, I’d be writing to myself, and it feels so much better having at least one fan, even if you are Nigerian. So thanks Dipo.

So, I go to some of the regular celebrity shitty blogs that are written but closet case homos, or full blown queens who are making up for the ridicule they endured in High School (you can never live that shit down can you, blogger?) and find out the story’s true. I thought this bitch was dating the dude from the OC who has given geeks everywhere a false sense of security in being a geek, yeah, I am talking to those very same closet case homosexual bloggers who think that watching Star Wars, reading comics and rockin’ a blazer over an ironic t-shirt while having an asthma attack gets you pussy, without realizing that it’s a fucking TV show and in all TV shows, the bitch has no choice but to date the loser, they pay her to, yes she’s like a hooker, something you should get used to, cuz that’s really the only pussy that you will get.

Either way, she filmed a movie with Zach “I make self-righteous movies about being a depressed rich jew boy” Braff in Montreal and their fucking is supposed to be a big secret so Summer’s 14 year old fans don’t freak the fuck out about her and Seth only pretending to be together, so I contact my celebrity stalking friend and he sends me these pics that clearly prove that this bitch is lettin’ Braff cum inside her open mouth and inside her open box and that’s only because celebrities don’t use condoms. That’s all I really have to say about that.

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I don’t know if this is real. I am hung over and don’t feel like commenting. I know that I have never seen this pic before and I also know nothing about photoshop, if I did, maybe this site would be a little hotter. Either way, this is a potential naked Paris on a boat, with another naked girl, and I fully support nudity, even when the bitch is fat. I just like to know what’s really up in a generation of Seven Jeans that make all asses look good. If that doesn’t make sense, it’s because I am hungover.

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Motherfuckers are biting my rhyme – and not in a good way. I just got an email from one of my boys telling me the AIM is launching some beta site. I want all you fools to check this shit out and tell me what you see. I think I deserve some royalties on this shit, even if I never and probably can’t patent my title system. I also didn’t invent the words “I” or “am”, but I still take offense. I don’t take this shit as a compliment….it kinda makes me sad. Email your friends who work for AOL and get me my mother fuckin’ payout. I will buy you a beer. Thanks.

Biters

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