This dude is one of the coolest guys on the internet right now…

I can almost relate to his hustle, because so many times I have been at the club and I’ve found myself watching girls twerk, only to press myself up to them with a boner, for a cheap thrill, and a little grind…I figure 1 out of every 100 you do that too will be too drunk to realize you’re disgustingly fat..and next thing you know you’re fingering the bitch on the dance floor, like God intended you to do…it’s a numbers game, cast that net, cuz eventually one will stick…at least that’s what you hope.

I’ve never done it topless, but I should, it makes it way more hilarious.

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In the event you didn’t know, I am a bit of an asshole.

I do not necessarily wish pain upon people, but I always laugh when people get hurt in fail videos.

I don’t know if it is just my general hatred for society, or if it is just because I like seeing idiots in idiot situations have the worst possible outcome…I just know shit makes me laugh…and laughter is the best medicine…so I guess her pain is like the kids dying in opium farms for our morphine…

I mean, it’s hard to really feel sorry for someone who has already won at life, getting fucked up, doing dumb shit on some action/adventure retreat….I mean it’s not like she’s a homeless prostitutes sucking dick for a warm mean, she’s just some chick putting herself in this situation for this to happen.

I wonder if she lived…

Watch this with the audio on, it makes it better. Don’t worry, Karma has already got me…

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Nothing says country music or cowboy like a bunch of rednecks in a good old fashion bar brawl, even if this bar happens to be an outdoor concert, put on by Kenny Chesney, who unlike real country music, you know the good Outlaw shit from the 40s-70s, is just shitty country, that so much middle American trash listens to, because they are uneducated hicks who don’t know better and if you watch this videos you’ll see case in point….

10 large fights broke out and 150 people were treated for various medical needs. Another 45 people were taken to medical facilities as well.

I mean maybe they are just angry about his 4 month marriage to Renee Zellweger, you know 4 months too long for a small eyed freak…

I guess what it comes down to is that it was unfortunate there wasn’t a gun fight, cuz this topless wrestling is a little too Brokeback Mountain cowboy…and not enough real cowboy…probably a lot like Kenny Chesney, at least based on his taste in women.

All this to say, Country Music is a bad influence on our youth, I think we should look into getting it banned from all public places and/or The Voice. It’s like the new Marilyn Manson and these kids are Paris Jackson or some shit.

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So apparently Jagermeister decided to pull some publicity stunt in the form of a Pool party in mexico, where they dumped liquid nitrogen in the pool, to create this weird smoke affect, that happened to be toxic, after the liquid nitrogen and the chlorine came in contact…sending 9 people to the hospital, one of them still in coma…in what is probably not the worst way to die, you know surrounded by half naked pussy, free booze and dance music, I mean shit’s better than cancer…

Either way, this is the pool party fail of the day. Fucking Mexicans.

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If you know the site, then you know I have an unhealthy obsession with PUGS. In fact, I think my pug is the only thing I’ve ever loved, and in my semi-retirement/unemployed lazy pig life, I’ve decided to move out to the country to have a pug farm where I house the fuckers, who rape my soul and fill it with love, every time I look at their stupid faces.

In loving my pug, I feel an obligation to protect him, to not let weirdos touch him, to not take him to doggy daycare facilities, to really just make sure he’s cool…

It’s also made me realize, all people with dogs, feel the same way about their dogs. They are family.

So when I saw this I freaked the fuck out. I wanted to rally the Internet troops to hunt this bitch down, and find a way to teach her a fucking lesson.

The name of the Daycare is FUR KIDS DAYCARE …She’s obviously been fired, but maybe someone out there knows her, so we can terrorize her.

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Her name is Heather Kelly, she’s 25, and she’s been arrested for robbing some convenience store, by crawling in through the window, where she ended up losing a sandal.

Turns out, she’s in the running for Top 10 cutest outfits ever worn on a crackhead robbing a convenience store.

I am on team Heather Kelly, because I appreciate a girl in short shorts, as much as I appreciate an ambitious opportunist, who goes out there and takes what life has to offer, especially when the clerk is too busy in the back taking a shit, to watch his shit.

I think I’m in love.

If you’re not into that…here’s a couple of dumb criminals for a solid LOLZ

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One of Miley Cyrus’ hard ass rapper boyfriends 2 Chainz got robbed at gunpoint, and dude runs like a motherfucker, I mean it’d be easy to call dude a bitch from the comfort of my own disgusting home, not being robbed at gunpoint, but it is safe to say if anyone came at me with a gun, it would not be the time or place to really test how tough I was, even if my whole marketing angle was being a hard rapper, I’d have no problem throwing all 2 of my chains at the crazy gun wielding aggressor, because getting shot, even if it is good for business, sucks.

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So the story is that passengers of Allegiant flight were stranded for 3 hours and decided to break into song, that song “I Believe I Can Fly”, which the one black passenger was nice to bring with him, just in case they had to do a little song and dance for the internet.

The reason I am posting it, I couldn’t tell you. The quality is shit. the giggling annoying, the concept totally foreign to me, because I generally don’t talk to people on planes, you never know if they are terrorists (Hi NSA), and I know if I was on this plane, I wouldn’t be getting down like it was summer camp, I’d be going fucking crazy thanks to claustrophobia.

Life lesson – never fly Allegiant. I mean regular price airlines fly to Vegas for 49 dollars, it’s almost pointless to rock the Discounters…

Other life lesson, when life gets you down, all you gotta do is sing you way through it.

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