DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

31

Jul

Shay Mitchell’s Cleavage and her Dog of the Day

Shay Mitchell is a Pretty Little Liar celebrity, and now she’s a “showing off her cleavage with dogs” fetish site star…not that there is a fetish site for girls with cleavage posing with dogs, but there could be one, since I know at least one person who would jerk off to this….and that person is me…but I’m not doing it because I am overwhelmed with the cuteness of dogs, or because my obsession for dogs has gone past the point of no return, you know into a deep dark place, all because humans are shitty and dogs are amazing…I am doing it because of #tits.

So really, her social media posted cleavage could be in any setting, next to any animal, or inanimate object..It could be in old lady faces, or in her own hands…I will still look….and so will you.

Posted in:Shay Mitchell

2014

31

Jul

Nina Agdal Bikini Campaign of the Day

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Nina Agdal is an overrated immigrant hooker who has managed to get into a pretty relevant magazine for Swimsuit companies, and thus has booked at least one or two campaigns, using her silly looking retard head, to sell bikinis….she’s also used that magazine to get herself unprotected sex with Adam Levine, tainting her amazing body, the only thing she had going for her…cuz that retard head is just too handicapped to really fall in love with…but I guess these are decisions people make for security, when swept up by the industry and made famous, especially when they are immigrants and don’t any better. They just hear American music and swoon, even shitty American Music like Maroon 5…so when she finally comes to America…she figures she should let America and the pop culture it pollutes the world with should come to her…it’s really just per being patriotic to her new home..

Either way, here she is in a bikini campaign and it’s boring as fuck.

Posted in:Nina Agdal

2014

31

Jul

Emma Roberts for Jimmy Choo of the Day

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Wanna know what I like…Emma Roberts. I don’t know what it is about her, I don’t think she’s insanely hot. I don’t think she’s got this banging body. I don’t really care to see her in a bikini or strutting around for attention…but there’s this element of cute hipster who you’d see in the park reading a book, because reading is super hipster, wearing a pair of short shorts with her ass hanging out…and if you’re lucky with some stray pubic hair sticking out…because hipsters don’t maintain that shit..that wouldn’t be hipster..that would be caring and the first law of hipster is not caring…

Maybe I am into the fact that her dad is some fallen from the top star, who she had to grow up listening to him complaining about the glory days, so caught up in his own self destruction to give her the attention she needed…you know always introducing her to new hot aspiring actors he was slamming…confusing her…giving her the daddy issues I am sure she has…and here she is modelling for shoes…a lot less interesting than her starring in sex scenes..but good enough to look at for 10 seconds than move on…

Posted in:Emma Roberts

2014

31

Jul

Lady Gaga Pretending to be a Cover Model of the Day

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Lady Gaga got the Cover of Harper’s because she’s a cover girl. Or maybe she has a good PR team. Or maybe Harper’s owes her a favour from an exclusive she gave them back when she peaked, or maybe despite her record sales, she’s still Lady Gaga, still a huge star, still capable of selling magazines even though magazines are a dying breed….but I guess the people at Harper’s aren’t insane. It’s like you don’t give a sinking ship thanks to no one caring about her antics all the glory, you want until people start mourning its loss…you know like the public did with Michael Jackson. One day a pedophile everyone hated, the next day dead and a legend…you fickle pieces of shit…

That said, they also gave the cover to Penelope Cruz and Linda Evangelista are also cover girls…because Gaga doesn’t deserve anything…if you take a second away from her tits…you’ll see a face that was meant to be behind the scenes…seriously…what a horrible fucking face…

Posted in:Lady Gaga

2014

31

Jul

Models Versus Wind Machine for LOVE Magaizne of the Day

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LOVE MAGAZINE just released their new issue, that Kendall Jenner, the “hard working model” who in her delusional rich brat mind, didn’t leverage her sister’s porn, her family reality show, was on the cover of….hard work pays off when your mom has a team.

Anyway they got all the models up against a wind machine, blowing their faces into all kind of weirdness, and for some reason I find it highly erotic, and that reason is called being overexposed to porn and forced to turn to new things besides sex and nudity to get off…

The models are:

Kendall Jenner, Anna Ewers, Caroline Trentini, Charlotte Free, Imaan Hammam, Jing Wen, Julia Bergshoeff, Julia Nobis, Kayla Scott, Natalie Westling & Ysaunny Brito

#newfetish

Posted in:Love Magazine

2014

31

Jul

Ireland Baldwin is a Fucking Monster for some Brand of the Day

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I’d like to take a minute from your hectic day to look at these pics of Ireland Baldwin and try to understand why she’s getting work when she’s such a fucking monster…I’m talking some kind of Baldwin Ogre that crawled out of a Bassinger vagina, only to morph into the big and bloated looking trust fund brat, with an identity crisis, who one day is getting married and simulating sex on social media, to the next when she’s dating some black Youtube spoken word/rapper chick…straight from the fucking gutter…It’s like anything to rebel, get noticed, get attention, be different, cause some kind of conflict, when all she needs to do is ride her family name, book a sitcom and shut the fuck up…but instead, like all these other instagram girls, she’s trying to be a model. What the fuck is wrong with people. If I was her, I’d ride that inheritance straight to a tropical island to fucking tan…people have their priorities all fucked up.

Posted in:Ireland Baldwin

2014

31

Jul

Bethenny Frankel See Through of the Day

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I don’t know what this is from, or when it is from, it is safe to say that it is part of some PR campaign for this Skinny Girl Margarita drink owner, who was once an annoying Real Housewife, or what I like to call a pile of shit that represents all that you hate in the world…who is now clever enough to use her fake tits, fake tits I am sure she’s used before, in a way fake tits should be used…to get attention….noticed…and in turn to sell lap dances, only for her, the lap dances are for the paparazzi to snap off pics of her mom stomach, on a paddle board…showing nipple that I am sure many people have seen before.

The fact that test people exist is insane to me. As a society – we should have higher standards in who we collectively choose to make rich.

Posted in:Bethenny Frankel

2014

31

Jul

Hipster and her Viral Dance of the Day

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Mom jeans, lesbian asymmetric haircut, gladiator sandals and a crop top, with an “obscure” seemingly improvised dance, that you know was choreographed in front of her mirror before going to the music festival to showcase that a little Molly and booze…allows her “free” and “artistic” soul really deliver…

I am not hating, at least she’s having fun, even if her intentions are to be out there and crazy. I just wish this was more naked…you know because as nice as those jeans make her GUNT-AREA…I would prefer to see labia jiggle….

Why can’t labia jiggle be the new hipster trend?

Seriously.

Posted in:Viral Sensation

2014

31

Jul

Lindsay Lohan Sloppy Tit of the Day

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We used to call girls like this Slim Fats. It was a play on the popular weightloss drink Slim Fast. We were so clever back then. Where did it all go wrong. You’d think those budding comedic geniuses would have gone onto create gold…but instead here I am….and now I just call girls like this sloppy bitches…

Lohan is unhealthy, she has a gunt and a belly, she looks like she’s either pregnant, or just malnourished, it happens when you’re a coked up boozehhound jacked up on prescription pills…half dead, but still alive…your implants hanging off your body from a thread of skin…because you no longer have any muscle mass, yet you are still a size zero..

This is up on some Ethiopian distended belly from a life of eating sand and flies and ebola…only far less depressing because she’s a rich, hollywood starlet who was so privileged, had so much access and opportunity, and now she’s just rich…I know..real fucking tragedy compared to dying AIDS babies..and I know..it’s possible there’s a dying or already dead AIDS baby in her uterus that hasn’t been queefed out yet…it happens with careless self destructive sex…but we’re not talking about that one..we’re talking about LOHAN.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan

2014

31

Jul

Hot Enough Ass gets Rescued of the Day

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I don’t really care about hikers in the Los Angeles area being rescued after falling down 50 feets…But I am all about seeing her ass being air lifted…because short shorts, are hot, especially when they are in distress…turns out it is a new fetish. So if you’re a 20 year old LA aspiring model on her way to Runyon to get a nice fit body and hopefully be seen by the media, be sure to follow this girl’s lead, wear short shorts, and get air lifted out like you’re a bit dramatic, because let’s face it, you are – that’s why you moved to LA to become famous….#newfetish.

Posted in:stepNEWS