DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2012

30

Oct

Kourtney Kardashian Ass Grab of the Day

Kourtney Kardashian is part of the devil tribe of brown hairy monsters who have no business being famous…but who are famous because the media and Ryan Seacrest know how to influence the retard public…pretty much destroying the little faith I have in humanity…or at least in America….

Seriously…I was in a store that was playing Ryan Seacrest’s radio show, that I was once a guest of, and they were talking about Kourtney Kardashian and her boyfriend who is fingering her mom asshole cuz her mom pussy no longer has any elasticity and no longer feels….in public for the paparazzi like she was her porn star sister….getting married….because Ryan Seacrest owns these twats and makes a fortune off these twats and helps shameless promote these twats…feeding them to his listeners everywhere….and shit just makes me remember he needs to be taken out back and shot….cuz he is in fact the worse fucking human ever.

I hate the Kardashians and acknowledging they exist…but I love a good public ass fingering.

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Posted in:Kourtney Kardashian

2012

30

Oct

Miranda Kerr’s Hot Mom Ass for Esquire of the Day

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Miranda Kerr is a pretty amazing mother…not because I know anything about her parenting skills…or really whether she even takes care of her kids or whether she just pawns it off to the nannies and staff her and her husband can easily afford….I don’t know if she’s caring or nurturing or if she breast feeds or teaches her kids morals and values that they will carry into adulthood…becoming responsible adults of their own….she is an amazing mother…cuz she looks like this…when most mother’s are substantially less amazing…at least to look at…

I am a Miranda Kerr fan…even in an era of too many of the same vaginas being recycled from magazine to magazine….

Posted in:Miranda Kerr

2012

30

Oct

Coco’s Wet Tits Have the Best Hurricane Sandy Coverage of the Day

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I watched CNN earlier to see what was going on with the Hurricane…and I never watch CNN because it is the biggest pile of sensationalized shit and it makes me nervous that it is the number 1 news source for America….but they sure have great graphics to distract our small minds…and they do have a great way to make big deals of all things unimportant…when really if they are gonna be smutty about it – they might as well have hired Coco….cuz this is awesome…the best Hurrican Sandy coverage to date. Seriously…

Posted in:Coco

2012

30

Oct

Elyse Taylor for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

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Elyse Taylor is a sexy Australian bikini model…who is probably best knows to the surf community as the face or tits in a bikini for O’Neill…..while to the rest the world she is known as the unknown, nameless girl who kinda looks like Miranda Kerr cuz like black people, and white people, all Australians look the same….in the Victoria’s Secret catalog….

But apparently she has a fan, cuz someone compiled all her catlog pics from the last year….and here are the best ones…cuz as much as I hate catalog pics…I like seeing surfer beach girls make it in the mainstream getting half naked….cuz surf girls give me boners….

Posted in:Elyse Taylor|stepFASHION

2012

30

Oct

Jennifer Aniston’s Rockin’ Old Lady Cleavage of the Day

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Jennifer Aniston is too old for this kind of behavior…but I guess she might as well milk those nipples, not literally cuz no one will ever knock her up, but figuratively, because she’s either 50 or pushing 50 and there’s not all that much time left in them to be interesting to look at, unless you’re like me and love seeing old ladies with hard nipples sagging by the pool, beach or wherever they are, not because they are hot, but because you know how much experienced those tits are and sometimes….that experience or skills that come from experience out weight how sexy they may be…if you know what I mean…and if you don’t…just look at the pics…cuz that’s ultimately what I am here for….who cares what I have to say.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
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Posted in:Jennifer Aniston

2012

30

Oct

Lane Lindell in Some Guria Lingerie of the Day

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Lane Lindell is some pageant girl who represented USA in the 2008 Miss World competition, where she was a semi-finalist….which to me means she was still a fucking loser…even if she won the evening gown portion of the night…..

She’s also a sorority girl from Florida, was born in 1990 and has a wikipedia page that is giving me all this riveting information on her, when all that really matters is that she’s a catalog model for a lingerie company I have never heard of…making moves to get a head by getting half naked…probably not her number one dream strategy to reach the fucking top…but one of my number one ways to reach the top…along with sex tape….

I figure….some of you may like to jerk off to catalog pics as a tribute to when you were growing up before the internet and catalog pics were all you had to jerk off to…I am not that kind of guy.

Posted in:Lane Lindell

2012

30

Oct

Kate Upton Busts Out for Vogue Italia Cover of the Day

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Kate Upton has landed a Vogue Italia cover…which is a big deal in terms of legit modeling….I’m talking a bigger deal than the SI cover…because it officially legitimizes her and her plus size as acceptable in the fashion world….which I guess is something I’ll have to be getting used to…you know with the whole obesity crisis and the skinny chick becoming a dying breed of human…unfortunately….but I guess as someone who loves tits as much as the next guy, seeing her spill out all sloppy on the cover of a fashion mag kinda makes me happy…because it reminds me that everything is fucking fetish porn mag…even when Mercedes and other luxury items advertise in it….and that’s good for me…cuz it gives me hope that one day…this site will make me a billionaire….with private jets….I feel it….and I’ll be forced to give all you haters the finger….while fucking your wives…cuz all ladies love a man with a private jet….that’s a fact…

Posted in:Kate Upton|stepFASHION

2012

30

Oct

Sophie Strobele for Anthropologie Swimwear of the Day

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Sophie Strobele is 5 foot 9….her bust is 33 inches….her cup size is B …her waist 24….her…her show is size 8…her hips 35…..her dress size is 8 but I don’t believe that….her hair is brown and her eyes are green….she is from Austria….

I may have never heard of her, but now I have…and that is all that matters…our undying love never materialized because before today she didn’t exist to me….but now I know her and will never forget her…so stop looking at her sexually…she’s mine….I found her…so I keep her….

She’s modeling bathing suits, which is not so perfect for those of you stuck in floods in New Jersey and need to swim to safety….that said I hope all my East Coast girls are safe and sound….cuz I love all you girls.

Posted in:Sophie Strobele|stepFASHION

2012

30

Oct

Christina Milian Nipple in a Costume of the Day

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I don’t even know if I am looking at a nipple or not…I am just gonna assume that I am…because it makes my day feel like it has more purpose…than when I do posts that don’t involve nipple…not because I think nipples are this sacred thing or that I can even jerk off to a nipple like I was 12 years old….but because I figure looking at a picture of Christina Milian in costume promoting shitty booze…is just better or really only worth lookin’ at…if there is nipple in it…otherwise it’s just another single black mother whoring herself to pay for the baby formula…which is one of the more depressing things that happens or that I am reminded of…every time I go to the strippers….

Posted in:Christina Milian|stepCELEBS

2012

30

Oct

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

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I am more on the ball when drunk in Central America when it comes to updating the site than when I am at home trying to avoid my obese wife and her vile vagina that I want to run to Central America to hide from for pretty much the end of time, but instead I’ll just stick close to Hurricane Sandy and try to save hot girls in distress like I was their superman.

Here are some morning links you won’t masturbate to cuz you don’t want your dead relatives seeing you in that negative light…

Let’s Ease Into Tuesday With This Awesome Pumpkin Stop Motion
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Nothing Like a Good Old Fashioned Brawl in DENNY’S – VIDEO
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Rebecca Carter is a Slutty Flight Attenddant (SEMI NSFW)
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Just a Regular Day at the Russian Cat Circus. Wait, What?
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Megan Elizabeth Has One Sweet Rack (SEMI NSFW)
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Seals Costume Officially Wins Most Depressing
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Skate Sensation Danny Way Wows in “Waiting for Lightning” Documentary (Video)
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The 25 Grossest Nude Scenes In Movies
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Free Cam Show Sexiness
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This Chubby Gal Gets Naughty With a Vibrator (NSFW)
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The 20 Hottest Photos of Cassie Ventura
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You’re Gonna Wanna Check Out Dina, That’s For Sure (NSFW)
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This Cat Likes to Drink as Much as I Do – VIDEO
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Sexy Games to Help You Waste Your Day Away (NSFW)
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Posted in:stepLINKS