DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Jessel Pena is the Instagram Of The Day

Heather Graham’s Old Flat Ass in a Bikini of the Day

Em Rata Gets Called Out for Being a Titty Whore of the Day

Brie Larson in the Great Outdoors of the Day

Sloppy Katy Perry is Rehearsing her Awkward Dances of the Day

2010

Nov

Candice Swanpoel Modeling Lingerie of the Day

No Comments »

I wonder if bikini models only pose when they are on their periods and their tits are swollen. Is this something that the client factors into booking a shoot? If so what happens if the bitch isn’t regular, you know from not eating enough throughout the month to fit into the required clothing, leaving her depleted of enough nutrients to let her pussy bleed for a week….and I guess it doesn’t matter….It would just make for a messy pile of panties at the end of the shoot…a pile of panties I’d want to bury my face in…only because I know she left South Africa when she was still a virgin…unless she taken advantage at 15 by one of her father’s farm aids….who had AIDS….cuz that’s kinda the South African way….

Speaking of AIDS, announcing on a girl you want to fuck’s facebook that my ex’s biggest complain about me would be that I like surprises because I didn’t tell her my AIDS before unprotected sex….is not a good way to get a bitch to send you nudes…even if you pull the make a wish foundation angle…like that her nudes would be doing me a service…or the whole “it was just a joke” angle…It’s what I call digging a sexting grave.

Here are some pics of Sexy Sexy Hubba Bubba Candice Swanpoel in lingerie cuz shit’s better than decent…

Posted in:Candice Swanpoel

2010

Nov

Vanessa Minnillo in a Bikini of the Day

No Comments »

Apparently Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lechey are engaged.

They are back in Mexico, because they are always in Mexico, it is a popular place for them to fuck in the hot tub for the paparazzi….and cause a huge headache for everyone who posted the pictures because that was their private time and it was violated…but not as violated as the next couple who rented that villa after them and landed Hollywood grade herpes all over their face, eyes and mouth….cuz everyone in Hollywood has herpes, especially the ones who get married…cuz marriage is 90 percent a sign of settling with your partner because they diseased you or got pregnant, same thing….

And really who cares about these clowns…they are irrelevant…they only matter cuz of Jessica Simpson…and looking at her in a bikini is no different that lookin’ at any pussy in a bikini…cuz she’s just that much of a no name…whether she pulls Mexican spring break hot tub stunts from behind with frat boys lookin dudes or not….

To See The Rest of the LATEST Bikini Pics – Cuz the Paparazzi Hate Me
GO

To see the my archive of Vanessa Minnillo bikini posts…because she seems to always be in a bikini or at least that’s the only time pics of her are taken cuz I guess she’s got nothing else to do with her time and she’s got access to all that 98 degrees money to offer the good life……click these thumbnails…

Posted in:Vanessa Minnillo

2010

Nov

Sofia Vergara’s Big Tits On the Street of the Day

No Comments »

I know this is a very shitty see through picture of Sofia Vergara..but I am the kind of guy who thinks everything about Sofia Vergara is shitty…..

Sure she’s apparently got massive tits, but what good are they underwraps or in a bra. If anything, that shit is like a “Fuck You”, I’ve made it in your country and don’t need to be a whore anymore, you know like she didn’t use those tits to get where she is….

She was a single mother at 20, she’s now pushing 40…that’s 20 years of doing what she had to do to put food on the fucking table…and if you try to tell me there was no unwanted blowjob for advancement…you’re a fucking idiot.

I’m not down with that unless I’m on the receiving end, which never happens, cuz I have nothing to offer…so instead I just hate on the success those tits have brought her…and the lack of respect she’s giving them by hiding the truth…like her tits are some dirty little secret…when in reality it’s something we all already know…and she’s pretty much just walking tits to us anyway…she might as well embrace it.

Posted in:Sofia Vergara

2010

Nov

Halle Berry’s Has One Hard Mom Nipple of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know what went on here on a medical level, I just know that she’s got one hard nipple. One nipple ready to feed her child, or a pervert like me, and the other one’s just slow to the fuckin’ gate…maybe it’s the retarded nipple, or the rogue nipple who does what he wants, or maybe he’s the nipple that was in an accident and hasn’t fully recovered….but what kind of an accident could a nipple be in….maybe he was bit off by one of her many gay looking lovers she marries and provides an unstable home for her daughter….or maybe shit’s just inverted, you know that whole inter-species mixing of genetics doesn’t always work out…just ask the lap dog who got knocked up by a pitbull next store…fucking thing can’t walk anymore…but more importantly, why did I make her nipples a “he”? Does that make me gay?

Either way, her awkward nipples are just like how she’s white as fuck on the inside and in everything she does and how she lives her life, but pushes the whole black on the outside when it comes to winning Academy awards…or maybe it’s not at all like that, but like to remind you of her scam every chance I can get….dude, I saw Catwoman recently and if that was a real Academy award winning actor and not just someone who the Academy was using to fill a quota, I probably wouldn’t have turned it off after cumming to her costume…She was and always should have been a Jessica Alba typecast for having tits kinda bitch…but she strayed and now she’s old…..and none of this answers

Posted in:Halle Berry

2010

Nov

Ashlee Simpson Has No Ass in Jeans of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know where Ashlee Simpson left her ass, but I know it’s not in her pants. Maybe Jessica ate it when her team of chefs couldn’t make her a pulled pork sandwich at 4 am…cuz there were no 24 hour grocery stores around…but more importantly because they were ignoring her calls due to extreme exhaustion from all the work she’s been putting them through with her emotional eating that she’s embraced as part of who she is lately…It’s just not humanly possible to keep up with those kinds of demands….

The good news for Jessica is that country music chicks from Texas are allowed to be fat…instead of starving herself for the LA scene and the general public she turned her back on cuz we expect her to be the busty hot chick we used to jerk off to…country fans are more loyal, less superficial, and used to obesity…if you’ve ever been to Wal Mart in a Texan suburb, you’ll get what I’m saying….

The bad news for her is that she has to buy two seats on the plane when she travels commercial….

The good news for Ashlee is that genetics haven’t bogged her down and blown her up into a fucking big and she doesn’t have to drop the “baby weight” excuse every bitch uses….But the bad news for her is that she looks like a dude from behind…especially with the new haircut…which is great news for her husband Pete “Fall Out Boy” Wentz, you know cuz he’s gay and I guess that makes him the winner in all this.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson

2010

Nov

Mila Kunis Friends With Benefits Preview of the Day

1 Comment »

Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake were filmed or are filming a movie together called Friends with Benefits and despite being one of those movies that I could have written blindfolded with one hand behind my back and the other fingering my ass, because that’s how I’ve been writing this site the last 6 years and I’m experienced, and unlike the movie I never wrote but wanted to, this one looks like it is going to be a hit.

The reason it is going to be a hit is because she’s hot. Her character is the “cool chick” guys actually like hanging with and it’s about her fucking her friend Justin Timberlake casually and obviously having it blossom into a full romance. Obvious. But in obvious comes her in a bra, her getting eaten out, her cumming hard, her simulating sex, and it’s all pretty good to me…

Now if I only I could get over the fact that she has Culkin-AIDS.

Posted in:Mila Kunis

2010

Nov

Rachel Bilson’s Fat Manager of the Day

No Comments »

Behind every hot girl I want to fuck, there’s a fat chick. A fat chick who gets in the fucking way of me trying to trick, drug, seduce the hot girl I want to fuck into fucking…because for some reason I was always the guy who came along the night the fat chick decided she wanted dick and was tired of all the dick running to her hot friend…

You know the night the fat chick and her friends had a meeting before going out deciding that tonight was the fat chick’s night of glory and the hot girl was not going to get in the way of that….she was actually going to help the fat chick get cock…because as her friend she was tired of hearing her whine and because the hot girl wasn’t really looking for cock, since she was hot and kinda had her choice in who she brought home in every facet of life, generally not needing some pervert she found in a bar…

I guess what’s in it for Bilson, or other hot girls with fat friends is that it makes them look tiny and fit….they get to be the pretty ones who get all the attention, except on the nights I met them, because I know if I met these girls in a bar, I’d probably be going home alone cuz the fat manager no one wants knows she can do better….or worse, I’d be tricked into going home with her….you know cuz of that whole vagina, no matter how buried it is still being a vagina….

It’s happened many times and I do it, even though I don’t believe getting laid is getting laid, or pussy is pussy, it’s actually fucking traumatic. I don’t like it and I am proud of it. It’s just one of those take what I can get, low expectations cuz I deserve the fat manager and not the hot one cuz a defeatist attitudes manages my failures without jumping in front of a train…

Posted in:Rachel Bilson

2010

Nov

Underage Sluts is The Highlight of the Weekend of the Day

No Comments »

I haven’t even really been on the computer all weekend, I was taking a break, taking in all the sights and sounds of sitting on my couch and staring at the wall, too broke to really do anything, and too unmotivated to get up and out there to see what the world has to offer, and too ghetto to have a functioning TV, and too retarded to pick up a book….So I may be jumping the gun here, but I think that Miley Cyrus’ Camel Toe to deal with her mom’s cheating ass that made Billy Ray’s Achy Breaky Heart a more authentic tune, and Taylor Momsen’s Bra because she’s not about to let Miley outshine her underage slut behavior that gets her noticed, it’s all she has going for her…and their competition for attention has got to be the best news, pictures, post of the day….

The reason it is the best post, is cuz it’s a reminder of the damage it does to a generation of women due to their influence is something you used to only find in homes of male attention craving girls who were molested and open to sex and skilled with dick cuz of practice and dick exposure at such a young age….now you get that without dealing with all the repressed memories, issues and anger towards their uncle or whoever did it….anger that eventually makes them crawl into a shell and only respond to hugs…something you didn’t sign up for when she was giving you a 10 years of experience at the age of 17 blowjob behind the local Dunkin Donuts…

It’s like these Miley and Momsen bitches are the cool girls the other girls want to be like, so they mimic them…and apparently they are a lot more convincing than a dirty old man like me telling to to throw their morals and underwear out after leaving for school for the day, it’s almost like Miley and Momsen are working for us.

It’s like this is some kind of high school fantasy where the bad girl teaches the good girl how to suck pussy only out there in the public for us all to enjoy, and not hidden behind the door at a high school sleepover…

It’ll be interesting to see how this affects the teenage AIDS rate going forward…but since I’m just a voyeur, I’m okay with that….cuz AIDS can’t affect a dude jerking off to AIDS….

True story.

Bonus – Here’s Miley’s MTV Camel Toe Performance….

To See the Rest of the Pictures – FOllow These Links – Cuz the Paparazzi Hate Me

Miley Camel Toe
GO

Momsen Bra Show
GO

Here’s the Miley video, cuz I like Miley’s All American Girl shit a lot better than Momsen’s deathly gothic vampire weirdness, but more importantly cuz I love that her outfit is enough to make grown men listen to her shitty music…it’s pathetic and kinda what I live for.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|Taylor Momsen

2010

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

3 Comments »

Today was a real fucking disaster. It was probably the single best day in celebrity tit in a long fucking time and for those of you who have been coming to the site since the beginning know…that kinda shit is what this site was built on. The paparazzi pics fucking bore me, they are just filler for when the sex tapes, nude scenes, nip slips and vagina flashes hit…I’m talking self-shot nudes, or staged nudes, I don’t fucking care, it’s what I fucking do, it’s why I’m in this….I mean other than the glitz and glam of having a website no one has ever heard of….and not making money…getting lawyers letters and not being able to produce movies with real life whores cuz real life whores don’t work for free…and the site crashed…

I spent all day emailing, yelling, trying to get the site back up and running, and apparently it is, but whenever I say that, it crashes again.

It has been 3 weeks of hell, instablity, viruses and hackers…the site is pretty much fucking destroyed and now I gotta rebuild it…It’s a challenge, I’m not sure I’m capable of, but I’ll use the weekend to think about it….or rather forget about it…thanks to hard fucking drinking…

Here are the stepLINKS…if you still see this monday, it means I jumped in front of a bus…and if I do…I hope I make the fucking news…CUDDLES…

I’ve Said it All Along – The Girls in Glee Are Not What They Look Like in GQ – They Are Disgusting
GO

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One. So a Chinese 20 Something Dresses Up Like an Old Guy…
GO

Because If This Week Didn’t Make You Blow Your Brains Out, It’s Time to Celebrate With Some Web Vadge
GO

Jordana Brewster Rocks a Bikini Proper
GO

Hottie Takes a Bath – VIDEO
GO

John Goodman Looks Like He’s Dying at the Halloween Parade
GO

Jessica Simpson is Sad Nick Lachey is Getting Married – But Her New Cock is Fucking Excited – He’s In
GO

The 25 Most Embarrassing Athlete Endorsements
GO

Danielle Lloyd Ass Flash Throwback
GO

Marion Cotillard Just Does It For Me
GO

Lohan’s Stay in Rehab Sounds More Awesome Than My Everyday Life
GO

Zooey Deschanel Naked Anyone?
GO

Daniela Freitas Has One Tight Body
GO

Watching Giant Tits Move in a Animated GIF is Hypnotic and I Love It
GO

Blake Lively WTF Are You Wearing?
GO

And Now, One of the Best Commercials Ever – VIDEO
GO

I Mean Really, Who Doesn’t Love Vagina? – GALLERY
GO

Maliah Michel Knows How to Work It
GO

11 Sexy Actresses that Can’t Act for Shit
GO

Teri, Suzy and Paloma Get It On
GO

The Only Ten I See: Interview With Pornstar Allanah Li
GO

A Little Bit of Rihanna for Good Measure
GO

Kayden Kross Gets Her Masterbation On
GO

Christina Aguilera Sluts It Up in Burlesque
GO

Nothing Like A Bestiality Story to Kick Off the Weekend
GO

Yeah I’d Bang Sandra Bullock
GO

Melissa Giraldo Bikini Photoshoot
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

18 Crazy Politicians – VIDEO
GO

Hot Teen Gets Her Pussy Cleaned – VIDEO
GO

Demi Lovato’s Dad and Michael Lohan Should Become Buddies
GO

Get a Load of Jessica Burciaga – VIDEO
GO

Mel gibson Wants You to Watch Him Pet His Beaver
GO

And MORe Jessica Alba
GO

Follow Me On FACEBOOK and TWITTER

Posted in:stepLINKS

2010

Nov

Anne Hathaway’s Tits for Elle Magazine of the Day

3 Comments »

Anne Hathaway is confusing….sometimes she looks LIKE THIS and other times she looks LIKE THIS and although I’d probably titty fuck both these bitches homeless lookin’ and lost or half naked and professional shot with my stump of a dick provided the opportunity….the truth is that I will never be provided that opportunity…so I shouldn’t waste my time talking about it like some kind of loser in the SciFi club who can’t get laid and fixates on fantasy cuz fantasy is all he knows…or some shit…I should however waste my time drinking my fucking face off.

Here’s Anne Hathaway’s tits in a recent Elle Cover….cuz it’s better than nothin’

Posted in:Anne Hathaway