DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Lindsay Lohan in Burkini with a Hermaphrodite of the Day

Britney Spears Keeps Dancing of the Day

Salma Hayek’s Strong Jaw in a Bikini of the Day

Sydney Sweeney Does Make-Up on the Lake of the Day

RFK Jr’s Wife in a Slutty Dress of the Day

2008

Dec

Lisa Rinna’s Got Good Fake Tits for New Years Eve of the Day

4 Comments »

The real reason I hate breast implants is because the girls who get them change their mousy attitudes into something I find annoying. They become the Spring Break college girl who I hate, and their new found confidence is irritating for a guy who likes girls who have no confidence. I don’t like the new found attention they get over a set of tits and I don’t like that they get addicted and keep getting refills like shit was Subway, and end up looking like robots with hardened silicone busting out of the seams to match their usually hardened face, but every once in a while a Lisa Rinna comes along with her plastic surgery addicted face and her set of fake tits that I guess she’s kept hanging for a bunch of years, cuz shit aren’t offensive and almost look like they’d be good enough to take a nap on and by nap I mean titty fuck…..now all she’s gotta do is lift that melting ass and she’d be a half decent 50 year old plastic piece of shit.

Posted in:Bikini|Fake Tits|Lisa Rinna

2008

Dec

Beyonce’s Fat Ass in a Bikini for New Years Eve of the Day

8 Comments »

If you’re wondering why Jay Z cheated on Beyonce with Rihanna inspiring her “if I was a boy” song, here’s your answer…She’s got a pretty shitty body. Now, for those of you who like thick women, don’t get mad at me, because even she knows that Popeye Chicken lifetime supply sponsorship from 5 years ago was a bad idea, otherwise she wouldn’t be swimming in her fucking dress and prancing around with something covering her dumpy ass, like the fat teenage girls in my high school did when we had an activity day at the water park and they insisted on wearing their T-Shirts. Their reasoning was to protect their fragile pasty white skin from the sun it never saw because they were too busy spending the summer inside eating, but we all knew they were just trying to avoid the shame from our pointing, laughing and disgust.

Sure, the only rippling my body has going for it is when I jump and shit jiggles, but I’m not the one getting paparazzi pictures taken of me, so maybe this bitch should try out an eating disorder in 2009, despite the low blood sugar fits of rage, the possible heart failure and the weakness and discomfort, it could be good for her marriage and more importantly, in her quest to take on Rihanna in the fight for her husband’s penis and the public’s acceptance.

Bonus – here she is getting a tan, even though I already thought she had one of those….

Posted in:Beyonce|Bikini|Fat Ass

2008

Dec

stepLINKS of the Day

3 Comments »

I have a new New Year’s Resolution. That’s to always post my stepLINKS 4 days late to confuse you fuckers. Also on the list, cheat on my wife at least twice as much as I have this year, to make a bigger mockery of our marriage. I’d also like to spend a week eating nothing but cheese and I want to volunteer at a mental institution and switch up the meds to see how that pans out. I got so many things on the list and thanks to my lack of ambition, I’ll just keep living my life like I was Rihanna featuring T.I.

Mike Lohan wrote me an email, I won’t bother responding because it’s boring, but he did call me Lucifer

Wow what venom and what a dark soul. For your information Lucifer…

Her went on some rant about his life that I didn’t bother reading because I don’t give a fuck, but I admit that I liked that he called me Lucifer. Pretty big accomplishment when shit comes from a Born Again….

Now here are some more links cuz they cover my ass when I am sitting by the pool and by pool I mean my wife’s epileptic dog’s vomit in the corner of the room she didn’t clean up because she was all concerned he had a seizure, which is understandable….because he’s so cute.

A Dildo Collection
GO

Amit Freidman Will Get Your Motor Running
GO

Elle Macpherson’s Bikini is Teeny Tiny
GO

Melissa Haro Talks About Getting Naked
GO

Heroin(e) Problem
GO

Car Troubles?
GO

Curvey Gisele
GO

More Life After College
GO

Meet Oxana Fedorova
GO

And Here is Proof Madonna is Fucking Nasty
GO

Milla Jojovich Panty Upskirt
GO

You Know, I Hate Puff Daddy, But I Gotta Hand It to Him Just This Once
GO

I Wonder If Victoria Silvstedt Keeps Her Heels On When She Fucks?
GO

Porn Comes From Here
GO

Why Does Jessica Alba Have to Be Such a Bitch All The Time
GO

Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend
GO

Remember Mr. Bean?
GO

Keri is Having Fun By the Pool
GO

Heather Summers Has Quite the Ass
GO

Find Someone to Fuck, Because I Know Whatever Else You Have Planned Tonight Sucks
GO

And That’s Why Chicks Shouldn’t Play With Guns
GO

Card Throw Ninja
GO

Louise Glover and Her Big Old Tits
GO

How Could This Not End in a Face Plant?
GO

Laser Christmas Tree
GO

Man, Drew Barrymore’s Vagina Must Be Getting Tired
GO

Because The Rest Of Us Already Have Our Plans For NYE
GO

And I Thought My Cruise Was Bad
GO

Ana Beatriz Barros is Rather Attractive
GO

Jewel Plays in the Leaves
GO

Australia Hates Paris Hilton
GO

The Most Disturbing Animals On Earth
GO

Some Vintage Bai Ling Craziness
GO

Because No One Wants to Spend NYE Alone
GO

Melinda Messenger Has Cleavage
GO

Dumpster Cart Fun
GO

Lindsey in Black Lingerie
GO

Dance Like Michael Jackson in Thriller
GO

Donatella Versace is a Hot Piece
GO

Maybe Nicole Richie Isn’t SO Bad Afterall
GO

Pete Wentz Drank Assleeee’s Breast Milk
GO

Gotta See Religulous
GO

Oops! My Pussy Farted
GO

Lohan in Some Hot Lesbian Action….
GO

Some Slut Jamie Hammer Being Sexy and Funny….
GO

Her Name is Scott Taylor Compton, She’s Been in a Bunch of no name shit, and now she’s pulling a Miley in Some Self-Shot Panty Pics…
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Naked Asian Chick
GO

Girl on Girl Action
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

Dec

The Paparazzi Broke Alba’s Mirror of the Day

4 Comments »

Let’s hope next time around they cut the brake line…..but only if that works in causing serious enough car accidents that bitch disappears. I like when the guy I assume is Cash “Vagina Destroyer” Warren tries to muscle the paparazzi and gets shoved when he grabs at a camer and runs away with his tail between his legs like a little girl. I mean they break your car and when you try to tough guy them because you’re so fucking angry and can’t stomach the idea of sending your assistant to use 200 dollars of your millions of dollars to fix the shit, they shove you and make you run to your car and back to you cushy fuckin’ life, kinda like pouring salt on a wound and by pouring salt on a wound I mean prove you have a vagina. Good times.

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Paparazzi

2008

Dec

Sexually Charged Video of the Day

3 Comments »

I don’t know this girl Muffy is, but if you like black girls and want to see them dancing around in their underwear, workout wear, hanging in the bath while singing about how you shouldn’t hate her because her diamonds are “hella rocky” and some other useless shit, this video will give you something to jerk off to.

Posted in:Music Video|Sex

2008

Dec

Chelsy Davy’s Back in Her Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

I was sent these hacked pictures of Chelsy Davy and no one gave a fuck. She’s the girl who’s been using her vagina to get to into the Royal Family in England because the throne hasn’t been overthrown yet, not that they have any real power, but for some reason these pictures of her and her weak chin with her ginger pubed prince are making the rounds and I figured I’d throw them up like I care, kinda like she gets up on top and acts like she cares everytime she has sex with the motherfucker, in hopes that that shit will lead to a motherfucking ring, fairy tale wedding and the official title of Princess, because her rich dad telling her that she’s one by spending all his “hard” earned money from running African Safaris on her to keep her out of his hair up in boarding school, just isn’t good enough….

Girls like this are just too high maintenance.

Posted in:Bikini|Chelsy Davy

2008

Dec

Ed Hardy’s Wife’s Dumpy Body in a Bikini of the Day

2 Comments »

I heard Ed Hardy’s designer/founder and very rich motherfucker doesn’t let his wife wear his Ed Hardy bikini and throws her in this Gucci shit because it ruins his marketing image of strippers, porn sluts and tacky club sluts with fake tits shoving Magnums of Grey Goose up their dried up coke slut cunts….the truth is that although she’s not very tight bodied or worth fucking, despite being worht half of his fortune, I am just surprised she doesn’t have a dick because nothing screams “I take it up the ass” like a french accent and a name like “Christian Audigier” and a job making the loudest fuckin’ T-shirts around. Seriously, maybe he should be the one in the fuckin’ bikini.

To See More Pictures of Her Ass You Better Follow This Link….Because The Paparazzi Will Sue Me….
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Ed Hardy|wife

2008

Dec

Women Would Turn Down Sex For the Internet of the DAy

1 Comment »

So close to 50% of people would give up sex if it mean keeping the internet. I guess that means it’s here to stay. I guess it’s good news for all of you too, because the girls who were willing to answer such a stupid fucking survey were all World of Warcraft players on a break and have never had sex anyway, so keep them in their fat chick basements is what I say. I know that I have yet to find a hot chick who uses the internet and I am convinced shit’s like it was back in 1996 and every girl I talk to is a 45 year old dude, just waiting to break the news to me after they convince me to jerk off on camera for them. I guess information like this also makes you feel better about the fact that the only sex you have ever had was masturbating to some porn site and now you know you’re not alone or some shit.

Posted in:Internet|Sex

2008

Dec

stepLINKS of the Day

No Comments »

I’ve been thinking about what Mike Lohan said to me and maybe he’s right, maybe I am a bad person, so I seeked spiritual guidance at my local brothel and bitch let me suck her pussy. Now that I’ve found something to believe in, I can bring back the goods and here are my links from last night, 24 hours late, motherfuckers…and unfortunately for you, I’m not dead…

Barbie Has Herpes
GO

How the Fuck is Kim Kardashian the Most Googled Celebrity of the Year?
GO

Find a Girl to Fuck, Because The Holidays Sucked And It Will Make You Feel Better
GO

Jennifer Ellison Does What She Does Best
GO

The Top Ten Best Scooby Doo Appearences of All Time
GO

Mac versus PC – Transformers
GO

Bianca Beauchamp is Always Good For a Wank
GO

I Mean, Who Doesn’t Like Cocaine, Really
GO

Fart Machine!!
GO

Jessica Simpson See Through Throwback
GO

The Two People I Hate Most in the World Together At Last
GO

Keyshia Cole’s Got Legs
GO

Sad Little Lesbians
GO

Flight of the Conchords is the Funniest Shit Around
GO

Those Jonas Kid Virgins are Most Probably Homos As Well
GO

Behind the Scenes with Keeley Hazell
GO

Introducing Keyra Grey
GO

Spend Your Christmas Vacation Doing What You Love
GO

Blonde Shoots Gun
GO

Kid Crashes Daddy’s Car
GO

The Perfect Make Out
GO

Dania Ramirez Does Maxim
GO

Jaclyn Case Will Make Your Day Better
GO

Make Up for the Depression and Shittiness of the Holidays
GO

Public Access Fun
GO

Kate Beckinsale Can Play Anyone She Wants IMO
GO

Two Oily Lesbians
GO

Pot, Meet Kettle
GO

Snow Mobile Fail
GO

The Best Christmas Present You Will Ever Buy Yourself
GO

Ed Westwick Has a Boner for David Beckham
GO

Evangeline Lily Needs to Bend Over Just a Little Further
GO

Kaylee Garver and Jodie Gasson Are Naked
GO

Amy Wants to Be Your Fantasy
GO

More Fun From Japan
GO

Now THATS a Bikini
GO

Build a Hover Board
GO

Tom Cruise Thinks He’s Brad Pitt
GO

Don’t Let Wino Near Your Toothbrush
GO

Jump!!!
GO

Moesha Don’t Like ASs Grabbin
GO

Britney Spears is On More Drugs Than My Step Daughter
GO

Whitney Port: Hoe or Houswfie
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

Dec

Michael Lohan Wrote Me An Email of the Day

17 Comments »

Lohan’s dad’s started up a blog of some sort and sent out a release to a bunch of sites, mine not included, so I took it upon myself to email him stating I have the best site and should be on his email list, not that it makes any difference to me, considering he’s a fucking nobody and this is what he wrote to me:

From: Mike Lohan
Subject: Re: wtf
Date: December 29, 2008 3:10:14 PM GMT-05:00
To: info@drunkenstepfather.com

The “best one”???? Are you kdding? IThe reason I have my website is because of people like you.
How can you say such disgusting and horrible things about people. Nevertheless Lindsay.
Let me tell you something Buid, you need to seriuosly look at your heart and thank God that I will only fight for charity. If I didn’t have so much to look forward to in life and for God, I might just look you up. That’s my daughter you are saying such digusting things about, and whether we have differnces or not, she is still my flesh and blood. Watch your step and your mouth!
maybe you should seek some spiritual guidance.

My response….because he’s a fucking child….and spells like a fucking child….

Mike,

I see where your daughter gets her emotional instability from. Not only did you rob her of a childhood, but you also robbed her of a paternal figure. Why do you think she was rumored to have had so many illicit relationships with men, why do you think she’s now a lesbian. Daddy issues. You fucking suck as a parent and I can only assume as a person.

So don’t tell me what I say is disgusting or spiritually void. I do satire, comedy, sure it’s at the expense of others, sure it’s not tasteful or classy, sure no one finds it funny but me, but I go to bed, knowing that the only life I’ve ruined has been my own and not a helpless little girl I brought into the world, who had talent, potential and the opportunity that you destroyed.

I hope for her sake, she stays as far away possible from you and your self indulgence, your self destruction, your sociopathic behavior, your total disregard to anything human and more importantly you exploitative ways. You’re a fucking hypocrite trying to throw got down my throat, where was god when you were cheating on your family making bastard babies you won’t parent, where was god when you were drinking yourself and going to fucking jail.

Keep trying to ride her wave and claim you found Jesus you fucking cunt, when we all know you’re just a useless piece of shit who is better off hanging from the fucking rafters of the attic of his home his daughter sold her soul to buy for him.

Get some fucking perspective you fucking pig of a person, and stop crying for attention like you did to your daddy when you were a child and when your daddy and everyone around you liked everyone else but you.

Maybe you should get back on the coke you used to use your daughter’s money to buy, maybe that will distract you from always trying to be in the media, because the prescription pills you’re and you’re already going to hell, so sort it the fuck out, cocksucker.

So, what’s it like whoring out your daughter? Is it what I’ve always dreamt it would be? And for the record, you’re daughter is one of my best friends, she just doesn’t know it yet.

I hope your website fails, like everything else in your useless life has. Welcome to my world.

That said, maybe we can work together. Your first assignment is to send me some hot nude pics of Dina. Thanks in advance.

PS – Nice Rolex, you pay for that shit yourself? Or did Mean Girls cover that one, you pansy ass turtleneck, cellphone belt attachment, Seifeld lookin’ motherfucker.

PPS – I know you, Lindsay and Samantha are all in this together for media attention, negative publicity, and I just bit the bait. Fuck you for that.

ppps – Real men don’t read gossip sites, what’s that say about you? Maybe that you’re not a real man? Maybe that your daughter learned about vaginas by accidentally walking in on you while you were taking a shower.

pppps – this is getting boring….

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
————————————–

And that was the end of that….

Posted in:Michael Lohan