Here’s Elisha Cuthberty and her dumpy ass still on the beach, only today they decided to do fun activities like Sea Kayaking. I know that getting away to a sunny paradise is something you want to take full advantage of but when your a fresh new awkward lookin’ couple, I think it should be spent exporing each other’s bodies, figuring out what each other like sexually and most importantly fuckin’ like crazy people, because from my experience the best sex I’ve had has come from the mentally and emotionally unstable.
This one time, this schizophrenic chick drank on her meds when she wasn’t supposed to and it lead to her pretty much raping me and begging me to have a threesome, I was totally down until I realized that the other person involved was her alterego who was a 45 year old Jewish Accountant demanding me to give him my recipts, I still did it cuz I was in a vagina but I questioned my sexuality for about a week.
I guess none of that matters, what does matter is that Cuthbert is wearing her American pride bikini to get popularity votes by supporting your troops in Iraq while her hockey player supports her tits in his mouth as the dance around on the beach like a couple of fags.
Go back to pedaling the photos that others take and dressing it all up as if you do something more than that.
You are nothing, and in your heart of hearts, must know, that you never will be.
I wrote back:
Mom, is that you? I thought you died of AIDS in the 80s! This is fabulous news. We need to contact Oprah to get her to finance our majestic reunion. I have an old box of Mother’s Day cards that I can’t wait to give you. I have been saving them for all these years in case a miracle like this was ever to happen, but truthfully, I was convinced it never would, but that hope kept me going through all the hard times.
So we have all agreed that Kim Kardashian is a fat lazy bitch who just happens to have a flat stomach making the average person think she’s not a fat lazy bitch but something vuluptuous and desireable, which is almost understandable having been to Plattsburgh, New York for some discount shopping with my wife a while ago and realizing that her fat ass felt at home there because she was thinner than the bitches we ran into at Taco Bell. Unfortunately, my bed doesn’t feel the same way after years of suffering under her obesity.
Either way, being the whore that Kim Kardashian is she decided to get Cellulite Laser treatment on her fat lazy ass because Paris Hilton made fun of her and made her realize that she’s a fuckin’ pig while everyone else was stroking her ego. It always takes a catty jealous bitch to put a girl who thinks she’s better than she actually is in line. The laser treatment was a pretty good fuckin’ solution for her because she didn’t have to get off her fat lazy ass or stop shoveling her fat lazy hand that is clearly not too fat or too lazy to reach her fat lazy mouth. Now she’s out pimping this shit because they are either paying her or giving her free treatments and that’s just the kind of tradeoff whores like. I wouldn’t expect much more from this cunt because we are talking about a girl who made 5,000,000 dollars and launced a fat lazy career off a fuckin’ sex tape here.
To Read Her Post on Her Cellulite and See Her Erotic Calendar for Her Boyfriend Cuz She’s a Slut GO
So it turns out that Lohan’s lesbian cock is some David Spade-lookin’ motherfucker and she’s grabbing onto Lohan’s coattails as hard as her little lesbian hands can because she wants all the exposure she can get while Lohan’s letting her lick her pussy. Samanth Ronson is a fuckin’ mess of a person and the reason she went dyke is obviously because dudes refused to get up in that all her life but girls are more forgiving and find beauty in shit kinda like drunk guys. Either way, here’s Lohan and her David Spade latch-on.
So the girl who posted the pictures of her vagina is actually real and considering I started the site in hopes of getting vagina pictures but haven’t seem to have reached girls willing to show me their vagina, it feels like I’ve made it. Some people want fame and fortune, I just want low quality pictures of vagina.
Either way, the forum is blowin’ up and here’s some of the shit going on in there.
Her name is Natasha Richardson, she’s 45 and from the UK and apparantly has some kind of flim or television career here, but I don’t have any idea who she is. What I do know is that she got invited to this Gala Event at the Met the other day along with every other unimportant person, including the cast of Gossip Girl and she decided to flash us her underwear to stand out from the crowd and put her name on the map. I like to think of this as a step in the right direction, not because I find her hot but because I like naked chicks, so let’s hope next time around we don’t have to see her piss colored underwear and we can see her 45 year old pussy. That’s all I have to say about that.
Everyone’s talking about Miranda Kerr because she’s all over the fuckin’ place. She’s whored herself to Victoria’s Secret but I guess it’s better than whoring yourself on the street corner. The deal with Victoria’s Secret is that she gets massive exposure as their new face while traveling all over the place for their Fashion Show, Catalog and marketing like with this in-store promotion for their new perfume in exchange for what is probably a couple million dollars a year and that is a better deal than sucking multiple dirty dicks for just enough money to get high to help you live with being a whore, but the concept is pretty much the same.
Victoria’s Secret realizes that these girls are whores to them and that’s why they get them half naked for us, it’s like the time my friend hired a hooker and asked me to watch him fuck her because he thought it was more bang for his buck. This time instead of being in Lingerie, Miranda Kerr is in a Kissing Booth, which is the gateway booth to a peep show or a glory hole and she’s lookin’ pretty good with her staged sluttiness that I know beneath the act lies a real sluttiness that got her in this position in the first place.
I wonder if Ashlee Simpon’s boyfriend resents her while watching her walk around the house in her underwear or naked. It’s like no matter how hard he tries to dress like a girl and be a girl, he just will never be a girl. No matter how many prosthetic breasts he shoves in his bra, or how creative he gets when folding his dick into his scrotum to make a vaginal lookin’ fleshy mess and no matter how many dicks he sucks, songs he writes, nights he cries himself to sleep like he’s PMSing, he will never be a girl. He’s just forced to look at her tits and hate them for being something he will never have and when he tries to fuck her and gets mad that he isn’t the one getting fucked because she’s too wholesome to explore shoving things in his ass and he’s too concerned with his image to go gay he just flips her over and shoves it in her ass to teach her a lesson for having a vagina that he will never have.
Elisha Cuthbert is on Vacation in Hawaii and new bikini pictures of her from her trip with her boyfriend have hit because it turns out that people with money wear more than one outfit over the course of the week, something I can’t really relate to. I have my one trusty pair of jeans that are too small on me and my 3 T-shirts that I rotate as often as I have to based on smell. I do have a lot of pairs of socks because I’ve accumulated them over the years, they don’t match but they get the job done and I don’t really believe in underwear. I have the same pair of running shoes that I’ve had or about 7 years and that’s pretty much the story of me, but when Elisha Cuthbert pictures are being posted, I know that I’m not what you care about. I am a second rate citizen and can’t compete giving me more reason to hate this bitch for trying to steal my thunder. That said, she’s from Montreal and I’d love to find out what her home address is here so that I can invite myself over or Christmas Dinner. It’s probably a a lot better than the free shit they give you at the homeless shelter and it’s never too early to start planning.
BONUS – People Are Claiming This is A Nipple Slip…I Don’t See It…But Then Again…I’ve Had Sex
This is a nice change of pace because the drunken asshole who can’t make his way out of the bar in Kelly Osbourne’s life is usually the guy guy going home with her because she’s disgusting and you’d have to be wasted to get up in this. The only explanation for anyone sober getting with her would be that they are die hard Sabbath fans and are trying to live out their non-sexual man crush on Ozzy by using his daughter in hopes that it gets serious so that he can change his last name to Osbourne since it’s always been a dream, or dude is just a wallet fucker and wants to ride the fat girl right into the good life. I guess the good news with Kelly Osbourne getting this drunk is that wallet fuckin’ her doesn’t mean you have to actually fuck her, all you have to do is slide into her purse (not her pink purse) and pull the wallet out knowing that she’d have no idea what happened to it when she sobered up the next day. It’s a lot less emotionally abuse of yourself, but to be fair to Kelly, at least she’s got a girl with some kind of skin disorder to take care of her, I guess what they say about fat ugly chick never finding love is all lies.
