DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Jessel Pena is the Instagram Of The Day

Heather Graham’s Old Flat Ass in a Bikini of the Day

Em Rata Gets Called Out for Being a Titty Whore of the Day

Brie Larson in the Great Outdoors of the Day

Sloppy Katy Perry is Rehearsing her Awkward Dances of the Day

2008

May

Mischa Barton’s Got a Whole Lot of Cellulite of the Day

4 Comments »

I am on a 3 day hangover and these pictures of Mischa Barton’s disgusting legs and ass aren’t really helping me get over it. The truth is that I am good friend of cellulite because every girl I’ve banged has had some. It’s kinda what you sign-up for when you have no standards and fuck fat chicks, whether obese or just bottom heavy they always seem to be packing enough pounds to be cottage cheesy, so hating on cellulite would pretty much equate to hating chicks, and I’m not homo here.

What I do think is that Mischa is too skinny and young to have this going on. She’s some kind of slim fat, and the second you get her naked she looks like he’s been horribly burnt in some childhood fire and they just couldn’t get the skin graft done proper so the rest of her life her ass and legs will just be damaged skin just hanging off her like a bad fitting pair of pants, because it’s really the only thing that would make sense of this mess in her pants.

Posted in:Cellulite|Mischa Barton

2008

May

From the Forum of the Day

8 Comments »

It turns out that the stepFORUM is addictive and ruins marriages.

A reader sent me this letter that his wife wrote him about how he’s let himself go and this site got a shout out in it. Glad to know that I am ruining people’s sex lives, it’s pretty fuckin’ legendary. Read the letter if you’re interested.

Where do I begin? We hooked up years ago. I actually thought your friend was cuter, but we kept running into each other and knew mutual friends and as you guessed it we hooked up. I wasn’t thinking right. You were cute, bad, daring, good in bed, made cute kids, cleaned the house, and it was more than I ever thought I wanted.

You got older. After going through your asshole guy stage and quitting drinking you seem to have lost your edge. I don’t miss the drinking mind you. Basically you started to drink and forgot to tell me which caused us lots of problems (because I don’t always follow the beat of your drum, but we’ll get to that later). But I liked you as an asshole in a way. Every good girl wants their bad boy and you fit the bill. As bad as you were, you were smart and could easily seduce me. Like when you would offer to go down, free of charge. I fell for that for years, and you know you always got laid afterwards. Or the small fact you used to care about showering, wearing clean clothes, and warming me up before an all-nighter. I wouldn’t be in the mood and you would wave your magic man stick and *boom* I was yours.

So back to losing our edge. You got lazy. You decided no big deal to skip showers or brushing your teeth. Like this morning, you want some. I can read it all over your face you have a purpose in life – to get laid. So you come up and put your arm around me (fine), but then I get a fucking whiff. That stench. The unmistakable smell of that nasty shit you spray on before you got to work along with a different equally rank deodorant. The two are enough to scare deer away from your van as you drive to work. I hate that shit, and goddammit you bought it without consoling me (and my sensitive nose). So on top of that – aroma – I can smell fucking armpit axle grease sweat balls stench. I really want to puke. That is sooooo not hot.

WTF??

So I ask, where did you get this shirt? You were naked in bed and I assumed when you got dressed you pulled something from somewhere *clean,* right? Oh, its my work shirt – FROM THURSDAY. Mind you, its fucking Saturday. So I ban you from my presence until you come to your senses. Then you come back, in different clothes. I am playing online, ignoring you. So you still want some. I can tell again, it just permeates from that brain in your penis. Instead of coming up, sweeping my hair back, kissing my neck, telling me I’m ________, you decide to take your boner and rub in on my back/ass (I am laying on the floor playing on the computer, get the picture).

Seriously, WTF? Have you lost your mind? No foreplay. No kissing (even one hot kiss would do the trick). No tit play. I’m just NOT, I repeat, NOT buying into your “game” or whatever the fuck you think you have going on. A boner bumping my clothed ass cheeks while I play online does, let’s see . . . NOTHING, zip, nada, just if anything *pisses* me off.

I hate you.

Then there are your brothers. All five of those half-fuckers. Three never call unless they want something. You wonder why I can’t be nice to them?? I hate users, losers, and abusers of people that have shit when they don’t. Then there is your other brother who can’t get a life or much of anything together. At 27, he should have a women, or a barrage of different women, his own place, a baby’s momma, something????? But no, he lives with his grandparents. Sure he drives a nice car, but it’s not for the women. Know why? He hasn’t had a girlfriend since he was 19. Sure I have heard stories of drunken encounters and countless girls who liked you and you really, really fucked it up (like getting drunk and puking/pissing on them). But come the fuck ON – grow some balls and pick up someone, anyone, and get a fucking life. I’m starting to think you are gay.

Then there is #5. He is the nastiest person alive. He claims to shower, but I beg to differ, sir! If he bathes, it’s probably in Crisco and dog shit. The worst part is, he has a GIRLFRIEND and roommate that are equally as nasty as him. And no, I won’t go visit after hearing stories of dog shit smeared into their floor and urine on the couch because they are too lazy to take the fucker outside. But the absolute WORST part?? You let them come over and visit, for hours if I would let you. Long enough to make me wash the couch cover (twice!), febreeze the entire carpet and couch under the cover, light candles, spray air freshener, open all the windows, bug bomb the house, and feel paranoid that even after all that something survived and will be left to haunt me. I hate you, and your nasty girlfriend and roommate. And no, I can’t be nice so quit asking!!!

Then your obsession with boxing, UFC, and Final Fantasy and that Drunkenstepfather loser porn bullshit. It is all wrong, wrong, WRONG! Yes, I am the one that deletes “your” fights off the TiVo No I don’t care who won or how they did it. I didn’t get HBO and Showtime for you to ruin every Saturday night recording your fights so you can play them back to your stupid ass friends every day for the next two weeks. I hate UFC. You can’t make me like it. They really look like they are humping each other and yes I will make fun of it verbally as you watch it because you won’t take it in the other room (I get the tv in the living room – not you!). I understand you hate my shows, but then why do I catch you watching them when I’m not looking. You don’t catch me watching your stupid fucking fights do ya? And by the way, it does not impress me that you are a level 75 beastmaster. My nipples don’t get hard at the sound of you bragging about your dumb ass games, k??? And by the way, if you shut that shit off at night and went to bed with me – you would probably most likely, I would say 97% of the time get some!!!! But no!!!! You really expect me to get rug burn fucking you on the floor as you watch boxing and play the Xbox. Eat shit and die.

I used to love you, but now I hate you.

Love,

Your pissed off, sexually frustrated wife

Now here’s some stuff going on in the stepFORUM

That’s Not the Way You Use a Pepsi Can
GO

Bubba Sparxxx
GO

Blackalicious
GO

Canibus
GO

Paul Simon
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More E-Books
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Let’s Get Personal
GO

Amateur Paige?
GO

UNKLE Thread
GO

Rumer Willis is a Beautiful Person and You Aren’t.
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Isabella Soprano
GO

Obscure 90’s Hip Hop
GO

Pauline James Thread
GO

Funkdoobiest
GO

The mydarlingclementine Dilemma Continues…
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I thought this deserved to be on this site…
GO

Teen Busted Suck

GO

Blowjob Lessons
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Do You Like Small Tits?
GO

Beautiful blonde amateur, screwed and facial!!!
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Amateur Porn : Teen Emma (Germany)
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Gravity Kills
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Post Your Filth Here
GO

Christina Model Thread
GO

Upcoming Election
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Hottest Female Legs Search
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Bowling for Soup
GO

Jessica Jaymes Thread
GO

Rachel Roxx – Big Mouthfuls
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Del tha Funky Homosapian
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Audrey Bitoni Thread
GO

Stones Throw
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

May

stepLINKS of the Day

4 Comments »

I got this email today:

Been looking on your site and saw that it said you have pics of 14 yr old gals, please please email me some thanks, keep up the good work

This was my response:

I do not have pictures of 14 year old girls and never said that I did. I am glad I have such wholesome fuckin’ readers, you are sick fuck and you did not get the job babysitting my stepdaughter.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

The truth is I am just happy to have any readers, sick in the head or not, I am non-judgemental but in the meantime here are my links:

Funny Bud Beer Lime Commercial….For Cinco de Mayo…Cuz Mexicans Love Limes…I guess..
GO

Playboy Gets Olive Garden Chicks Naked
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Jenna Jameson Does Cocaine…..
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Kim Kardashian Assumes the Position
GO

Heidi Klum Giving The Finger
GO

Irina V is the Girl Next Door
GO

Make a Fire with Potatoes, Salt and Toothpaste
GO

Hot Asian Chicks Beat Down Some Dude
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More Real Girls Being Sluts
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Penny Cruz and Charlize Theron Make Out
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Heidi Klum and Her Helmut Hair Hang Out at Bloomingdale’s
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Alessandro Ambrosio is the First Pregnant Hot Chick Ever
GO

Nick Cannon is the Smartest Guy on the Planet – Regifting and No Prenups Means Good Business….
GO

Ugly Betty Pickin’ her Nose….
GO

Gwyenth Paltrow is Looking Good Lately
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Gary Coleman Divorce Court!!
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Maria Menounos Like to Play Beach Volley Ball
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Find Girls to Fuck, Because It’s Not Really Sex When You Do it Alone
GO

Barbara Walter’s is a HO!
GO

Amy Reid’s Big Tits Are Natural
GO

Now THAT’s Love When a Girl Pukes on a Guy
GO

Emo Fags I’m Sure You Can Relate To
GO

Paris Hilton Spreads Her Diseases to All Walks of Life
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Asian Babe with Huge Jugs
GO

Becky Newton is Bending Over
GO

Yoko Matsugane Tits are MASSIVE!
GO

Miranda Kerr’s Cleavage is Down Under!
GO

Joss Stone and Cat Deeley are friendly Lesbians…
GO

Safe to Say He Loves the Ladies…
GO

Barack O’Basketball
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All, I Admit It. Nike has Amused Me
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Sammie Pennington is British and Topless
GO

Top 10 Paparazzi Attack Moments…
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More of Cheerleader Angelica Carrera Slutty Pics
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Beyonce is Pregnant
GO

Top 10 Jiggling Tit VIdeos of All Time
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Lohan’s Mugshot in Ad by a Pro-Drinking and Driving Group:
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The Art of Selling Naked – 10 Stunning Playboy Ads
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Sammie Penington Topless
GO

How to Smuggle Booze into The Kentucky Derby
GO

Some Penelope Cruz Bathing Suit Action…
GO

Be Sure to Brush Your Teeth Twice a Day and By Teeth I Mean Pussy
GO

Some Dude Scares The Fuck Out Of His Aunt and It’s Pretty Amazing
GO

Hot Brazilian Ass in an Ad
GO

Some Intense Justice Video Because Justice is the Mainstream
GO

This Slut Could Be Your Daughter
GO

More of Lily Allen’s Birthday – This Time With Cake
GO

Megan Fox is Hot But Banned
GO

Use This to Find Some Sex This Weekend. With a Chick
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Girl in Funny Lingerie
GO

A Mix of Smut
GO

Some Slut Named Sexy Lil Dancer – Showing Off Her Body
GO

Some Photoshoot of a Topless Bitch By the Beach
GO

SOME WEEKEND HOTNESS

Shawna Lenee is a Hot Blonde Slut and She’s Naked
GO

Some Really Big Boobs in the Shower
GO

Some College Party Sex Video
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Some Really Weird Sex on an ATV Quad
GO

Funny Porn Bloopers Compilation
GO

Some Latina’s Self Shot Slutty Pic
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Some Asian Girl’s Webcam Strip Video
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Some Amateur Girl Masturbating
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Some Young Asian Self Shot Amateur Pics
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Ashlynn Brooke in Some Posed Nakedness
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Her Name is Karine and She’s Naked with a Whip
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Lesbian Cop Video
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Her Name is KayLynn and He Shows off How Big and Dirty Her Tongue Is…
GO

Some Girl Fuck’s a Corona Bottle of Cinco de Mayo
GO

Some Pierced Girl Has Sex With a Lollipop
GO

Some Chick in Crotchless Panties
GO

Naked Girl Shops in Japan!!
GO

Some Hot Naked Amateur Chick
GO

Find the Best Porn You Will Need for Your Pathetic Weekend
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

May

Lohan’s Got Some Cleavage of the Day

2 Comments »

I was talking to a hot girl while waiting in line at a Toy Store I went to to buy my friend who is having a baby a little gift. I was looking for lingerie and sex toys that come in pediatric sizes, but had no luck because I guess people aren’t into sexual gag gifts when newborns are involved. I guess that’s the same reason why my friend from the who claimed he was a pediatric gynecologist was always broke and out of work , I just thought it was his alcoholism and schizophrenia, but I think what it came down to was no market for his work.

Either way, I was talking to this hot girl about blow jobs while in line to pay for the gift I did end up getting, and the girl I am with gets all flustered and embarrassed and whispers in my ear how I am offending the girl in line in front of me and I decide to look at her and said something along the lines of how she shouldn’t be offended by blow job talk because based on her ass, I can only assume she’s had a bunch of kids and it takes a handful of fuckin’ blowjobs to lead to getting married and knocked up. She just told me I was sick and moved on.

I feel like Lohan’s done her fair share of dick sucking and wouldn’t judge me for talking about the shit because it’s the one thing she genuinely likes doing. Another thing she likes doing is showing off her big tits and I am a fan despite the whole herpes thing.

Posted in:Hot Tits|Lindsay Lohan

2008

May

Josie Maran in an Affordable Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

I hate Josie Maran. I called her a slut for getting pregnant a while ago and some psycho fan hacked my email and pretty much could have taken down this site about 2.5 years ago. It was the day I realized how there are actually people out there who think that they are in relationships with girls they see on the screen and have intense emotional attachments to these girls because they have nothing else going on in their lives and figured that there was a market to try to piss these people off everyday, so that’s what I set out to do, I am just not very good at it.

But it all started with Josie Maran and her allowing a man to come inside her. Either way, this is her in a bikini and she’s actually not too bad to look at. I guess I partially understand why someone would want to bang her enough to name is rubber vagina he built after her because she’s bounced back from what she did to herself but then again, I am basing it on ghetto pictures taken for a ghetto bikini company that probably paid her ghetto dollars to do this but can probably afford a ghetto graphic designer to photoshop this shit, so I guess this and saying she looks good is about as relevant as posting pics as her career that she hasn’t quite fully made a comeback to despite remaining completely insignificant. I’ll stop now.

Posted in:Bikini|Josie Maran

2008

May

Holly Madison’s Tits are Hipsters in Her All Over Print T-Shirt of the Day

14 Comments »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

The one thing that hip hop people, extreme sport people, street wear people and hipsters have in common is the all-over print hoody and now Playboy sluts can be added to the list of assholes who wear these stupid shirts. But they are a bit more interesting to look at because they have big fake tits and hard nipples and their all over print is some truck trailer slut emblem and not something lame like lightning bolts or whatever the fuck these kids are sporting….

I guess the other thing interesting about Playboy sluts who made it to the top and are fuckin’ Hefner is that they realize that they offer little more to the world than a set of tits and can make decent money from them so why the fuck not take what you can get. They look at gold-diggin the same way that an average person sees going to a technical school to get a skill that makes them employable and instead of paying for tuition, they spend their money on breast implants, tacky clothes and hair dye to manipulate their way to the top of the slut ladder staring at the bottom of the stripper pole and working their way up….

I guess I shouldn’t be so quick to judge, since I am sitting here in my underwear in my shitbox apartment, unskilled, uneducated and broke, because if I had a set of tits that weren’t as disgusting to look at as my man tits are, I’d be using them to make my life a little more comfortable too. I don’t know what the point of this post is but I do know that I spent the day drinking and that was pretty irresponsible of me so I’m trying to make it up to you here.

Posted in:Holly Madison|Nipples

2008

May

Pink in a Bikini Top of the Day

1 Comment »

So I was hanging out outside the Maternity store again, not because I thought it would be funny to call the girls walking in sluts as they passed me by, or even give them the eye that I knew what went on in the bedroom to get them into this mess to begin with, but I was there because my wife is fat in the uterus and I like trying to buy shit designed for pregnant girls to hammer the idea in her head that she’s gotta hit the fuckin’ treadmill. I wasn’t actually going to buy her anything because she doesn’t deserve gifts but there was a hot girl who walked in there who I thought needed to be followed in and that’s the line I used to get her to try shit on for me. When I asked when the baby was due, she told me she was there for her sister and thanked me for destroying her self esteem. We really hit it off as she told me to fuck herself and walked away.

That’s when this bull dyke working the cash came up and asked me to leave. I asked her what it was like being amongst all these pregnant chicks all day knowing that she will never have a baby because society doesn’t approve of her having a baby because she’s a lesbian and that’s when she told me that she wasn’t a lesbian but in fact a gay dude named Frank who designs all the clothes in the motherfuckin’ store and that’s the gender confusion I think Pink goes through everyday. You know when a couple of dudes invite her out to the beach to pick up girls cuz they think she’s one of them and she pulls off her t-shirt only to show them her bikini top, making them think she’s playing some kind of practical joke because she’s the one in the group whos a total fuckin’ jokester and they are forced to gang rape out of anger for the lie she fed them and when they find out she has a pussy like that Boys Don’t Cry movie, cuz nothing says I am straight like fuckin’ my homie when I find out my homie has a cunt.

Either way, here she is in a bikini top so take it in as some kind of warning because if she ever comes to your small town lookin’ for friends and beggin’ to jump in on your pickup basketball game or night out at the stripclubs she’s desperate for friends and comes to you, you won’t get caught up in the lie.

Posted in:Bikini|Pink

2008

May

From the Forum of the Day

3 Comments »

The forum is still killing it and when I asked a girl about it she said that unlike all other forums, the guys on it are actually nice to the girls. It’s funny that the site gets slated as a misogynist site that hates on and objectifies women, when in reality all I do is hate on an objectify sluts who are already objectifying themselves and I think that the 5 loyal dudes who are far more interesting than me who rock the forum prove that love can be found on DrunkenStepather.com.

Here’s the latest shit going on there:

——–Music———

Linkin Park – Best of
GO

Of Montreal – Aldhils Arboretum
GO

Tom Petty – Wildflowers
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Motley Crue – Shout at the Devil
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Blue October – Argue With A Tree
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Lita Ford – Greatest Hits Live
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Sheryl Crow – Wild Flower
GO

Angie Martinez – Animal House
GO

GTR – King Biscuit
GO

Life is…Too $hort
GO

Batman Begins Soundtrack
GO

Dubstep All Stars Vol.5
GO

Chuck Berry – Definitive Collection
GO

———Porn———

Christina Model Pics
GO

Christina Model Video
GO

Beautiful Tucus
GO

Alison Angel
GO

Random Nakedness
GO

Lovely Jubblies
GO

Hips and Thongs
GO

Random Greatness
GO

———Movies and TV Shows———

Super High Me
GO

The Real Hustle UK(tv show)
GO

———Pics———

Condum Truck…
GO

Hottest Legs (they lead to a great ass too)
GO

———E-books———

5 Factor Fitness
GO

America’s Most Wanted Recipes
GO

———Software———

A123 Mobile Ringtone Converter
GO

Starsky and Hutch
GO

Rubik’s Cube Challenge
GO

Eraser
GO

———Celebs———

Rumor Willis is Beautiful
GO

Posted in:Forum

2008

May

Lily Allen Birthday See Through of the Day

7 Comments »

So it’s Lily Allen’s birthday and she’s wearing some kind of see through dress when she should really be wearing some kind of Mascot Costume because at least that way bitch would look cute. I can only assume that she forgot to wear a bra because she’s so distraught that her baby will never see it’s first birthday because it’s living in a pair of bloody panties she just can’t seem to bring herself to throw out. I guess that’s the harsh reality of smoking and drinking’ while knocked up and a miscarriage is just the small price you have to pay for being an irresponsible joke of an expecting mother.

Either way, here are her nipples that her baby will never get to suckle on for food, because her baby never made it out of her rotten vagina and I’d like to think that he’s not the first one to feel the negative effect of her lady parts. In reality, I think every dude who’s ever fucked her can relate to that miscarriage because as soon as they were done with her and looked into her face and realized what they did, they wanted to die too.

Posted in:Lily Allen|Nipples

2008

May

Bai Ling’s Nipple on Crank That Soulja Boy of the Day

No Comments »

Shit, I just posted that I don’t give a fuck about the Crank 2 movie that Amy Smart is in, but I had no idea that shit was as high profile of a film as it is, and now that I know that Bai Ling is also in it, I am going have to backtrack and say that there is no way I will miss this cinematic work of genius. The truth is that I missed the first Crank movie but based on historical movies, it must have been fuckin’ amazing to warrant a sequel.

Seeing Bai Ling’s nipple may be boring to some of you, because bitch has been in Playboy and it seems her tit falls out of her shirt every time she leaves her house but what you aren’t acknowledging is that she’s this enigma of a person. I have no idea where she’s from, what she does and it looks like she has no idea where she is or how she got there either but yet she always manages to be there and like most Chinese chicks looks like she’s 12 despite being in her 60s and having post pregnancy cow utter nipples. I guess none of that matters, but what does matter is that this bitch is Crankin’ That for Crank 2 and this could really be her breakout role and by breakout I mean the only one she’s been casted for.

Posted in:Bai Ling|Nipple