So Lil Wayne is huge in the High School scene. I roll through Starbucks and hear 15 year old kids quoting his songs and shit, and it’s all really funny to me, because I know rap’s always had young fans, but the second your groupies don’t have their periods yet, you gotta realize that you’re not as gangster as you pretend you are.
Lil Wayne’s seemed to have accepted that his career has shifted and has decided to do the upcoming album for High School Musical 2. Probably the biggest piece of shit that anyone could attach themselves to, especially anyone who wants any level of street cred. But since dude’s obviously in it for the money, and Disney doesn’t seem to care that he raps about wanting to die and being on drugs, he’s had to opportunity to hang with Zac Effron.
It’s rumored they kissed on the lips, they live together in a Miami mansion and most importantly, Effron calls Lil Wayne his “nigga”. But I guess nothing more gangster for a homie on the Down Low, than to seduce the prettiest boy in showbiz, cuz when you’re a homo, getting with Effron is like getting with Lohan 5 years ago.
This is a weird story that makes me feel uncomfortable.
So Read the Article Because This is Fucking Weird: GO
Danielle Lloyd may not really be famous, because all she’s really done in her life is some Big Brother UK shit, but her tits were good enough for her to get a decent fan base that lead to more work that involved showing off her tits.
This passed weekend she hosted a Pimp and Tart party, which I assume is a UK version of a Pimp and Ho party with worse teeth and the joke in all this is that Danielle Lloyd is dressed classier than she normally does. Her hosting this shit is the equivalent of you hosting a “sit at home on my computer alone feeling sorry for myself while chronically masturbating” party, but you already do that every night, and let’s face it, it’s not really a party.
Here some Tara Reid bikini pictures that I stole off some virgin’s website to share with you because I think it’s funny that every time I post the same pictures as he does, even if I do it first, he reports me to the paparazzi agencies, like a little scared virgin trying to make it in the scary big world of non-virgins, forcing me to take the fucking things down, because unlike him, I can’t afford to pay them $500 a picture.
Speaking of non-virgins, I’ve been going hard, like I was Tara Reid the last couple of months and I realize that as fun as it is, it’s painful on my body. The hangovers last 3 days and I’ve probably put on a solid 20 lbs from the booze and late night slices of pizza, because they are all I can afford. But Tara Reid seems to be a good drunk who doesn’t let the shit phase her, she’s skinny as fuck and her ass looks like it’s falling off or had one too many shots and is passed out and puking all over the toilet every time she takes a shit and I still want to fuck the vodka smell out of her, and so do you, just realize that what you’re smelling isn’t the product of one of her nights out, it’s me and that makes you gay. Homo.
I generally let people down, but that’s only because they don’t have simple requests for me. If every girl just wanted me to look at her tits and not do much else, I’d never disappoint. So Look at Her Tits. Cuddles.
Here are some pictures of a pregnant Jessica Alba and her boyfriend being all in love, while hiding from the cameras this past weekend.
The real victim in all this out-of-wedlock shit are the kids, because they aren’t called illegitimate for nothing. It’s been proven that bastard kids have retarded cognitive development, lower educational achievement, lower job attainment, increased behavior and emotional problems, lower impulse control, retarded social development and are more likely to engage in early sexual activity, have their own kids out of wedlock, be on welfare as adults and turn to a life of crime.
So keep kissing your baby daddy all you can because it’s also proven that out-of-wedlock pregnancies usually ruin relationships instead of bringing them closer together, so your plan of trapping the motherfucker’s going to backfire, so enjoy it while you can.
Good Job Alba, keep covering your slut face. You have every reason to be ashamed of yourself, because even God hates you.
I was invited out to some Chachi bar in Montreal by Steve Aoki to drink for free and fuck with hot groupie bitches, so that’s what we did.
I don’t remember much of the night other than rollin’ in around 1 am and being escorted by the bouncers to the DJ Booth like I was someone important, which I am not, because every time I’ve tried rollin’ through that club in the past I was asked to leave because I look homeless.
Once in the DJ booth, there were about 10 or 15 slutty girls who were pretty much dripping down their leggings for Aoki but I was more interested in the bottle of vodka that was offered to me. So I drank my face off and by the end of the night, Steve Aoki was signing random body parts and I was doing shots out of some dude’s massive bottle of Grey Goose, because he thought I was someone important enough to give booze to, which I am not, while doing my best to stare up groupie skirts and watching them do their best to be the girl who the DJ took home, because it’s some kind of stamp of groupie approval.
At the end of the night, Aoki had to pee, and didn’t want to bother going all the way to the bathroom, so dude just peed in a couple of glasses that were lying around. I guess the funny thing in all this is that either the busboy cleanin’ up and thought there were some untouched drinks for him to drink like he won the fuckin’ lottery during his hard shift and wasn’t really aware of the surprise that he was about to get, and no matter what, for the lifetime of that glass’ career in that club, people will be drinking out of the Aoki pee cup, without even realizing it.
So watch some 1 Steve Aoki Celebrity DJ, 3 Cups.
Bonus – Samantha Ronson was There, But There Was No Side of Lohan….
Someone invited me to go get drunk in another city tonight and I figured I’d take them up on it, even though it doesn’t ever really matter where I get drunk geographically, as long as I get drunk physically. Dudes are all hung up on going to the best spot with the hottest bitches, or the cheapest spot where the best drink specials and fat chicks go, but I was never into discriminating against any spot as long as I got wasted.
These Are Some Exclusives of Johnny Damon, Some MLB Outfielder Having Fun in Fiji not that I give a fuck, but a reader sent them in and I am all for posting exclusives, even if they are of someone I never heard of and the pictures are boring.
Here are my links:
This is Lohan’s New Boyfriend…and It’s Not One of Us GO
Advertising Agencies Use Tits to Sell Product – Here are the Best Tit Commercials GO
Rihanna’s Show is Like Watching Softcore Porn…Which is Like Your Sex Life…Watching Soft Core Porn…Not Livin’ It… GO
Here’s a Fetish Episode of Cribs With Sluts in PVC GO
Karolina Kurkova in Her Underwear Pictures I Should Have Posted But Didn’t GO
Karolina Kurkova’s Upskirt Picture I Should Have Posted but Didn’t GO
Paris Hilton’s New Euro Boyfriend, Because She’s Older and More Washed Up and Needs to Settle Down Like Her Friends…..Or Because She Just Likes Getting Fucked GO
Here’s Olympic Medal Winner and Playboy Model Amanda Beard and her boyfriend who you can pretend doesn’t exist, doing a photoshoot for Triathlete magazine.
I think I wrote that I don’t like girls who do sports because that shit’s too butch and reminds me of broad shoulders downing pitchers of beer at the sports bar which is not something I’m into. What I forgot to mention was that I liked swimmers. Not only are their bodies tighter than my pants and more hairless than the bottoms of my wife’s feet, but they love getting wet and running around half naked all the fuckin’ time because they’ve been doing it for their entire lives of hard training.
I remember the highschool swim team being the horniest, so when I had a chance to work at a local swim club as the towel guy, I took it. I was expecting orgies, group showers and constant vagina and titty slip, but the motherfuckers put me on the 6-10 year old boy team. Although that would have been a pedophile’s dream come true, it wasn’t what I was lookin’ for, so when they caught me hiding in a locker in the women’s changing room before their practice and they asked me to never come back. I was never very good at holding down a job, I guess I am just misunderstood.
Adrienne Curry proves that being the first America’s Next Top model leads to an amazing modeling career gracing the runways of The Surreal Life, doing high fashion editorial work in A Very Brady Marriage or whatever the fuck the show with her and an old midget getting married is called, and most importantly living the glamorous, cocaine fueled fashion and art lifestyle by doing Playboy spreads.
Playboy hates me and these pictures will have to go down really soon, but take them in when you can, because lookin’ at her tits and designer bush, is better than not lookin’ at it. Cuddles.
Jennifer Love Hewitt is using the oldest strategy to make herself look less fat than she is actually is and that’s to hang with someone fatter than her so that by comparison she looks normal-sized. Now I don’t know where she hired this ex-street addict who replaced her drug addiction with an addiction to burgers, but I do know that it was some quick thinkin’ damage control, that reminds me of this time I watched 3 hours of small-penis porn when trying to seduce some slut, just so that when I pulled out my little unit, she’d be like at least be brainwashed into thinking that it’s average.
