DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

28

Mar

I am – Kimberly Stewart Has Good Legs of the Day

The problem with writing a site like this is that every fucking blogger drops the same fucking joke. I had some pics I almost posted yesterday of Hilary Duff in a cleavage dress, pretending she has tits and I didn’t bother because the joke was too easy. I went to the site called TheSuperficial about 10 minutes ago and saw that motherfucker dropped a lamer version of the same joke. Having a celebrity site is like sitting in a room with a bunch of virgins brainstorming on different variations of the same joke until one of them gets chosen, only in this world, all the shitty brainstormed ideas that would normally get flushed down the fucking toilet make it out on the idiot who suggested it’s personal site…It’s like people with no business writing anything, myself included, somehow have a fucking audience and are making boat loads of money, myself excluded, when before having these sites they would spend their nights thinking about jerking off to porn, and going to bed feeling dirty and guilty about having had those thoughts…..

Speaking of dirty and guilty, here are some pics of Kimberly Stewart from a couple of days ago, still looking like her dad beat her up with one of his many Platinum records, repeatedly, over the course of her childhood, permanently ruining her but leaving her long Model legs that she got from her long model legged mother untouched because he knew they were the ticket to getting her useless self off his payroll and onto some other asshole who she married, like a poor rich virgin who once ran a celebrity site before selling it to AOL for 100,000,000 dollars’….

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

Today was a day for walking. I realize that I am getting pretty much no where with with the site. My stepdaughter asked me to get her tickets to see Bloc Party so I emailed the cocksuckers at Vice who told me there would be no way to get me on the list. Nice fucking people. I also came up with about 30 things to write about tonight but I forgot everything with all the fresh air taking away my bitterness, summer is coming, the bitches are out and I have to pee. I got a great email from a reader telling me that she is becoming a porn star because of me. It made me feel like the real jesus, making dreams come true and shit. That’s all I really have to say about that because I really have to pee and while I am doing that, check out my links that I found for you…

Paris Hilton’s Tits are Big – How?
GO

Thora Birch’s Dad Watches Her Bang on Set and Probably At Home
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Michelle Williams is Hot
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The Not so Hot Copy Girl You’d Probably Bang Cuz You Have No Standards
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Eva Green in Some Magazine Looking Hot
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Kelly Rowland and Eve have a New Music Video
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A Hot Peeping Tom Poolside Masturbation Video
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Rose McGowan has Great Tits
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Hot Aerobics Video
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Cars and Babes Video
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WebClassics: Sex Ed for Retards
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Foot Insertion Porn
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A Couple Having Sex on a Public Beach
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Elephant Anal Sex
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Stacy Keibler Bikini Pictures
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LastNightsParty Video of SuperAdriana
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Meagan Good’s Got Cleavage
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Penthouse Pet Errica Campbell
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Live Sex on a Japanese Gameshow
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Live Sex on a Japanese Gameshow Part 2
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Nude Aerobics
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Petra Nemcova is Too Hot for James Blunt, but Lohan’s Not
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Some Saturday Night Football Skit With Some Football Guy and Kids
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Prince William Groping Some Chick’s TIt
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Some Loser Sings About Evolution
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Lohan Likes Old Men
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Vida Guerra Reveals Her Beauty Mark on Her Box
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Natalia Bush in Matrix Magazine
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Kirsten Dunst and Her New Rocker Boyfriend
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UK Singer Myleene Klaas in a Bikini
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The Britney Spears Mob
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Hilary Duff Pretending She’s Got Tits
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Tony Parker Music VIdeo – French Rap is Cool
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Highspeed Car Bowling
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A 3 Year Old Talks About Monsters
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LastNightsParty With Sluts All Over the Motherfucker
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UK Playboy Cybergirls VIdeo
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WebClassic – Blind Date With a Crackhead
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Joanna Krupa in Playboy
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LastNightsParty at SXSW
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Beach Boys – God Only Knows from 1978
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Katie Lohmann in Fishnets
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Pierced Celebs
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CobraSnake Turns LastNightsParty
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Some Eliza Dushku Lookin’ Slutty
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Virgins Need Pussy Too… This Will Help
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Charlotte Church Performing of the Day

1 Comment »

The cool shit about Charlotte Church is that she has cankles. A woman with cankles is usually not seen as a cool thing until it comes to moving day and you need someone to help you carry down the heavy boxes or move the fridge if you are one of those rich people who owns a fridge. A solid grip on the floor is more than I can say for myself because I have vertigo and after living with a waste of space of a woman, seeing one who can lift gets me going….

I like that she is wearing bondage gear, pretending that she wasn’t banging a black dude and was more into white guys who cut themselves and like to get spanked, not that that is a bag thing.

I don’t think her banging the balck dude is bad, she’s thick and needs more dick that an white guy can off but I do think being a white dude who thinks he is black is bad because those are the guys who can’t handle me checking out their bitches while the black dudes are beggin me to so they get their cut.

I guess that could be seen as racist by it is 6 am and I don’t think racism exists before noon, it’s kinda like my drinking habits….If that didn’t make sense, I’d say I forgive you but know you aren’t reading this and I don’t blame you for that. Cuddles.

Posted in:Charlotte Church|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Goldie Hawn is Old and Saggy of the Day

1 Comment »

It was table scrap Monday at the strip club. It’s the night all the bitches take off because Thursday thru Sunday night is good business and even then strippers need a little fucking downtime. We were warned by 2 dudes not to step into the bar because they only had 4 nasty whores on staff, but dude didn’t realize that that was what I was drawn to. I went to take a leak and overheard them talking about how they paid 1000 dollars each for a blowjob from one of the nasty whores working, so I had to explain that a solid street whore is a fraction of the price and sucks dick way better because they are usually missing teeth. It comes with meth addiction and bad hygiene but in all reality it doesn’t matter what causes it, what does matter is how close to heaven it feels.

Speaking of Heaven, based on Goldie Hawn’s tits, she’s on the highway to heaven, lookin at her is like counting the number of rings on a tree, it’s a pretty simple science and I’d still bang her if my dick wasn’t broke and broken.

Posted in:Goldie Hawn|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel’s a Lesbian of the Day

11 Comments »

I love bowling. It is official. I ended up going and it was a dream come true. I saw all kinds of weird fucking people, like the professional asians with wrist guards and shit to the 300 pound bitch behind the counter that was too fucking fat to get me change but not fat enough to be my wife. I bowled a solid 60 and drank enough beer to make me forget how I can’t do anything right, all while watching the piece of trash chick in spandex in the lane next to me out bowl me not that I would really know because I was too busy staring at her ass. I don’t think that bowling slut was a dyke, even though you would think anyone who bowls has to be a fucking lesbian, but I do think Jessica Biel is because it makes for a solid fantasy. All i see is her with some chick that looks like a dude buying toilet paper to wipe their cum shots off each other’s chests, but I am not always right.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel's a Lesbian of the Day

No Comments »

I love bowling. It is official. I ended up going and it was a dream come true. I saw all kinds of weird fucking people, like the professional asians with wrist guards and shit to the 300 pound bitch behind the counter that was too fucking fat to get me change but not fat enough to be my wife. I bowled a solid 60 and drank enough beer to make me forget how I can’t do anything right, all while watching the piece of trash chick in spandex in the lane next to me out bowl me not that I would really know because I was too busy staring at her ass. I don’t think that bowling slut was a dyke, even though you would think anyone who bowls has to be a fucking lesbian, but I do think Jessica Biel is because it makes for a solid fantasy. All i see is her with some chick that looks like a dude buying toilet paper to wipe their cum shots off each other’s chests, but I am not always right.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Nancy O’ Dell is Knocked Up of the Day

1 Comment »

I write constant posts about pregnant chicks being whores because they let dudes cum up in them and advertise it to the world, when most girls who let guys cum inside them try to keep that shit under wraps. I know girls who are in their 30s and still pretend they’ve never had a cock in their mouth even though they’ve been doing it since they were 15, but for some reason when they get that ring on their finger they have no fucking issues telling the world that they do dirty fucking things behind closed doors, and it’s ok because they have given their cunts to their man before god or someshit.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I do know that as Nancy O’Dell rubs her little prize in her belly, she’s basically telling all of us how dirty she is without the guilt you feel when you get caught jerking off in your mom’s room to her dirty laundry….

Posted in:Nancy O'Dell|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Nancy O' Dell is Knocked Up of the Day

1 Comment »

I write constant posts about pregnant chicks being whores because they let dudes cum up in them and advertise it to the world, when most girls who let guys cum inside them try to keep that shit under wraps. I know girls who are in their 30s and still pretend they’ve never had a cock in their mouth even though they’ve been doing it since they were 15, but for some reason when they get that ring on their finger they have no fucking issues telling the world that they do dirty fucking things behind closed doors, and it’s ok because they have given their cunts to their man before god or someshit.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I do know that as Nancy O’Dell rubs her little prize in her belly, she’s basically telling all of us how dirty she is without the guilt you feel when you get caught jerking off in your mom’s room to her dirty laundry….

Posted in:Nancy O'Dell|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Kristen Cavallari Lasik Eye Surgery of the Day

2 Comments »

I always thought that Kristen Cavallari was some useless reality type MTV star that no one really cared about but would bang if they met her in a club because it’s not everyday that you get to slam some bitch you saw in the commercial break between the Christina Aguilera and Shakira video you’re jerking off to. I guess I don’t really know what you jerk off to and I am sure it’s a lot creepier than music videos but it helped drive my story home….

The point of what I was trying to say before I was rudely interrupted by my own ramblings was that I thought this bitch was useless until today when she’s living out my medical fetish. There’s nothing hotter than a bitch on the operating table with a laser zapping her retarded eyes in efforts to make her normal…especially when that bitch has bigger tits than I thought because we all know that tits make a lady…

Posted in:Kristen Cavallari|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Victoria Beckham’s Nipples of the Day

25 Comments »

I was emailed these pictures of Victoria Beckham’s tits in some grey cotton and decided to post them because they are fucking hot. I really have no right to be posting these pictures proven byt he fact that I contacted a lawyer about all the lawsuits I’ve been facing the last 2 months, but I will post them anyway. My lawyer told me that there is nothing legal in what I do, and I figured that there is because I am just telling you stories about random shit I’ve seen set to pictures I find. I don’t really know who the source is and for all I know maybe I took the fucking picture. I am pretty fucking drunk and what it all comes down to is that my insider lohan connection told me she was pretty drunk to. I was getting tired of being judged by the people around me about my lifestyle choices and seem to have found comfort in other alcoholics, like lohan. I am back on my Lohan love affair mission that I’ve been pretty slack about lately, mainly because she has enough money to pay my rent for me, but also because I have never banged a redhead and want to…

I read somewhere that the way to a woman’s heart was to look for pictures of famous bitches with erect nipples because it doesn’t make you look like a desperate, virgin pervert and it really makes them want to take off their panties for you… True fucking story.

Posted in:Unsorted|Victoria Beckham