DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

20

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin' of a Burger and a Nap of the Day

I woke up on my kitchen floor at 6 am this morning because it was the only place I could get some fucking sleep. My wife keeps getting fatter and with obesity comes sleep apnea, it will kill her one day but the sounds she makes may kill me first. I was woken up by my landlord who wanted to let me know it was the 20th of the month and I still hadn’t paid him rent. He said he’d take 100 dollars off it I went and painted an apartment that he’s trying to rent out because the bitch who lived there before got knocked up by some rich guy and moved in with him…or was sent away by him…I didn’t really get the story because my landlord has a thick accent I don’t understand but the apartment was filled with her shit like dirty panties and other things you’d like to jerk off to, weirdo.

The entire day I was day dreaming about grabbin a burger and a nap, but instead I was stuck painting. Here’s that daydream.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Ron Jeremy Does Viral Videos of the Day

9 Comments »

So here are some clips of Ron Jeremy reenacting the virals of the past 4 years that all you fucking losers will know because your life is based on the internet. I just called an event planner to see how much she would charge to organize a strip club karaoke night for all the local hipsters and she hung up on me. I guess she didn’t like my idea but I was being serious…I just haven’t figured out how it will work, I have got as far as the whole Karaoke Machine, Tits and Lap dances but beyond that I am confused…

Speaking of confused here are those Ron Jeremy Virals.

Lil’ Superstar Ron:
GO

Star Wars Ron:
GO

Lonely Ron 69:
GO

Posted in:Pornstars|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Lohan’s Partying Slophole of the Day

1 Comment »

Picture Via DListed’s Friend (the best celebrity blog according to me)

Here are some pics of Lohan’s cunt sent in by a reader. She is partying at a place called Plumand I don’t know where that is but I am glad she’s being all poetic on us as she shows the world her pantyhose covered plum at Plum…even if some of you think it’s more of a piece of dried up shit than a freshly picked fruit, just because half of hollywood’s had a bite of it….

Either way, I am a fan of girls who don’t hid their junk with panties, it’s so fucking conventional, but maybe I am biased as I have made it pretty clear that I am a fan of Lohan and everything that she does. I totally support her insanity because it makes her more interesting. If I had a decent sized bank account I’d be drinking and snorting it all away too, because I see fun as an investment, but that’s not the point that point is that Lohan still keeps getting work and whenever I went on drunken binges I’d always lose my jobs because the drink became more important than the daily routine of hell that was a job. So reality is she’s got it all pretty much together.

I was walking around the other day drinking a beer out of a plastic bag at around 3 in the morning and walked by some slut who had been overserved. She was probably 16 years old and was surrounded by cops and one of her friends was holding her head up. She was covered in puke and had pissed herself, when she was lifted up I saw that she had shit herself, all bitch had to do was get her fucking period and we’d be in every bodily excrement business. Even under those circumstances, I am pretty convinced would wouldn’t have been able to convince her to let you fuck her and she was half fucking dead, I don’t know what’s worse, you fucking a shit covered bitch or a shit covered bitch being so fucked up, but not too fucked up to know you’re a creep…

Point of all these words was to say that everyday people get sloppier when they are drunk than Lohan flashing the world a little cunt and that’s the end of this post.

A Little Color Corrected…For You Perverts…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Lohan's Partying Slophole of the Day

No Comments »

Picture Via DListed’s Friend (the best celebrity blog according to me)

Here are some pics of Lohan’s cunt sent in by a reader. She is partying at a place called Plumand I don’t know where that is but I am glad she’s being all poetic on us as she shows the world her pantyhose covered plum at Plum…even if some of you think it’s more of a piece of dried up shit than a freshly picked fruit, just because half of hollywood’s had a bite of it….

Either way, I am a fan of girls who don’t hid their junk with panties, it’s so fucking conventional, but maybe I am biased as I have made it pretty clear that I am a fan of Lohan and everything that she does. I totally support her insanity because it makes her more interesting. If I had a decent sized bank account I’d be drinking and snorting it all away too, because I see fun as an investment, but that’s not the point that point is that Lohan still keeps getting work and whenever I went on drunken binges I’d always lose my jobs because the drink became more important than the daily routine of hell that was a job. So reality is she’s got it all pretty much together.

I was walking around the other day drinking a beer out of a plastic bag at around 3 in the morning and walked by some slut who had been overserved. She was probably 16 years old and was surrounded by cops and one of her friends was holding her head up. She was covered in puke and had pissed herself, when she was lifted up I saw that she had shit herself, all bitch had to do was get her fucking period and we’d be in every bodily excrement business. Even under those circumstances, I am pretty convinced would wouldn’t have been able to convince her to let you fuck her and she was half fucking dead, I don’t know what’s worse, you fucking a shit covered bitch or a shit covered bitch being so fucked up, but not too fucked up to know you’re a creep…

Point of all these words was to say that everyday people get sloppier when they are drunk than Lohan flashing the world a little cunt and that’s the end of this post.

A Little Color Corrected…For You Perverts…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Alyssa Milano’s got Rockin’ Cleavage of the Day

49 Comments »

In an era with so much porn and so many fucking sluts, I am surprised that I am posting a picture of some slut in a push up bra, but I am anyway. There’s something that reminds me of a middle aged jewish man in these pictures and I am not sure what it is, maybe it is the Seinfeld pants. Speaking of jews, I linked up a make-up company last week for free make-up for my stepdaughter and they emailed me back saying they couldn’t deliver. This is what I wrote to them:

Dear Make-Up Company Rep,

I told my stepdaughter that I got her a gift, I missed her birthday last year and spend all my money on lottery tickets and whiskey so I was excited about this free package. I was trying to redeem myself and work my way into her heart because I heard that winning over her heart leaves me one step away from her vagina. When she turns 18, I am totally planning on stuffin’ her like thanksgiving turkey and this make-up kit was my ticket. I guess I’ll just have to get roofies like I always do.

If you can’t pull through it’s fine. It will break her heart but it’s not a big deal…I guess we all have to learn that Santa doesn’t exist sometime. Unless you are jewish in which case Santa never really did exist.

Just remember, you are the biggest cockblock I have ever met and I hate you.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Alyssa Milano|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Alyssa Milano's got Rockin' Cleavage of the Day

No Comments »

In an era with so much porn and so many fucking sluts, I am surprised that I am posting a picture of some slut in a push up bra, but I am anyway. There’s something that reminds me of a middle aged jewish man in these pictures and I am not sure what it is, maybe it is the Seinfeld pants. Speaking of jews, I linked up a make-up company last week for free make-up for my stepdaughter and they emailed me back saying they couldn’t deliver. This is what I wrote to them:

Dear Make-Up Company Rep,

I told my stepdaughter that I got her a gift, I missed her birthday last year and spend all my money on lottery tickets and whiskey so I was excited about this free package. I was trying to redeem myself and work my way into her heart because I heard that winning over her heart leaves me one step away from her vagina. When she turns 18, I am totally planning on stuffin’ her like thanksgiving turkey and this make-up kit was my ticket. I guess I’ll just have to get roofies like I always do.

If you can’t pull through it’s fine. It will break her heart but it’s not a big deal…I guess we all have to learn that Santa doesn’t exist sometime. Unless you are jewish in which case Santa never really did exist.

Just remember, you are the biggest cockblock I have ever met and I hate you.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Alyssa Milano|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Aisleyne Horgan Wallace Pany Upskirt of the Day

15 Comments »

I can’t figure out who this bitch is but I found her fake myspace profile with slutty pics of her in it HERE .

I don’t know when these pictures were taken, but since I am a total pervert, I don’t really care. Seeing panties may seem pretty fucking dull but ever since starting the site I have been trying to get some upskirt glimpses. I guess I used to do it before, without much luck, I specifically remembering hangin out in the mall under the stairs until I got caught jerkin off. I am sure I’ve had other pretty exciting upskirt moments, like the time I was at a bar and the perfect coinslot was exposed to me, like a golden egg I wasn’t allowed to have, because I ruined it by pointing and showing it to my friend….but at least I have the internet and no name celebs to allow me to partially relive those glory days….

Bonus – It turns out this bitch does this often..here’s another one…

Posted in:Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Katherine Heigl’s Dumpy Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures that I think I have seen of Katherine Heigl, the bitch from Grey’s Anatomy with big fuckin’ tits. I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, but it is on the one channel than I get, I just can’t bring myself to do it because it takes my attention away from trying to get girls to send me nude pics, a skill I can’t seem to master no matter how many hours I spend on it.

There’s usually something funny about girls with big tits and that is that they usually have big dumpy asses, finding a big breasted skinny chick is almost a myth, at least where I hang out and I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little cellulite ridden ass to get nice dirty in when they come with a rockin’ set of tits. I guess the real issue is when girls have the big asses and no tits, like my wife used to be a few hundred boxes of donuts ago, she had flabs of fat I could hide my smokes in but still was rockin an A cup. I felt like I was fucking Dan from Roseanne.

Anyway, my wife ate her way to a D-Cup, but some of these bigger chicks, with big asses and small tits that I’ve known in the past just invest in the D-Cup they always wanted. There’s always something amazing about a 30 year old with new tits who parades around showing the world her new tits, mainly because I like girls who show off their tits. It’s like new tits are like a new car that you want everyone to sit in a smell the new car scent, only this new car scent is about feeling how soft they are, how good they look in newly purchased low cut shirts and a whole lot of “look how hidden the scar is” and where the nipple is located now kind of thing…

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I have been in a creative pit the last 2 weeks. Thanks for putting up with me and by thanks I mean go fuck yourself, your opinion really means nothing to me.

Posted in:Katherine Heigl|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Katherine Heigl's Dumpy Ass of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures that I think I have seen of Katherine Heigl, the bitch from Grey’s Anatomy with big fuckin’ tits. I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, but it is on the one channel than I get, I just can’t bring myself to do it because it takes my attention away from trying to get girls to send me nude pics, a skill I can’t seem to master no matter how many hours I spend on it.

There’s usually something funny about girls with big tits and that is that they usually have big dumpy asses, finding a big breasted skinny chick is almost a myth, at least where I hang out and I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little cellulite ridden ass to get nice dirty in when they come with a rockin’ set of tits. I guess the real issue is when girls have the big asses and no tits, like my wife used to be a few hundred boxes of donuts ago, she had flabs of fat I could hide my smokes in but still was rockin an A cup. I felt like I was fucking Dan from Roseanne.

Anyway, my wife ate her way to a D-Cup, but some of these bigger chicks, with big asses and small tits that I’ve known in the past just invest in the D-Cup they always wanted. There’s always something amazing about a 30 year old with new tits who parades around showing the world her new tits, mainly because I like girls who show off their tits. It’s like new tits are like a new car that you want everyone to sit in a smell the new car scent, only this new car scent is about feeling how soft they are, how good they look in newly purchased low cut shirts and a whole lot of “look how hidden the scar is” and where the nipple is located now kind of thing…

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I have been in a creative pit the last 2 weeks. Thanks for putting up with me and by thanks I mean go fuck yourself, your opinion really means nothing to me.

Posted in:Katherine Heigl|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Winnie Cooper is Still Alive of the Day

1 Comment »

WInnie Cooper was one of those sluts on shitty 90s TV who wasn’t really hot but everyone thought they were because that’s what they were told to think, because she was the focal point of the show.

I remember meeting kids who loved The Wonder Years and would always get hard for this bitch who never really appealed to me and still doesn’t. It’s one of those things that if she’s some lame kid’s crush on TV, she must be hot and even if you don’t think she’s hot, you feel like you should because TV tells you that, but I see ugly chicks everyday that dudes are all about and they still remain ugly.

Either way, she’s hotter than anything I’ve ever banged, but that’s not saying much considering all the girls I have slept with were the girls no one wanted. They had ailments like rashes, to obesity, to diabetes, to crack addiction, to really really big feet so my opinion doesn’t really matter and you are an idiot for reading this.

I think it’s time for me to switch focus from Lohan to this slag, because she is older, more dull, less attractive and totally not my type, but I am sure she is the type of person who would call the police on me because of the shock of having any attention sent her way…police calls equals Access Hollywood, and Access Hollywood equals fame. Do the math asshole.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted