Watching Dr Phil drunk is worse than watching Dr Phil sober. I have to close one eye to focus on the screen but I can’t help but think that this girl is too classy for this guy who won’t rent her a DJ for their wedding it’s sad to see people settle for garbage just because geographically it makes sense. I probably don’t make sense no matter where I am geographically, but that’s ok because I think I have been over-served. I am surprised no one emailed me asking me what I’ve been drinking, but not that surprised considering I get no email except from a girl named Tanya who told me I write like a 15 year old with angst and she didn’t like that my emails are in point form, but what does she know…she works in a museum. She sent me a link last night of an accident scene, there was a dead bloody body in the pictures and I don’t deal with that shit very well so Tanya you whore – you let me to the bottle today….

Speaking of bottle, Christina Ricci kinda looks like a water-head who is still fed by a bottle at the age of 25. A water-head is a retard. Not the Forrest Gump kind of retard who works at the coffee shop by my house and who always smiles while steaming milk but like the kind of retard who thinks he just went to Disney Land when he’s really just playing with rocks in the backyard. I am talking the kind of retard who likes dancing, swimming and getting erections in public and masturbating that erection while being walked around on a leash by some long-term care facility worker because mommy and daddy had 2 normal kids after him and want to pretend that the he never happened.

In all seriousness, because I am drunk and vulnerable, I want you to know that I am not a mental or physical retardation hater. I am actually convinced that they don’t carry around all the shit you do…the same shit that makes you a bad person. They are like puppies only more human.

Either way, I wish she was retarded cuz retarded girls are easy. All you need to do is find out what institution she was at, then apply for the orderly job, then tell her how pretty she is….PERVERT.

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Mis-Teeq aka Alesha Dixon was at the MOBO awards with a nipple exposing shirt…that slut. I guess the thing that makes her an even bigger slut is that these pictures are from September 20th and the MOBO awards are the Music of Black Origin which sounds pretty fucking racist to me. Either way, last I checked it was November, but this is what happens when I am drunk. the other thing that happens to me when I am drunk is that I pass out in random places. I just woke up on the couch stepSTEVE called home with my drink all over the place. It reminded me of my aggressive drinking days that are all a blur. There were times I’d set my mind to doing productive things and exciting things only to end up waking up 6 hours later on a park bench. I remember when I used to get laid, even with the table scraps I found in bars and on the street at 4 am, I’d get so excited to get up in their junk but the second I’d get them back to my place, I’d pass out. When I’d wake and either my money, TV, left over pizza or other valuables that I managed to collect over the years would be gone. Once there was hate messages smeared on my wall in feces that took me a month to clean up. I guess they weren’t the type of girl I’d want to sleep with anyway so that’s further proof that drinking has saved my life. I forget where I am going with this.

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Mis-Teeq aka Alesha Dixon was at the MOBO awards with a nipple exposing shirt…that slut. I guess the thing that makes her an even bigger slut is that these pictures are from September 20th and the MOBO awards are the Music of Black Origin which sounds pretty fucking racist to me. Either way, last I checked it was November, but this is what happens when I am drunk. the other thing that happens to me when I am drunk is that I pass out in random places. I just woke up on the couch stepSTEVE called home with my drink all over the place. It reminded me of my aggressive drinking days that are all a blur. There were times I’d set my mind to doing productive things and exciting things only to end up waking up 6 hours later on a park bench. I remember when I used to get laid, even with the table scraps I found in bars and on the street at 4 am, I’d get so excited to get up in their junk but the second I’d get them back to my place, I’d pass out. When I’d wake and either my money, TV, left over pizza or other valuables that I managed to collect over the years would be gone. Once there was hate messages smeared on my wall in feces that took me a month to clean up. I guess they weren’t the type of girl I’d want to sleep with anyway so that’s further proof that drinking has saved my life. I forget where I am going with this.

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I know that I am late in posting today and the reason is simple. I decided to write this week’s posts drunk so it takes me at least 2 hours to get to the desired level of drunkness.

Who better to start drunk week up with than Lindsay Lohan drunk in London today. I don’t know why people give a fuck about her or why she’s rocking 2 watches like she iss black and working the streets of NYC hustling, but I do know that in one of these pics it looks like she’s just been banged up the ass…

I remember the first time I was banged up the ass. It was in the late 90s while in prison. He was the kind of guy who would wear two watches unfortunately that day it was me he was wearing on his wrist, and in order to wear someone on your wrist, there’s really only 2 points of entry….That’s to story I heard.

Being drunk brings back all the amazing memories…that’s the story I heard.

Being drunk also makes me repeat things….

Cuddles.

PS – Bitch looks like she’s pregnant….

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I know my posts were not celebrity/nudity influenced today and that traffic is going to really suffer because all 10 of you are here to see Paris’ latest nip slip. I know that all I had today was a video of some jackass dancing and an Interview by some dude pretending to be Abi Titmuss…but at least I am not a black man who hangs out in the mall with a baseball hat that still has its labels on and a t-shirt down to my knees krumping to christmas carrols trying to make some extra money to buy momma that turkey she always wanted for christmas dinner…

Here are the links.

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I still don’t know if this Abi Titmuss site is real. I have a feeling that it isn’t, because no one ever emails me so the chances of some big breasted UK porn lookin’ bitch emailing me is really unlikely. What is more likely is that some dude from the UK started up some fan site and is trying to make as much money as possible before getting sued by the real Abi Titmuss, who is too busy ripping lines and sucking dick to send emails. Some readers have signed up and emailed me that it’s a scam, but either way I have this Titmuss interviews Jodie Marsh interview…..

Abi Titmuss interviews Jodie Marsh for Drunken Stepfather

Hi Jodie, and thanks for agreeing to do this interview with me. To get things started how about yo tell everyone a little about yourself.
Ok, Hi Abi and everyone reading this, I guess I’m famous for being a sex crazy page 3 girl who can’t keep her clothes on! I burst on the scene when I started showing up at film premiers wearing next to nothing.

You mean like the belt dress? Where did you get that idea from?
Its cliché I know but I didn’t have anything to wear so I wrapped a belt around my boobs, just so it covered my nipples. It looked so good that I though I’d try it with two belts one over each shoulder! It worked! And it got it me on the front cover of some tabloids so it was all good baby!

Tell me about your sexual past and your sexual preferences. What rocks you in bed.
Group sex! I love the feeling of being completely fucked. My best sexual experience (sorry Abi, even better than the one on video with you and Matt) was years ago in a barn with 4 guys and another girl. I got the fucking of my life and I’ll never ever forget it. I couldn’t walk for two days!

You are so rude, I’ve never done it with four men at once! I’ve done it with two though so I kind of know what you mean. Talking of rude girls, tell me about your famous ongoing row with Jordan.
Its all one sided. I admit that I don’t like her but she absolutely hates my guts. I think its because everyone knows that her tits are fake and mine are real. Also, Jordan never really got to grips with the fact that she is no different to every other glamour girl. She’s just wank fodder like all glamour girls are. One of the reasons I’m happy is that I know guys wank off to my photos and videos and I love it. I haven’t got any ideas above my station!

If you could do anything differently in your life what would you do?
I would not have done celebrity big brother. I hated it.

What would you do if you bumped into Pete Burns now?
I think I’d kick him in the nuts and run. He’s a nasty piece of work.

Any advice for any girls that want to get into the industry?
You mean the celebporn industry that you and I are in? Just make sure you keep control of your own stuff. If you start making sex videos just make sure that you don’t let them fall into the wrong hands. Look at Paris Hilton. Even though money isn’t a problem for her I bet she would rather have been in control of the situation than get treated like she did.

I hate Paris Hilton, I think she’s an air head. Are you telling me you like her?
Hell no! I can’t stand her anymore than anyone else can. I just think that she was taken for a ride, literally, over that video tape and now the corporate big guys are making all the money which isn’t fair.

Yeah, I know what you mean. She’s still a dumbo though! Looking forward, what does the future hold for Jodie Marsh?
I’m looking forward to the reaction to the hardcore video I’ve done with you for your website. I think all the guys out there are going to love it. If it is popular I’ll probably do some more. I know our mate Linsey fancies doing some with us as well so thats something to think about.

Any special messages for the Drunken Stepfather readers?
Keep wanking guys! We love ya for it!

Thanks Jodie, you horny little bitch!

If you want to see me in action, and get all of my hardcore photos and videos visit my very own official website TotallyTitmuss where you can download my porn films including my new XXX video with Jodie Marsh, watch me get naked and fuck for you, as well as read my own horny personal blog.

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I did a 15 year old girl’s homework for her. I did a really bad job. I never finished highschool. So I am probably helping her never finish highschool This is what I wrote, maybe you’ll find it funny….

Muffled sounds filled my ears and my eyes felt heavy. I kept looking up towards the shapes in front of me but all i could see was a blur, then blackness. Vivid colors filled my mind and I think I even saw myself running through a field chasing after a butterfly like I did as a child. All of sudden, I heard what sounded like a loud bang, it turned out that it was someone calling my name. I opened my eyes, awoke from my slumber and you were there looking back at me with disgust for falling asleep on my desk, on your time.

These are my links for the day, maybe you’ll find them funny….

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This Pic Was Taken By a Guy Who Used
This

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Do you remember stepSTEVE. He lived on my couch and starred in such stepTV classics as “Steve Does a Body Shot Like a Girl”, “Steve Takes a Shit of the Day” (youtube pulled that one), “Rapping for Mayor”, “Jersey Girls are Trash”, “Homeless Man in Bank” and the “Guy Pees on Buckcherry Tour Bus While Girl Rubs her Tits Up on It” that is yet to be released, because stepSTEVE is too busy getting drunk and famous to edit video for me….Since he’s left my couch he’s stopped the stepUPDATE emails, dropped the step from his name and has moved on to bigger and better things, leaving me and my dream behind and running after his own. He joined a band, but not any band…a band that is pretty much already signed.

When asked how the hell a guy who never played an instrument landed a gig in a band that is going to get signed, Steve said:

They thought i looked good, i said i could learn…

So he’s no longer stepSTEVE, he’s now going by the name Stephen James and based on this statement, I think it’s safe to say that the other guys in the band may have a little more in mind for Stephen James than his stage presence, if you know what I mean.

I’d like you all to wish Stephen James luck in his future endeavor and when he does become famous, let’s hope he remembers who gave him a couch to sleep on….

Check out their Myspace. Their is a song on it. Add them as a Friend

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