This is a video of cunt Perez Hilton getting served a Cease and Desist by SplashNewsOnline, a Paparazzi/Photo Agency. I have issues with both the bloggers and the paparazzi. It is hard not to hate the success a fat, lazy, ugly gay man like Perez has achieved. He is making over over $25,000 a month off a shitty blog that probably costs him nothing to run, while I sit here producing the best content on the internet according to me for $300 a month…but that’s not the point, the point is that I don’t understand his appeal but I don’t feel like talking about it, it just upsets me. I guess the only good thing about what he has done is that the assholes who run the paparazzi agencies are losing money. These fuckers run after people like ME when we stumble across their pictures on the internet and post them. One agency called x17 sent me threatening emails like this:

We’re asking that everyone cease and desist using X17’s images, watermarked or not, effective immediately. We’ve gotta get some traffic out of our Britney story….
….we’re losing money, guys!

This means no Britney pix unless you email first and we’ll decide on a case-by-case basis.

and

why the mean message? If you think we’re fuckers, I’m happy to start sending the cease and desist letters

and

Jesus, jesus! — you do not have the right to use our images in any postings on You Tube or on any site other than your own. We have given blogs the extremely generous use of our image in exchange for links to our site on each image. We do not condone the use of our images for any other purpose without licensing the images for such use. Don’t forget — we’re a photo agency — our business depends on selling our images. I will contact You Tube and ask them to remove your videos that include our images.

and

If you do not agree to our terms of use, we will invoice you and take you to court if you don’t pay the invoices. You chose … I’ve got plenty of money to waste on legal fees

and

You aren’t even one of the top ten people to link to us — you’ll hear from our lawyer next — we offer you a great deal if you want to link to us. The fact that our pix are all over the internet doesn’t make what you’re doing legal. You can work with us by our rules or you can stop using X17 images. We may not have given you a link yet, but we’re giving you free pictures! What would you site be without all the images you steal from the internet every day … You really have to think about what you’re doing — I think we’ve been pretty nice.

They hate the fact that we release shit they sell the rights to for 1000s of dollars to magazines days/weeks before those magazines go to print. They hate that we make the magazines who fuel their lives obsolete and that we use their “hard” work for free. What I guess they don’t understand is that what they do is worse than stealing a person’s pictures and posting them. They try to steal a person’s privacy, they stalk, follow and sell images of people they don’t even know. This shit is fucking criminal. I know it may seem hypocritcial that I am here posting paparazzi bullshit everyday, but I only do it because it’s available. If it wasn’t, I’d find other things to talk about. I am crafty like that.

I guess what I am saying is that I’d love to see both parties go bankrupt. I’d love to see Perez’s 6 months of fame dwindle into the sewer that is his life….and I’d love to see the cunts making more money than me stalking go bankrupt because all this celebrity obsession is pretty fucking pathetic. I think you need to start focusing on your own useless life and sorting it out than worrying about what penis is in Lohan’s numb from cocaine mouth.

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I am sitting in Starbucks because the woman who works here caught me outside and told me she had free coffee for me. I am ghetto like that. I sat behind a leather jacket wearing “comedy writer” who has already written 2 movies you’ve never heard of and is filming the third. We pretend we don’t know each other, but I know he used to work at my video store for about 4 years and always charged me late fees…motherfucker’s Kevin Smithin’ it….He’s been writing a message to a girl on myspace for at least 20 minutes. I don’t even spend 20 minutes on these life changing posts, except for maybe the stepLINKS cuz I have to dig like a fucking african tribe lookin’ for water….that’s not the point….the point is that dude best be getting a piece of this bitch he just spent so long myspacing…that message better be fucking tight…it better have her on all fours with a dildo in hand by the end of it….cuz otherwise dude just wasted 20 mintues of his life…That’s the story I heard.

PS – There’s a 12 year old momma’s boy sitting behind me with his mother practicing his french. I’d find it cute if it wasn’t so fucking annoying. I know this kid will be sucking gumballs out of trannies in Brazil in 10 years screaming “Thanks for making me the man-pussy MOM….” That is also the story I heard. Here are my links. Cuddles.

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Brought to you by Shirts That Distract Girls From Your Pee Stains

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I am sitting next to a lesbian at least a girl who is wearing intense shoes that could be confused as being lesbionic, but she’s too lipstick and jewish to be a lesbian. Some other lesbian with rockin’ indy rock hair (if she had a penis), cut off gloves and pants hangin off her ass like she was Eminem just walked up and they are talking about pianos, I guess that shit is code word for cunt. Then they started talking about season 2 of the L-Word, a lesbian show and now they are talking about parties they went to together one called “the piano bar” and the other called “lips” so now I am convinced piano means cunt. This seems very awkward like they have both played each other’s pianos and now they are talking about how red each other’s lips are. I feel like I am in the bedroom with them….and it’s not that sexy.

I am pretty creepy for outting their conversation on the internet, I am pretty sure they will never read this because no one is reading this. I’d like to dedicate this post to the lesbians…I feel like I don’t give them enough love, mainly because they hate me for having a penis….even though it’s a penis that doesn’t work….

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I am sitting next to a lesbian at least a girl who is wearing intense shoes that could be confused as being lesbionic, but she’s too lipstick and jewish to be a lesbian. Some other lesbian with rockin’ indy rock hair (if she had a penis), cut off gloves and pants hangin off her ass like she was Eminem just walked up and they are talking about pianos, I guess that shit is code word for cunt. Then they started talking about season 2 of the L-Word, a lesbian show and now they are talking about parties they went to together one called “the piano bar” and the other called “lips” so now I am convinced piano means cunt. This seems very awkward like they have both played each other’s pianos and now they are talking about how red each other’s lips are. I feel like I am in the bedroom with them….and it’s not that sexy.

I am pretty creepy for outting their conversation on the internet, I am pretty sure they will never read this because no one is reading this. I’d like to dedicate this post to the lesbians…I feel like I don’t give them enough love, mainly because they hate me for having a penis….even though it’s a penis that doesn’t work….

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I still don’t think I am a porn peddler because I post pictures/video of people having sex. I make social commentary about people and some of the things people do is fuck. Unfortunately, you aren’t one of those people, but don’t worry masturbating can be funny too, especially when you are 30 and your mom walks in on you in the bathroom with a pair of her panties in your hand.

This site is already blacklisted at most schools, work and libraries, so I guess if you and my 10 other readers are reading this post at home where sex videos are allowed. So in this video you will see 2 college kids making a sex tape in a dorm room after 8 minutes of the girl sucking in bed, the dude’s roomate shows up and goes to bed next to the couple. That doesn’t stop them from continuing to have bed sex while the roomate “sleeps” in his bed next to them. It’s pretty obvious that the roomate doesn’t really have to wake up early. He’s just a pervert who pretends he has to wake up early just wants to watch his boy slam. The video is too short to determine whether he’s hard for his roomate like a little faggot or hard for the girl and jealous his roomate is up in her or just hard for watching 2 people fuck, but we all know he could have waited an extra 10 minutes to let buddy finish.

I remember being drunk at a party once, and a friend of mine had seduced a fat girl in white pants and got her back to the bedroom. When I say that this bitch was fat, I mean fat, she was even bigger than my wife, and I know that means nothing for you because I don’t have a picture of my wife, but she is one of those fat girls you see on the motorized scooter with the oxygen tank fat, which works out nicely for me because she gets disability from the government. But that’s not the point, the point is that I was at this party and I snuck in the room while he was mackin’ on her. He probably started fingering her cuz the room started to smell like piss and eggs and rotting rodents and that’s when I started gagging and coughing, outting my peepin’ ways and landingthe nickname “night hawk” for about 6 months after that. True story.

Either way, this is probably the worse sex tape I have ever seen and the bitch keeps complaining how much the sex hurts but if someone took the time to edit this down to the 30 seconds with the roomate this would be bigger than the shitting in the hot tub video and in keeping up with shitty content check it out the video by clicking this link GO

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I signed up to an online casino affiliate deal because some dude told me that it makes him thousands of dollars. This is the response I got:

We regret to inform you that we are unable to accept your offer for affiliation with our site. It is our policy to not partner with sites featuring adult content or
sites who affiliate themselves with such content. Thanks again for your interest.

I get criticized for constantly making reference to sex. I get told that all my jokes about vagina or my links to pictures of vagina are really repetitive and simple minded. I get called a porn site before I am called a comedy site. I realize that I do like exposing girls who post nude pics of themselves on the internet without realizing that people like me are looking at them. I realize that I swear a lot and talk about sex, probably because I have barely had an erection in 4 years and I have a little backlog of hormones that I’d love to release all over my belly. I realize that another youtube video of teen girls jumping on their beds while dancing to the Pussycat Dolls may get me locked up. Without sounding paranoid, I am sure that the FBI is watching this shit just waiting til I fuck up and post another pic of an underage girl accidentally. I guess that brings my readership down from 14 people to 12 cuz I assume that there are at least two guys parked in a van outside my house waiting to break down he door and drag me out by my moustache….because keeping my kind of porn peddling perverts off the internet is their priority.

What they don’t realize is that I link to pics hosted Flickr, owned by Yahoo and multi-million dollar company, or Youtube, owned by Google another multi-million dollar company. Or Myspace, owned by Fox another multi-million dollar comapny….but I make 250 dollars off the site on a good month barely covering my expenses in running the site and that makes me the porn peddler…the pervert…the criminal. The comedy in all this is that all these major websites are pornographers and kiddie porn peddlers…and the criminals and they are making a lot of people rich doing it…..

All this is to say that that FBI Van parked outside my home is probably a lot more livable than my apartment and they probably have a stronger internet connection than me. I have been trying to load a page for 3 hours and can’t get shit…..

I guess even more comedy in all this is that the full-time guy in the FBI sitting in the Van outside my house is making more money than me and is supporting his wife and kids back at home because of the site and I can barely afford a case of beer at the end of the month….

So there’s the proof, this shit isn’t porn…it’s comedy, just not very funny comedy….Here are some pics of Abi Titmuss whoring out at the UK Music Hall of Fame yesterday because “she” did an Interview for this site and caused mad controversy last week and controversy is also funny….

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These pictures are from the Playstation 3 launch party. I don’t know when it went down because I am not good at this celebrity blogging shit but I was talking to my lawyer and he was telling me that he had to buy his grandson one this weekend so I assume the pics are new enough. I didn’t post earlier today because I, unlike my lawyer, have no budget for electronics and my computer was just diagnosed with HIV. I went to see Borat for a second time with some girl I met at the ice cream shop down the street. I guess I didn’t really see it with her, it was more like I followed her in, but that’s not the point. The point is that Paris and Nicole are friends and it’s heart warming to see how they both have become washed up together I am sure there was a time when they were both fresh faced and ready to take on the world like the girl I followed into Borat, but now they just look HIV ridden like my computer that prevented me from posting. This may not be funny to read, but I am really impressed with how I tied in HIV, School Girls, Borat and these two cunts. I am officially a talent according to me. Worst post ever. Cuddles.

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