She plays Meadow on the Sopranos and since the guy who plays Artie Bucco was busted for possession of Cocaine today, I figured it’s a good time to do a Meadow post. That’s actually not at all the reason I am posting this, but I did hear about Artie on Live with Regis this morning, before Kelly got into a tank of water with David Blaine, so it all fits in nicely, much like Kelly’s wet suit. I guess fate is on my fucking side…thanks Artic Bucco and your addiction for making this all make sense.

Point of this post is to say that girls are a lot more into touching each other than guys are. I never gently rub my friend’s back while walking together, but that’s probably because I don’t have any friends, but if I did have friends, I wouldn’t be rubbin on them, unless they were paying, but that’s only because everyone’s got a price, mine’s just a lot less than most self-respecting people…when I see girls run into each other, they all kiss up on each other and when their husbands leave them for being sluts they all cry in each other’s arms….the only time guys touch each other when they aren’t homo is when they are jocks and they suck each other’s dicks in the locker room, but that’s not gay, it’s for the team, you just don’t understand, now let’s go fuck some bitches…..

Bonus (not really):

This is a picture that was taken by one of my photographers. He wrote this email to me. It made me laugh.

Jesus,

I went out with the camera last weekend, and some guy wanted me to take a shot of his neck tattoo for the internet – it says “White Trash”. I said fine because I take pics of everything, especially hot naked women (when they let me or when you finally give me a fuckin’ budget). Anyway, his friend who is a bit of a hip hop looking thug jumps in, all excited and shit and says “want a pic of us making out”, well this pic is the result of what happened. They both said that it was funny because they weren’t gay and that it was just for jokes, and laugh we did, over a couple of martinis and each other’s penises in each other’s mouths of course….Here’s the pic, they said I could post it.

PEACE OUT

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Rachel Stevens wears a maternity dress to the beach because she’s obviously pregnant with Screech’s baby, that’s why they are all close and cuddling, but where the fuck is Mr. Belding. That was my shitty “Saved by the Bell” joke that I didn’t find funny, so you shouldn’t either, but I am not going to erase it cuz I am lazy. I would have said that she is rockin’ a full length dress to the beach because she is from England, and people from England are scared of the sun, but I used to watch SClub7, and bitch was in a bikini every episode…I remember goin to the internet to see if my fantasies of Rachel were illegal, which they weren’t, she was 24 in the show…a total disappointment, anyway she is now older and more washed up while drinkin and smokin and straight west coasting with some clown is really not the future I wished for…I was bankin’ on her getting her on all fours in my sex dungeon…but I never got around to building it.

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Who the fuck is this Joss Stone bitch, and where does she get the nerve to run around like some common whore in her bikini. She isn’t fat but she looks like she’s a little out of proportion, and not because of her small tits, but because of her round belly. It reminds me of when I used to have a serious girlfriend in my 20s. This was a long time before I was married to my fat slob of a wife. Anyway, this serious girlfriend of mine started getting comfortable in the relationship , she started getting comfortable in the relationship and gained a solid 25 lbs in the first 6 months. I used to be a nice guy and would casually suggest we go for “walks” to try and get her to do a little activity….when bitch would try to order the french fries, I’d order the salad, which is pretty fucked up being a fat man….anyway, she never really caught on so one night when I was “trying” to fuck her, I looked down at the cellulite ridden ass I didn’t sign up for and kicked her out. Just like that…. I ran into her about 5 years later and her body was banging, I’d like to pat myself on the back for giving her a complex. Anyway, here’s some Joss Stone Bikini pics.

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I am not a woman, and although my penis is very vagina-like, my fat thighs prevent my stretch pants from riding all up into my fleshy mound. Fortunately, that’s not the case for Jessica Simpson, she is out and about lookin’ like trash with a pair of yoga pants that are trying to knock her up, you know, crawling all up into her womb and trying making yoga pant babies with her. This goes to show you that no matter how rank the bitch looks on a given day, somebody or something’s trying to get up in it.

It reminds me of the year I only fucked the bar scraps, you know the gross bitches that go out to get laid but always end up lingering after last call because they are too disgusting for even the most desperate to fuck….well I always heard stories about the guys who would end up taking these nasty things home, and I had decided that I wanted to be one of those guys. I guess the lesson I learned is that no matter how gross, scabbed, acned-up, cellulite ridden a bitch is, she’s still got a mouth and a pussy….Every hole is a goal….

Bonus:

Our Step-StreetTeam sent in this pic of their barmaid’s camel toe. It didn’t turn out that well but still very sexy, or not.

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This is aa sex clip from an episode of some European Big Brother. The fact that people who are locked in a house end up hooking up is really not that surprising. The fact that they openly fuck isn’t really either, partially because the cameras are on all the time and you get used to it and a month of taking a shit with a towel over your junk gets a little fucking annoying and you eventually crack and just end up dropping your pants and saying to yourself, “if these sick fucks wanna see me shit, then I will fucking let them watch”.

To some people their “shitting” is “fucking”, and by that I mean, they need to fuck all the time. Like once or twice a day, and after a month of sneaking into the closet to fuck, eventually bitch is gonna crack and say “If those sick bastards wanna watch us fuck, we’ll let them, and we’ll also put on a shot because being a pornstar is kinda why I am on this show”…. any girl whose vagina is open for business like, while the nipples on her silicone tits point to the gods, is a slut wants to be seen fucking. And really anyone applying for Big Brother is some kind of exhibitionist.

Exhibitionism is one of those things that I can get down to. I love when girls get naked, walk around naked, flash, take pictures of themselves naked, fuck in front of me and all that shit, but that’s not the point, I am pretty sure any guy you’d ask would say he’s down with that shit. The point is that this bitch is fucking her big brother boyfriend without a rubber, and that seems to be common practice these days. I talk to people all over the motherfucking place and no ones ever talking about rockin’ condoms. It’s actually become a question I ask the kids who email me in their crazy sex stories….and I usually am told that condoms were never even brought up because the bitch didn’t make him. I am not a sex ed class, but if bitch is fucking your lame ass without a jimmy, she’s probably not making anyone else either, cuz let’s face it, you’re just lucky you got her drunk enough to be naked for you tonight. I do know that we’re all gonna die of Aids and that most 19 year old girls are dirtier than the street whores I used to hang with, and they were banging 5 – 10 guys a day between crack smokin’ sessions…. My theory is that AIDs is no longer a homo disease, that shits for suburban girls now.

Watch the Clip Here(via totally crap)

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I wrote a post a couple weeks ago about Ashlee being the ugly sister.

Today I read:

Ashlee Simpson has joked that she is more attractive than sister Jessica.

The singer claims she is prettier than the ‘Dukes Of Hazzard’ star, despite denying rumours of sibling rivalry in the past.

She is quoted in Scotland’s Daily Record newspaper as saying: “I’m taller than she is and my legs are longer than hers

…I got lucky because my chest size isn’t completely massive

I stand by what I originally said. Jessica is amazingly hot and Ashlee looks like she’s fresh out of the gutter. She’s got a Jewish inbred face, the kind you’d see in a highschool rendition of Fiddler on the Roof. Ironically, her singing talent is about that level too. There’s no competition between the sisters and this is just proof that Ashlee’s insecure about her useless little tits and the fact that she’s just a second rate Simpson, the one people go to when Jessica’s too busy to hang out. Eventually, this inferiority complex will get the best of her, and hopefully we’ll be watching Ashlee pole dance or if we’re really lucky, maybe she’ll just kill herself and get it over with, but that would be too easy, she’s more likely the kind of person who is going to make us listen to her gripe for the next 20 years about how she’s always been in her sister’s shadow. I hate people when people complain about not being good enough….Anyway, these pics are from after Australia, and it’s a bad shot of Jessica and she’s still better lookin. Oprah’s on. Time to go.

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I don’t even know who this bitch is. I have a feeling she was on Baywatch, only because of her hair and her fake tits, but I could be wrong, I guess I could always do a google search. Ok, so I was completely wrong. She was a competitive skier, moved to the USA, got fake tits and posed for Playboy, since then she’s been in amazing movies like “Boat Trip”, “Out Cold” and 2 episodes of Melrose Place. She’s not even a D-lister. This is the kind of girl you should technically be able bang just being a normal guy, cuz she’s got nothing much going for her, but unfortunately, she’s definitely got some kind of ego and she’ll never sleep with you. It’s like trying to bag a stripper. They have this weird way of thinking that they are better than you, even though they take their clothes of for your money. They think they are some kind of celebrity, or ball of gorgeousness, but when the lights go on, they got more acne scars than your 14 year old cousin. I remember the first time I banged a stripper I didn’t have to pay for, but it did take a year of befriending her and shit, and one night, she got drunk enough to let me stick it in. I mean this was a lifetime ago, but before I had that in, dealing with strippers was a lot like it what it would be like to deal with a Victoria Sivlstedt….in the same level of “bullshit”, any 6 or 7 American chick, thinks she’s a 10 cuz she is the prettiest girl in her highschool, and 80 percent of people in the States are obese, so by virtue of not being obese, they’re unattractiveness makes them better than baggin’ a fat slob, meaning all the good lookin guys run after them, leaving little room for me. They have a a false sense of importance and beauty, a lot like a stripper or a Victoria Sivlstedt. This post makes absolutely no fucking sense….but you probably get what I am saying, bitches who think they are hotter than they are is a real pain in the ass….

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I remember when there was a time that being a lesbian was sacred. It was something that wasn’t spoken of, but housewives in suburbian neighborhoods everywhere would get together while the kids were at school and the husband was at the factory, working to pay for the white picket fence American Dream, and eat each other’s boxes. I guess around the next decade of Lesbianism was the NYC art scene in Soho, where all the weird folk singers would get high and drunk and eat each other’s boxes, then came the 70s when lebianism was a product of orgies, bitches would eat each other’s boxes for the men who were fucking them in the ass, vag and mouth simultaneously….the 80s had no lesbians, and then the 90s hit with mainstream lesbians. This is when lesbians were penis haters united because they were molested/raped and the American public took TV shows off the air because of their Dyke cast, remember the Rosie Show….and Ellen anyway …Anne Heche rode that train into the motherfucking tunnel, by playing a lesbian in real life, fooling Ellen, and getting mad publicity for it….now bitch is just washed up and rockin’ a lame prostitute butterfly tattoo…was suckin’ Ellen’s dick really worth it?

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I found this pic on myspace month’s ago and forgot to post it. The reason I grabbed it is because the caption said “I don’t know who the loser in the pic is, but that’s me dancing”, or some shit. I guess I shouldn’t use quotation marks since that was based on memory and not actually a quote, but what the fuck do I know about the engish language…..Point is she’s huge, dressed like a Peacock, rockin’ out at some bar. I can guarantee everyone there noticed her, she’s 300 pounds and dancing, dressed like a peacock. As her friend’s about to take a pic of her, this dude obviously sees and thinks he will have the top joke of the night if he jumps in the shot, which he does. While fat Peacock continued dancing, buddy went back to his “boys” got his pat on the back and high fives and couple shots for making the ultimate fat joke of the night, meanwhile fat girl’s got no idea that dude’s laughin at her, until she develops the shit, and even then still doesn’t think he’s laughin at her….that’s a lot like fat girls in spandex. Either way, I just made both you fuckers famous.

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