The benefit of being a college drunken frat slut is that you know how to have one night stands, take the morning after pill, mask your herpes scabs, and most importanly the ability to lie to your parents about the $500 they sent you for “textbooks”, but was really spend on a baggy of coke and 2 abortions. That shit don’t come for free….don’t feel bad, I think he would have been an irresponsible father, the way he was doing those beer bongs off the strippers tits, convinced me that you made the right choice. I guess the real exciting part of your life was after college, when you found out that some reality show was recruiting and figured it would be a legitimate reason to maintain your lifestyle, as the drunken whore, without feeling the level of responsibility your married suburban friends felt. I am sure the emptiness you tried to fill with cock everynight allowed you to believe you were worth something, and that all your friends were jealous of you, even though you humiliated yourself on the national level, not just in your small town. I guess the day you were asked to do The Surreal Life, you knew the dreams you had of stardom had fallen through the cracks. At least you showed us your titties before you killed yourself, cuz diggin up your coffin and undressing your AIDS corpse is not something I would be willing to do. However, I have a feeling many of my readers would have a different take on this, you know when they’re dead, they can’t say no….something you may want to consider!

Watch The Clip Here

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The benefit of being a college drunken frat slut is that you know how to have one night stands, take the morning after pill, mask your herpes scabs, and most importanly the ability to lie to your parents about the $500 they sent you for “textbooks”, but was really spend on a baggy of coke and 2 abortions. That shit don’t come for free….don’t feel bad, I think he would have been an irresponsible father, the way he was doing those beer bongs off the strippers tits, convinced me that you made the right choice. I guess the real exciting part of your life was after college, when you found out that some reality show was recruiting and figured it would be a legitimate reason to maintain your lifestyle, as the drunken whore, without feeling the level of responsibility your married suburban friends felt. I am sure the emptiness you tried to fill with cock everynight allowed you to believe you were worth something, and that all your friends were jealous of you, even though you humiliated yourself on the national level, not just in your small town. I guess the day you were asked to do The Surreal Life, you knew the dreams you had of stardom had fallen through the cracks. At least you showed us your titties before you killed yourself, cuz diggin up your coffin and undressing your AIDS corpse is not something I would be willing to do. However, I have a feeling many of my readers would have a different take on this, you know when they’re dead, they can’t say no….something you may want to consider!

Watch The Clip Here

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After making the move as a useless person on a Soap Opera to the hottest thing on a show about middle aged women, it’s pretty easy to get excited. It’s like the gods are too good to you, and containing your excitement is impossible, jump up and down girl cuz I predict that your success will only dwindle when another network produces something better, or when you have a drug overdose in your luxurious hotel suite after a night of sucking off some producer. I really don’t know much about Hollywood or TV, but I do know about false sense of security, a lack of responsibility, a desire to do what you want, and a conviction that you are can get away with doing whatever you want because you are who you are. I had this happen to me a while ago when I was running a little overseas sex-trade, you know the guy who imports the Russian girls to service your dad the business man, anyway, when things were riding high, I got a little arrogant, and ended up being part of my own sex trade, in prison. That’s right, it doesn’t pay to be as good looking as I am, when in jail, it’s asking to get sodomized. Now, Eva’s probably not as out of control here, maybe a little drunk or a little jacked on diet pills, a girl’s gotta maintain her figure, but it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down,and I will be the first in line to buy her sex tape. Girls’ got a good body, is a fellow mexican, and right now has some coin, so I’d be crazy not to jerk off to her, if I had the ability to get hard, something you probably aren’t familiar with. You’re the kinda guy who can’t leave his house or ride the bus without a visit from your trusty old friend. He’s not doing it to embarass you, he’s just telling you, it’s time to clean up your image and seduce some dumb bitches. Don’t say I never give you good advice.

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Charlotte church is a fat bitch who sings opera, there’s nothing unusual about a fat girls and opera, but there is something unusual about fat girls and bikinis, it’s something that should never really happen, even when you are a slut like Charlotte, who fucks like a champ and doesn’t discriminate. Yes this girl is damaged goods, and no self respecting white guy will hit it, not that any of you have anything to worry about, self respect is someting you’re not too familiar with. I guess the good thing about fat chicks is that they have big tits, and big tits can be fun, even Charlotte can’t get enough of them and is Tit Grabbin’, something you may not be familar with (the tit grabbing, not the fat chicks, cuz that’s the only pussy you can score).

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Charlotte church is a fat bitch who sings opera, there’s nothing unusual about a fat girls and opera, but there is something unusual about fat girls and bikinis, it’s something that should never really happen, even when you are a slut like Charlotte, who fucks like a champ and doesn’t discriminate. Yes this girl is damaged goods, and no self respecting white guy will hit it, not that any of you have anything to worry about, self respect is someting you’re not too familiar with. I guess the good thing about fat chicks is that they have big tits, and big tits can be fun, even Charlotte can’t get enough of them and is Tit Grabbin’, something you may not be familar with (the tit grabbing, not the fat chicks, cuz that’s the only pussy you can score).

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I was thinking about writing something useless about beastiality, but figured who the fuck cares if bitch slaps on peanut butter, and has her ol’ pup chow down on her ‘giner. I figure you lonely fucks have enough experience sticking your dicks in aninimate objects because most things with a pulse would turn your sorry asses down, I guess slapping peanut butter on your junk is a nice change from your normal day to day, animals never say no to peanut butter. The only thing you have to keep in mind is that it’s not you they want, it’s your tasty goodness that you applied, because even a dog would reject you, if it was tempted with the treats. That said, I should make it clear that it’s not Charlize’s fault she turned to dogs, she’s from Africa, and in Africa everyone has AIDS, it would be unfair for her to hook up with a human, and for that we commend her. Everyone does there part to fight against AIDS, even if it means fucking your dog.

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I was thinking about writing something useless about beastiality, but figured who the fuck cares if bitch slaps on peanut butter, and has her ol’ pup chow down on her ‘giner. I figure you lonely fucks have enough experience sticking your dicks in aninimate objects because most things with a pulse would turn your sorry asses down, I guess slapping peanut butter on your junk is a nice change from your normal day to day, animals never say no to peanut butter. The only thing you have to keep in mind is that it’s not you they want, it’s your tasty goodness that you applied, because even a dog would reject you, if it was tempted with the treats. That said, I should make it clear that it’s not Charlize’s fault she turned to dogs, she’s from Africa, and in Africa everyone has AIDS, it would be unfair for her to hook up with a human, and for that we commend her. Everyone does there part to fight against AIDS, even if it means fucking your dog.

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Lesbian’s are people too, not necessarily people I want to hang out with, cuz they hate my dick, but according to some human rights bullshit, they are allowed to live normal lives. Rumor is they dress like men, look like men and love eating pussy all fucking day. I guess that’s until it’s time to pay the bills, and that’s when lesbians are put to work, the fun can’t last forever you sexual deviant. So put on your combat boots, you baggy jeans and botton-up shirt, make sure your hair is nice and short, strap down your tits, as to not give any straight man the wrong idea, but keep your earings in to maintain a little feminity, get in your car, and drive Salma around, cuz Mister, you’re not only our lesbian, you’re also Salma Hayek’s Lesbian driver, and not only did Salma play a lesbian in that art movie, she also employs them in real life. I am sure it’s some work program shit, like Big Brothers of America, only for bull dykes. For the record, I have turned girl’s lesbian, but never turned lesbians from the ‘Giner.

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Lesbian’s are people too, not necessarily people I want to hang out with, cuz they hate my dick, but according to some human rights bullshit, they are allowed to live normal lives. Rumor is they dress like men, look like men and love eating pussy all fucking day. I guess that’s until it’s time to pay the bills, and that’s when lesbians are put to work, the fun can’t last forever you sexual deviant. So put on your combat boots, you baggy jeans and botton-up shirt, make sure your hair is nice and short, strap down your tits, as to not give any straight man the wrong idea, but keep your earings in to maintain a little feminity, get in your car, and drive Salma around, cuz Mister, you’re not only our lesbian, you’re also Salma Hayek’s Lesbian driver, and not only did Salma play a lesbian in that art movie, she also employs them in real life. I am sure it’s some work program shit, like Big Brothers of America, only for bull dykes. For the record, I have turned girl’s lesbian, but never turned lesbians from the ‘Giner.

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I am keeping this shit classy with the underage girls today. It’s a great way to get the FBI on my ass for an investigation, it’s okay, I am always looking for new friends, and the interrogation room is a lot like a speed dating session, or the opening scene of a porno movie, and I love feeling glamorous like one of the actors in the opening scene of a porno, but that’s not the point. The point is that I do not even like underage bitches, even when they have more money than me or a knocked up sister. I like to stick with the over 20 crowd, usually pretty down on their luck and desperate for a home cooked dinner and shower, that’s what happens when you hang at the homeless shelter, lots of prospects, not that you would know hiding fromt he world in your your lonely, one room apartment that you haven’t left for 6 days, used up kleenex scattered across the floor with the smell of fresh feces eminating from your pants, only because you are too much of a slob to get up and shit….again not the point. The point is that either Jamie Lynn has hit puberty, bitch is getting fat, or is pregnant with K-Fed’s baby, cuz she’s getting titties and she’s not ashamed to show them….she’s not really a looker so when her career fizzles up and dies, and her money’s spent on a brand new trailer for her family of 10, I will definitely approach her to star in one of my movies. Get this, the opening scene takes place in an FBI interrogation room. That’s a book ending bitch. Look it up.

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