Life is always more interesting on the otherside of the world. There are time I lay in bed thinking of what could have been if I played my cards right, I think about the world and all it has to offer and I remember that I am a motherfucking factory worker with a fat wife. I am not down on myself, I am really too drunk to really care, but there are times where I wonder…what would life be like as someone else, usually an Asian girl. I am not sure what the hell those crazy asian people are eating but they produce the weirdest fucking smut ever, including this image of a girl peeing in a urinal. The closest thing to this picture in my life was the time I was fucking wasted and passed the fuck out on the floor of the bathroom at a party, some crazy bitch didn’t see me, mistook me for the toilet and pissed all over my motherfucking shirt….I will not say I didn’t like it, but I will say I would rather watch her use an urinal….

Thanks OTTY

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Not much to say about this, other than the fact that I came across it and was like that looks like my fat wife. I guess the coincidence is that the artist’s name is Other and is from Canada. I see a lot of his shit around Montreal, and figure that it’s very possible that he met my wife and this is his “rendition”. Yes, she is pretty busted, but whatever it’s a sick piece, not that I like graf, I think it represents the fall of society. I am all for oppression and rationed bread.

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Once again I apologise for abandoning you. I am not the greatest friend, but when i…ah fuck it, who cares.

Anyways, this is the first time i have been completely sober in the last 14 days. I quit my job 2 weeks ago, spent all my money on cocaine and booze, and cant stop falling asleep. So, in light of this oh-so-motivating sober situation, i bring you this.

The Team Fuck Top Ten Realizations Of The Month after the jump bitches….

10) Talking to girls on MSN about threesomes is cool.

I know this girl, she has a blogger at Paige Six. By telling her i could make her famous i some how managed to get her on msn. We started talking about threesomes. This one is pointless.

9) Mailing cakes to Montreal is hilarious

8) 1989 Toyota Tercel VS. 300yr old Maple Tree. Tree wins.

I once rear ended a Ford cargo van with my 89 tercel. The van was all kinds of dented, my car was fine. You’d think that i would remember events like these before i tried my luck with a forest. You thought wrong.

7) Don’t make fun of girls in High school. Some of them get hot.

I went to high school once, and in that school i made fun of girls. Now one of the girls grew up to be a bombshell. She got the gap in her teeth fixed, grew tits…and i have a snowballs chance in hell of laying pipe.

6) Putting your cell phone number on the Internet isn’t a good idea, no one calls. It’s depressing.

Thanks Jesus

5) Toasters – Not just for toast.

If i had pictures of this it would be better, but I don’t. However, you can cook a mighty good hot dog in a toaster. Just lay them in horizontal, place the bun on top, and DISCO! You have toasted hot dog.

4) Love does not make the world go ’round. Jack Daniels does.

Seriously, you drink a 26er of JD and that shit spins like a motherfucker. Love is for fags anyways. I have been dating the same girl for 10 months, and haven’t told her i love her. If you tell girls you love them, they have you by the balls. And I have grown attached to my balls. Fuck women, drink Jack. Put that on a billboard.

3) Pulp Fiction is the greatest movie ever made.

Like when Jules shoots the guy on the couch and then says “oh, I’m sorry, did I break your concentration?”. Damn that shit is gangsta.

2) Eating a half-quarter of mushroom makes you crazy.

A few weeks ago I got loaded and ate mushrooms with my best friend of 16 years. I made fun of him for hours because he once wore a pink shirt. It wasn’t until 8am that he finally snapped and threw me through his glass closet.

1) Quitting your job for the sole purpose of becoming famous isn’t the best idea.

I had a fairly decent job working at a model and talent agency. They stopped paying me because they went broke. I think they went broke because I stopped working, who knows. The point is, i quit because i thought i would be famous by the end of the week. I’m not. Now I’m fucked.

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Who the fuck is Pamela David? I guess it really doesn’t make a difference, bitch is topless by a pool letting all of you perverts get a glimpse of her. Now looking at half naked girls poolside is something I like, but I feel like it’s stealing my soul and tearing my family apart. My new quest for redemption may make the smutty posts a little less frequent. Have you accepted Jesus into your life?

Fuck that yo, I am the only motherfucking Jesus you bitches need…this is the shit dreams are made of….more after the jump. Easy.

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Stussy is the captain of the streetwear industry. These fucker’s have been around since day one, and even if Stussy sold out and moved to Hawaii a few years ago, the company in still producing hot fucking shit, by shit I do not mean feces, because that would be gross and smell even worse. I was using the word shit as slang. I was watching extreme homemakeover at a friend’s house and these black kids kept dropping the word “junk” as an expression of good, so I will leave you with this…..This Stussy shirt is Junk, now big boys, shut the fuck up and do your thing, and by thing she means stick it in her pooper.

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We all know that the world’s greatest mooch is dirty. He doesn’t shower often, and although he may have enough money to buy a new wardrobe daily because of the allowance Britney hooked motherfucker up with, you cannot change people. K-Fed is from the trailer park, he grew up with little money and clean underwear was something he wasn’t lucky enough to enough to enjoy. He didn’t have running water and resorted to a muddy puddle outback as his shower. Toilet paper was something only rich people used. I am sure you all remember the kid in your elementary school who always had a rash. Now, years later, living in luxure, K-Fed’s ass is still itchy, but no need to worry, it’s only cuz he hasn’t washed and his dirty asshole is responding to the fecal bacteria…

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A fop is a dandy. A dandy is a man who puts a little too much effort into his appearance, a little bit of a wuss and probably someone you wouldn’t be hiring hookers with. Definitely a little limp wristed to say the least, something some of you may be able to relate to. I am sometimes a little limp, but not in the wrists, but that is only because of my high blood pressure medication. There have been many times in my life where my stepdaughters vaccuum in nothing but bootyshorts and wife-beaters in front of me, and I feel no swelling in my pants. It’s a little depressing, but probably better that way.

I came across this site, and it made me laugh, this queen writes as if he is an 18th century son of an Earl, he drops a lot of references to the era and following his adventures and his relationships with the people in his life has been something that I can’t get enough of, it helps me forget about how pathetic my life is. I think it is something you will appreciate because your life is really not much better than mine, is it?

Visit TheFop right now!

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The hottest shoe of the season is probably going to be the Vans Slip On. They are already being worn by cunts everywhere so it can only be assumed that more and more people will start to rock them too. That’s just how things happen. I remember about 15 years ago, punk bands and skateboarders everywhere rocked their checkerboard slip-ons, well I say fuck checkerboard, it’s all about images of naked chicks and the word cum on the motherfuckers….these shoes are hot there is no doubting it, however it’s pretty clear that you aren’t.

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I have been in many situations in my life, where having to pee has caused me mad problems. I remember being on trial years ago and I just couldn’t think straight because shit was burning on the inside. I later found out that it was a bout of the clap that had gone unnoticed. In all honesty it served me right considering I slept with numerous dirty sluts without a condom. It was the ’80s back when AIDS was a gay disease…we didn’t really care about STDs and it was nothing antibiotics couldn’t cure.

I was checking my email a couple of days ago and was happy to find pictures a boyfriend took of his girlfriend peeing in a toilet paper-filled alley. Now I don’t know where these people are from, but seriously, these are fucking disgusting….nothing like a pile of used toilet paper on the wet cement to remind me of my childhood in Mexico, where we didn’t have the luxury of plumbing…

I gave these pics to my brother Hector, so check them out:

Continue to HandjobNation to see the rest of the pics

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I have been in many situations in my life, where having to pee has caused me mad problems. I remember being on trial years ago and I just couldn’t think straight because shit was burning on the inside. I later found out that it was a bout of the clap that had gone unnoticed. In all honesty it served me right considering I slept with numerous dirty sluts without a condom. It was the ’80s back when AIDS was a gay disease…we didn’t really care about STDs and it was nothing antibiotics couldn’t cure.

I was checking my email a couple of days ago and was happy to find pictures a boyfriend took of his girlfriend peeing in a toilet paper-filled alley. Now I don’t know where these people are from, but seriously, these are fucking disgusting….nothing like a pile of used toilet paper on the wet cement to remind me of my childhood in Mexico, where we didn’t have the luxury of plumbing…

I gave these pics to my brother Hector, so check them out:

Continue to HandjobNation to see the rest of the pics

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