Ryan Seacret is a fucking clown who sold his soul to the entertainment industry because it makes him a lot of fucking money. He lets celebrities have their way with him, because he thinks it gets him in their good books, and makes them want to do his show, like the loser kid trying to fit in who let’s the football team shove boomsticks up their asses….
Here he is doing some good for us for a change, and that’s by making sure Katy Perry and her pig body wasn’t the one in the short shorts and bikini top, because everyone knows pigs aren’t supposed to wear short shorts and bikinis…everyone except Katy Perry because she’s confused and doesn’t know she’s a pig, but instead thinks she’s hot, and the whole thing is weird, any way you dice it.
I thought this Jessica Szohr chick was on 90210 so I have been avoiding her as I want that shit to go bankrupt faster than it took some idiot exec to come up with the idea of “hey, let’s do a modern version of 90210 and keep some of the same characters, since it worked in Canada with Degrassi, hell let’s even hire one of the girls from Degrassi”.
I find bottom-feeding ideas, and bottom-feeding shows, lure in bottom-feeding actors like Annalynne McCord who reminds us of that daily and I like to avoid promoting them….
But today I took the time to google this Jessica Szohr bitch, mainly because I pronounce her name as Jessica SORE, which is possibly hot, you know like a sore pussy from getting fucked hard, but reminds me more of a sore on her pussy from getting fucked hard by dirty cock….and it turns out she’s actually on Gossip Girl….
I don’t know how I’m going to forgive myself for making that mistake, but in my defense, up until a month ago, I thought Gossip Girl and 90210 were the same show, and so did the execs who created them….
Either way, she did a campaign for Ocean Pacific, a line that’s gone Walmart in Canada since it’s revival from it’s 80s surfing prime…but she’s in a bikini top and showing off her young looking body hard enough to make me ignore how bad this photoshoot is, but more importantly how bad her nose looks in them….
See bikini tops are good enough for me…I’m easy…and I’m pretty sure she is too…that’s the only way to make it in Hollywood…remember that aspiring actresses I meet in bars who I tell I’m a producer who can make them famous….
I guess posting this many pictures of a 17 year old on her bike would be considered creepy…but way less creepy than my friend who rides his bike on the bike path all summer looking for hot young pussy to follow…not to creep them out…or touch them or anything…but to watch where they lock their bikes up when they go to get ice cream…or to a store…so that he can sniff the fucking street…so compared to him…posting pictures of Miley Cyrus while she’s still a mature and responsible money making 17 year old seems totally fucking wholesome…you see there are some girls who at 17 act like they are 10 and you don’t really want to jerk off to their pictures cuz it’s wrong but then there are other 17 year olds who are just 10 months away from being legal who make you think “what’s 10 months, she’s can’t possibly change that much in that period of time”, making this shit so not wrong at all…not to mention she’s not even hot, her face is fucking wonky, she’s already been fucked more times than some strippers you’ve had lap dances from and she is going to crash and burn, they all do, so you will be seeing her naked in the next decade…that’s a guarantee…wait and see…apparently it’s also a poem…
It doesn’t really make any fucking sense to me that a woman who just had a kid looks like this. I know I’ve gone over this at least 10 times but life is repetitive and apparently so am I. I figure she really just couldn’t afford to let herself go after pregnany like all the other North American lazy mothers, because bitch sold her soul to the Victoria’s Secret devil and contractually she has to get back into fighting form, or they won’t release her family they’ve held captive all these years she’s been working to get them back, a risk she wasn’t willing to take because she was loose in the hips and let a dude cum in her and make her debate abortion versus her catholic upbringing.
We’re so use to our bitches getting sloppy and fat after pregnancy, that we’ve just pretty much accepted our fate, especially since we’re overtaken by depression of the fact that we’re now fathers, and our fun is over, so it is just amazing to see Ambrosio and gives us hope that our women take the same commitment after we show them these pictures and make sure she understands that we know she’s a fucking lazy slob making excuses and that bouncing back is possible and that the pact her and her other pregnant friends who gave up on being hot after 9 months of bitching and complaining made, is busted and has no validity…..making women hate this bitch and makes me love the bitch, even though I have no idea what condition her pussy is in, or how much plaster, papier mache and paste has been used to make it look like it is in one piece while wearing a bikini….
I like Drew Barrymore’s strategy to distract us from her face by wearing a fuckin’ bow tie like she’s Porky Pig in a bikini top. I’ve never found her hot, I mean other than when she was in ET but whenever I saw that now I get creepy fucking looks, because people don’t get that I was only a couple years older than her at the time and I didn’t wanna bang her, I just thought she’d grow into something I’d want to fuck when we both hit puberty and not something that looks like a fuckin’ pig in a fuckin’ bow tie
You’d think a bitch who has the balls to make a fucking workout DVD wouldn’t be ashamed to take her fucking sarong or whatever the fuck those ass covering devices for insecure girls at the beach are called.
I know if I am obnoxious enough to claim I am good enough at something to have an instructional video for the shit, I’m going to put my money where my fuckin’ mouth is, to try to show the world that I am not some money grubbing hack who attaches my name on anything that sells, especially if it is DVDs of me in compromising positions that show off my big ass for black guys to use as fetish porn instead of for the marketed purpose of the shit.
I guess I shouldn’t hate Kardashian for providing a service to dudes, because in writing this post, I realize that no one is going to buy her workout DVD to workout to, this is strictly a PG porn project and that’s work worth recognizing, despite the fact that her look’s not my thing, but her attitude in exploiting herself should be every girl’s thing.
Here is something that pretty much amazes me. Fila, an athletic company has hired Paris Hilton to be a spokesperson for the brand. She’s not a model, she doesn’t have model appeal, she’s just a slut who does nothing, especially when it comes to fitness. Is the company’s mission statement to spread STDs, laziness and being a disgusting human being? Is their slogan, “Exploit your family name, release a sex tape and ride the wave that causes”. Are they telling us to fuck working out or taking part in sports unless that sport is sucking dick, huffing coke and hosting celebrity events?
Is Fila telling me to drive drunk, convince little girls that being a vapid stupid piece of shit the disgraces humanity and makes a mockery of Hollywood, fame and celebrity is a reputable goal in life? Are they trying to move away from being an sportswear company and moving into prostitution apparel? I don’t fucking know or care, but I do know that FILA is from South Korea and Korea loves tall blonde American sluts, so maybe it’s just the CEO’s way of getting into Paris Hilton’s pants…which is really the only thing that makes sense.
Here’s rat-faced, bullshit artist, week old kitchen garbage of a person, Audrina Patridge, rockin’ a bikini top under some shitty dress that looks like it was made out of a dead whore’s nightgown or some fat girl’s prom dress. She proves yet again that fake tits don’t make a girl hot. They just just work on horny guys the same way a tranny with huge fake tits works on guys. Shit leads straight dudes into paying for blowjobs just because they have long hair, make up and tits, but the reality is that there’s still no pussy to fuck, it’s pretty fucking gay. That’s not to say she’s a dude, but it is to say that her fake tits, match her fake career, fake life and is just an master of manipulating simple minded horny dudes.
There is nothing less attractive than an insecure girl, except for maybe a fat girl, but for the most part seeing insecure chicks turns me off so much that bitch grows a penis in my imagination and becomes off limits even when I am drunk.
I am not talking about insecurity on an emotional level, where she is looking for acceptance and love through suckin’ dick, I am talking insecure about her body so that she doesn’t get naked, wears t-shirts to the beach and makes you fuck her with the lights off. And when you want to jump in the shower with her dumpy body you’ve learned to accept because it is fucking you and that’s better than all the other girls who aren’t fucking you, she turns you away and asks for privacy because she doesn’t like you seeing her from uncomplimentary angles. It even happens with skinny chicks and shit’s fuckin’ ugly, but not as ugly as Sandra Bullock, who we should all thank for covering herself up, because I am sure there’s nothing down there we want to see. Even her boyfriend/husband/mechanic is lookin’ at her surong thanking her for helping him forget what he is currently fucking to allow him to remember what he once was fucking.
I am still drunk from my drinking demonstration at a the local bar where I managed to outdo myself as I always do just to prove every single person in my life that I will not amount to nothing and I am not a failure. I am a fuckin’ hero to some people and those people are pretty much me and only when I am too drunk to know better.
On the way home I saw this slammin’ body in a spandex white dress that barely covered her banging ass and a pair of patent leather hooker boots that went up past her knee. I realized she was a street whore, but not one that I had ever been with before but bitch looked too good to be giving 50 dollar blowjobs. When I got closer to her she called me over and told me that she had given me a lap dance about 6 months ago and she remembered me because I gave her my email address to make her internet famous, which is a lie I tell all the strippers to get a free song out of them. She also remembered my firm grip that I had on her nipples, but I won’t get into that.
She ended up quickly going into her story about how she got wasted and let her ex-boyfriend tattoo her face and the club she worked at fired her. She was forced to turn to the street but doesn’t have a pimp and is pretty much workin’ freelance and in the last 3 months she’s developed a serious crack habit and that she needed 20 dollars, I was tempted to save her but figured that she got herself into her own mess and could have been doing so much more with her life, like charging business men 500 dollars to go out to dinner with her like a real escort with a body like that would.
Either way, I don’t think Kat Von D did the face tattoo that ruined my stripper turned street walker’s life, but it looked pretty much as shitty as her tattoos do, the major difference between the 2 is that I’d be willing to fuck my stripper turned street whore without a condom before ever considering fucking this Kat Von D chick, but that’s just because I have a feeling this Kat Von D chick has a cock and I haven’t really moved into that kind of thing yet.
I am pretty depressed today because I found out that my piece of shit computer that I got for 40 dollars and that broke on me this past weekend died because of its hard drive. Now that may not mean much to any of you who only use your but it’s a big deal to me because I was writing my memoirs and had at least 20 pages that I won’t be able to recreate because I was drunk when I wrote them and never re-read them and was saving them as some kind of surprise a surprise I will not be able to ever experience. The good news is that everyone I tell this to asks me if I did a back-up, ask why I didn’t do a back-up and tell me that I should have done a back-up because that’s what they are for. Thanks for the advice, asshole.
At least I can get pleasure from looking at these useless pictures of a useless Denise Richards doing a useless paddle surf because it’s real surfing’s gay younger brother all while in a useless bikini top because her body is sloppy, therefore useless and has no need for a bikini top, and it’s all for a useless reality show that shell make a lot more money on than I ever but at least I am not the only one that’s useless in the world.
Katherine Mcphee married a 46 year old balding dude who either has a huge cock or a lot of money or both. He probably offers her some kind of support her dad never offered her, even though I have a memory of seeing him crying like a girl at every American Idol performance, but maybe that’s the kind of emasculation that makes a woman feel like she has two mothers and leads her to banging a dude twice her age because he is a real man with a big bank account who never settled down because he was too busy building that bank account but now is ready to because money isn’t everything and a hot piece of 20 something ass is…once you have all that money….
Then again, I could be wrong, maybe it wasn’t her father crying at her American Idol performances and it was actually Ruben Studdard’s heart crying for oxygen as it slowly died a little more with every drop of sweat that dripped off his forehead each time her performed, or it could have been Clay Aiken’s mother crying because she doesn’t approve of gays, or maybe it was just Paula having a drug induced breakdown on set after fucking that dude Justin. I only watched Idol drunk and have a pretty shitty memory in general.
I guess none of that really matters, what does matter is that this is Katherine Mcphee and her eating disorder walking around in a little blue dress on her honeymoon with the old guy she married because she’s dressed in blue to match the pill this fucker is going to be taking to live out all the fantasies he’s kept bottled up all these years because when he was 23, no girls gave him the time of day….and now that he has money…they do and won’t be going to far until he’s done with them. It’s in the prenup.