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Archive for the Jessica Biel Category

2007

02

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel’s See Through Shirt of the Day

jessica_biel_ysl_showtop.jpg

Everyone loves Jessica Biel, even though her shoulders are bigger than your dads, that is if you have a dad, I always took you as more of a guy who was from a single parent home and that’s why your mom still does your laundry for you and you’re thirty. Why go out there and find a new woman to marry when mommy is all the wife you can handle and he doesn’t give you a hard time when she catches you watching porn in your basement bedroom apartment she set up for you.

I know I am pretty repetitive with this shit, but I guess it’s a lot like your daily life, everyday the same thing over and over and over…but at least there is always food on the table.

These paparazzi pieces of shit are insane with their flashbulbs that make shirts transparent, I am not complaining it makes for good business, if this was actually a business, a man is allowed to dream, just like you are allowed to pretend you are cuppin’ these titties in your firm typing grip hand…CUDDLES.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

02

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel's See Through Shirt of the Day

jessica_biel_ysl_showtop.jpg

Everyone loves Jessica Biel, even though her shoulders are bigger than your dads, that is if you have a dad, I always took you as more of a guy who was from a single parent home and that’s why your mom still does your laundry for you and you’re thirty. Why go out there and find a new woman to marry when mommy is all the wife you can handle and he doesn’t give you a hard time when she catches you watching porn in your basement bedroom apartment she set up for you.

I know I am pretty repetitive with this shit, but I guess it’s a lot like your daily life, everyday the same thing over and over and over…but at least there is always food on the table.

These paparazzi pieces of shit are insane with their flashbulbs that make shirts transparent, I am not complaining it makes for good business, if this was actually a business, a man is allowed to dream, just like you are allowed to pretend you are cuppin’ these titties in your firm typing grip hand…CUDDLES.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

02

Feb

I am – Jessica Biel Likes to Eat of the Day

Jessica_Biel_Eats2.jpg

Someone get this bitch a shovel. Either she hasn’t eaten in a month or she’s bulimic. I have an obese wife and even she takes smaller, more dainty bites than this man. I guess the benefit of having a girl witch a big mouth capacity and a firm grip like Biel probably has from all the weight lifting is that she could probably give a solid blowjob.

The problem with blowjobs is that all girls think they are good at them. I have only had a handful of good blowjobs in my life, but every blowjob was given by a girl who thought she gave the best blowjob in town. If a girl felt like she gave a shitty blowjob she’d work on making it better, she’s try a little harder but since everytime she does it all she gets is positive feedback, because after a dude cums, everything suddenly becomes amazing. That means with orgasm comes praise like “baby you’re amazing, that was the best blowjob ever”. Totally inflating the girl’s ego.

It’s like telling a fat girl she looks good in a low cut top cuz her tits spill out all over the place, when in reality you just like tits and she’s got plenty to offer, and now the bitch rocks a low-cut shirt everywhere she goes making the rest of us sick to our stomachs, cuz no one likes a fat chick in low-cut tops or spandex…well maybe not no one, but most people….

I think the difference between dudes giving head and girls giving head is that no matter how much box we’ve eaten, we never really know exactly what we’re doing. We know that we love it because it’s a vagina in our mouth and the chances of that happening to you is pretty unlikely, so when it does you just spend as much time as she gives you playing around down there….until the roofies wear off. Pervert….

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

22

Jan

I am – Jessica Biel’s Ass of the Day

jessica Biel's Ass

This is Jessica Biel’s Ass. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass in a Bikini. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass in a Bikini on a Boat. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass on all fours. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass ready to get fucked but that damn bikini is in the way. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass that you want to fuck. Hey isn’t that Jessica Biel’s Ass….

That was my attempt at Search Engine Optimization…someone told me the more I wrote a key word like Jessica Biel’s Ass , the better I’ll come up in google. I figure that you don’t care about the success of this site and either do I, that’s why I just did a Jessica Biel’s Ass post the way I just did.

I guess the point of all this is to say that you motherfuckers don’t care about what I have to say. You don’t care to hear me say that bitch is built like a wrestler who just decided that he was really supposed to be born a chick, so he went to the doctor and passed his psych tests and next thing you know he’s driving across America with his drug addicted son. I’ve seen TransAmerica ten times prepping for this post. My theory is only based on her thick ankles and adam’s apple. I could be wrong. It happens. She is over-rated but I’d still bang her, but I have no standards. Do you like it?

I was at the strip club the other night and the bitch kept asking me if I liked it. Of course I fucking like it. You’re 20, half dominican/italian, speak for languages and you’re grabbing your pussy…do you like it? Your name for the day was leta and you were the most intense dance I’ve ever seen…do you like it? It was your first night and you were talking about how much it turned you on….do you like it? enough of this and here are the Jessica Biel Ass Pics

jessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Ass

jessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Ass

jessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Ass

jessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Ass

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

22

Jan

I am – Jessica Biel's Ass of the Day

jessica Biel's Ass

This is Jessica Biel’s Ass. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass in a Bikini. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass in a Bikini on a Boat. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass on all fours. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass ready to get fucked but that damn bikini is in the way. This is Jessica Biel’s Ass that you want to fuck. Hey isn’t that Jessica Biel’s Ass….

That was my attempt at Search Engine Optimization…someone told me the more I wrote a key word like Jessica Biel’s Ass , the better I’ll come up in google. I figure that you don’t care about the success of this site and either do I, that’s why I just did a Jessica Biel’s Ass post the way I just did.

I guess the point of all this is to say that you motherfuckers don’t care about what I have to say. You don’t care to hear me say that bitch is built like a wrestler who just decided that he was really supposed to be born a chick, so he went to the doctor and passed his psych tests and next thing you know he’s driving across America with his drug addicted son. I’ve seen TransAmerica ten times prepping for this post. My theory is only based on her thick ankles and adam’s apple. I could be wrong. It happens. She is over-rated but I’d still bang her, but I have no standards. Do you like it?

I was at the strip club the other night and the bitch kept asking me if I liked it. Of course I fucking like it. You’re 20, half dominican/italian, speak for languages and you’re grabbing your pussy…do you like it? Your name for the day was leta and you were the most intense dance I’ve ever seen…do you like it? It was your first night and you were talking about how much it turned you on….do you like it? enough of this and here are the Jessica Biel Ass Pics

jessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Ass

jessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Ass

jessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Ass

jessica Biel's Assjessica Biel's Ass

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2006

27

Dec

I am – Jessia Biel Bikini Pics of the Day

Jessica_Biel_Bikini01.jpg

I am still on vacation and it seems that Jessica Biel is too. My Vacation consists of me sitting on my ass in my shitty one bedroom apartment, her vacation is a little more intense and luxurious. Lucky for you she wore a white bikini and with white bikinis come full vaginal definition.

I am pretty sure I’ve seen these pictures before, I recognize her stupid tennis game, but I’ll post them because everyone else is and it’s still Christmas to me. I don’t really have much more to say about this because I am on vacation and my vacation isn’t that much different from my everyday life so go fuck yourself if you’re complaining, I can’t tell, because we have a pretty one-sided relationship. I did liveblog my Christmas but haven’t decided if I should bother posting it. I realize that few people read what I write. RIP Gerald Ford.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2006

19

Sep

I am – Jessica Biel’s Bra of the Day

JessicaBielTOP.jpg

I think I have OCD. I saw these pics and even though I had nothing to say about them but I knew that the other sites who post them will get a ton of traffic for them. I also know that no one has posted these yet. So I have no choice but to post them because otherwise I wil sit here kicking myself in the ass about not posting them even though I really don’t care about them. See that’s the kinda shit that goes on in my head in running this piece of shit site. These are the useless stresses I have in my life. On a positive note, I have a lot of real stresses in my life like putting food on the table and paying rent and whether I am dying or not. So look at the pics.

Here’s a “song” I wrote 5 years ago when drunk. It’s really life-changing – in a negative way. Cuddles.

Bam Bam, I ate a ham,
The smell is sweet,
I know I can
Bam Bam
I ate a Ham
The color or your hair
Makes me a man
and you a ma’am
well ma’am can you do a hand stand?
Take of your pants and do it again…

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2006

19

Sep

I am – Jessica Biel's Bra of the Day

JessicaBielTOP.jpg

I think I have OCD. I saw these pics and even though I had nothing to say about them but I knew that the other sites who post them will get a ton of traffic for them. I also know that no one has posted these yet. So I have no choice but to post them because otherwise I wil sit here kicking myself in the ass about not posting them even though I really don’t care about them. See that’s the kinda shit that goes on in my head in running this piece of shit site. These are the useless stresses I have in my life. On a positive note, I have a lot of real stresses in my life like putting food on the table and paying rent and whether I am dying or not. So look at the pics.

Here’s a “song” I wrote 5 years ago when drunk. It’s really life-changing – in a negative way. Cuddles.

Bam Bam, I ate a ham,
The smell is sweet,
I know I can
Bam Bam
I ate a Ham
The color or your hair
Makes me a man
and you a ma’am
well ma’am can you do a hand stand?
Take of your pants and do it again…

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2006

16

Aug

I am – Jessica Biel’s Ass Shelf of the Day

biel001.jpg

I have had limited experience with Ass Shelves in my life, because most of the women I have got with have been on either end of the spectrum. Meaning that there have been a handful of obese bitches like my wife who’s riding in at about 300 lbs and a bunch of bitches who were emaciated from malnourishment and drug addiction. I have rarely been involved with a healthy bitch with a solid waist to hip ratio or a booty, or a clear complexion, because when you’re a fat whore your potential booty gets burried under layers and layers of disgustingness and if you are a walking corpse your tits and ass kinda just hang off your body along with your uterus and other vital organs. I did get a lap dance from a bitch with an ass that doubled as a shelf once, but that doesn’t count because that shit wasn’t free. There was also a Brazilian girl who I remember being obsessed with a couple years ago. She was 18 and would frequent some local dive I’d spend my paychecks at. She would run around in spandex pants, before spandex was American Apparel Approved, and I would just watch her get chatted up by the college kids who also frequented this bar. The liquor was cheap and I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to chat her up at the time. That’s not to say I woulda ever fucked her, I am a married man, but I would have invited her over pool parties. She’s probably get pissed off when realizing that my one bedroom apartment doesn’t have a pool, but that’s when the rope, duct tape and ether come into play to start the party up my way.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2006

16

Aug

I am – Jessica Biel's Ass Shelf of the Day

biel001.jpg

I have had limited experience with Ass Shelves in my life, because most of the women I have got with have been on either end of the spectrum. Meaning that there have been a handful of obese bitches like my wife who’s riding in at about 300 lbs and a bunch of bitches who were emaciated from malnourishment and drug addiction. I have rarely been involved with a healthy bitch with a solid waist to hip ratio or a booty, or a clear complexion, because when you’re a fat whore your potential booty gets burried under layers and layers of disgustingness and if you are a walking corpse your tits and ass kinda just hang off your body along with your uterus and other vital organs. I did get a lap dance from a bitch with an ass that doubled as a shelf once, but that doesn’t count because that shit wasn’t free. There was also a Brazilian girl who I remember being obsessed with a couple years ago. She was 18 and would frequent some local dive I’d spend my paychecks at. She would run around in spandex pants, before spandex was American Apparel Approved, and I would just watch her get chatted up by the college kids who also frequented this bar. The liquor was cheap and I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to chat her up at the time. That’s not to say I woulda ever fucked her, I am a married man, but I would have invited her over pool parties. She’s probably get pissed off when realizing that my one bedroom apartment doesn’t have a pool, but that’s when the rope, duct tape and ether come into play to start the party up my way.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2006

19

Jul

I am – Jessica Biel’s Bra,Tits and Slutty Tattoo of the Day

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I was told that the reason I am fun to hang around is because I am weird. I took offense to that shit. I am fun to hang around because I am the coolest motherfucker on the Internet and Internet is life (when you have no friends). I like to think of myself as a normal person and the reason I am called weird is because suburban people hate that I don’t have a job, because having a career fucking sucks. I can barely get by, but at least I can spend my days sitting on a park bench watching 7 year olds play in a wading pool near my house. I don’t do it cuz I am into 7 year olds, I do it because I love fucking with the parents. The world is so fucking paranoid and seeing a sleazy mexican in sunglasses and soiled jogging pants always sets off their alarms. I guess fucking with people is what I do for a job I don’t get paid for, because I also love inappropriately touching people’s dogs. I don’t anything illegal to the dog, I just ask the owner what the dogs name is and start heavy petting until they ask me to stop. It’s always a laugh.

Speaking of laughs, check out this cunt’s bra. Bra’s are always funny when you are in grade 4. Cuddles.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2006

19

Jul

I am – Jessica Biel's Bra,Tits and Slutty Tattoo of the Day

Picture-35.jpg

I was told that the reason I am fun to hang around is because I am weird. I took offense to that shit. I am fun to hang around because I am the coolest motherfucker on the Internet and Internet is life (when you have no friends). I like to think of myself as a normal person and the reason I am called weird is because suburban people hate that I don’t have a job, because having a career fucking sucks. I can barely get by, but at least I can spend my days sitting on a park bench watching 7 year olds play in a wading pool near my house. I don’t do it cuz I am into 7 year olds, I do it because I love fucking with the parents. The world is so fucking paranoid and seeing a sleazy mexican in sunglasses and soiled jogging pants always sets off their alarms. I guess fucking with people is what I do for a job I don’t get paid for, because I also love inappropriately touching people’s dogs. I don’t anything illegal to the dog, I just ask the owner what the dogs name is and start heavy petting until they ask me to stop. It’s always a laugh.

Speaking of laughs, check out this cunt’s bra. Bra’s are always funny when you are in grade 4. Cuddles.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2006

06

Jul

I am – Two Useless Sluts on the Beach of the Day

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Nothing says “We’re the lamest family in the fuckin’ world” than playing cards with you mom at Starbucks. Nothing says “I love you” more than making you dress up like a highschool mascot and jerking off in your furry face. Nothing says “future rapist” than pulling out your dick at a laundry mat and telling the girl at the cash that you need more quarters or you’ll rape her. Nothing says d-list celebrity like running around on the beach in a bikini. I have nothing to fuckin’ say about anything and I hate you….

KRISTIN CAVALLARI

JESSICA BIEL

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Kristen Cavallari|Unsorted

2005

08

Dec

I am – Jessica Biel’s Hot Shorts


Jessica Biel was on 7th Heaven and works out. I guess she’s not one of those trendy bitches that’s in such high demand that they don’t have to stay in shape to get work, they just have to starve themselves, look fabulous and do lots of YAY. While Jessica’s one of those girls who has to put in the extra mile or five, just to get noticed. Jessica’s shorts make her look like some L.L.Bean dyke about to run some Iron Man triatholon after she fucks her husband up the ass with the strap on. Hasn’t bitch ever heard of spandex? She probably should have reconsidered being on some homo christian show. Nobody likes a good girl, except me, I was once doing the maintenance at the local church and when I went into the shed to get “Jesus Rake” when I walk in on some dirty bible thumping sluts, ramming a “Santa Maria” statue in her cooter. Point of the story is that it didn’t happen, but if it did, I would be totally down with Jesus-Loving Born Again Sluts.

.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2005

08

Dec

I am – Jessica Biel's Hot Shorts


Jessica Biel was on 7th Heaven and works out. I guess she’s not one of those trendy bitches that’s in such high demand that they don’t have to stay in shape to get work, they just have to starve themselves, look fabulous and do lots of YAY. While Jessica’s one of those girls who has to put in the extra mile or five, just to get noticed. Jessica’s shorts make her look like some L.L.Bean dyke about to run some Iron Man triatholon after she fucks her husband up the ass with the strap on. Hasn’t bitch ever heard of spandex? She probably should have reconsidered being on some homo christian show. Nobody likes a good girl, except me, I was once doing the maintenance at the local church and when I went into the shed to get “Jesus Rake” when I walk in on some dirty bible thumping sluts, ramming a “Santa Maria” statue in her cooter. Point of the story is that it didn’t happen, but if it did, I would be totally down with Jesus-Loving Born Again Sluts.

.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted