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Archive for the Jessica Biel Category

2009

20

Apr

Jessica Biel Naked in Her Movie of the Day

Jessica Biel gets topless for her new movie where she plays a stripper, that is usually a move an actor takes when they are peaking and by peaking I mean on drugs because their careers have nose-dived and they are trying to hold on for their lives. You know a desperate.

Sure, everyone hates on her for being manly and hard bodied, but call me easy, she’s topless and I’m sold, penis in those sheer full back panties or in Justin Timberlakes ass or not. I don’t care, I’m just pissed that she’s rockin’those panties, because nothing pisses me off than going to a stripclub and the bitch on stage doesn’t get fully naked until the last 20 seconds of her second show because she thinks she’s better than stripping even though it pays her and her deadbeat boyfriend’s bills. Cunt.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Movie|Naked

2009

02

Apr

Jessica Biel Plays a Stripper of the Day

So Jessica Biel plays a stripper in her next movie and here’s some Access Hollywood segment that they did on her practicing for her role, because I guess stripping is a tough fucking job, that’s why every stripper I’ve met has been really intelligent, focused, talented and fit, and by all those things, I mean, a slut. It seems like Biel put a little too much effort trying to figure all this stripping thing out, when it is all really simple, all you have to do is take off your fucking clothes.

If I was Biel, I wouldn’t worry about her broad shoulders too much, there’s a strip club around here I used to go to that always had two female body builders on staff. They’d get on stage and do chin-ups, sit-ups, push-ups and make their titty do that pec dance, and they seemed to get constant fuckin’ work.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Stripper

2009

31

Mar

Jessica Biel, Bad Attitude

Jessica Biel, Bad Attitude
Jessica Biel’s Got a Shitty Attitude of the Day

Jessica Biel is a cunt. She is being a bitch to the paparazzi, despite living in fucking LA, dating some famous musician, and having a minor career of her own, and it makes no sense to me. We know she’s not on her period, because they haven’t got that far in modern sex change operations yet, but I guess it could be because of her hormonal imbalance from the hormone therapy….

….or maybe talking about her being a dude is getting tired and boring, and maybe we should just accept that she has a vagina, and that because of that vagina, she’s acting like this, becaus she’s a fuckin spoiled brat who is self absorbed and thinks the world revolves around her.

Posted in:Bad Attitude|Jessica Biel

2009

05

Feb

Jessica Biel Walks Her Dog of the Day

Nothing screams bulldyke like a manly lookin’ bitch who likes to lift weights and who is jacked like she’s got a dick taking her tough lookin’ dog out for a powerwalk because they both like to push their limits, I mean other than being caught with a strap-on and leather chaps slamming the shit out of some fat chick and by fat chick I mean Justin Timberlake, because based on his light on his feet dance moves and angelic voice dude’s gonna have a pussy, at least that’s what all the guys I’ve met over the years who have claimed to have a “man crush” on him would like to believe, because that way they won’t feel guilty about the sexual fantasies they claim “man crushes” don’t include, when we all know they do.

Posted in:Ass|Dog|Jessica Biel

2008

02

Oct

Jessica Biel Does a Practice Run of the Day

Justin TImberlake’s in trouble. Here are the power couple and I am only labeling that because Biel can pench press a small car, at some friend’s wedding and it seems like she is part of the wedding party and like all Bride’s Maids, is probably feeling the burn in her vagina to find a man and lasso him in so that she can be the star of her own magical day one day, when all eyes will be on her and when she won’t just be the back burner sidekick in her friend’s moment of fucking glory. The whole thing is insane to me. I don’t understand marriage especially now that I am married and I only did it for financial security, I don’t get why women get so bored in their life that they want to spend a year of their life making annoying plans to have some fantasy wedding they dreamed of as a kid, but I do know that bridesmaids are always horny as fuck by the end of the ceremony and shit works better than roofies so there is no doubt in my mind that Justin Timberlake was sucking massive cock shortly after these pictures were taken.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Justin Timberlake|Practice Wedding

2008

01

Oct

Justin Timberlake is a Beast of the Day

I know this position isn’t one Justin is unfamiliar with. I heard that every time he has sex with Jessica Biel, she takes him from behind like the little bitch he likes to pretend he is after a long stint on the road having girls treat him like a sex object. He’s just not used to carrying her around like he’s her fuckin’ bitch, she’s usually the one doing the carrying in this relationship.

Poor fucker is struggling and reminds me of the time I went horseback riding with my wife when I cared and was trying to be romantic, before giving up on the relationship after losing all hope that it will ever be good again, and the horse wasn’t fucking having it, after stopping every few steps, he looked at the other horse in front of us that was carrying a normal sized girl with serious envy and about 5 minutes later the thing passed the fuck out from the strain. I heard the horse didn’t make it and I have a feeling that after the wedding, either will Timberlake, because he will realize that the novelty of Jessica Biel’s dick and push-up ability will be replaced with whining and weight gain. It always happens that way.

Either way we get it Justin, you’re a beast, all those years of dancing like a homo on stage have paid off and you’re stronger and in better cardiovascular, but in defense of my shitty fitness, so is 98% of the rest of the world, the only person I know I am stronger than is terminally ill kids and ederly. The same people who can’t survive heat waves or SARS.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Justin Timberlake

2008

28

Aug

Jessica Biel Takes a Lesbian Power Hike of the Day

Jessica Biel reminds me of this dude i know who just never stops working out, he doesn’t fuck Justin Timberlake, but has told me that sometimes when fucking random girls he picks up, he plays the Sexy Back song over and over in his head, so if that’s not a six degrees of separation situation, I don’t really know what is, but I do know that Timberlake’s not the one doing the fuckin’ in this relationship and sometimes that’s okay because it can be hard being the man in a relationship, you know with all that pressure to provide and protect, passing the reins off to your bigger, stronger and more endowed lover only makes sense.

Here’s Jessica Biel on a power hike, burning off some calories in hopes to make her muscles look jacked for her man, the way he likes his lover’s muscles to be, because he’s on step away from coming out of the closet. Jessica Biel is just he gateway person to fully embracing a new and exciting lifestyle.

Posted in:Hike|Jessica Biel

2008

25

Jun

Jessica Biel and Her Lesbian Haircut of the Day

Nothing says coming to terms with your lesbianism like rockin’ a fucking lesbian haircut and nothing says lesbian haircut like a femme-mullet. I don’t know what more you dudes need to believe the inevitable, it’s like you will only stop jerking off to her ripped body when you see videos of her slammin the shit out of Justin Timberlake with her huge cock.

It’s like that time that everyone told me that this dude I was hanging out with was into dudes and he’d always make subtle passes at me and I’d just blow it off like it wasn’t a thing because I had never caught him in the fucking act, I’d tell those naysayers they were fucking crazy, until one morning after passing out drunk at his house, I woke up with my cock in his mouth. Between you and me, I let him finish, but that’s just because I was half asleep and only fags turn down blowjobs, but what it came down to was that my friend was actually gay and I was just blind to it because he seemed like such a normal and cool guy.

So sometimes things can’t be laid out for you like that and you have to take the facts and come to your own conclusions and my conclusion is that Jessica Biel eats pussy.

Posted in:Haircut|Jessica Biel|Lesbian

2008

18

Jun

Jessica Biel’s Got a Hot Lesbian Girlfriend of the Day

I don’t know why everyone is all up on the Lohan/ Ronson lesbian scandal while people like Jessica Biel are openly out and by out I mean totally showing off their lesbianism with some old fat chick. I feel like that kind of sexual dysfunction is almost worth talking about but then again, Biel is pretty useless so I’ll just leave it at that.

Posted in:Hot|Jessica Biel|Lesbian