The only time I like seeing women in ill-fitting clothes is when they are teenage runaways who only have one pair of pants for their journey they set out on a few months and 20 pounds earlier. It’s a sign of desperation, hunger and filth that usually opens a window for me to invite their poor, sad asses to my house, not that it is much of a house, but it is impressive to homeless teens, like shit should be on Homeless Man Cribs, since it’s like a fucking mansion compared to their park bench, cardboard box or wherever the fuck teen runaways sleep…..I don’t really care for it when it’s on washed up UK popstars I don’t really have any interest in wanting to fuck anymore.
Here is Hayden Panettiere and her weird looking hips, that I guess look like that because she doesn’t have enough leg to support her needs, so she’s busting out sideways, cuz it’s the only way to go. So she’s short, stalky and not really a girl I’d want to get with, unless I was touring with a circus, and she was the only realy pussy other thatn the bearded lady on the fuckin’ bus, so we are all forced to pass this bitch around, you know it’s lonely as a carni and you make do with what you’re given, not that I’ve ever been in a circus, or really turned down midget pussy, but sometimes it is nice to pretend.
I spend a good amount of time at the supermarket watching mom’s load their cars up with groceries, not because I can’t afford to get groceries and it is like when people drive through the rich part of town to look at the big houses, but because I like mom’s when their husbands are work.
I like them better when they are into yoga and staying fit, and even better when they are dressed like their teenage daughters in leggings, because I know how well traveled and experienced those mouths and pussies are.
As a guy who likes to fuck with young girls, breaking that mold and getting a real whore who doesn’t cry rape when you test their boundaries, and who doesn’t think facials/doggystyle/anal is being really adventurous is legendary. Especially when their hot daughter is in the other room and their husband is out making money to put that food they just loaded in the car on the table while I stare at their asses.
Unfortunately, the only wife and mother I’m fucking is my wife and she weighs in at 350 pounds.
Here’s Hilary Duff on set of some show bending over the trunk you’d like to throw her in, shut and drive to some abandoned warehouse to have your way with her. Creep.
Here are some pictures of Amanda Bynes wearing some pants and not showing off her legs even though they are all she has going for her. I don’t find her interesting so I don’t really know why I am bothering posting this shit. I guess it has to do with having nothing else to do with my day, which I guess I have in common with Amanda Bynes since I don’t think she’s ever really had work.
Speaking of people with no work, Mischa Barton is in Montreal filming some Ashton Kutcher TV show and I want her to take me out for dinner, but no one I know knows her or where she is staying so I guess, my dreams of banging the girl throwing up on herself in Sixth Sense won’t come true, so I have no choice but to just have to keep jerking off to it.
Jessica Simpson always had the tits of a fat chick, she was just never fat because she had the motivation and drive of a girl who wanted to make it, and she knew that no fat girls make it, so she traded the Texas BBQ for some LA rabbit food and a treadmill. I knew that her move back into country and her move back to Texas from the popstar life, was going to shape her into a new person, a nice fat new person. I guess you can’t fight genetics forever. So here are some pics of Jessica Simpson and her gunt to celebrate good ol’ southern cookin’.
She is a fuckin’ beast, it’s like Tony Romo did this to her because he wanted her to look more like a defensive line so he could actually get turned on when they fuck. She’s so fat, she even needs two fucking belts to keep her belly from dragging on the fucking ground and the whole thing fucking disgusts me.
I don’t know if you remember Ecko, they kinda fell off the map about 5 or 6 years ago when they started selling the shit in Wal Mart or places like Wal Mark and homeless people like me started rockin’ our Rhino sweatshirts because our wives thought they were cute and were the only thing under 20 dollars in the store that fit our overweight selves, not because we were hip hop or trying to maintain street cred, but because we were lazy and it was convenient.
It looks like they are making their way back onto the scene and they are drawing attention in the oldest way possible and that is with hot sluts in bikinis, showing off their asses, pretending to be making jeans, despite knowing the truth that these jeans were probably made in China, Indonesia or wherever else they make jeans these days, but who really cares about the sweatshops, unless of course they look like this.
Now do me a favor and email Ecko letting them know I promoted them for free because after Diesel’s SFW Porn ad was such a big hit, I figured I had to keep bringing the goods. I’d insert the link to the Diesel SFW porn clip, but that’s what the search bar is for, do it yourself you lazy pig.
Heidi Klum has a line of jeans out and she looks like a clown while promoting it, but that won’t stop her black husband from knocking her up because no girl is too ugly for a black man.
I was on the bus the other day and these two lesbian lookin’ fat chicks were there with the cutest half-black babies I ever saw. They looked like twins and one had big blue eyes and the other had brown eyes, so I asked the lesbians if they were twins, assuming they bought them at some discount adoption center, figuring if they were rich they wouldn’t be on the fucking bus. They told me that they weren’t twins but best friends and were born 5 days apart. Now I spent about 30 minutes staring at these fucking things and they looked identical, I mean sure I joke around that all black people look the same and call all black famous people Denzel Washington like the next racist, but reality is I have the ability to spot differences and these kids had none.
So I started talking to the woman next to me, who happened to be a Jamaican and we’re goin’ off about how those kids are identical and those mothers are not so how the fuck did this go down and we realized that they have to have the same dad. Now I am no expert on these things, but the Jamaican asked where the father was from and since she was Jamaican I assume the fat lesbian moms felt comfortable with her as she could be the baby daddy’s relative and they said that Jamaica. So the story goes like thise, 2 fat lesbians no one want go down to Jamaica on an all inclusive resort, have one too many drinks and end up fucking the bartender who knocks them both up, sending both of them back to Canada pregnant, making the herpes my friend got last time he went to the Dominican seem like not such a big deal.
I feel like I told this story already, I am confused.
I used to think Rachel Bilson had this really tight body and probably a pussy to match because she’s so tiny and dates guys like the dude in Star Wars who I assume has no penis. She’s the kind of girl I’d like to believe uses the pediatric sized speculum at the gynecologists. You know when you slam the bitch with your 4 inches of pathetic cock, the bed looks like a fuckin’ murder scene and you sit there smiling like you just taught the bitch proper. Then i realized you can fit pretty much a fist in any girl with a little patience and the right lubricant, ideally her tears if you do things the right way, but that’s just because pussy is made for making babies….
Unfortunately, her pictures are always fucking boring to me and I feel like she’s the kind of girl who you would hang with and rather play videogames or watch Sex in the City with, than fuck because she just doesn’t inspire much more than a good night’s sleep. The good news is that at least she’s got a tight lookin’ ass and in the fat world we live in, I can handle lookin’ at pics of it.
It was a nice day, so I kinda forgot to post these pictures of Heather Graham getting her ass grabbed in the airport because I chose getting drunk over sitting on my ass smelling the rotting pile of garbage that no one has or will take down unless I do it, which I won’t because I like the smell of garbage more than the smell of my wife.
I guess it’s nice to see a slut being treated like a slut in public, it really puts things in perspective and makes me realize that no matter how much money a bitch has, or how many dudes have jerked off to her in Boogie Nights, there will still be a dude who only hangs with her cuz he likes treating her like she’s a cheap hooker who’s already been paid. Enjoy.
Nothing says creepy pervert like standing across the street from a girl and watching her either put things in or take things out of her car in hopes to get a good look of her ass, except for maybe following a chick from the bar home and climbing her fire escape to watch her either drunken masturbate or have a booty call while you sit there jerking off like you’re watching some kind of live-action porn. It’s on the same level as watching a girl shopping at the mall and seeing her reach down for the perfect bikini or watching her model it for her friend before buying the perfect one. It’s like peaking into the curtain-doored changing rooms to watch them change without getting caught or even like hanging out at the bottom of open-backed stairs and watching girl walk up and down the stairs.
These are some pictures of GIsele putting things in or taking things out of her car and you can see the top strap of her panties, and those panties are actually touching her pussy,which must be pretty exciting for someone who has never seen a vagina….but is probably not all that exciting for the rest of the world. I call it the process of desensitization, like when I used to get a boner holding hands with a chick or seeing her in a bra and now I can barely get hard for a hot girl on all fours with a finger on her clit, begging me to stick it in, but I still try and thats all the matters to me, even if it turns out to be the worst sex for her. Let’s face it, I am not trying to impress anyone.
I have decided that today I am a fan of Hilary Duff. Not because she’s hot, but because she’s not fat and broken down like my wife and that shit is refreshing to me.
It’s kinda funny what happens to a man when you’ve been with someone who makes you sick to your stomach for about 5 years, and that is that the girls I once found hideous are slowly getting more and more attractive.
It’s like when I was in High School and I wouldn’t fuck the decent looking chick because she had one eyebrow and took too much work to convince to take my dick and my albino neighbor was easy and all about my dick because dude’s were usually scared shitless of her red eyes…but the point is that as an older dude, I find myself lookin’ at average lookin’ 18 year olds who I would have never fucked when I was 18, but now bring dirty thoughts in mind, because the fact that they are 18 outweighs the fact that they looks like they belong on a farm.
So Hilary and her horse face may not be the most amazing thing to look at, but I wouldn’t mind riding her down the beach and into the sunset like on a club med commercial but that’s just because late at night, I like to pretend I’m a cowboy and I feel like she’d be able to contribute to that fantasy by playing both the whore in the Saloon and the Horse I rode in on, she really is a triple threat.
The thing I like about Britney is that she proves that people love trainwrecks. She’s done everything in her power to make the world hate her or feel sorry for her, or laugh at her, or want to fuck her and she’s still got the number one song out there, so no matter what you say about her being a bad mother or drug addict or crazy, none of that really matters because she’s famous and successful and that shit goes a lot farther than being a good parent.
The other thing I like about Britney is that she’s a fat chick I want to bend over and smell like we’re a couple of dogs in the dog park. I just have a thing for trying to figure out what she ate for dinner the night before.
The thing I don’t like about Britney is that she’s untouchable. She’s one of those celebrities who you will never be able to seduce, not because she isn’t a desperate stupid girl that would probably be impressed with by a shiny new quarter, but because K-Fed has damaged her and from this point on it’ll be impossible to be the next K-Fed, which is too bad because it was kind of a retirement dream of mine.
She prove that so much can change in a person from the age of 16 to 25 and she’s pretty much doing everything we all hoped she would do, like showing off her tits and pussy and rockin’ jeans that don’t fit because she’s living the dream that she’s still a size small. Unfortunately it’s about 10 years too late, but I usually take what I can get.