Kelly Osbourne has mastered the bikini selfie for social media by taking her 500 pound body and making it look like it isn’t 500 pounds and I guess they call this “secret internet fatty” moves, which is really the foundation of the internet social media profile – dating profiles – something that if I met girls off the internet I would discover was fact – you know that 700 pictures and 8 apps to photoshop yourself so that your pictures look like they are out of a magazine…lie..that you sext with…but I don’t fuck with internet people because they are all fucking weird…yes I am the normal…

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Fat Kelly Osbourne decided to flash her ass in a thong to instagram, and unlike my instagram when I post a thong, she wasn’t deleted, because she’s Kelly Osbourne and in turn a huge TV star and by huge, I mean literally huge, I remember her in the fat years, and no matter what color her hair is, she’ll always be that hungry thing feeding…

I am sure she’s a lovely person, I mean how could someone mooning the internet, living off a trust fund, pretty much set for life, yet still working be a bad person. This is the kind of thing we want from a girl…so if anything…I should be celebrating her….yet for some reason I hate this, but I’d still buy the panties…if she was to sell them on ebay for charity…and I guess so would every Ozzy fan who loves him so much that masturbating to his daughter…is less gay and even less weird, but barely…than masturbating to him…

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Kelly Osbourne has finally shown the world what she’s been hiding in her plus sized pants…and I know I’m not shocked or surprised by this, because let’s face it, she’s a fucking monster…..and monster with big cleavage…

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Photoshopped Kelly Osbourne is on the cover of SELF Magazine, next to a headline on 5 minute abs, even though her abs look more like a singular hard packed piled of shit that is impacted inside her from all the anal I assume she has because either she’s got a dick, at least that’s what her sex appeal in a bikini tells me, or no one, not even the biggest gold digger or Sabbath fan wants to K-Fed her….she’s just that appealing a vagina…

I guess she’s on the cover because she’s made progress and is not as fat as she once was, but that’s really not saying all that much, because let’s face it, no one should be as fat as she was and losing that weight shouldn’t be celebrated, because she shouldn’t have been there in the first place. It’s like celebrating a convicted killer for not killing a guy he got in a fight with, you know only leaving his face smashed in but still breathing, only with more bikini and far less excitement…here are the pics to start your day in a horrible way….

She is a monster…

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Remember when Kelly Osbourne almost died on set of some show she’s on a few months ago. It looks like the only thing that died was her sex appeal, no wait, that was always dead, maybe a product of being raised by her gothic parents, but probably more a product of being made by her gothic parents, with broken DNA thanks to hard fucking drug use. But I guess the starving herself and trying to be skinny thing is over, maybe the fainting was from starving herself, and doctor’s orders are to eat cake, something it looks like her fat ass has been embracing.

All this to say, the bikini was a horrible idea, she needs to plan better vacations, like one that involves a snow suit.

She scares me.

What a dump truck of a spoiled brat, but the good news is there will always be a man horny enough, or gold digger enough to bite the bullet and bang her and I guess that’s what matters.

#Cyberbully

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photo via TMZ

Apparently, Kelly Osbourne was filming a show called Fashion Police, with Melissa Rivers for E!, complained about not feeling well and fell to the floor shaking…someone in the audience…who was either a doctor or a pervert pretending to be a doctor knowing this was probably his one chance to mouth to mouth her….helped….she came to…but they send her to the hospital anyway…cuz seizures aren’t normal…

I like to think it all started when she looked at herself in the mirror…

I would blame anorexia…but I don’t blame anorexia for anything…anorexia is the source of great things…like bikini bodies….

I do however blame her genetics…the sperm that made her was so contaminated….and made her this obese thing…along with her brother who has MS….

Is Kelly Osbourne death near?! Only time will tell.

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This is unfortunate..Kelly Osbourne is in a magazine in a bikini….

I get it…she was way fatter than this and lost weight…let’s fucking celebrate and look at her like she’s some bikini model…when she’s not a fucking bikini model….

I mean the fact is this spoiled brat shouldn’t have been fat in the first place….so now that she’s more acceptable in size they think it’s a story worth discussing…you know to give fat america, who shouldn’t be fat in the first place, but are too lazy to not be fat…thanks to modern commerce….hope that they too can be almost acceptable in a bikini…

But what it comes down to is that she still looks like shit….just in a smaller size….

I am not impressed Cosmo….not impressed at all.

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I am only posting this because I think the idea of Kelly Osbourne being a fashion model is fuckin jokes…and I love jokes….especially when they involve fat chicks….cuz fat chicks are the best punch line ever…even if they took being laughed at for being fat seriously and lost all the weight…they are still fat chicks to me….

Here she is totally not erotic…cuz erotic is not something she’s capable of…

Posted in:Kelly Osbourne