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Archive for the Audrina Patridge Category

2008

22

Jul

Audrina’s Bikini Pictures of the Day

8 Comments »

Audrina proves that if you’re ugly and you know it, don’t clap your hands, hit the gym, get an eating disorder, do cocaine to boost your self esteem and feed delusions that you’re hot, get your dad to buy you fake tits, and wear a fucking bikini every chance you get, because if you can’t control your mangled fucking face, you can always take control over your body and make it something better than the other ugly chicks out there, leaving you as the ugly hot chick instead of the hottest ugly chick and that fine line is a major one you don’t necessarily want to cross. I hate her, I hate what she does, I hate her show and I hate her face but I like how she looks in a bikini and so should you.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini Pictures

2008

18

Jul

Audrina Patridge in Her Ugly Dress of the Day

21 Comments »

Here’s rat-faced, bullshit artist, week old kitchen garbage of a person, Audrina Patridge, rockin’ a bikini top under some shitty dress that looks like it was made out of a dead whore’s nightgown or some fat girl’s prom dress. She proves yet again that fake tits don’t make a girl hot. They just just work on horny guys the same way a tranny with huge fake tits works on guys. Shit leads straight dudes into paying for blowjobs just because they have long hair, make up and tits, but the reality is that there’s still no pussy to fuck, it’s pretty fucking gay. That’s not to say she’s a dude, but it is to say that her fake tits, match her fake career, fake life and is just an master of manipulating simple minded horny dudes.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini Top|Dress

2008

27

Jun

Audrina Patridge and Her Fake Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

Audrina has caught on that showing off her fake tits get her attention and help her stand out amongst her co-stars and make a name for herself and for a simple spoiled brat from an upper middle class family who had a dream of being in Playboy and the means to get fake tits, that means a lot. Most of the girls I know with implants just had them done to make more money stripping, but it turns out that they were just selling themselves short and all it takes is a dream.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Fake Tits

2008

18

Jun

Audrina Patridge Gets Out of a Mercedes of the Day

3 Comments »

The girls from The Hills may be useless cunts, but they drive Mercedes and that’s better than my whip, which is a pair of sneakers with holes in them.

Either way, I did a post on Holly Montag, Heidi Montag’s sister and she found out and got back to me:

Hey Drunken Stepfather!

What you wrote was pretty hilarious, but would you mind taking my pictures down please? They are my private photos that only my friends are supposed to be able see, and I think you know better…

Thank you,

Holly Montag

This is the closest brush with useless fame I have ever had, except for that one time I saw Wesley Snipes in a bar and he threatened to kill me, but at the time he wasn’t useless but that story is as tired as his bank account.

Either way, I’ll take the attention, even if it’s through her useless party slut sister, something more useless than useless but it’s good enough for me…..

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Mercedes

2008

02

Jun

Audrina Patridge Shows Off her Panties of the Day

5 Comments »

So useless Audrina is showing off her panties because she’s a whore who only values herself as something with tits and a pussy and is trying so hard to be the next big thing guys want to fuck and that’s ok by me because looking at Audrina and pretty much every girl I come across, all I see is something with tits and a pussy and for the most part they aren’t half as appealing as this nothing.

Truth is that she’s made her own way from her upper-middle class home all the way to MTV where she makes her own money and has become a useless celebrity when all she ever really dreamed about or wanted was to be in Playboy and have the Bunny Stamp of approval on her fake tits and now her dream is that much closer to coming true.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Panties

2008

16

May

Audrina on the Set of Her New Shitty Movie of the Day

2 Comments »


So the formula for useless slut success is pretty simple. Get fake tits, suck the right dick to end up on a shitty MTV show that for some reason is a huge success because people obviously have nothing better to do with their time. because they are even more useless than the fake tit sluts on the show.

That popularity leads to shitty movie roles like to the sequel to a Jessica Alba movie that only got an audience because Alba was in a bikini the whole fuckin’ time and the movie companies know that we’re easily manipulated. Unfortunately, the next round doesn’t have as much of a budget and they couldn’t get Alba because she’s pregnant and too expensive, so they took the next best thing, someone who wasn’t scared that a role that shitty would ruin their career but would instead think of it as an opportunity of a lifetime and that person is Audrina from the Hills.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini

2008

07

Apr

Audrina Gets Her Tattoo for Pop Fiction of the Day

5 Comments »

I was told that the Audrina’s tattoo was a stupid prank for the stupid Ashton Kutcher show that has to be totally bombing because his ideas for fucking with the paparazzi involve suck. They involve people from the fuckin’ Hills, who no one cares about, getting really bad fake tattoos that are…wait for it…supposed to be the wrong chinese characters that read “Pork Fried Rice” instead of “I’m a useless cunt trying to ride this wave as long as I can because I have nothing to offer the world”. She’s so desperate for media attention, she’s released nude pictures and lucky for her Ashton is so desperate to keep his show afloat and can’t find anyone remotely famous to go along with the stupidity that he turns to her. I already posted this shit Here and Here , but figured I’d show you assholes the final prank being played the way they wanted it to trick all of us, when I don’t think it really did.

The only real funny thing about the whole thing or at least the first 10 seconds I watched of it is how the old dude is coaching her how to act when she gets her tattoo to make the whole thing more believable, like bitch is so fucking useless and talentless that she needs tips on how to fake getting a tattoo…I wonder if she needs tips changing her tampon and wiping her ass because if she does, I’d be willing to help even though my track record is pretty bad, at least that’s what my soiled underwear tells me, but I am willing to try….

Watch Part 2 Here if You’re That Interested…I wasn’t.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Cunt|Pop Fiction|Punk'd

2008

31

Mar

Audrina Patridge’s Stupid Tattoo Does the Pussycat Dolls of the Day

2 Comments »

I don’t break stories and I was tipped off that this whole Audrina Patridge tattoo shit was some kind of Ashton Kutcher Punk’d the Next Generation prank on the public. So when I got this email that deciphered what looks like the shittiest Chinese character tattoo, something that looks like it was drawn on with a box of Crayola’s, that reads “Pork Fried Rice”, I knew it was a shitty joke on us and that the tattoo is faker than her tits, because the reality is that I’ve seen better fake tattoos on poor kids covered in dirt at the local fair and you know they don’t have a budget to trick us into thinkin’ that panther on their chest is real….

Sure people get ugly tattoos all the time, and sure they get Chinese symbols that don’t translate into what they think theyt translates into because the people getting Chinese character tattoos are usually clueless, yes I am talking to you, and they people giving them their shitty tattoos are usually trashy beer drinking bikers who they met at a flea market. I have seen this happen so many fuckin times, but never so big and obvious so I call lie on this shit. Not to mention Ashton’s fame died about 3 years ago and the only people he can easily recruit to do his shitty show are either friends or people starved for attention aching to be legitimately famous and who are willing to do anything to get there…someone like Audrina.

Either way, fake or not, shit’s still fuckin ugly but not as ugly as these pictures of Audrina as a Pussycat Doll because it is all her rich kid ass is good for….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Pussycat Doll|Tattoo

2008

28

Mar

Audrina Patridge Gets a Tattoo Cuz She’s Hardcore of the Day

7 Comments »

Audrina Patridge is hanging with the wrong crowd. Her candy coated rich kid upbringing kept her on the rich side of the tracks. You know with tennis lessons and summer camp and luxury cars and now she’s trying to give the finger to her family by hanging with some big breasted, tattooed, lesbian biker chick. In trying to keep up with her new crew, she’s decided that the only way to get respect from them is to go out and get a gang tattoo on her wrist, potentially the best club slut place to get a tattoo, the only thing worse than that shit is if bitch gets it in white ink and it’s a playboy bunny or the Chanel logo or some stupid saying in another language or some shit, like every stripper dreams of getting. I guess it’s not her fault she’s trying harder than the rich Jewish girl I met getting pierced and changed out of her Jewish Girl outfit of the day, and rocked leather and tight jeans like it was halloween and she was actually hardcore and not a spoiled brat. The only hope we have is that the needle is tainted and she gets herself some AIDS and the good news is that she’s enough of a slut to make that happen on her own, without dirty needles. Either way, she’s got good cleavage so stare at it a bit, like you were there…..

UPDATE Ashton Kutcher’s stupid show can’t lure anyone high profile to fuck with the media and this is his genius idea of tricking the media into writing about some no name d-list slut so that he can get the last lame laugh. If this is a segment on the show, dude needs some better writers because I am not posting it cuz I care she’s getting a tattoo, I am writing it cuz her tits are busting out of her shirt….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|cleavage|Tattoo

2008

19

Mar

Audrina From the Hills Gets Naked of the Day

5 Comments »

I never really understand what goes through a girls mind when she takes naked pictures of herself, but then again I am not a reality TV star on one of the worst shows on TV. It’s obviously got something to do with wanting to get more exposure, because they know that nakedness means a lot more attention than just staging a nipple slip or upskirt or whatever the fuck else these bitches do to get famous, when not ready to go all the way with a sex tape. It’s like bitch thinks she’s too classy to get a dick in her on camera for the world to see, but she’ll dress like a cheap stripper in a slutty school girl outfit to show off her tits.

The story is they were an audition set she wanted to send to Playboy when she was fresh out of highschool, sexually charged and thought she was hotter than she is because daddy bought her a set of fake tits for her birthday because she already had everything else that she ever wanted and she wanted to show them off. She’s like every tacky club slut I see, with their short skirts and low cut top, showing off their Playboy Bunny tattoo as they step out of their Range Rover and I guess these pics really aren’t that big of a deal, since she’s not spreading her pussy apart, and this is some discount bargain basement version of an erotic photoshoot, but I guess if you’ve ever wanted to see her tits, now you can.

Check Out the Entire Set By Clickin’ This Link Cuz I Can’t Find the Fuckin’ Pictures to Steal….They all Have a Stupid Fucking Tag Across Them and Rumor is They Cost 10,000 Dollars Each, Money This Poor Mother Fucker Doesn’t Have and If I Did, I’d Spend it On Hookers.
GO

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Naked|Photoshoot