Audrina Patridge Archives - Page 7 of 9 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Audrina Patridge Category

2009

Mar

Audrina Patridge and Her Sheer Top of the Day

Audrina broke the fake tit rule and put on a bra, I guess it’s got something to do with her wearing a see through shirt and not wanting to show the world her useless tits that I could have a set of if I decided to save up 5000 dollars and get, so that I could feel myself up all night long and make people around me anywhere I went feel awkward about my constant inappropriate titty play masturbation, especially when I bust the shit out of my shirt to show the world they are big enough to get my tongue on, you know like I was a teenage girl on webcam for her boyfriend and I’ve run out of things to do with my tits and I’m not quite ready to bust out my pussy just yet, because I want to keep him coming back for more.

If you read that, you probably found it a useless read, well I guess it’s appropriate since it’s set to pictures of a useless girl.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|See Through|Sheer|Tits

2009

Feb

Some Audrina Bikini Pictures from Hawaii With Love of the Day

2 Comments »

The Hills cast have gone to Hawaii because I guess that’s as deep as the writing staff can go when it comes to writing storylines for this robots. You know as they sit around and try to figure out what more they can do in LA or Vegas or even Miami that they haven’t already done, and since they can’t really exploit this stupid twat Audrina for the pornstar she was meant to be because MTV are all prude and shit, they come up with “let’s send ’em to hawaii” genius. I can only assume they did it in hopes the plane would crash, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking because that would probably mean they’d lose their meaningless job creating meaningless TV staring lazy talentless assholes designed for braindead people.

On a side note, I blame these cunts for the fall of America.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini|Hawaii|Hills

2008

Dec

Audrina’s New Boyfriend Looks Like Your Only Girlfirend….of the Day

2 Comments »

So the Hills had some Season Finale party that I am sure a lot of people are hoping is the series finale party, because we’ve finally caught onto their scam that their reality isn’t really reality at all and Audrina showed up, trying to be the fucking comedian of the night, by bring this “man pillow” I’ve seen advertised on the internet from Japan to make lonely girls feel like they are being cuddled at night, as her date. I can only assume this ties into the show somehow, like Audrina’s been looped into some relationship scandal and since she’s not clever to come up with something like this on her own, the good people at MTV wrote it into the “going to the season finale party” script and none of it really matters because it doesn’t make me laugh.

If anything it depresses me and makes me think of all those guys out there who can’t get pussy and are saving up for a Real Doll but can only afford the torso, turning them into weirdo’s who can’t get off to actual girls with heads and limbs and takes them down a very dark path because the 1500 dollar torso is way more affordable than the 6000 dollar full body doll.

So Audrina’s shitty comedy is another man’s shitty reality, but the good news is that it’s only natural for her to date a lifeless inanimate thing, even if he’s just 25% of a body, because she’s a fucking lifeless robot and I hear their conversation isn’t all that different than what you’ve seen of her on the show and here are her pics.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|cleavage|sex doll|Tits

2008

Nov

Audrina and Her Big Fake Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

I guess The Hills are still on. I was convinced that because Heidi Montag was for McCain, Obama would have been smart enough to say if he wins he will abolish that bullshit show, up until today, I thought that was the only reason he won, but it turns out the bullshit is still being produced and these regular people who are hired to act, but can’t act, further making the show seem contrived and orchestrated, but for some reason people still fuckin’ watch it. I hope it’s because of the entertainment value of seeing big ol’ fake titties making fools of themselves in some really bad, tedious joke, because otherwise, despite Obama’s win, I still have no fuckin’ hope for America.

Other than that, Audrina’s got a good body, and deserves some credit where credit is due, because being skinny and having fake tits is really the American Dream, I am falling asleep as I type this so I should probably just stop. Audrina, drinking and not sleeping have that effect on me, they work their way into my core, and paralyze me…..

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Fake Tits

2008

Oct

Audrina Gets Dunked By Ellen in a Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

Daytime television just got a little more Lesbian Pornographic, while Audrina from The Hills showed up to the Ellen show in a bikini, to get dunked for charity, a charity challenge that Ellen came up with that reminds me of the time I tried to start a Blow-Job-A-Thon, where people would give me money depending on the number of blowjobs I could land in a month, that 100 dollars I tricked people to give me was well spent on trying to get those blowjobs, which I wasn’t very successful at doing or the time I went oor to door pretending I was collecting money for sick kids, but instead used it on drinking, but way more lesbian.

The highlight of the video is Ellen awkwardly offering to warm up Audrina, but pulling back on it because the clit boner in her pants would have probably ended up in Audrina’s mouth, and instead Ellen chose the dignified route of keeping her soft-on in her pants, and taking out that sexual frustration on throwing baseballs to get the bitch as wet as she was throwing the balls. It’s all really inappropriate to think that kids watch this shit, like it ain’t a thing. The morals and values they are learning, like that a lesbian can have her own TV show and get girls in bikinis on the show for her own sexual perversions could really fuck shit up, but instead of censoring her like they should, or having her pretend that she likes dick, like Oprah and Rosie before she came out, they just pay her lots of money to keep her lesbian mouth shut so that she doesn’t start some lesbian protest or lesbian campaign about how whatever network she is on is homophobic and I guess that’s a good thing for you Audrina fans….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini|Dunked|Ellen

2008

Oct

Audrina Is Just Not Hot Enough To Be This Famous of the Day

1 Comment »

Audrina makes or made 35,000 dollars per episode of The Hills she was on, she may even make more than that now and she doesn’t deserve it according to me. Most fake titty retarded girls I know, make 10 dollars a song and are lucky to walk out of the club with 1000 dollars a week, and they get naked for that, while Audrina just stands around lookin’ like a fucking idiot. I know saying she should strip is standard and nothing new, but I don’t even think she’s got what it takes to do that. She is that talentless, and the only skill she had was having a family member or friend with a hook up who gave her the fuckin’ handout. I don’t like that she’s even being talked about or doing something people are patting her on the fucking back for, or interviewing her, because she just offer us with absolutely nothing and if anything she is just someone to make us feel better about ourselves. I am sure her parents are proud because the only hope they had for her was to marry an old Jewish Doctor with no standards and a big ol’ nose, because they go for that kind of thing.

Speaking of Jewish doctors, I was at a bar last night and some dude was walking around with his stethoscope. It turned out he was a med student and it was his way of seducing girls, because doctors have a god complex and think we are all impressed that they are studying medicine. I thought that was some pretty weak game, but it fuckin’ worked, within 20 minutes of getting in the place, he was checking girls vitals and running gynecological exams in the bathroom, when I pulled him aside, to ask him if he was legit, he laughed and said that it was all a joke that was working out pretty fucking well.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Ugly

2008

Sep

Audrina and Her Sister’s Teeth are In Their Bathing Suits of the Day

3 Comments »

Audrina was out in a bathing suit with her sister’s teeth recently and I really have nothing to say about this family, other than that something really went wrong. I am thinking that they may have lived by power lines, or maybe there was lead in the water or asbestos in the walls or maybe their mom was an addict, but whatever the fuck happened it made both of them retards. I am pretty tired of ugly skinny chicks with fake tits getting way more love than they deserve because America is filled with fat chicks, so by comarisson they are hot, because when I look at Audrina, I don’t see anything attractive, but I do see something that should probably be wearing a bike helmet while standing on the street corner with a sign begging for change to feed her cat.

It is up to you to make these people from The Hills go away. All you have to do is stop watching the fucking show. I think now is a good time to start.

”’

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bathing Suit|Bikini|Teeth

2008

Aug

Audrina Patridge Blesses Children Like She was Jesus of the Day

7 Comments »

If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted yet, it’s because I got this email last night and it threw me off and forced me to keep drinking til 6 am or at least made a decent excuse for me to drink…..

I know you have a whole schtick about being drunk and fat and lazy…no doubt I believe your fat and lazy, but the whole gimmick about being drunk 24/7, I don’t buy it…I actually used to be a big fan of your site, but then every single post became “such and such in a bikini of the day”/ “such and such bikini pictures”….the shits not entertaining anymore, and I got sick of it. In fact that’s what every single celebrity blog post is now a day, bikini pictures….your site used to have shit that no one else had and I came to you first, but now it’s a last resort…see I actually am drunk, unlike you who I’m pretty sure just makes drunk jokes to seem like you don’t give a shit but in all reality do, and I started this email as a random whiny pissy rant to get you to check your spelling, because you suck horribly at it….if you have a blog that generates at least some of the respectful “fans” you used to have, at least spell check your shit and don’t insult our intelligence….if your being dead serious about why you have no traffic on the site, it’s because you’ve lost your talent, I wish you had it back, but seriously, I used to love your site, and now it’s just advertising for bullshit webcam girls/bikini pictures/teens on photobucket….don’t get me wrong, I love tits as much as the next guy, but dude, you stopped trying a while ago….hugs and kisses motherfucker

Now my public response to this is that I don’t pretend I am drunk all day, when I do the site I am usually not drinking but recovering from drinking and planning my next drink. I don’t claim to be an alcoholic or glamorize it, it is just one of the few things I do and like doing so I write about it.

I agree that bikini and celebrity pictures you can find anywhere are boring, I wish I had some exclusive content ideas and resources to go out there and expose shit, cover shit and produce good shit, but I don’t so I work with what I have and can afford and if that means ripping off other sites and forums, it’s what I am going to do.

I don’t check my spelling because I hate reading shit I already write, I am not an educated English professor and I am pretty much just winging it, if that’s not professional enough for you, that sucks, but I am not insulting your intelligence, but more showing you my lack of intelligence.

If I got lazy. the truth is I work on the site more now than I ever have……

If I lost whatever talent you think I had, then I guess that’s a good thing because it means that at one point I was a talent, something I never believed I was in anyway.

I have pretty much no advertisers, I link to a couple cam sites to pay for the server and I don’t think I ever did try.

I appreciate the feedback, but next time I hope it isn’t sent by someone who’s emails is “NewFoundGlory” because anyone who liked that pop punk suburban cover band enough to name their email after it, it really someone I can’t take seriously, so I’ll just keep doing what I do, while you sing along to the suburban punk versions of whatever shitty songs they sing while driving your car feeling at one with the music.

It’s okay to hate, I learnt a long time ago that you can’t make everyone happy and have made an effort to make as many people as possible unhappy, so maybe this is just a sign of my success. It’s also okay to get bored of this site because God knows the 90 percent of the time I am, but then again I have a limited attention span.

Either way, here’s some pictures of Audrina because she has no talent also and I feel like that is our bond, it looks like she is too stupid to realize that she’s useless as she blesses what looks like her slut sister’s offspring, like she was the real Jesus or some shit and I guess that’s what makes ignorance bliss. More to come…..

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Jesus

2008

Aug

Audrina Partridge Makes Bad Jokes in her Bikini for Publicity of the Day

9 Comments »

Audrina is a useless slut and she’s trying to milk all the fame she can by getting in a bikini as often as possible and now she’s taken it to the next level by agreeing to do some kind of joke for that Jew Chelsea Lately’s show where she pretends to be dating a midget. I am guessing shit’s a play on the whole Verne Troyer sex tape shit, or maybe they just think the idea of a retarded looking half-rate celebrity dating a midget is just so fucking funny, because people aren’t supposed to date midgets they are supposed to watch them get shot out of cannons or some other offensive shit that degrades all my midget brothers out there and I take offense to this shit, mainly because it’s a cheap joke and even if it wasn’t a cheap joke it wouldn’t be funny, but more importantly because I hate Audrina and despite having a good set of implants, which is rare, still deserves none of what she’s got including you jerking off to her.

The truth is that when I first saw these pics, I naturally assumed she was with one of her friends she met at her retard and handicapped camp she was sent to as a kid, but that turned out to be false fuckin’ promises and the truth is the she’s just a cunt.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini

2008

Aug

Audrina and Heidi Montag are Fake Friends of the Day

14 Comments »

I hate The Hills. I have never watched it and will never watch it, but doing this site forces me to know what the cunts on the show are up to. I figure if I wanted to watch a group of ugly rich kids complaining about their scripted, obvious and boring lives, I’d just go to the Starbucks down the street, at least that way I can follow the whores home and rape some sense into them, when I am pretty much at a lost when it comes to teaching these MTV bitches a lesson, since they are too big of a deal to be accessible for some fat dude in Canada.

The real issue with their fame is that it’s really got nothing to do with them, and a lot to do with you and the people you know. You cocksuckers are watching their shit, talking about the shit, buying the DVDs of the shit, inflating their whore egos and giving MTV no choice but to continue writing the garbage that rapes the minds of everyone who watches it.

The only thing remotely interesting about the show is that it’s on some Truman Show level, where they have pretty much sold out their lives to play their part all the fucking time, so that they don’t slip up on the continuity of the story, and the lies they are living are going to become their reality so when the show is cancelled and they realize that they can’t survive in real life because they don’t know who they really are and have no identity and will never be able to live down the cunts they play like they are Gary Coleman or some shit and can’t quite figure out why the rest of the world acts so differently than they did when they were on the show only and the only escape is suicide.

Either way, here’s two girls from The Hills showing the world how full of shit they are in this fake interraction that pisses me off….