Hawaii Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2009

30

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Hawaii Surfing of the Day

This is my second Lohan post today. She’s surfing in a one-piece and I am impressed by her athleticism. I’ve always wanted to be a surfer, at least ever since I saw Point Break. It looks like a lifestyle I could really connect with, unfortunately, I live in Canada, I am 300 pounds and I don’t know how to swim and I hate waking up early, so I’d really just want to sit on the beach creepin’ on girls all day, not that I like to refer to my life mission as creepy, I am just letting the rules of society get the better of me, because there’s nothing wrong with snappin’ off pics of unsuspecting girls as they tan while masturbating. That’s not creepy. Creepy would be following them to the public bathroom and raping them as they shower off the sand….or something. Fuck leave me alone. I don’t have the answers. I just know I need lunch.

Posted in:Hawaii|Lindsay Lohan|Surfing

2009

30

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Hawaii Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

A-loha(n). Lindsay Lohan’s still looking good in her bikini in Hawaii. She’s rockin’ out with her sister and her monkey lookin’ friend. I’d post the pictures of her sister, but she is 15 and I have a reputation I’m trying to kill. Just the other day I was walking through the park innocently and some season-pushing teenage girls were tanning in the smallest bikinis ever, it wasn’t even that hot out, but I guess they realize that they are in their prime, guys their own age are jerking off to them, guys their dad’s age are too, and they might as well play it up before puberty makes them fat. When I went up to them to ask if they wanted me to make them famous and if they had any fake IDs in the event we got caught, they told me to fuck off and called me a creep, so I’ve vowed to stick to real 18 year old sluts, not cockteasing teenage sluts….I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I guess it was to say that no Ali Lohan pics, and who’d really want them when Lohan’s body so tight it might as well be 14 and jacked on hormones in the food she eats.

Posted in:Bikini|Hawaii|Lindsay Lohan

2009

29

Apr

Lindsay Lohan in her One-Piece Bathing Suit of the Day

6 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan is still in Hawaii and she’s keeping me on my toes. It’s like I don’t know what bathing suit she’s going to hit the beach with, it’s like will she wear the bikini, will she wear the one-piece, will she wear the microbikini, will she go topless, will she get caught skinny dipping, I just know she’s gonna be caught on camera as long as she’s there. I figure she likes it, because if she didn’t, she’d be vacationing in Southeast Asia, or somewhere removed where the people have no idea who she is, because despite this whole internet thing, I’m convinced there are places where there are no paparazzi, like in my shithole apartment, I mean if she’s lookin’ for a safe haven when she gets into Montreal this weekend, no one will think to look here.

On a side note, I’ve been getting email after email about how Lohan is going to be in Montreal. I am being asked if I am going to try to sneak into the event and get some exclusive content, because Lohan in Montreal is seemingly a huge deal. I’m not really planning on it, but she is in the same venue as my Paris Hilton hustle….

Check Out the Story Behind the Video at I am – Paris Does Montreal

So you never know what will happen, but assume nothing, because I hate crowds and I am lazy, have no hook-ups and don’t really care. But the event is going to be fucking nuts. Perez Hilton wrote about it and all the little girlies around town are out buying their Lohan dresses hoping to be her new pussy. It is all too weird to me. I think I’m going to go bowling instead.

Posted in:Bathing Suit|Hawaii|Lindsay Lohan|One Piece

2009

12

Mar

Paris Hilton and her Staged Hawaii Vacation of the Day

4 Comments »

If any relationships are real in Hollywood, and not just an extension of their PR strategies, you know where they actually have a soul, connection, love, passion, interest in each other, then the Good Charlotte sister will probably be pretty fucking heavy hearted after seeing these pictures, but not as heavy hearted as when his one true love, his soulmate, his masturbation partner, settled with Nicole Richie and made babies.

Not that it matters because we aren’t faggot’s here and we don’t care about emotions, we believe if fuckin’ whores until our dicks bleed then fuckin’ them some more, you know stringing women along, lying to them, manipulating them and only doing it because they allow us to, not because we’re bad people, but because they are just retarded and like drama, like being mistreated and lied to and love suckin’ dick when they think it’ll get them something. Unfortunately, you’re still a virgin and I’m married to a fat chick I don’t like fucking, but that’s how we should be.

I guess the real joke in all this shit, is that there is no way these pictures aren’t staged, I’ve never gone scuba diving before, but I’m pretty sure there were no paparazzi down there waiting for a celeb just incase they were, but maybe that should be their new strategy, because under water bikini pics, will be something new to jerk off to, and trust me, we’re all lookin’ for that….

The sad news of the day is that Paris was attacked by a shark, but her vagina faught it off and she survived…the shark wasn’t so lucky…and either is this Reinhardt motherfucker.

Here they are getting ice cream…

Posted in:Hawaii|Paris Hilton|Vacation

2009

18

Feb

Spencer Pratt’s Sister in a Bikini of the Day

No Comments »

The best thing about The Hills is that they take nobodies and turn them into celebrities that teenage girls and bored 9-5ers become obsessed with, my to broaden the scope of their uselessness, they bring in the siblings. So I am not well versed in Hills Trivia, because I want them all the just disappear and collectively they are about as important as the pile of dog shit I stepped in this morning and a hell of a lot more irritating, I do know that this one is Spencer’s sister and that knowledge makes me want to re-focus this site on what’s important…internal cumshot porn because it is the way nature wanted us to do it….oh and here are these assholes in Hawaii showing us that being waste of space who contributes nothing to society pays well, has amazing benefits and a pretty fucking solid upside.

Posted in:Bikini|Hawaii|Spencer Pratt|Stephanie Pratt

2009

17

Feb

Some Audrina Bikini Pictures from Hawaii With Love of the Day

2 Comments »

The Hills cast have gone to Hawaii because I guess that’s as deep as the writing staff can go when it comes to writing storylines for this robots. You know as they sit around and try to figure out what more they can do in LA or Vegas or even Miami that they haven’t already done, and since they can’t really exploit this stupid twat Audrina for the pornstar she was meant to be because MTV are all prude and shit, they come up with “let’s send ’em to hawaii” genius. I can only assume they did it in hopes the plane would crash, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking because that would probably mean they’d lose their meaningless job creating meaningless TV staring lazy talentless assholes designed for braindead people.

On a side note, I blame these cunts for the fall of America.