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Archive for the Bush Category

2007

Aug

I am – Vintage Naked Lisa Marie and Jeff Goldblum on the Beach of the Day

I didn’t go out last night because i got bubonic plague early monday morning and missed work. Since I slept all day, I was up all night amusing myself. After the batteries died in my vibrator, I decided to try this fake-tan shit. Living in NYC has made me pale as an albino’s balls. Tanning salons are cancer boxes. I used to get brown from running, but I can’t run anymore since i fucked up my knees from giving too much head on hard surfaces as a hooker. And sunbathing is so fucking boring, unless you are at the beach. And I was too hungover to handle more than 20 minutes at the beach in San Diego.

So I stripped and slathered my body with this tanning cream. I made sure to properly smear it into each crevice, to really rub my ass, to massage the lotions deep into my tits. As I was standing in front of the mirror, nude, waiting for the magical golden change, it sounded like the water was running in my studio. Now my apartment is a converted storefront, with basically a garage door for one wall, the kind the shopkeeeper would open and BANG, his store was basically open to the street (luckily there is also a side door so I don’t have to do that). I check for the source of the trickling water, and its not from my shower, which is next to my toilet. It’s not from the toilet, which is next to my sink. And its not from my sink, which is across from my bed…

I notice a puddle of dark liquid leaking from under my garage door wall, exactly in the place where i need to replace the duct tape for when it rains. I smell pee, and I am PISSED. I fling open my side door and start screaming at this homeless junkie taking a leak on my sorta-wall. He stands there stunned. I realize I am still completely naked and lubed up, and we are both caught in this awkward moment. He runs, I go back inside to clean the urine off my floor. My studio still smells like pee and I am not a naked golden goddess… YET.

Here are some vintage pics of Lisa Marie naked with Jeff Goldblum on some beach from a few years ago (it maybe old, but it’s boobs and bush). She has the potential to be a golden goddess, she just needs to even out those white hooters and crotch. She is a patchwork goddess. As for Goldblum, I love him, but thank god for lots of sand. Lisa Marie is best remembered as the hot gum chewing ‘Martian Girl’ in “Mars Attacks!” and hasn’t worked since 2001. Have fun wacking off to Lisa’s still pretty good-look’n bod.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE

2007

Jun

I am – Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Naked of the Day

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These pictures were taken by photo agency FAME and they are of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo naked. Unfortunately the fuckers sold the picture to Life & Style magazine and the uncensored version hasn’t hit the internet yet. I emailed x17 asking them to send me the unedited version, which could have been a mistake since those fuckers hate me and sites like me and sue all of our asses as often as they have to to protect their really lucrative, yet sleazy business of taking pictures of celebrities naked. The reason I am posting these is in hopes that one of my 12 readers, that means you, works at this magazine and has a copy of the original.

I always was fascinated with pubic hair and pussy and always wanted to know what bitch is rockin’. I remember when I was in school I used to ask all the girls to tell me about their pubic hair. I’d want to know what color shit was, I wanted to know how shit was maintained, was it bald, was it rectangular, was it triangular, was it dealt with by using scissors, wax, Nair or a razor or was it full blown bush. I never got kicked out of school for sexual harassment, only because it was a different era, no one ever complained and the teachers were probably just as into the shit I was doing and the information i was trying to get as I was, that’s why they were highschool teachers and didn’t have real jobs.

If that happened today, I probably would have never finished the ninth grade. They would have kicked me out and sent me to therapy or an all boys school or some shit good thing they didn’t because an all boy’s school would have given me little information for my autobiography that I will never write that is going to be called Life as a Pervert.

If you’re bored find me a contact at this agency…

2006

Jan

Agent Provocateur Bush Picture of the Day

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I think Agent Provocateur is the hottest lingerie line. The reason is simple. It’s styled from 1920’s burlesque. This shit reminds me of my mom. Back in Mexico in the ’70s, all my mom could afford was used underwear from America, the sexy stuff was from the ’20s and ’30s. She would rock her american panties all day, everyday so it is a fond memory. Well a little more fond than hearing her shove things in her client’s asses, or seeing her get fucked all day everyday, we all need to make a living. I guess the other reason I dig Provocateur is cuz it’s classy and sheer and since I like bush, and I have said that bush is the future of pubic hair styling over and over again. Bald is played out but I think the bikini wax is hype if you are a cheesy chick from the suburbs; the kind of girl who dances on the bar in a “My Boobs Are Real” ironic t-shirt, even though bitch has implants, flashing her g-string that says cutie and shows off her playboy bunny tattoo. But I am done with strippers. I am more into sophisticated bitches who know how to read, who can teach me things, and who have a little bush. This has been the Agent Provocateur Bush Picture of the Day.

Visit Agent Provocateur Here