It is hard not to fall in love with Candice Swanepoel….I saw this picture yesterday when she posted them….and it took me 24 fucking hours to get them on the site because I was too busy staring at the amazing ass that is Candice Swanepoel in her bikini for Social Media…but not just any bikini…one that is low cut, or high cut, or whatever the fuck this borderline thong shit is…that so many girls are wearing on the beach these days…making the world a brighter, shinier, more amazing place to live…

I love Candice Swanepoel, and I’ve never met her, but I know that if there is one thing out there I need to consider myself a success..it is to hold her hand….even just for a second…and I never get this way over anything…except maybe pugs…but shit people…do you see this ass…it’s so friendly and inviting, like an old comfy sweater, the hot fit ass version…that I want to slip inside and die…after singing it love poetry I wrote it….starving to death cuz it is all I’ll eat..

Next level performance on her part…it speaks to me at my soul….

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Candice Swanepoel is pretty perfect as far as I am concerned and I guess as far as Victoria’s Secret is concerned too…because they’ve turned her into their poster girl…and without them…she’d probably still be a fit model…trying on clothes for old lady dress manufacturers…but instead she’s the tall, lean, hot body…half naked and incredible to look at…with a rockin’ accent who seems like a pretty lovely person…based on my extensive research of looking at her half naked.

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Candice Swanepoel may be owned by Victoria’s Secret..you know since they pretty much found her, locked her into a contract, and made her a celebrity….but I think I may be owned by Candice Swanepoel and I have never even met her, even though I know she’s probably 6 foot 10 and freakish as fuck, but in pictures…in pictures she’s gold…South African Gold….which I guess is actually diamonds…or the AIDS virus…..and whatever else they export besides models with awesome accents….

Here she is for Victoria’s Secret.

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Happy New Year…this sparking wine tastes like piss and is giving me a head ache and I am not sure I’ll make it til midnight but I never really do…cuz I live in Canada and it is the one day I like to stay in…cuz all the assholes are out…cabs are impossible…and really do we need to be celebrating this kind of shit just cuz the media wants us to….

What we should be celebrating is Candice Swanepoel posted some bikinis pics…cuz bitch is at her prime and one of the hottest and fittest in the game and I think…if there is anything worth celebrating this 2012…it is her…and her amazing accent.

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I’ll tell you one job better than washing Candice Swanepoel’s ass off before she does a Victoria’s Secret shoot…you know so that the sand in her South African pussy doesn’t ruin the bikinis they are selling….and that’s writing drunkenstepfather.com….true story…just ask anyone who writes drunkenstepfather.com…they’ll tell you the same thing…and that’s only because washing Candice Swanepoel’s ass would get me arrested…she makes me want to do criminal things to that ass…you know…from stabbing it with my tongue in a romantic way…to shooting my load all over it…you know to give her real reason to wash…I’m helpful like that….

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Cuz it is her job bro….

I have probably posted these pics before, they all kinda look the same, but that could just be that there is one constant, one commont thread, the incredible Candice Swanepoel, who people try to hate on, but who’s hate just rolls off her pure, innocent, loving curves…..

She’s good at what she does, and I think I may have to have sex with her get her out of my system….but since she doesnt return my calls, emails, faxes, or love songs I mail her….I guess I’ll just jerk off to her half naked body…..it’s easier and more legal than that whole kidnapping strategy I’d have to take to taste this ass.

She’s good.

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OH MY GOD CANDICE SWANEPOEL IS MODELING BIKINIS…..SHOCKING BECAUSE THAT’S ALL THIS BITCH DOES…..Seriously, she needs to tattoo Property of Victoria’s Secret on her fucking forhead, asssuming she doesn’t already have that around her asshole, which happens to be where they extendable plug of her robot ass comes out for charging…you see cuz after much investigation, it has been decided, that there is no way this bitch is real…..

Here are the pics – cuz 40 Victoria’s Secret posts today wasn’t enough….it’s Christmas people and we need to brain wash you into shopping there…even they they only pay us in half naked bitch pics and not a portion of their billions.

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Guess who’s on the beach of St Barts shooting for Victoria’s Secret….Candice Swanepoel…cuz Victoria’s Secret fucking own her…and may have even made her in an African lap somewhere…you know like some kind of billion dollar robot that won’t age and that will never leave them…and investment that helps them make 30 billion dollars a year in sales….which is totally fucking ridiculous if you think about it…that’s like 2 billion pairs of underwear a fucking year….do people really need that many pairs of underwear…..I mean I’m not complaining cuz the evil empire that is Victoria’s Secret has given me this lovely angel to make love to myself / my screen / my MONKEY SPANKER to….which is enough distraction for me to furhter investigate their criminal human traffic robot making practices….

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