Lindsay Lohan got her amazing tits out for Paper Magazine, because despite what Arianna Grande thinks, Lohan is still fucking amazing, relevant, has the capacity to go viral and was clearly left out of Bootleg Grande’s video I didn’t watch, but that I know was Mean Girls Themed, and that her PR team emailed hit over 1 billion views in 4 days breaking some kind of record, because it was Mean Girls themed and thus relevant, and Mean Girls is only relevant cuz of Lohan, bringing this back full circle to that if Lohan was in the video, no one would even notice the bootleg Disney Kid who has been trying to be as relevant as Lohan for ever, but has only achieved on terror attack and one ex boyfriend who killed himself…

I believe Lohan is my spirit animal that is connected to my soul – despite not really paying attention to her or her accents her crazy ass has….but I do support all she does with her tits out…cuz they are great tits…and are likely the reason I think of her as my spirit animal connected to my soul….

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I think some of the greatest news – is that Lindsay Lohan has been using her celebrity to go viral lately….she’s just trolling all you fuckers..

The first time was with her stupid dance that people are doing in clubs everywhere, not that I go to clubs but i assume that people in clubs trying to get pussy are like, watch me “do the lohan”…

Now she’s gone viral of IG live abducting a kid or kids from their homeless mother, because she assumed they were being human trafficked, and she is a fucking hero, a vigilante, using her fame for good….and tried to stop it….only to get hit….in what I assume was all staged because nothing is real…and everyone is buying into it…without remembering that Lohan is a star, knows everyone, she’s just been vacationing the last few years, and can easily mastermind hilarious content…and have the best writers help her do it.

This is a great event, the first of many I am sure, I like that Lohan has made a comeback with her Arab Accent…because I’ve always been a fan, she is my spirit animal…and for that reason alone let’s look at her tits…..for old times…great tits.

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Lindsay Lohan is an angel sent from heaven and even when she looks like pure shit – she’s still magical and will always be…maybe it’s because she represents an era we all love and hated when it was happening, destroyed by the paparazzi before you were able to produce you own content that would have destroyed you back then, but now gets you celebrated…

She’s a what the fuck happened, what could have been so amazing, self destructed….

She was the BIGGESt fucking deal in Hollywood, with her 8 or 9 Academy award nominations and 6 wins….for life changing movies like Freaky Friday….to someone always in the paparazzi, destroyed by the paparazzi, turned to drugs thanks to the hard life she lived, despite it being a cushy fucking life compared to people with real problems, but entitled brats don’t grasp that..

Now she’s a fucking novelty act in Arab countries who love American things like Mercedes and designer clothing…

If you know what I mean…and what I mean is that Lohan, despite looking terrible, is still a goddess to me….

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Here she is acting in her latest movie, glad to see she’s back….

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The fact that #dothelilo is a meme – and all the lame kids who listen to EDM are doing it – is offensive to me..

But when I saw her drop that dance and the meme accounts pick it up on instagram..

I knew the retard train was rolling…coming our way…and that Lohan would love it because she is finally relevant and being talked about again…

Not in a good way, but she doesn’t five a fuck about that….she just wants people talking about her and her daughter of a Rockette turned cocaine huffing partner stage mom…it is what Disney bred her to do..all while looking like an ex pornstar in her 40s addicted to pills.

Hot hot….but that’s because I’ve been a Lohan fan for a long fucking time and she can do no wrong…the rest of yall though…can go fuck yourselves…

Dancing monkey bitch…the best kind of bitch….but all you internet people are ruining the pure beauty and making it about your damn selves…fuckers.

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The biggest news, most important news, the single most relevant situation that happened on social media this weekend – this glorious last day of summer – where all the clubs in Ibiza and I guess Mykonos are wrapping up a wonderful season…

Is Lohan Dancing…

She’s in some 70s leisure suit, dancing like a coked up medicated grandmother at some penthouse party she organized with her inheritance from her rich husband death…

Some socialite, with a plastic face, trying to maintain her youth….whilst being white as fuck…

It’s legendary….

I have had the pleasure of spending a night in a hotel room with Lohan many many years ago…where she put on some pajama pants and did a stripper dance to her album she never released…and it was a life changing experience…but this here…this here is better than that….

Lohan – my spirit animal can do no wrong….all she does is so fucking right…

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While the world seems so concerned with Madonna’s rendition or tribute to Aretha Franklin, two acts no one gives a fuck about unless they die, on MTV VMAs a show that no one gives a fuck about, even after it died, unless some celebs that show up offend people with their tribute to the dead performers…

I prefer to focus on other washed up celebs washing up, literally and figuratively in their Greece adventure….from riding Jet Skis to getting her hair washed on deck…Lohan, who probably doesn’t eat ham, cuz she’s Arab….keeps the dream alive.

That’s all I have to say about that.

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Lindsay Lohan, the angel of my eye…the one I truly feel connected at the soul with…even if we don’t talk anymore…and even if she’s barely alive anymore..she will forever be Lindsay Lohan….no matter how much she looks like shit…or how much America doesn’t care about her so they sold her off to Arab countries…who have weirdly invested into her and licensed her name for a beach bar…where I guess you’d expect to get daddy issues and herpes in the shallow Mykonos waters…

I guess she has to be there as the host, it is called LOHAN, which is living the vacation life, the beach life, the retired life….I mean who doesn’t want to open a beach bar but thankfully covered up, not because I don’t want to see her big tits, but because I don’t want to see the rest of her expired body that carries those tits…

It’s sad, a reminder of our mortality, the aging process as we see her rot away….but she’s still Lindsay Lohan and will forever be relevant enough because of that…

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Lindsay Lohan is what I like to consider my Spirit Animal….her big tits my only inspiration…her insanity…the only thing that really matters….her converting to Islam and life in Dubai…spiritually sound….just trucking through this life her parents exploited the fuck out of her for….

I just find it unfortunate that even in her LOHAN beach clubs and night clubs in Europe, licensing her name like she was Playboy, she manages to look so fucking beat up and wrecked, while Britney who is older than her and still being exploited by her parents is fucking bangin’

It’s just unfortunate to see something so magical…fade away and expire…but I’d still connect her freckles with my semen if the stars aligned when she officially hits rock bottom…but the crazy thing in all this is that this is actually her “comeback” tour…and she’s loving life…despite no longer being the massive star she once was….

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It was a week ago today, that Lindsay Lohan announced that she is a surfer…in a one piece bathing suit…with her tits out…

I feel that is an anniversary worth celebrating.

Because Lindsay Lohan is what I like to consider my Spirit Animal….her big tits my only inspiration…her insanity…the only thing that really matters….her converting to Islam and life in Dubai…spiritually sound….just trucking through this life her parents exploited the fuck out of her for….

I’m a fan…Surfs Up!

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YOU CAN’T KILL LOHAN…

Lindsay Lohan is in Phuket in Thailand, which is where she goes to unwind, you know because she’s so stressed being an emotionally unstable child star who has denounced her American citizenship and sold herself to rich arab men, that have contributed to her weird new accent…

While on a hike, she got bit by a snake, which in and of itself is gnarly as fuck, terrifying really, the most deadly snakes are in Thailand…and girl survived, I assume due to being so medicated and her ability to metabolize drugs, the venom just made her feel a little light headed and now it’s her new drug of choice….while most people would have died…

The reality is..Lohan can’t die….she lives forever….and is in a bikini…HOT….all mangled and shit.

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