I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Lindsay Lohan Category

2006

08

Feb

Lohan, the supportive sister….

Lohan has one of those psycho mother, who had dreams of being famous but only landed a job as a Rockette, doing the fuckin’ Can-Can back in the 70s. Now I am not anti-showgirls, but I realize being a Rockette, is the equivalent of being an upscale stripper. It’s like when you look at the prostitution hierarchy, you have the streetwhores and the tranny whores at the 50 dollar level, you have the escorts that fuck you for 100 – 250 dollar an hour level, these are the ones advertised in the back of all the local papers and then you have the highclass bitch that cost 1000 dollars and hour and only escorts you to the Opera or dinner, only willing to put out if she likes you enough and thinks your worth it. So essentially you are paying a bitch for her company, with no guarantees of pussy, but that girls still a whore. That’s what Lohan’s mom is to the entertainment world, a glorified stripper, who doesn’t get naked. What good is that, so she settles down with some drug addict/boozer and has 14 kids in efforts that one will become famous. Now we all know what Lohan’s done for us, yesterday I posted on her little sister, well today I post on the brother, a striking young redhead, that Lindsay is pointing at and laughing at. He is the thirs Lohan to break into the industry, maybe he’s the one who will get it right. I am sure there are typos within this post, I know you hate my spelling mistakes. I guess you deserve an explination. I never went to post-secondary education and I am hung over. Last night I drank red wine. I felt pretty fuckin’ luxurious. Unfortunately, it was 7 dollars a bottle, which means it tasted like piss.

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Dina Lohan|Lindsay Lohan|showgirl|Unsorted

2006

07

Feb

Lohan Jr.: Coke Slut in Training


I guess Lohan’s sister has the obvious dream of girls under 18 everywhere, and that is to become a coke slut via a bullshit marketing ploy of a music career. I am not entirely jealous of how easy it is going to be for her to make it in life, I am however jealous that I can’t be the next under 18 year old talentless performer. I know saying that is pretty premature, considering I haven’t heard her sing, she may be a child prodigy, and maybe her sister was just a patsy, being used to pave the way for the real talent in the family, but then I realize that I have just done way too much analysis of Ali Lohan and her future as a rich, infertile from too many abortions (celebs don’t use condoms), child star making meth in her bathtub with that bitch from Full House.

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Coke|Lindsay Lohan|Slut|Unsorted

2006

19

Jan

Lohan and Leto

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I really don’t know where I am going with this. But this is probably old pics of Leto and Lohan on the set of the John Lennon Murder Movie. I posted this pic because Lohan has had sex with Leto and this is a picture of them together. If that doesn’t excite you like it does for me, I understand, nobody cares about this but me.

Posted in:hook up|Jared Leto|Lindsay Lohan|Sex|Unsorted

2006

16

Jan

Lindsay Lohan and Sean Lennon

The interesting thing about Sean Lennon is that he has been linked up with every celebrity cokeslut over the past few years. He was with Bijou that whore, Devon Aeoki that big headed Chanel chink, and now he’s with Lohan. This is not a Cibo Mato Fan Site and we honestly think Lennon is a total poofter, banking on his daddy and mommy, and all fucking introspective and artistic and shit, but we do love Lohan. This news doesn’t really have any impact on my life, because I don’t fuck bitches with AIDs, but someone who once wrote for us had a fake love affair with Lennon a few years ago, when she was only 15.

Here’s the Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie throwback set of the day.

She is – Attempting to stop using boys for sex
She Is – Ask Minxy on Monday
She is – Ask Minxy on Wednesday
She is – Coco
She is – Coming Clean
She is – Magical Moments with Minx
She is – All For Sexual Favors
She is – Soaking Wet for Jesus Martinez

That’s enough, we are more into moving forward than reading old entries, but minxy, we are sorry your fake bf has a new gf.

Posted in:John Lennon|Lindsay Lohan|Rich Kids|Sean Lennon|Sex|Slut|the Beatles|Unsorted

2005

06

Sep

I am – Lohan Rides Sobieski


When you are a celebrity, you have the luxury of going to the beach anytime you want. I know that it was the long weekend, and that most of you fools weren’t working, not that any of you actually work. I have a feeling you’re just a bunch of lazy rotters on disability who sit in front of their computers jerking off while eating Cheetos, playing video games and chatting with your internet girlfriend from Idaho, anyway, if you were a celebrity, you could have hit up the beach, possibly with another second-rate celebrity.

I guess the benefit of hanging with less-successful people than you is that you can treat them like your personal bitch, you can get them to carry you around while you smoke your cigarette and drink your redbull.

I can only assume that Leelee Sobiesky has been trying to get Lohan to hang with her for months, and finally Lohan agreed as long as she carries her around. You know how famous people are with their celebrity requests, Lohan was like “Bitch, I will go to the beach with you, but I don’t want my feet to touch the sand”. Sobieski, built like a horse, agreed to be Lohan’s personal rickshaw. The free dance lessons make it all worth it.

I am not going to re-read this post. I have a feeling it’s really not post-worthy – but I am doing it anyway – cuz I hate all of you, but not as much as I hate myself.

Posted in:Bikini|Leelee Sobiesky|Lindsay Lohan|Uncategorized|Unsorted