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Archive for the Marisa Miller Category

2008

Oct

Marisa Miller Does Complex of the Day

So it looks like Marisa Miller has finally achieved the level of fame that I have by being featured in Complex 10 months after me. I mean sure, I wasn’t their covergirl, and I think my write up was 100 words at the back of the issue at best, but it was still the highlight of my year, maybe even my life, because it is the only recognition I have ever received, pretty much ever and for someone like Marisa Miller, who’s been on the cover of all magazines all these years, it’s probably not a big deal, but to someone like you who has been jerking off to Marisa Miller all these years it probably is.

The truth is since being featured in Complex, the company has really done their part to make me feel like family. Just last week I reached out to Marc Ecko asking for some free clothes, since he owns the magazine and Ecko and he never responded, then there was the time a few months ago when I asked him if he could get me tickets to the Lil Wayne show for my stepdaughter and her hot teenage friends and he never got back to me, or the time I reached out to him asking for some money, or a job, or anything because I was struggling and never hearing back from him, then there was my birthday when I got no card or gift from him and his birthday when I got no invitation. I guess Complex really aren’t like family at all…..but they did give you something you wanted and that’s more Marisa Miller in a bikini, which does nothing for me, not because I am gay or due to my impotence, because not getting hard doesn’t mean not getting horny, but because I think she looks old, boring, and like a less attractive stripper than the strippers I am used to. I see the whole All American bullshit, and maybe that’s the real reason why I find nothing interesting about her and I am sure some of you probably disagree. So this one’s for Ellen Degeneres and all you’ve she’s done for the lesbian movement, life wasn’t better when women hated men secretly. Thanks for that.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS, AND READ WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY AS YOU JERK OF, FOLLOW THIS LINK
GO

Posted in:Complex|Marisa Miller

2008

Oct

Marisa Miller Does Harley Ads of the Day

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I am not attracted to chicks who ride motor bikes. They are the same kind of girls who drink beer and like bar brawls. They fuck you like crazy because the vibrations of their motorbikes make them walking verge of cumming sluts, but they are rarely fucking hot and when they are hot, they are usually lesbian or into wearing Ed Hardy and getting shitty tattoos and fake tits, and that shit just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe I’m too picky, but I’m more into girls who are scared of the world and want guidance, not ones who want to grab life by the balls and see where the road takes them.

I understand what Harley’s doing in bookin’ Marisa Miller to be their hot biker slut, simulating sex on one of their bikes like a lame poster or calendar you’d find at a mechanic’s garage in the 80s, but motorbikes just makes me think of fat chicks who like wrestling and pulling out their fat tits when drunk, the same kind of girl who would rape you if she crossed you in a dark alley and I can’t really see past that, watch the video of some biker slut I saw when on a drive with a friend, be careful though, shit’s hotter than DJ AM’s skin, and I hear that’s so hot it’s melting.

Posted in:Harley Ad|Marisa Miller|stepTV|Uncategorized

2008

Jul

Marisa Miller is Greasy in a Bikini of the Day

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I don’t have a thing for greasy girls who sweat. Sure there was a time when there was nothing more that I wanted than to have hot sweaty sex in the middle of the summer with a tight bodied blonde bikini model, but I am older now and I am more into girls who shower and look clean. It’s probably got to do with having an obese wife who always sweats and it’s come to the point where the list of top 5 things she does on the daily are eating, sweating, sleeping, sitting, shitting and making a fuckin mess in the process that’s lead to bugs in the shit hole apartment, something we’ve avoided up until now. So there’s really nothing inspiring about any of those things except to other fat people who see it as encouragment to not finish that extra large pizza for fear of dying and missing out on those 5 amazing things that got them in this mess in the first place.

The truth is that her greasy skin glisten wouldn’t be so vile, if it didn’t smell like feces, but it does, so seeing Marisa Miller, someone I am not even that in to, greased up makes me think of my wife eating french fries and a burger and breaking a sweat from the strain it’s putting on her heart as the juices drip down her cleavage and that doesn’t turn me on but it probably turns you on because you love cleavage.

Either way, here’s Marisa Miller greased up like a fat chick. I feel like I’ve already posted these pics.

Posted in:Greasy|Marisa Miller

2008

Jun

Marisa Miller Does Montreal of the Day

3 Comments »

Marisa Miller hosted a party with Puff Daddy in Montreal this past weekend and I didn’t go because I wasn’t invited, tickets were $250 dollars and if you wanted a place to sit down, it was $5000 because Puff Daddy isn’t rich enough and feels that he should charge outrageous prices so the everyday 9 to 5 millionaire can pretend they partied with him, giving them stories to tell their friends and family about how they spent 1000 dollars to be under the same roof as the motherfucker while listening to the same tunes as the motherfucker as club slut girls shook their asses for them in hopes of getting free drinks off their bottles all while hanging out in a club owned by the mob that I have unfortunately been to in the past and have felt my life was at risk because no matter how trendy you make a place, when the owners are gangsters, you could get in the line of fire and it’s really a fucking lame event and party that is not worth literally dying for.

Either way, Grand Prix weekend here is a total fucking mess, where they shut down a bunch of streets and drunken fools from out of town to take over and cause traffic so that the poverty that fill the city can’t get out to their local drinking holes without having to to walk through a mob of gym bound dudes in Ed Hardy and ugly chicks with fake tits who think they are stylin’ cuz their lame boyfriend rented a Posche for the week because people are into spending money to show off how fuckin’ ballin’ they are.

The goal was to get out there and fuck with people, videotape them cheating on their wives with local sluts and pretty much doing my part to destroy the event for as many people as possible, but I just ended up getting drunk at some shitty bar that wasn’t taken over by the bottle poppin’ celebrity try hards with no concept of what’s up, and instead got drunk with some fat chick who wouldn’t stop talking about her cat and I don’t mean her pussy.

I guess I just hate the fact that I am poor and that I get no love for what I do and I feel like Marisa Miller should have been inviting me to her hotel room to help her shower, even though bitch looks like a 30 year old soccer mom that’s been marketed enough for people to believe she’s the hottest thing out there and who pay 250 dollars to see her from afar.

Posted in:Marisa Miller|Montreal

2008

May

Some Victoria’s Secret Promo Starring Miranda Kerr, Marisa Miller and Alessandra Ambrosio in Bikinis of the Day

4 Comments »

The Victoria’s Secret cult strikes again with their distracting hot bitches in bikinis that they pretty much own like this dude I know who bough a Russian in some Mail Order bride service. Bitch did everything he told her and it was always funny seeing this tall hot blonde chick holding hands with a short, old fat guy, but she was just happy to be there until he pushed too hard and his posters of war-torn Russia that he would point to everytime she was out of line stopped working, leading to her taking the driving seat and eventually leaving him for some younger, richer dude. I just tell him he’s lucky he got out alive, because anyone from a war-torn country is dangerous and reverts back to survival mode when they really lose it but poor fucker is just broken hearted about it. I guess that just proves you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy pussy.

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Bikini|Marisa Miller|Miranda Kerr|Victoria's Secret

2008

Feb

Marisa Miller on Letterman of the Day

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Marisa Miller was on Letterman to promote the SI Swimsuit Edition talking about when she found out she was on the cover, body painting and other really life changing stuff like being fully shaved. It’s not very exciting but since she’s a bigger deal now than she was a week ago. Someone told me that she had breast implants but she claims she’s never had surgery. Maybe that’s some kind of covering her ass situation but from lookin’ at her tits I am going to go with real. None of this really matters, what does matter is that they cut to her billboard. So watch it them legs in action….

Posted in:Lettermen|Marisa Miller|Sports Illustrated

2008

Feb

Marisa Miller is a Boxer of the Day

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Here’s a video of Marisa Miller at her boxing club because I am guessing that is how she keeps fit. There’s something magical about seeing a girl exercise because my wife is a pig and just getting her off the couch is a work out for her fat ass and that’s more disgusting than it is hot.

There’s also something magical of seeing a girl who could kick my ass that looks like Marisa Miller because most girls who can kick my ass are scary fucking lesbians on a mission to rip off my penis and hold it up like some kind of very small and embarrassing victory for men with their very tiny trophy representing bringing evil men down.

What I really like is how Marisa Miller rocks that speed bag but that’s just because I haven’t had a good hand job since I was 14 and it looks like she could really bring it, when most girls who aren’t virgins are lazy and more inclined to just let you stick it in them because it’s less work on their arm and less self-less because if they’re letting in their junk their better be something in it for them, when a handjob is just about giving. The sports bra, despite hating what sports bras do to tits makes reliving that experience from years ago with budding breasts in a training bra more believable….Thanks supermodel for reminding me that my life sucks.

Posted in:Bikini|Boxer|Marisa Miller|Model

2007

Nov

I am – Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Victoria’s Secret Fitting Room of the Day

5 Comments »

I’ve been getting a lot of slack for not being a site that is accessible to girls. They get turned off because of my sleazy commentary offends them and they never come back, even though every post I write is for hot chicks, because if I wasn’t trying to get hot girls to love me over the internet, I’d just be a fag trying to impress a bunch of dudes and that’s not really my thing, but I know it’s your thing, but that’s because you gotta fine love somewhere and gay dudes are pretty horny.

So I got an email asking for Nell and my stepdaughter to come back because they added a much needed feminine voice to the site. I don’t know where either of those girls are, they kinda fucked off on me and haven’t answered my emails in the last couple months, so I figured I’d just write a post as a girl in hopes of getting hot girls back in because I want them to want my dick over the internet and come back for more everyday because I write about celebrities….and girls love celebrities and I love girls, so we’re pretty much destined to have you take a shower for me on webcam, internet soulmate.

Here is my post written as a girl:

blah blah blah blah “adjusts hair”, blah blah blah “applies make up”, blah blah blah “shows off new nails” , blah blah blah “makes a gesture representing how big the boyfriend’s cock is”, blah blah blah “giggles”, blah blah blah “giggles some more”, blah blah blah “adjusts bra”, blah blah blah “hugs girl i’m sitting with”, blah blah blah “stands up”, blah blah blah “pulls underwear out of ass and adjusts pants”, blah blah blah “walks out of coffee shop”

I am sure this post would have been a little more believable if I actually listened to girls when they talk, but I’m too masturbating my limp penis in front of them while staring at their tits and drooling through the restaurant window. I hear hot girls are into that because they like to be noticed….

Either way, here are Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Fitting Room for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show that’s been hustled the last month like it was the coming of Christ, which to some virgins and married middle aged men out there, it probably is, because these bitches are some of the hottest models around and them in lingerie is better than them in clothes but not quite as good as them taking showers for me on webcam. I’m talking to you internet soulmate.

Marisa Miller

Adriana Lima:

Related Posts:

Miranda Kerr Bikini Pictures
Heidi Klum Playing With Her Tits Video
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
Victoria’s Secret Angles Fly Virgin

2007

Jun

I am – Marisa Miller Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

2 Comments »

There’s pretty much nothing better than a bikini model in a bikini because these girls are pro. They get paid huge money to rock a bikini while every other woman in the world just works hard as fuck on her body so that wearing a bikini doesn’t embarrass them. So they sit in the gym every night after work, some of them save up their money to get breast implants, and when all is said and done, they look good enough for me, which isn’t saying much because I have no standards, but not quite good enough to make a living from it. So someone like Marisa Miller, who may not even work half as hard as some of you do to look good enough for the best body contest on your next springbreak trip, is pretty much there to tell us all that we aren’t even almost as close to as hot as she is.

There are people like this in everything, whether it’s the kid who always aces the exams at school, the coworker who the boss loves and always gives him raises to keep him around because he is substantially better than you, then sibling who your parents are proud of and not ashamed of like you, the good looking person everyone you know wants while ignoring you, the guy with more money than you who is always showing you up whether in houses he owns, cars he buys, vacations he goes on or even nights at the club. There will always be girls with bigger tits than you, guys with bigger dicks than you, people who are cooler than you, people who are funnier than you, people who sing better than you, people who everything just works out for while you’re on your struggle….

The point is that you have to embrace the fact that you aren’t good at anything, that there will always be people who look, act, smell and perform better than you, and love you mediocrity, even if it means you’ll have a sad and lonely existence, or one spent with other mediocre people, because envy is a bitch and while you wish bad things upon the people that make you feel like shit about yourself, you can turn to the internet a rub one out to a bikini model, like she was on all fours on your dining room table, because fantasy is a hell of a lot better than your reality.