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Archive for the Sports Illustrated Category




Slutty Models at the SI SWIM EVENT of the Day

Got these women are so fucking basic, cheesy, trashy….the pregnant Hannah Davis all filled up with a Derek Jeter herpes baby probably the most interesting…but still not that interesting…live in this bubble where they think what they do matters, is important, is status, and it’s really just fucking dull..

So they get made up, go to events celebrating a magazine release that no one really cares about, thanks to instagram killing the bikini model, and the bikini magazine…thank god…

But I guess social media also killed the internet, the web is dead, this site included so in a lot of ways – I have a lot in common with these women…and for that they should eat my ass…if only I was rich enough…because like all women…they like rich dudes…

Either way….here’s the event arrivals that look like the lamest fucking prom ever…and why are all the models middle aged? Weird…not to mention – they all look fat…

Who cares about their names are – they are all the worst…


Posted in:SFW|Sports Illustrated




Sports Illustrated Swim – Big Launch No One Cares About of the Day

I consistently say that Instagram killed the bikini model, or maybe it created the DIY bikini model, who in many cases is hotter than the bikini model, probably a little more desperate than the actual getting paid bikini models, sometimes bigger earners than the actual bikini models, because lets face it, getting in a bikini shouldn’t be something girls get rich off of, but why the fuck not spread some of that around to more pussy, that is probably not as egotistical because they aren’t in the right circles, getting cast in movies but want it so bad…

So in ways, I laugh at bikini instagram girls imitating magazines and catalogs…in their spare time, but they are producing slutty half naked content….but I actually like those thirsty girls more than the actual models…because they are all equally bullshit…and the aspiring sluts are better than the sluts who think they are established..

It’s a new generation, you don’t need magazines like this, it’s not a big deal…dudes don’t actually fucking care…we have instagram…but let’s post some of their pics as a tribute to a dying scam…the bikini issue that carried a brand in an era where bikinis weren’t everywhere…when they were still a simple tactic to post innocent seductive pics for attention….but just not for everyone….you needed film,, cameras, audience…now you don’t need this…

Yet, the insta sluts….aspire to be in this…to stamp of approval their bullshit lives…

Anyway – There’s a bunch of nipples – their only potential for a win…..PORNOGRAPHERS….how can their advertisers support this SMUT….More Nudity Than Playboy…

Kate Upton, Cover Girl, Still Fat, Photoshopped But Better than Recent Years…

Caroline Wozniacki – Because Tennis Pussy is Good Pussy…

Hannah Ferguson Big Tits and Nipples…

Default Hannah Davis aka Hannah Jeter aka Hannah Herpes….


Homegrown – Eugenie Bouchard – Straight from the Tennis Court of Montreal…(her sister is hotter)

Aly Raisman Because Fitness Gymnasts are Bendy

Samantha HOOPES who I’ve heard is a hooker – and her Nipples…

Hailey Clauson Last Years Cover – The Forgotten One – They Didn’t Even Bring to the Beach…oh no they did…

Myla Dalbesio and Her Monster Tits and Nipples…This is a Porn Site…..


Barbara Palvin

Bo Krsmanovic Great Tits…

Bianca Balti is Amazing….

Kate Bock who the fuck is that…


Nina Agdal is Leo’s Girl – and Old….and Retard Looking – But Has Nipples

Ana De Paula with the POSE of the Year…

LOOK A BEACHED WHALE PARODYING THE BIKINI MODEL EXPERIENCE….which annoys me because for the last 10 years i’ve wanted to do fat chicks as SI models in a parody site / campaign to release the same day SI does – as an LOL but now the fatties – are mainstream and no longer a joke…BUMMER

Serena Williams Did Some Sports Illustrated porn that is totally unneccessary – but at least she’s an athlete and not some slutty, gold digging, “bikini” model…all fucking basic and boring and lame…if SI wants to survive…maybe focus their swim issue on people who don’t live in bikinis with rich guys…pretty logical to me…

Christie Brinkley Sacrificed herself to get her famewhore daughters in the magazine, as SI does anything they can to spin a story or to get people talking about their bullshit…

Simone Biles – Because America Pride…USA.USA.USA.


Posted in:SFW|Sports Illustrated




Some Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Bullshit of the Day


Sports Illustrated hate when I rip off their shitty catalog quality pictures of girls in bikinis, that don’t really go as viral as they want them to, because without Kate Upton and her big sloppy tits, no one actually cares about random girls in bikinis, thanks to the internet, we don’t need to wait for the big reveal once a year to get excited about this kind of thing…I mean 90 percent of instagram is bikinis…not to mention Sports Illustrated has a site dedicated to their swimsuit issue, meaning any day of the week I can access this shit….not like in the 70s and 80s when it was either this or Playboy, and my cunt wife didn’t let me get Playboy, so i would just fixate on this…and get excited by this and be like “no evil wife, this is Sports Illustrated”…

Either way, it’s all boring, it’s not exciting, people don’t really care anymore, it’s called porno is just as easy to access, but I guess I’m hanging on as hard as they are….so I’m going to post it and pretend it’s 1993….it was a happier time….

To See All The Pics CLICK HERE

The models who you can see in bikinis all year round thanks to instagram are:

Gigi Hadid
Nina Agdal
Hannah Ferguson
Sara Sampaio
Emily Ratajkowski
Emily Didonato
Samantha Hoopes
Chanel Iman
Hannah Davis
Solveig Mork
Hailey Clauson
Rose Bertram
Ashley Smith
Kelly Rohrbach
Robyn Lawley
Erin Heatherton
Kate Bock
Ariel Meredith
Genevieve Morton
Irina Shayk
Lily Aldridge
Chrissy Teigen
Jessica Gomes

The athletes, since it is sports are:

Ronda Rousey
Caroline Wozniacki

The pictures are:

Shit. The girls look like shit. Overall, maybe I’m jaded or densitized, but this is all pretty shit…


Visit Sports Illustrated To See Everything

Here’s a couple of bonus nipples:

Posted in:Sports Illustrated




Sports Illustrated’s “First Plus Sized Model” of the Day


I think the better PR play on this whole Plus Sized model thing, is not calling the models plus sized models, because if you are really trying to be politically correct, they should just do what they did with Kate Upton, squeeze her into bikinis that are too small for her, and pretend she’s a model…the people will listen…the people will believe…but the second you say – Plus Sized…you’re pretty much saying fat bitch in a bikini because it is good for business….

I am convinced this is not their first Plus Sized model…I am sure if they had a weigh in – Kate Upton would lose…

Here name is Robyn Lawley … I’ve posted her fat chick tits before…but no one celebrates me.


Posted in:Robyn Lawley|Sports Illustrated




Hannah Davis SI Cover of the Day


This isn’t news….but the PR Machine wants you to think it is..

I make fun of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit all the time, but only because I find it pedestrian, basic, low concept, repetitive, boring…interchangeable…and one of these things that is not progressive, you know they tell you they are 40 years deep, but they haven’t done anything controversial in the last 10 of those 40 years….I distinctly remember jerking off to Elle Mcpherson’s nipples in 1989…..but since then…it’s been just a bunch of girls in bikinis…usually free models…basically instagram…

But today, my friend I’ve never met, but may have tweeted at once about being Naomi Watt’s brother, Benn Watts, who has done this kind of shoot forever…got the cover…with Hannah Davis….and they are showing her bald pubic mount…because I guess Sports Illustrated girls aren’t like fashion hipster models…and wax that mound….I mean to anyone with any vision…a bush sneaking out would have made this the best ever…but thanks to porn and the Kardashians and marketing..hair is bad…for now..

Either way, Texas’ own…going strong. All American….babes in bikinis…can’t hate that…unless your family was killed by a babe in a bikini…in which case you can.

Posted in:Hannah Davis|Sports Illustrated




Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Volleball of the Day

Sports Illustrated has a bunch of above average, but hardly amazing, models that they put into a magazine every year, wearing nothing but bikinis and white America…who don’t have access to a data plan on their phone go nuts…

I hate giving them attention, because it feeds into the egos of these girls, who I don’t even think really make money modelling, since they do this for free, yet think they are important because they did a free shoot for a magazine with good circulation…

Well, they’ve been having their Publicty Stunt with the paparazzi in Miami that involves beach volleyball and here are some of the pics…because I assume you are white AMerica and into this kind of busty…over celebrated…too much positive enforcement girls…


Posted in:Sports Illustrated




Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Party in Miami of the DAy

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Party happened in Miami and their gang of average at best, bottom of the barrel, models who get way too much hype, attention, ego because they are celebrated even though they do this for free, because Sports Illustrated Swimsuit still has some kind of allure, even if it is a relic of a different generation where HD Porn wasn’t available to every handheld device…even if their prestige is white trash mainstream shit…and not something of quality….at least based on Kate Upton and Chrissy Teigen alone…

So last night was the night they all got dolled up, felt important, like the fat girl at prom…and a whole lot of tits came out to be exclusive and feel special for the night…

I am sure not all the girls are horrible, just 80 percent of them…

Maybe I’m just bitter I wasn’t invited, or fingering models on the dance floor..I guess we’ll never know…cuz this is the life I live..and shit already happened…

Sports Illustrated doesn’t matter, why am I talkin about them.


To see all the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Content CLICK HERE

Posted in:Sports Illustrated




2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover is Awful of the Day

This is a shit cover…or maybe it’s just a prank…I think it proves that Sports Illustrated is a dying thing, at least in terms of relevancy…or maybe that these three models aren’t hot.

Girls still think SI Swimsuit is important to be featured in, because it is a stamp of approval or something, but I think there’s hotter bikini pics on Instagram. We don’t need the scamming billion dollar corporation to decide who they think are hot or not…

Sure middle American hicks don’t know what the fuck a dumb face or a bad ass is, because all they see is bikinis and they don’t have those in the shitty farm town they are from…

I mean all these asses look pretty weak…from my friend the pug faced gold digger who has never booked a paying job ever Chrissy Tiegen…to a retard faced corky looking Nina Agdal who still smells of Adam Levine Sperm but is the highlight of the cover….bot both have been trying year after year to get this cover…but on their own aren’t good enough….so the SI editors finally cracked and figured they’d give these two 5/10 models a cover together, because together they are a 10 and it keeps their egos happy…while throwing rival Victoria’s Secret model Lily Aldridge in, who is another entitled twat who shouldn’t’ be a model…and I guess their combined weight is that of Kate Upton…so it all makes sense.

I realize that none of this matters, it’s a fucking magazine cover, but I’ll post it anyway, because it’s that fucking bad… and if you want you can compare it to EVERY SINGLE SI COVER EVER to see how bad it is for yourself…

It’s their 50th anniversary year…I guess they are letting us know 50 years is enough – throwing in the towel…It’s gotta be a prank….I mean too much money is on the line…this makes no sense…

If you want hot girls in bikinis…check instagram.

Posted in:Sports Illustrated




Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Behind the Scenes of the Day

Her name is MJ DAY and she’s the editor of SI. A website that refuses to link DrunkenStepfather because they are haters…and think we’re too awesome to links…

Well she’s been posting the behind the scene from their swimsuit shoot to instagram, but since the models are all under hush clauses and not allowed to discuss their deal, you know to keep excitement alive, so that the redneck people get legit boners like it was being seen for the first time,…

I’m more into the models being headless…It’s a fetish and a sneaky way to try to trick us into not recognizing these girls…who are always half naked and might as well not have faces to begin with…

Since I look at these chicks all day, I know at least one of them is Emily Ratajkowsi, another is Nina Agdal….

My money is on Emily Ratajkowski for the cover…here are her instagram pics…can you guess the rest of the girls? I am not a virgin loser weirdo…who obsesses over these girls, even though you would think I would be because I have this site…but I don’t even know my own name half the time, so I’ll let you work this riddle out for me.

Posted in:Sports Illustrated




SI Swimsuit Harlem Shake of the Day

I did a TOP 7 or 8 Bikini Harlem Shake videos which was really the first 7 or 8 Harlem Shake Videos I saw with bikini….and in keeping up with all thing viral and internet video trend….the people at SI shot this Harlem Shake video with all their models who were in Vegas for the magazine launch….and ironically none of them were in bikinis…but like all Harlem Shake videos…it’s worth the watch….

Posted in:Sports Illustrated




The Last 500 Years of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Covers of the Day

I don’t know who wasted their time compiling the last 500 years in SI Swimsuit covers, but I just spent an hour putting them up, for no fucking reason, and the entire time I was asking myself “who fucking cares about the last covers, no one jerks off to the covers”…and who really cares to see a retrospective of how bodies have changed due to diet and hormones in the food….and unless you like wacking off to bitches who are dead or near dead….there is no real point in this…but for some reason…a reason I call SI fever…even though SI doesn’t give me any love and I don’t give a shit about their photoshoots…I’m still going to post it cuz I am in too deep…and I guess I should celebrate just how repetitive and lacking of creativity, in a “there’s only so much you can do with a girl in a bikini”, you can see when it is all laid out in front of you…



Posted in:Sports Illustrated




Bar Refaeli is the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Cover Girl of the Day

I had no idea that it was that Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition time of year. Maybe it’s because I am not a jock or into sports and feel like the best place to find my masturbation material is on the internet searching “gaping teen prostitutes with two dicks in their asshole”, but I know a lot of guys get excited when already established bikini/lingerie models get into their bikinis and lingerie, have their nipples photoshopped out, all because it makes their subscription to this shit finally make sense and worth reading.

Sure SI adds a few athlete’s and athlete wives into the bikini mix, they do the whole body painted shit, and I’ve jerked off to the magazine before, but that was in 1988 to Elle Macpherson, when nipples and porn weren’t all that available to a good Catholic 18 year old boy like me, so SI needs to get with the program and start taking spread eagled vagina shots of these whores because we all know these model bitches will do it and still can’t believe how much they get paid to just stand there in a bikini and have there pictures taken, there waiting for the catch, because if it’s too good to be true it usually is, they’ve just never been asked.

So Bar Refaeli is the new cover girl….I guess Jews Really Are Taking Over the World….

Here’s the video….

BONUS – Here’s Some Brooklyn Decker Body Paint Pictures….

And the Video…

I am sure a lot more pictures and videos are going to hit. I have to decide whether to bother with another post or just keep feeding this one or maybe I’ll just link you to the source, that sounds a lot easier and they have a staff to make these things better quality than I can, so even if those pieces of shit aren’t paying me to link, I’m just gonna link them anyway. See how complicated my life is?

To See All the SI VIDEOS of the Models and Athletes and there are a fucking lot of them…Follow this link:

To See All the SI Photos of the Models and Athletes and there are a fucking lot of them…Follow this Link….

To See All The Girls Get Body Painted…Follow This Link…

Posted in:Bar Refaeli|SI|Sports Illustrated|Swimsuit Edition




Marisa Miller on Letterman of the Day

Marisa Miller was on Letterman to promote the SI Swimsuit Edition talking about when she found out she was on the cover, body painting and other really life changing stuff like being fully shaved. It’s not very exciting but since she’s a bigger deal now than she was a week ago. Someone told me that she had breast implants but she claims she’s never had surgery. Maybe that’s some kind of covering her ass situation but from lookin’ at her tits I am going to go with real. None of this really matters, what does matter is that they cut to her billboard. So watch it them legs in action….

Posted in:Lettermen|Marisa Miller|Sports Illustrated




Heidi Klum Does Stupid Pictures with Will Farrell for Sports Illustrated of the Day

People hate going to movies to me, which is expected because people generally hate doing anything with me, but they specifically hate going to movies with me because I gripe and groan about all the shitty jokes being thrown in my face while the rest of the theatre laughs and the more laughs the movie gets the more pissed off I get. People call me a joke snob because I write this site and they think that I think I am the funniest motherfucker and no one can compete and that when I watch the movies I get bitter because these hacks are making millions while I am sitting on my shitty Salvation Army couch. The truth is that I am not really a joke snob, I don’t think I am funnier than these famous motherfuckers, I don’t think that I could do better than them, because if I could I probably would be. I just don’t laugh, because I am broken on the inside.

Here are some Heidi Klum acting a fool with not so funnyman Will Farrell doing some stupid photoshopped to shit photoshoot for SI, but Heidi Klum proves that with a little photoshop, having kids isn’t always so destructive to your body, but I guess none of us really know the damage Seal’s done to her box with her African Warrior spear he keeps hidden in his singing pants.

Posted in:Bikini|Heidi Klum|Sports Illustrated|Will Farrell




I am – Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Picture of the Day

I walked into a coffee shop earlier today and I sat next to two middle aged mothers who were on some kind of gossip date. They were talking about their friend who caught her husband fucking a hooker in a motel room after following him around all night because she didn’t trust his shit. They started off bitching about how sick of a person the husband was for doing what he did and then one of them went off about the whore calling her job disgusting. She said something like “I don’t know how a woman does it?” or some shit and I pulled out a 5 dollar bill, walked up to her and told her that I could show her. She didn’t laugh and told me to fuck off so I guess prostitution isn’t so easy, even though we’re all whores in our own way. Like I am a whore to this website. I’ve been sitting here waiting for this programmer to give me something to work with and I couldn’t figure out what else to do with myself and I don’t even get $5 everytime I suck it’s dick….

Either way, here are the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue with Marisa Miller on the cover. You’ve probably already seen them already- but I felt obligated to post them regardless because just because the site is down, doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to do posts. Yes, my life is that depressing and the real depressing thing is that I am even more depressed without the site than with it.

Marisa Miller

Marisa Miller Body Painted

Ana Beatriz Barros

Bar Rafaeli

Brooklyn Decker

Daniella Sarahyba

Jeisa Chiminazzo

Jessica Gomes

Selita Ebanks

There are a hell of a lot more pictures out there. Just buy the magazine you cheap fuck.

Posted in:Bikinis|Modles|Sports Illustrated|Swimsuit Edition