I find it dull that Mischa Barton is alive….I’m not a psychopath or even a sociopath who wishes death on people for the sake of wishing death on people….even though I think most people are idiots…I prefer to just laugh at them cuz they are entertaining…..I don’t even have dead hookers in my basement….and everyone knows hookers aren’t real people….so when I say Mischa Barton is better off dead…I mean it in a good way…See she’s all tormented and shit….looks like shit and shit….is boring as shit and shit….has addictions and issues that lead to her unshowered, sloppy and probably stinky twat. I had a death watch going on the site and now it’s on hiatus…cuz she’s cleaned up a bit…but I know there needs to be a celebrity death in 2012, we’re a few days in and I want some morbid scandals with these idiots….and here are some bikini top pictures….dull…but still a bikini……I should be on the beach getting pics of hot pussy in a bikini…instead of posting these useless idiots…but I can’t help myself…it’s a horrible habbit.

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I used to do a Mischa Barton death watch back when she was in therapy and tending to some kind of addiction I’m not sure was ever exploited or explained for the sheer fact that no one gives a fuck about Mischa Barton and whether she died tomorrow or even 4 years ago…no one’s life would really fucking change…she’s a low impact celebrity….

Either way, she was bloated, disgusting to look at, unshowered and she likely stank…but for some reason she pulled it together…probably thanks to the millions in her bank and its ability to hire trainers and handlers…and now she’s looking tight enough bodied on the beach for me to want the disgusting sloppy past off her with my mouth…I’m weird like that.

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I used to rip into Tyler Shields for being a hack of a photographer who just managed to have the right celebrity friends that propelled him into photographer celebrity….but then I spoke to someone who knows him and she assures me that he’s not some try hard, full of shit, obvious attempt at shocking concept with celebrity pussy like he was the next Terry Richardson with less vision….and even if he was, who cares, cuz I’m the fucker writing about his work…adding fuel to the fire that is his hype….

That said, he recruited Mischa Barton, which must have been hard, you know with her busy schedule, substance abuse, sanity….but I have a funny feeling she’s the one who sought him out…to get these pics of steak on her face, in a photo series that I call “I shoulda been Tyler Shields, I’m clever enough to make shocking pictures, if only I didn’t alienate myself”….

Here she is…

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I used to do this Mischa Barton Death Watch when she was at her absolute worst….but it got boring, everyone forgot who Mischa Barton and we moved onto more interesting damanged pussy….

I don’t know I get bored of the poor little tormented rich girl who became an actress, made a lot of money and quit her show, only to spend that money on Cocaine and pills to supress the inner demons, and come out expecting everyone to have sympathy for your awesome lifestyle and you’re spoiled brat attempt to get on track, only to fall off track again, in an up and down motion, more fluctuating than her weight….that proves no matter what size she is, she’s still fucking sloppy, boring, and irritating….but not quite the same kind of boring as Rachel Bilson, cuz at least Mischa Barton’s got flavor, sure it’s probably unwashed, possible STD infected pussy flavor, while Rachel Bilson’s just vanilla lotion and overbearing husbanded, so here she is living….I guess we’re we’re just not sure for how much longer….and all this doesn’t answer the age old question….why aren’t these pics of her nude…

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Mischa Barton is not dead. That amazes me….

If feels like just last year, she was drunk, drugged and ready to throw in the towel, but for some reason she’s ended up on the beaches of Hawaii in a bikini, a place few peopel go to die, I mean other than retirees….I really thought the demise of her career, her missing the chance to be a pussy flasher, sex tape producer, when people still cared, and addiction due to demons we’ll never understand, was enough to put her under…

And really what it comes down to is dead or not, Mischa Barton still looks horrible to me….

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I like to look at Mischa Barton pictures as a morning inspiration. It’s like after seeing her thick, messy, useless self bend over, I don’t feel so bad about myself. If she hasn’t killed herself after going from the hot dead puking kid under the bed people used to jerk off to in The Sixth Sense, and by people I mean me, to going to a hit show as the main fucking character, to this out of work, sloppy, drug addicted drunk with a fat ass, all in front of the people, then why should I…..

Mischa Barton is a suicide help line – and here she is bending her pig self over….cuz if you’re like me, you don’t like fat women, but they never say no, especially if you put donuts around your cock….that’s when shit gets nutty.

All this to say, at least I’m not Mischa Barton…

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Here are a couple of drugged out lookin’ pussy at some event thinkin’ they are fashionable and awesome, when really they look haggard and disgusting….because Mischa Barton is a disaster, but she managed to squeeze her fat, sloppy legs into a pair of leather shorts….

She’s currently in Paris, in the event you were wondering “where in the world in Mischa Barton going to die?”…

She is keeping good company with Montrealer and likely heroin user Irina Lazareanu, who I’ve never had the chance to finger bang in the backseat of her parent’s car, cuz she moved to London when she was 13 and for fear my finger would fall off due to disease…cuz she met Pete Doherty at 15, and was engaged to him a couple of times in some kind of love triangle with Kate Moss, I am sure all you idiots really care about….

On a more interesting tip, I was just walking down the street to an abandoned building near a high school I like to hang out in and cry myself to sleep in cuz my life is shit, and I walked in on two 14 or 15 year old bull dykes making out, with their school uniform pants, cuz they are bull dykes and don’t do the whole “skirt” thing, and it was not very hot…and luckily, either is Mischa, otherwise my story would totally be irrelevant, and I need her nastyness in lesbian state to make it all make sense….

I guess that means she’s no longer irrelevant and that I just found her purpose she’s been looking for, and that’s as the spokesperson for ugly lesbian stories….oh and her shirt is see through too…in the event you are blind…

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When you hit rock bottom and you were once a celebrity, you really have limited options of what you can do. Either you kill yourself from a drug overdose, or you get a reality show. Both are equally depressing, but one is a little less fatal…leaving you hope that maybe one day it will all turn around…even if it takes making a total mockery of yourself…while pretending to be working…when really you’re just doing the same nothing you do everyday…only idiots feel compelled to watch it…cuz your shitty life is substantially better than their shitty life cuz you were on a TV show for a minute…

So apparently Mischa Barton thinks her life is interesting enough to follow and she is in the process of filming a pilot of her own reality show called “Smells like Garbage, Tastes like Sewage, Looks Unwashed and Bloated” cuz that’s really what her life has become….

Seriously, what the fuck is going to happen in her show…are we gonna watch her eat donuts, not shower, sit on her couch, get high and cry about the good OC Days….

There is nothing interesting about her, and maybe that’s the hook….and I guess who really cares…I just gotta say the obvious, a sex tape woulda been a better strategy…

The whole thing is stupid.

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I never thought I’d see disgusting fucking pigs smoke…but then again I don’t spend much time in the backwoods learning how to fuck with farm animals…

I also never thought Mischa Barton would still be alive…she looks like fucking death.

I just know she’s crying for attention…cuz despite what she looks like, she is a fucking attention whore who wishes her career took a different root, just like this fat chick who couldn’t land a husband so she booked an all inclusive vacation to jamaica to get knocked up, who after her pregnancy would get on all fours in the park and milk herself like a cow…but instead of paparazzi taking pics of her, the police took her away and then child protection took her kid, then i took her anal virginity and we lived happily ever after, the end.

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Mischa Barton is looking pretty fucking disgusting. She’s fat and ratty and is either on drugs to medicate all her broken dreams and justifiable feelings of inadequacies, or she’s just being a hipster who does shower or get her hair done, but who takes her flashy jazz shoes seriously, and really who cares about Mischa Barton, she’s a think of the past, I mean other than the clearly gay dude who is pretending to be her boyfriend cuz gay dudes love fat, broken chicks with any level of celebrity, especially if they pay their way….I mean if you notice, motherfucker is scared to kiss the bitch, but in defense to his sexuality, so would most straight dudes….

Pics via Bauer

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