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2007

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

I have this friend who has no moral boundries when it comes to speaking with other people. It doesn’t matter who we are with or where we are. It’s not that hes trying to piss people off, he just honestly doesn’t fucking know any better. We were sitting around my friends house on the weekend, and he was all fucked up on E and felt like sharing, cause all the idiots who do that drug use it as an excuse to tell you and me shit we really don’t care about or want to hear, or to tell you they love you. Fags.

Anyways, somehow or another gets talking about his ex-girlfriend (in front of his new one, no less) and the time that he was fast asleep and was woken up by her viciously pounding her finger into his ass, and having this weird look of anger/satisfaction on her face. He kept noting the point that she looked angry and happy all at the same time, and when he brought it up to her after, said she got the same look on her face. I thought about it after, and concluded to myself it was some type of domination thing, kind like when a guy rapes another guy in jail.

Or she just likes ramming her fingers up guys asses.

*shrugs*

Here’s the links.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

How to get into a Celebrity Nightclub
GO

Some guy gets his back broken
GO

Did Mommy take away your dirty magazines again??
GO

Tyra Banks is hot when she keeps her mouth shut
GO

Brett Ratner does Gay things; Probably Gay
GO

Kevin Smith vs Fan
GO

Ferret Discovers Jalapenos
GO

TEXT HERE
GO

Nina Moric bikini shoot, in some language which I’m guessing is spanish
GO

Lohan enters rehab for the third time. I am shocked. SHOCKED!
GO

Heidi Klum and her thong
GO

Paris and Nicole go to jail – The Porno
GO

Garden Hose masterbation. It says this is dangerous and they are probably right
GO

Lohan being dropped by record label and film bosses?
GO

Ashley Tisdale looking like a 12 year old, but you are probably into that
GO

Pam Anderson is dating that ugly magician
GO

From Italy, with love
GO

Sex Scene or Murder Scene?
GO

Joanna Krupa like whoa
GO

Backyard girlfight gets bloody
GO

Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards get ready to battle it out
GO

Guy shoots himself with shotgun
GO

There’s something about Suri
GO

Silver cash bikini contest
GO

Ana Beatriz Barros like whoa!
GO

Angelina topless in Bewoulf
GO

Rose McGowen looking okay I guess
GO

Anna Faris in a pink top
GO

Amy Reid like whoa!
GO

Dead ringer
GO

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are gettin naked
GO

Lindsay HoHand – The Movie
GO

Brad and Angie are gonna be on a stamp or some shit
GO

Sinkhole swallows houses
GO

Madonna is prolly gonna have her AIDS baby taken away
GO

Irish keg stand
GO

Stacy Keibler leather bikini
GO

Ginger Spice in a bikini
GO

Rob Zombie’s Halloween
GO

Navy spots aliens floating through water
GO

Britney hires Kelly Clarkson’s fired manager
GO

Danielle Lloyd in a bathing suit…again….yawn
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Opera Gladiator with Terrets of the Day

6 Comments »

You guys are getting a good dose of stepTV today, mostly because I’m feeling lazy as shit today and don’t feel like writing. I don’t think most of you can read so well anyways, and this way you can just look at moving pictures set to music for your amusement.

As I’ve already said while posting, I will never stop laughing at people who do shit on the street for money, because I find people who are desperate really fucking hilarious. What makes it even better is when their so called “skill” is some bullshit that is too stupid for words, and the seriousness with which they take themselves.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Eva Herzigova Upskirt of the Day

2 Comments »

Eva Herzigova

I have this sorta-friend I met while drunk at a bar, who’s also a party-slut. I texted her to see if she wanted to get drunk and felt up. She said yes. I call her SallyYuki because she is Japanese and I can barely understand what she says, and she doesn’t mind that i can’t pronounce whatever her name is. We get picked up by three Romanians who are fairly hot and most importantly, ready and willing to shower us with top-shelf liquor.

We tell them we want to move to a club (aka grind and make-out), so we all hop into their beamer and head to some place I can’t fucking remember, but it cost $20 to get in, and they paid. While SallyYuki was occupied with Romanian #1, I was busy sandwiching with Romanians #2 and #3. At one point #2 and #3 hoisted me up onto the DJ’s stage, where I shook it and whipped off my shirt until security escorted me down. Later, while #2 was getting more drinks, I let #3 slither his fingers down my pants and into my soft slit. The next thing I know, SallyYuki taps me on my shoulder and is waving her arms in the air, screaming in Japanese, then storms off in some bizarre spaztic fit of rage. Whatever.

We dance and I divide my time between #2 and #3 till closing. I ask if they can give me a ride home. They oblige. As we’re waiting for the car, the 3 Romanians make a proposition: a foursome. Now I wouldn’t do that shit as a hooker, and I am not about to break my old hooker standards. I did a three-some once (two guys and me) under pressure from my pimp, and I didn’t like it: too much of a balancing act and the guys didn’t realize how homo-erotic it was for them, which is pretty fucking funny. I said no thanks on the foursome, but I WILL blow them all in the beamer on my way home. They were like kids on Christmas day. So about every other block, they stop the car and play musical chairs, only there are no chairs, just me deep-throating various Romanian cocks. In the end, they got a free ride, and so did I. Hurray.

Here is Eva Herzigova at the opening of Chopard’s store (yeah who the fuck knows, sounds expensive). She is Czech, which is pretty close to Romania in my geographically challenged mind. Eva is giving you a free peak up her dress and plenty of cleavage. I wonder if she had to sucks any cocks to get where she is today? I feel like it’s a right of passage in the modeling, acting, and general slut industry. Now go let on fly and pretend it’s shooting up her cooch.Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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Posted in:cleavage|Eva Herzigova|Model|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

Aug

I am – Paris Hilton Making Good on Her Word of the Day

1 Comment »

Paris Hilton

I was walking home at around 8am from the Coke party on Friday night and I stopped in at the grocery store to grab some juice or something, but ended up being way too high to even remember what I went in there for and just walked up and down the aisles hoping I would remember. That happens to me alot. I heard a bit of a commotion at the front of the store, so went up to check things out, cause I’m nosey like that. There was some old bum freaking out about one thing or another, and had the attention of the managers and the clerks, while his buddy was behind them filling his coat with whatever he could get his hands on. Brilliant.

This was going on for awhile, until finally the Manager noticed me just standing there staring at them all, and I snapped out of it, not sure how long I had even been there. I couldn’t remember why I went in there in the first place and it got really awkward really fast, so just decided to leave before they caught on to the scam. I don’t really steal, but I’m not about to knock anyone’s hustle either, and I thought it was pretty clever, so I didn’t want to blow their cover.

Here’s Paris, fresh from a hard days work at her local soup kitchen. I’m really glad she is making good on her promises to do make more of herself and life in general. Doing all that charity work at LA nightclubs and the beach must be pretty tiring. She should really take a vacation or something.

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Posted in:Bikini|Liars|Paris Hilton|Sluts|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Challenged of the Day

2 Comments »

I used to be friends with this group of girls a bit older then me that were all in college together for social work. I’m not sure why I hung out with them, since all they did was argue with each other like the bitches that they were, and sit around in their underwear, which was useless in the end, because when I even so much as suggested making out or getting naked, they would get all uptight. I figured since they were in college, they would be into that type of thing, but I guess I was wrong, or they were just boring. Probably the latter.

Anyways, they used to get pretty pissed when I referred to “Challenged People” as retards. They would whine that it wasn’t politically correct and blah blah blah and generally just try to make me feel bad about it. One of them, who was the ring leader kind of, tried to steal my boyfriend this one time, but she got cancer, which for some reason accelerated the growth of her already huge ass. The Cancer went away, but the ass didn’t.

I still think the word retard is funny, and really don’t give a shit. Retards are pretty funny too, so is Cancer.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Slutty School Girls on Set and Random Blind Item of the Day

13 Comments »

I’ve been sitting on this whore post for a few days, because it involves maybe outing a celebrity, and I’m pretty sure Jesus’ legal team consists of himself and a homeless guy he dresses up in suit he stole from the Thrift Shop. So when we get to the juice, I’m gonna treat this as a Blind Item.

Last week me and Dutch friend went from bar to bar rubbing up against losers for drinks as they drooled over our tits, then we would split. We finally landed at a rooftop bar where these Spanish cunts were all to happy to foot the bill. I got the short one with a shaved head (free drinks, bottom line) who claimed he was an architect. Shaved Head kept pointing to this ridiculous building he worshipped, a glass eyesore i call ‘the place where cubicles go to die.’ Dutch friend got the hotter metrosexual.

The conversation rolled around to me talking about Cruise’s gay rumors, because fucking and celebrities are my life. If only I could combine the two… Suddenly Shaved Head gets coy, saying his fag-model friend blows some huge actor. He won’t tell. I move in closer, put my hand on his chest, make a guess. I press my body up against his, guess. I nibble his ear, guess. I teasingly kiss the side of his mouth, guess. I snake my hand down to his crotch, stroke it, guess. Shit I am FRUSTRATED. So I just lay one long, wild kiss on this bitch and graze his tonsels with my tongue. He spills it. Let’s just say this allegedly “likes being sucked off by gay Spanish models” actor got his start alongside very vocal fastfood and likes canines.

NOW, I think Shaved Head is a liar for the following reasons: 1) I checked every board and there’s never been a gay rumor about this actor, 2) I named every hot piece in Hollywood so Shaved Head had to think of someone after i raped his face, 3) guys will invent anything to plow your pussy, and 4) this actor is a womanizer and has dated many non-beard, hot actresses.

My take: who gives a shit anyway, a blow is a blow, it’s all just mouth and penis. And I worship this legend either way…. The night ends with the Spanish cunts dragging us to some bar they promise has sangria. We stop at traffic lights for heavy petting and sucking face. We get there and the bar is closed, but suspiciously near his apartment. Me and Dutch friend decline because they weren’t hot or fun enough to slam, and we weren’t getting anymore free drinks out of these bastards.

Now you know I love gossip, and i know you have naughty school girl fantasies. So here is Blake Lively (“…Traveling Pants”) and Taylor Momsen (?) looking oh-so Catholic school on the set of the new flick “Gossip Girls.” Based on these pics, I imagine their characters are pretty slutty. So you Canadians can beat off to both Taylor and Blake, since they are both of age in your country. Americans, you’re only allowed to pleasure yourself with Blake because she is the only one legal in this country. But that never stoped you with Hayden Panetierre.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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Posted in:Blake Lively|Legs|Sluts|Taylor Momsen|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Britney Spears Pillsbury Dough Ass of the Day

4 Comments »

Britney Spears

I ended up going to this house party of a guy I know who lives in this loft that is pretty much nicer then any place I have ever hung out in and definitely nicer then any place I will ever live in. Hes a pretty good friend of mine, so doesn’t mind it when we go over to hang out, or when he finds me in the kitchen pretending like I live there, if only for a minute or two, because I will never get to live in a place like that ever.

There was this weird couple there who were getting ready to leave the city for some reason that has sipped my mind, that had the biggest bag of cocaine I have ever seen in life. You know those ugly couples that show up at parties, and at the end of the night, you all talk about it and realize none of you know them and it becomes this big mystery where they came from? This was them.

Anyways, I couldnt really tell you how much coke it was, because when your a cute young girl, you don’t buy drugs, they are just given to you. Therefore you end up a) having no idea the quantities of things like that and b) not knowing how much it costs. Everybody I know complians that coke is a shit drug cause its expensive, but since I don’t pay for it, I can’t really identify with that. I like uppers, not downers, and if you’re giving them to me for free I will take them.

Anyways, this dude was a drug dealer, which didn’t take long for anyone to figure out, since he kept just like talking about his shit all god damned night, regardless if the direction of the conversation brought us around to his current profession or not. It reminded me that I really fucking hate most drug dealers. Some of these assholes will run around talking and gloating about what they do, pulling out wads of hundreds of dollars and flashing their fucking money around, then complain when they get caught. I still did their free coke until around 8am, and met some guy I think I will likely have sex with in the near future, so overall, it was a good night.

Here’s Britney Spears, her ass reminds me of the ass of the girlfriend of the drug dealer.

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Posted in:Britney Spears|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

6 Comments »

Well its been a hell of a week that’s for sure. Today was a huge pain the ass for Nell and I. I still haven’t sorted out the photo thing quite yet, so sit tight, I know the fucking adds and all the bullshit is annoying. Jesus is out trying to get erections from chinese hookers and not answering his emails. Not much i can until then. Thanks for your patience, and things should be fixed by monday, and Fatass makes his grand old return on Tuesday I believe.

Some readers emailed asking me to write on the weekends, but this weekend is DEF not going to be one of them, unless Lohan kills somebody drunk driving or something to that effect, but I have a feeling I will be way to bombed to even know or care who lohan is.

Here’s the links for Friday. Thanks for reading, ya filthy animals.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Who’d you rather?
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3 drunks chicks
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Friday night = Get Laid
GO

Lindsay says the darndest things
GO

Paula Abdul is nuts!
GO

The TRUE story of christmas
GO

Biggest mouth ever. Too bad he’s not a chick, cause like, you know…
GO

DONT DO ICE!
GO

Katy Lawler upskirt
GO

Sunny Leone like whoa!!!
GO

A J-Porn miracle
GO

when sex goes bad
GO

Women in the kitchen
GO

Guess who did a striptease for Carson Daly?
Except she didnt really strip, so it was just more of a tease
GO

Rock, Paper, Scissors, RAT TRAP!
GO

Madonna being embarressed of dirty pictures is like a hooker being ashamed that she caught an STD
GO

Heidi Klum hates the Beckhams, therefore, I love Heidi Klum
GO

Courtney Love cleans up well
GO

Britney Spears = Staying classy as always
GO

The best of Stacy
GO

Girl on Girl action, cause I know you will never see it in real life, virgin
GO

OJ Prank calls
GO

Eddie’s Exes team up
GO

Ving Rhames dog may have killed somebody
GO

Megan Fox is no lidsay Lohan. Thank God
GO

Friday Foolishness
GO

Skater falls 50 feet
GO

Angelina and Maddox, cause that kid is too fucking cool
GO

LeeAnn Tweeden like whoa
GO

Guy sucked into Jet Engine prank
GO

Bam Margera kicks footballs at cars
GO

TEXT HERE
GO

More skater drama
GO

Mississippi bridge collapse on video
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Scarlett Johansson Louis Vuitton ads
GO

So he DID snort Daddy!!
GO

Rod Stwearts son is being sued
GO

alec Baldwin hates daughter; Loves seacows
GO

Tara Reid is still smart
GO

Get Laid Tonight, I know Im going to
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Beggin for a Misdemenor of the Day

No Comments »

I always liked skateboarding, not because of the tricks, but mostly because I think people falling over and over again is really, really funny. The only thing that would have make this video better was watching them get arrested and beaten by the cops.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Billie Piper Side Boob and Near Nip-Slip of the Day

2 Comments »

Billie Piper

I got home in the wee hours from my make-out and martini bender (i already told you about it). I decided I should probably put a lil something in the belly because I don’t want ulcers (my Korean ex-roomate got ulcers from being a party-slut legend on both sides of the ocean). Since I was fucking wrecked and could barely walk straight, I thought the boy shorts I use as underwear were a fine choice for running out into the street and stumbling into the bodega a block away (seriously, these shorts shrunk so much in the wash they can’t even pass as daisy dukes). I also thought the T-shirt I sleep in didn’t need a bra, even though it’s so old it’s see-through.

Me and my camel-toe bought some wheat thins. I could tell the Chinese dude behind the counter was a little shocked, not by the fact that i was half naked and nippley, but by the fact that i wasn’t buying a 40 of Corona, which is what i usually do when i visit his fine cash-only shit-shack. I lost a $2 flip-flop on the way home, but didn’t care since a shoe that can’t stay on my foot when I am hammered isn’t worth having. I don’t mind going partially barefoot because i don’t mind riding bareback, which i plan on doing this weekend, and you just might get to hear about it.

This morning i arrived an hour late to work and threw up in the bathroom. This party slut diet is working wonders, but i hate puking. I am still feeling a little drunk and hungover, but at least I remembered to button my shirt before i showed up to work, unlike this Brit actress Billie Piper on the set of her new movie (whatever that is). Billie was Rose Tyler on “Doctor Who.” Now go fantasize about playing doctor with Billie. Imagine giving her a breast exam.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

Posted in:Billie Piper|Nip Slip|Tit|Unsorted