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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2007

18

Jul

I am – Bar Rafaeli in Wifebeater of the Day

2 Comments »

Bar Rafaeli

Since I have been drinking pretty heavily (expensive) lately, my lunch break consists of walking around for 30 minutes and maybe stealing ketchup packets from a Deli. Yesterday I decided to bum a smoke off some suit outside Starbucks, and was enjoying the buzz when this borderline-obese dogwalker yells at me, “Disgusting!” Now I am rarely called disgusting in broad daylight (and mostly only the internet). Well, yeah I find smoking disgusting too, but I actually quit a year ago and I just felt like a drag today. So I said, “Excuse me?” And this old fat chick with 12 dogs says, “Your shirt, it’s disgusting.” I look down, and i was wearing my “Mary is my homegirl” virgin shirt. “What?” I say. Fat dogwalker goes, “No respect, you kids…” or something.

And that’s when I got pissed and said, “We have freedom of speech in this country, and I have the right to wear anything that celebrates my Catholicism,” which was total bullshit. I bought the shirt in 2003 and now realized it was douchey but hadn’t done laundry and I wasn’t about to let some old bitch point out my shirt was retarded, whatever her reasoning.

That’s when fat dogwalker starts apologizing over and over, saying she was sorry, then goes on for 5 minutes about Jesus (not the beloved drunkenStepfather) while her 12 dogs are pissing everywhere, and she won’t let me get away. I finally lost it and said, “Sorry, i have to go, I am late for my abortion.”

That dogwalker would never have harassed Bar Rafaeli, mostly because she is a rich model and wouldn’t wear stupid ratty shirts, and she is Israeli and everyone knows Israelis can kick the shit out of you (they are like all commandos, seriously). She dated Leonardo DeCaprio and looks exactly like Giselle, which makes sense. Here she is wearing shorts and a teet-friendly tank in NYC yesterday. It’s your party now.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Bar Rafaeli|Model|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – David Beckham Feels Up Posh of the Day

9 Comments »

David Beckham Groping Posh

I leave the site for a week and next thing I know there are pictures of little kids up on this shit wishing them happy fucking birthdays. Last I checked that shit would have been deleted from my inbox, even though it would have been the only email I’ve ever got since leaving. The reason being that I don’t have patience for kids. I don’t post pictures of people under 18 on the site and because this site is for perverts and people who want to see Britney in a bikini and not see some slut’s kid. The reason I call her a slut is because she let someone drop load in her and not because she says her son is training to be a pimp for wearing a pair of sunglasses. If that little bastard was training to be a pimp, he’d be hustlin the playground getting the he female friends to pull down their diapers for a cookie, sunglasses would be a secondary though.

Speaking of kids, here are some pictures of David Beckham giving Posh a little diddle like he was her dad, or some pervert babysitting her, or her gym teacher, soccer coach, uncle or neighbor. I don’t think he’s doing it to make her feel good, he’s just going for the cunt to prove he’s not a faggot. I guess he could also be making her her dick is well hidden so the public don’t catch on to his little secret, or maybe she really is a robot and has a cunt like Barbie.

Either way, I figured I’d chime in to say I am still alive. Nothing too exciting has happened on the trip yet. I did give my stepdaughter creative control and shit like that post may not be what you’re lookin for when you come here, but she is doing a better job than I would have been doing from an internet connection that costs me 20 dollars for 20 minutes…now go fuck yourselves and stop bothering me while I am trying to decompress….asshole…

With Love
Jesus Martinez
drunkenstepfather.com
On Vacation….


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I am – Posh Spice Has Huge, Hard Nipples of the Day
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I am – Victoria Beckham’s See Through Shirt of the Day
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Posted in:David Beckham|Groping|Uncategorized|Unsorted|Victoria Beckham

2007

18

Jul

I am – Rocio Diaz in Pronto Magazine of the Day

2 Comments »

Rocia Diaz

I had to walk home through the park last Wednesday because I lost my week-long bus pass and my wallet said no to a new one, so fuck you bus. It had just rained and was hot as balls. The park was deserted, except for what i took at first to be a homeless guy lying on this big rock at the edge of the pond. This was an odd place for a nap, since he was basically in the water, which is covered in a 5 inch layer of green sludge that smells like mother nature’s moldy wadge, and even the homeless have standards. So then I am thinking maybe it’s a dead body, how exciting! I step in for a closer look, then realize its some sort of dirty hipster couple making out… making out in a huge puddle of rotting forrest and duck shit.

Here is Rocio Diaz in Pronto magazine, dressing as an 80s stripper. I have no idea who she is and I don’t read Spanish so well, but she looks like the kind of girl who would be down for some heavy-petting in a lake of sewage if you got her drunk enough. Your virgin loins are about to get dirty.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Ass|Lingerie|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – The Original Lohan Stalker of the Day

3 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan

So there’s a site I link who got Lohan’s email and found out that there are some sleazy pics of her floating around. All of a sudden, shit gets picked up on every major media outlet and he’s famous overnight. I have Lohan’s number and call her, leave her messages and stalk the bitch for 2 fucking years and no one ever picks up my story, I never become famous overnight and my self-esteem that is already pretty non-existant goes even further into shit….

This kind of thing makes me question what I do, and here are some pictures of Lohan in an almost see through because that’s all you want from me. Asshole.

Internet is too expensive for this so that’s the end of me for now….

With Love
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
On Vacation….

ED. NOTE: She Looks fucking forty.


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I am – Lohan Arrested for Drinking and Driving and Possession of Cocaine of the Day
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I am – Linsay Lohan Bikini Pics of the Day
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Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – Kimberly Stewart's Skirt Fights the Wind of the Day

No Comments »

Kimberly Stewart

I used to hate Kimberly Stewart, but as I thought about her more I realized she’s not so bad. Yeah, she is just another Hollywood socialite, but she accepts that. I never see her going to “acting” classes, or here about her putting out her new album, or going to work with AIDS babies in Africa, or becoming a “designer” and starting some bullshit clothing line she plans to sell for way more then it’s worth, cause we all know she’s really not a designer.

Kimberly Stewart accepts that her father is a rich old bastard, and that she just gets to run around shopping and going to night clubs, and be a famous idiot while the rest of us work all day and hate our lives. I know she modeled for a bit, but I mean that doesn’t count because you just get to be pretty and sit there. She knows she’s pretty much useless, but doesn’t try to be something she’s not and in a round about way, that shows her confidence just to be herself and be comfortable with it. I respect that.

There’s a lot to be said for confidence. I was out of town with my ex-boyfriend not long ago, and was hanging out at this bar when this midget came up to me and started running all this game and trying to take me home. He was short obviously, but pretty cute. When it came down to it. The thing that amazed me out of all of this was this dude had more confidence and skill with ladies then almost any other guy I have met, and he was a fucking midget for god sakes.

He was so comfortable and accepting of the fact that he was what he was, that after talking to him for 5 minutes, I almost forgot my initial thought path of wanting to see him wrestle in a ring. If I hadn’t have been with boy friend that night, I prolly would have gone home with him. What can I say? I would have liked to fuck a midget.


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Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Uncategorized|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

18

Jul

I am – Kimberly Stewart’s Skirt Fights the Wind of the Day

18 Comments »

Kimberly Stewart

I used to hate Kimberly Stewart, but as I thought about her more I realized she’s not so bad. Yeah, she is just another Hollywood socialite, but she accepts that. I never see her going to “acting� classes, or here about her putting out her new album, or going to work with AIDS babies in Africa, or becoming a “designer� and starting some bullshit clothing line she plans to sell for way more then it’s worth, cause we all know she’s really not a designer.

Kimberly Stewart accepts that her father is a rich old bastard, and that she just gets to run around shopping and going to night clubs, and be a famous idiot while the rest of us work all day and hate our lives. I know she modeled for a bit, but I mean that doesn’t count because you just get to be pretty and sit there. She knows she’s pretty much useless, but doesn’t try to be something she’s not and in a round about way, that shows her confidence just to be herself and be comfortable with it. I respect that.

There’s a lot to be said for confidence. I was out of town with my ex-boyfriend not long ago, and was hanging out at this bar when this midget came up to me and started running all this game and trying to take me home. He was short obviously, but pretty cute. When it came down to it. The thing that amazed me out of all of this was this dude had more confidence and skill with ladies then almost any other guy I have met, and he was a fucking midget for god sakes.

He was so comfortable and accepting of the fact that he was what he was, that after talking to him for 5 minutes, I almost forgot my initial thought path of wanting to see him wrestle in a ring. If I hadn’t have been with boy friend that night, I prolly would have gone home with him. What can I say? I would have liked to fuck a midget.


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Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Uncategorized|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

18

Jul

I am – Dita Von Tease Goes Shopping of the Day

2 Comments »

Dita Von Tease Shopping
Julien, our token gay blogger, sent me this email this morning. And since I think Dita Von Tease is just a whole bunch of (hot) hype, I thought I would post it. It’s so gay I can almost hear his lisp when I read it.

Ok, just because I’m gay doesnt mean I’m going to redecorate your house and take you to Ikea to pick out new plates for your dining room. Choosing paint colors that match your new bedspread is not my idea of a fun Saturday afternoon. I like to spend my Saturdays lying in bed recovering from the fact that I came home at 8am all sketchy from some loft party that I went to after last call at the bar.

Like last night, some ex-fag hag of mine calls me up because the loser that she was dating realized that he could do better than her. She called me up all weepy and shit, wanting me to come over and talk about her failed relationship. She probably wanted me to hold her for awhile and then take a bubble bath with her to make her feel better.

Look, that was what I did when I was fat in high school and no guys to fuck me. But now I’ m hot and have better things to do with my life. So I made up some lie about being sick and instead went to a strip club where I got a contact lap dance from a hot guy with his initials tattooed on his ass. He was uncut but didn’t have too much foreskin. Hot.

Anyway here are a few pics of Dita Von Teese. Now, like I said, I’m not you the kind of fag who is going to help you with all your clothing issues. But even this is too much. I know she’ s supposed to be some fashion maven but her dress looks like a needlepoint picture that my grandmother had in her kitchen where she and I used to have teaparties. Girl, what the hell you were thinking?

Smooch!

Julien


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Posted in:Dita Von Tease|Unsorted

2007

17

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

4 Comments »

stepLINK July 17/07

I’ve been getting a large amount of junkmail in my e-mail box, a lot of which is people from Nigeria and Slovakesstan and all sorts of other places I have never heard of asking for my bank account information because they want to scam money from me, which I think is hilarious, because I have no money and if they were any good at their scams they find someone who did. I keep replying to all of them in hopes that I can string them along for a little bit and post the emails here for all 4 of us to laugh at, but no such luck yet.

I’ve developed this whole story line where I work for a charity and I’m a good christian, god fearing women who wants nothing more to help them after hearing their sad, sad, story. Hopefully one of them will bite, and we’ll get to fuck around for a bit. Until then, click these links so my stepfather doesn’t beat me when he comes back from his cruise.


Sexy Jenny McCarthy Video. Yowza!
GO

Bikini car wash
GO <

Victoria Beckham’s show is going to bomb. Maybe she will go back to Britain and we can stop hearing about her.
GO

Sting is going to pay
GO

Lohan’s fans stick up for her. She probably paid them, because she has no real friends.
GO

Kimberly Kane wants you in the bathroom
GO

College Hottie of the Week
GO

For the rich trailer trash
GO

Pranking C-Span
GO

Liza Minelli is a wax figure.
GO

Face plant into the water
GO

Sauna sex is dangerous, just ask David Ducovney
GO

Weeds Season 3 update
GO

Andy dick got knocked the fuck out!!
GO

Paulina Rubio kind of upskirt but not really
GO

Hot chick and some blood in Esquire
GO

Screw tattoos, branding is where it’s at
GO

Little kid fucking with adults…No, not like that
This is filmed in my home city
GO

Video from Jessica Simpson’s fashion show.
GO

Rihanna does paper magazine.
GO

Robin Williams is a comic genius of bad movies.
GO

Salma Hayek screen shots from Dogma
GO

Incredible Picture
GO

Creator of Backstreet Boys and N Sync is going to jail. Serves him right.
GO

All these chicks make more money then you do
GO

Download the new Harry Potter, so you don’t have to steal it from the bookstore.
GO

Lookin’ good sweetheart
GO

And boy, does he have some GREAT rape stories….
GO

Some fatass gets stuck in shallow water
GO

Luke Skywalker is a real mother fucker
GO

Your Daily Piece of Ass
GO

Lord Conrad flippin’ the bird
GO

Pink is fucking weird looking
GO

Jennifer Ellison and Danielle Lloyd bikini pics
GO

Candace Michelle Bikini shoot
GO

Julianne Moore coloured her beautiful red hair blonde. What a tard.
GO

Girl next door washes her car
GO

Drunk girl on a pole
GO

Amanda Harrington in a gold bikini GO

Couple banging in a store window. Prolly fake, but who cares.
GO

Lily Allen shows off her third nipple
GO

Killer bike crash
GO

Ashlee Exposed
GO

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo fully clothed
GO

More Vickie Blows
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Do it like Daddy showed you!
GO

Fastforward blowjobs, because I know you don’t last long anyways GO

Vodka Roulette
GO

Katherine McPhee looking naughty, but sweet.
GO

Megan Fox at some random airport
GO

Amy Winehouse needs to loose some fucking weight
GO

Pam Anderson in a see through dress
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Steroids found in wrestlers system. I am shocked. SHOCKED.
GO

K-Fed spends money he doesn’t even have on a nursery
GO

Eva Longoria eats ice cream. Whoop dee fucking doo.
GO

Ashley Simpson is knocked up and engaged?
GO

Because I know you can’t talk to girls in real life
GO

There’s a first time for everything! Use this to help you get laid.
GO
Send me links or stalk me here.
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

17

Jul

I am – stepMAIL of the Day

1 Comment »

Cute Kid

I got an email from one of our 2 female readers today. Apparently it’s her birthday, and like most moms in the world, everyone pretty much forgot or simply ignored it, including her husband (who is probably cheating on her with her sister right now)

Robin Wrote:

HI!
Today is my birthday, but I’m a mom, so no one gives a crap about me. The picture is my youngest, BTW. He’s training to be a pimp.

That being said, from Jesus Martinez, Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus), our token gay blogger Julien, Harley Houstan, Marie-Eve Martinez and everyone at drunkenstepfather.com, I want to wish you a very, very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Also, when that pimp son of yours finally comes of age, drop us a line, I think Sugar Nell is itching to get back to work.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

17

Jul

I am – Homeless Man and His Dog of the Day

14 Comments »

I’ve been on this real kick lately ragging on homeless people on the site and even in real life. I even threw an orange soda on one (he did kick a car door when panhandling tho). Then Sugar Nell sent me this video and I pretty much hate myself and realize that if, in fact, there is a hell, I am most certainly going to be there. This video made me happy and sad aat the same time, but mostly it just made me hate the world even more then I already do. *hugs and kisses*

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted