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Archive for the Fergie Category

2009

15

Jun

Fergie is Topless in Allure Magazine of the Day

4 Comments »

Fergie is showing off the amazing power of Photoshop while topless in Allure.

I hate photoshop, because with online courses, fat and ugly chicks can trick me. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to some girl on facebook because I got nothing else going for me and she told me she was a model. I went through her pictures and bitch looked pretty fucking good, I didn’t agree to meet her, cuz I hate internet pussy the most, but I did find out what bar she was at and pulled a little creeper move on her to see what I was actually dealing with because I knew it was too good to be true, she was just too eager to be hot and it turned out it was cuz bitch had one of those port stain birthmarks on half her face and looked like she was the Phantom of the Opera all the time, something she was pretty good at erasing in post production.

Not that it matters, I’m still gonna fuck her, but that’s just because I like port after every meal, it makes me feel luxurious and Portuguese.

Here’s Fergie.

Here’s some pictures of Fergie a little less boring, a little less photoshopped and a lot more rough around the fuckin’ edges.

Posted in:Allure|Fergie|Topless

2009

10

Jun

Fergie and Her Body Don’t Belong Together of the Day

11 Comments »

I don’t understand what the what the deal is with Fergie’s head. I am not talking about the head she used to hustle when she was scrounging the LA streets for her next hit of meth, or the head that she used to get the Black Eyed Peas to hire her to make them famous, or the head she gives herself in the bathroom at night as part of her workout regimen, I am talking about the head on her body that belongs on a fuckin’ dude, and a body that belongs naked, in video, getting fisted, while squatting. It is tight, it is nice, it is worth fucking from behind…

Posted in:Fergie|Sparkles

2009

28

May

Fergie’s Got France in her Pants of the Day

3 Comments »

I got in a race war last night. I was drunk at a bar, pretty much alienating everyone that crossed paths with me while progressively drinking harder and harder and I don’t think I pissed anyone off officially, but when I left at the end of the night, a group of hispanic dudes were screaming at the bouncer, calling him a ni**er and I guess I took offense, despite the world thinking I am racist, I really find that kind of behavior unacceptable. So I probably said something that triggered something in one of the dudes, who happened to not be hispanic, but brown, and as soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk he fuckin’ bitch slapped me full force, with a running fuckin’ start and got be right on my ear. The bouncers who I know made me go back inside and before I did, I kept asking him if he was going to make me eat out his vagina and shit like that. My ear is blocked and ringing. I am hungover and the whole thing was fuckin’ ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as Fergie’s ass in these jeans.

Posted in:Fergie|France|Pants

2009

13

May

Fergie Nipple of the Day

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I don’t know if this is Fergie’s nipple, but I guess it could be.

Lookin at this picture brings back horrible memories of high school, where on days we’d be forced to do Gym class outside on fall days, in my pair of short jogging shorts that I got at the second-hand store 3 years earlier and that were a good 3 sizes too small for me, where the girls in the class would rock out with their nipples out in their tight t-shirts, forcing my pubescent, embarrassing-sized, mini-cock to harden into an even more embarrassing sized erection, because I couldn’t lie that it’s just small when flacid, once I came myself, and shit dripped down my leg, only to get called out by the teacher, other times I’d just get laughed off the football field or sometimes, if I was lucky, sent to the principal’s office for being the inappropriate, horny immigrant, where my foster parents would be called in and I’d be lectured and sent to confess my sins, all because of one fuckin’ girl and her amazingly hard teen nipples.

Either way, here’s Fergie, showing what I assume is nipple, but may not be, but is good enough for me, because sometimes, nipple is all it takes….

Posted in:Fergie|Nipple

2009

15

Apr

Fergie is Almost Showing Off Some Ass of the Day

3 Comments »

I was talking to some 20 year old girl the other day and obviously shit lead to talking about her vagina. I made some comment about wanting my old balls hanging off her chin and she got back at me with some shit about loving old balls and I got into some shit about not loving old pussy and she got into some shit about how she doesn’t have an old pussy and how it is young and tight and is hard to get more than one finger in without screaming….

So instead of jumping her then and there, I took it to the next level in sabotaging my chances of fucking her, by letting her know that there are some 2 year old cars that are seemingly still new and in good shape, but when you check out their milage, you can see they are well fuckin’ traveled and may not be something you’d trust on a long distance journey, or really even a trip to the store down the block, you know cuz the suspension is gone, the tires are bald and it burns oil. She got that I was calling her a slut in one of my more obscure ways of calling her a slut and it turns out girls don’t jump on dicks who imply they are sluts, since I guess they like the whole denial of what they have done to themselves….and they don’t care that fucking 40 dudes could be considered a lot to some people because they felt each and everyone of those cocks was worth the ride.

I guess that has nothing to do with a married Fergie almost flashing her ass, I mean other than her being a dirty ditch pig of a woman who has probably done some interesting things for Meth back when she was “addicted”, you know shit that makes flashing the world your ass seem pretty fucking tame.

I wonder if this story makes any fucking sense, I didn’t bother re-reading it, so just ignore the typos, I’m rushing and not Russian.

On a side note -I am digging the new Black Eyed Peas Song….

Posted in:Ass|Fergie

2009

30

Mar

Fergie Showin’ Off Her Stomach of the Day

2 Comments »

It was Fergie’s birthday this weekend and here she is showing off her midsection.

Speaking of birthdays, I went to Lady Gaga’s birthday performance, a friend of mine snuck me in, and I realize that I used to rag on Fergie about being a tranny, but that was before I had experienced Lady Gaga, who makes Fergie look like Emily Post’s poster girl of femininity. You know the kind of girl you look at and think about how good of a mother and wife she must be, and not the kind of girl you think has a dick.

Either way, Gaga was like watching a horrible drag show, where she talked about how sexy she is, about money and being famous all while hiding her mangled face behind various masks, because bother her and her record lable know she needs to keep that mess under wraps because she’s a fucking monster.

I stood in the back, getting drunk, making fun of some band that opened from her that were on The Hills and who’s lead singer had a massive cold sore. I also made fun of the fags dressed like Gaga, the girl who thought she was Gaga and pretty much everyone else…so I had an amazing time, unfortunately Gaga didn’t die of a drug overdose on stage.

But I guess that’s got nothing to do with Fergie or her midsection.

Posted in:Fergie|Stomach

2009

26

Mar

Fergie’s Legs Go on a Fitness Hike of the Day

9 Comments »

Fergie’s not the rock hard body she used to be. I call this the marriage workout. She can finally kick back and take it easy and tell her husband that she was out exercising, meanwhile she’s just planning on gaining enough weight for her husband to regret ever marrying her.

Maybe this low intensity working out, is because her heart is so wrecked from her meth addiction, but I have a feeling that whole meth addiction was bullshit, because I know meth addicts and the last thing I expect out of them is a successful music career and happy, rich, full life, I just expect the scabs and premature death. Maybe Fergie knew someone who did meth and she smoked a hit once but didn’t inhale, but no meth addicts succeed, no matter how many days they stay up jacked and ready to work….because their idea of work is painting their one room apartment black and similar insanity.

Either way, she doesn’t look hot, but she’s hotter than my wife, so I’ll post it.

Posted in:Fergie|Hike|Legs|Workout

2009

20

Mar

Fergie and Her Shorts of the Day

3 Comments »

Fergie got married and now she’s a whole new person. She’s got different color hair, she dresses pretty conservative like a mom and I am not just saying that because her uterus seems to be busting out of the front of her shorts.

To think that a girl who used to miss her period for months at a time because of all the hard drug use, partying, malnourishment and random sex with HPV when she fell from her Disney channel big break, could manage to salvage the broken pieces and put it all together.

Maybe there’s hope for all of us. Fergie is inspiring.

Posted in:Fergie|Legs|Married|Shorts

2009

06

Mar

Fergie’s got a Pot Belly for Mac of the Day

7 Comments »

Typical, Fergie quits meth and doesn’t get fat, you know she gets her shit together, gets fit, gets out of debt, launches a successful career and uses the meth card as a lesson to us all that if you do meth, you will succeed, but the second bitch gets married she lets it all go and gets fat.

Now I don’t know if she’s pregnant or if this is just an early case of “I can’t believe you are the woman I married”, but since I feel like the meth broke her uterus, I’m going to go with that she’s just gettin’ fat and fat people disgust me. Just about a minute ago I was taking a shit, and sure I hate when people talk about shitting, it’s all way too frat boy for me, but I looked down and saw what I’ve done to myself and was ashamed and disgusted, and I don’t even give a shit about myself, so when I see sluts I would have fucked at one point in time, following in my footsteps, I just can’t help but hate them.

Posted in:Fergie|Pot Belly|Pregnant

2009

17

Feb

Fergie’s Still in a Green Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

I got into conversation with some 18 year old hot chick the other day. She was on the bus reading some US Weekly or InStyle magazine, because in case you didn’t know, 18 year old girls are hooked on this celebrity scandal bullshit, and she was talking to her friend about what the fuck is going on in Josh Duhamel’s mind for marrying Fergie. She couldn’t get why a guy so good lookin would marry a girl so hard who really has nothing hot about her. I chimed in and said because he’s a faggot, loves cock in his mouth and can’t let the world know, so he settled for the closest thing he could find. They laughed awkwardly and changed seats.

The truth is that maybe they are in love, hot girls date ugly guys all the fucking time, maybe Fergie gives the meanest blowjob, you know cuz having been born with a dick she apparently has a first hand knowledge of how to work one.

Sure the tranny shit’s old, but she looks like this bodybuilder stripper who used to do chin ups on stage who I always got lap dances from because no one else wanted her and I can never turn down a deal, even if it makes me question my sexuality, but maybe she’s a nice girl.

Here she is in the green bikini that has been milked pretty hard this week. Something, Josh Duhamel knows all too much about.

Posted in:Bikini|Fergie|Green