Fergie Archives - Page 6 of 7 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2008

21

Apr

Fergie Bikini Pictures of the Day

I met a girl where I meet all the girls I know and that’s at the stripclub this weekend. Strippers always act like they are celebrities, or unattainable, or more important than they are and try their best to avoid having to talk to me and when they do they try to make me feel like I’m lucky to be talking to them, but the truth is that it’s one of the only places where 10 dollars puts that ego aside and leads to me grabbing their tits within about a minute of approaching them. The are just high volume shitty prostitutes that try to convince themselves that they are celebrities and I like to single out the one with the most attitude to use.

Either way, this weekend, the stripper was some fitness bitch who was more acrobatic than the other lazy sluts. She was bouncing off the walls, flipping herself in all ways possible and knew how to work the crowd because she spread her ass apart on stage like it was a cheap porno shoot. She had a hard face from years of smoking, drinking and drugs and her body was fuckin’ tight and she was doing it all to a Fergie song and I thought that I just witnessed some kind of ironic moment, but don’t know what the word ironic means so can’t be too sure….

Here’s Fergie in a bikini from this past weekend with her tight body and hard face….unfortunately she’s not spreading her ass like my Fergie was, but I guess this is as close as she gets….since she’s famous and doesn’t need to do it to pay her rent which is really too bad because Fergie was a drug addicted child star who burnt through all her money and could have either gone deeper into the gutter, but somehow managed to get out that makes us the real losers in this whole recovery shit…

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Fergie|Tits

2008

17

Apr

Fergie Broke My Ears on Regis and Kelly of the Day

1 Comment »

I am hooked on posting morning TV clips of the day, I think it’s because I don’t have a TV and I am jonesing, but it’s also because pictures bore the fuck out of me. At least with videos, I can watch what a mess people make of themselves while trying to sing or while doing interviews and that’s a lot less interesting than just imagining their it my head while looking at a picture because in my imagination it always leads to a hardcore porno scene, but watching it play out on video is usually a lot less work for my hungover brain.

It’s kinda like when you were forced to jerk off to pics that took 4 minutes to load on the computer back in 1996, when you first got your internet and where you’d be up all hours of the night talking to 18 year old SxxyGrrl69 from New Mexico while jerking off to porn pics you found on SublimeDirectory just sitting there waiting 5 minutes for the good part of the picture with a little pussy getting fucked so that you could set the scene as it took forever to load so you could drop your load to the elaborate story you imagined…then one day discovering you can watch the sex clips instead.

Either way, here’s Fergie singing like an angel this morning and she sounds like she’s been up all night on a coke binge while singing some kind of Disney Cinderella bullshit in some kind of sleep deprived, drug induced hallucination and it brought sunshine to this glorious day but not as much sunshine as Regis brought when he pretty much apologized for the horrible noise when they came back from commercial before Kelly told him it was a Fergie sng. That’s the kind of honesty that makes Live TV funny…because even Regis knows Fergie sucks.

Bonus – Here’s Her Interview That I Didn’t Watch Because If She’s Not Naked, I’m Not Listening..

Posted in:Fergie|Painful

2007

19

Nov

I am – The American Music Awards Arrivals of the Day

3 Comments »

I didn’t watch the American Music Awards because they are a waste of fucking time, even though every acceptance speech is about how shit changes lives, but unfortunately my life wasn’t one of those lives changed today, because I don’t own a TV, but if I did, I’d be living the fuckin’ dream and I am pretty sure I’d be watching scrambled porn, not because I like porn, but because distorted blue and green sex scenes excite me more than Dick Clark’s bullshit award show.

I tried getting someone in LA to crash red carpet for this event for stepTV, but I have no real pull, I couldn’t get press access and security’s a bitch, not to mention the dude I know in LA doesn’t have a camera and can barely speak english, but it still would have been better coverage than the actually award show, but that’s just like comparing a hot girl to some fat one night stand you once brought home when drunk because she was willing and you are an opportunist who doesn’t turn down a girl when she offers you creampie, unfortunately when you got back to her place, you realized that by creampie bitch actually meant a cream pie and you sat there eating whip cream and watching reruns of Seinfeld, because that’s all that was on at 4 am, until you sobered up and had to peace the fuck out because you realized that her elastic waistband on her sweat pants wasn’t something that could really get you off and for the record stepTV is that fat chick because it’s lower quality but makes for a better fuckin’ story.

I am recovering from binge drinking like a sorority girl during Homecoming week, and I don’t remember all that much of the last two nights, but I do know I laughed a lot so if you’re lucky I’ll bring some of that to you here, it happens sometimes, just not in this post.

Here are the arrival pictures from the AMAs.

Beyonce’s Got Some Insane Cleavage Going On….I Guess Someone’s Been Eating Her Fried Chicken

Alicia Keys Did Some Choreographed Dance Routine I Didn’t Understand

Amanda Bynes Got Some Fucking Legs

Ashley Tisdale is Hot Right Now, Like a Busted Old Pick-Up Truck In Your Front Lawn on a Hot Summer’s Day…

Avril Lavigne Dressed Like an Academy Award, If Academy Awards Had Stupid Hair

Some Carrie Underwood Wearing Curtains

Jennie Garth Dancing With Her Old Face…Which She Thinks is a Star…But Really Isn’t

Rihanna in Some Halloween Costume Shit Still Lookin’ Hot…

Vanessa Hudgens Because We’ve All Seen Her Naked and I Like to Show Love To Bitches Who Get Naked….

Fergie because Her Body is Too Good to be a Man

Nicole Scherzinger Because Her Dress Reminds Me of This Retarded Kids Art Project But Less Attractive….

Kellie Pickler Because We Like to Support Her Fake Tits

Miley Cyrus Because She’s Jailbait and has the Coolest Fuckin’ Father to Ever Grace the Radio With His Fucking Annoying Song….

Related Posts:

Last Year’s America Music Awards Post
Live Bloggin the 2006 VMAs
Live Bloggin’ the Academy Awards
Some Emmy Award Coverage

2007

16

Nov

I am – Fergie Sex Tape of the Day

6 Comments »

I am calling fake on this one. There are so many tight bodied party sluts with haggard faces. Half of the strippers in this city look like Fergie and dress like her too. I am not sure what came first the Fergie or the Fergie outfit, because I wouldn’t be surprised if these bitches sat around analyzing her videos and copying her game because she’s an idol of theirs, like one of their own who actually made it in the world and doesn’t have to do 10 dollar lap dances anymore to pay for her cocaine and that’s inspiring to whores everywhere.

Either way, watch the video

Related Posts:

Meg White Sex Tape
Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Clips
Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Previews
Paris Hilton Exposed Pictures

Posted in:Fergie|Masturbating|Sex Tape|Unsorted

2007

07

Sep

I am – Fergie and Steven Tyler at Fashion Rocks of the Day

1 Comment »

I live in a pretty open minded city when it comes to Fags, mostly because there are a lot of fucking fags and we don’t have a choice in the matter.

It’s funny when I talk to other people tho, cause I hear that it’s not so liberal in other places, and I guess the liberal in me says I should be able to fuck who I want, make or female, and everyone else has that right as well.

Still, I think we are making big moves forward for the Gays when I turn on the television and I see an old homo with a heavily made up drag queen next to him on stage singing a duet together for all of America to see. THAT my friends, is progress!

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Related Posts
Fergie’s Eyebrows of the Day
Fergie’s Panty Leak of the Day
Fergie Singing Say You Say Me of the Day

Posted in:Fashion Rocks|Fergie|Steven Tyler|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Fergie’s Eyebrows of the Day

2 Comments »

Fergie

Our token Gay Blogger and my personal friend (only because I’m still clinging to the hope he will come play for our team…I heard he has a big wang) has been kind enough to grace us with another post via email. Clubs! Cocaine! Drag Queens! Read on….

I went to this drag bar last night and I was in the bathroom doing lines with this one performer, Kitty Litter. The funny thing about her is that during rest of the week she is actually a teacher at rather conservative Catholic high school but one night a week she gets all decked out in sequins and lip-syncs to Donna Summer songs for a bunch of screaming queens. If thatâ€™s what the teacher is doing, god only knows what the principle of that school does on his Tuesday nights.

So anyways, she and I are in the bathroom and sheâ€™s re-applying her makeup, (and of course by re-applying, I mean putting on foundation by the pound and making sure that her glittery hot-pink lipstick hasnâ€™t smeared while she was wiping her nose) and I come to the realization that drag queens have a really fucked up idea of what a woman is. Now, Iâ€™m not going to get all fourth wave feminist on you (or whatever the hell wave those dykes are on) but I realized that these queens really have no idea what a woman is.

I know, I know they are supposed to be portraying a parody of a woman but not even the trashiest, whorish, cracked-out slut of woman would be caught dead wearing what these drag queens were wearing. No woman with any shred of self-respect or dignity would ever in a million years look like these drag queens. She would have to be the absolute bottom of the barrel, the most meth addicted piece of shit to even remotely resemble Kitty Litter or any other female impersonator.

Kitty Litter has the same eyebrows as Fergie.

Smooch!

Julien

Related Posts

I am â€“ Fergieâ€™s New Video Panty Scene of the Day
GO

I am â€“ Fergie Singing Say You Say Me of the Day
GO

I am â€“ Fergie Working Out of the Day
GO

Posted in:Fergie|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Fergie's Eyebrows of the Day

2 Comments »

Fergie

Our token Gay Blogger and my personal friend (only because I’m still clinging to the hope he will come play for our team…I heard he has a big wang) has been kind enough to grace us with another post via email. Clubs! Cocaine! Drag Queens! Read on….

I went to this drag bar last night and I was in the bathroom doing lines with this one performer, Kitty Litter. The funny thing about her is that during rest of the week she is actually a teacher at rather conservative Catholic high school but one night a week she gets all decked out in sequins and lip-syncs to Donna Summer songs for a bunch of screaming queens. If that’s what the teacher is doing, god only knows what the principle of that school does on his Tuesday nights.

So anyways, she and I are in the bathroom and she’s re-applying her makeup, (and of course by re-applying, I mean putting on foundation by the pound and making sure that her glittery hot-pink lipstick hasn’t smeared while she was wiping her nose) and I come to the realization that drag queens have a really fucked up idea of what a woman is. Now, I’m not going to get all fourth wave feminist on you (or whatever the hell wave those dykes are on) but I realized that these queens really have no idea what a woman is.

I know, I know they are supposed to be portraying a parody of a woman but not even the trashiest, whorish, cracked-out slut of woman would be caught dead wearing what these drag queens were wearing. No woman with any shred of self-respect or dignity would ever in a million years look like these drag queens. She would have to be the absolute bottom of the barrel, the most meth addicted piece of shit to even remotely resemble Kitty Litter or any other female impersonator.

Kitty Litter has the same eyebrows as Fergie.

Smooch!

Julien

Related Posts

I am – Fergie’s New Video Panty Scene of the Day
GO

I am – Fergie Singing Say You Say Me of the Day
GO

I am – Fergie Working Out of the Day
GO

Posted in:Fergie|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

19

Apr

I am – Fergie’s New Video Panty Scene of the Day

2 Comments »

I already posted about this yesterday, but the rest of the pictures were sent in and I had no choice but to post them because it’s all part of my commitment to you. I could write about how people think she’s a tranny but it’s been done. I could write about how she’s an ex meth addict but it’s been done. I could also write about how she’s got a little chipmunk face with pornstar skin that only comes from letting dudes cum on her face while smoking cigarettes, drinking hard liquor and huffin lines of cocaine, but it’s dull. I guess these pictures are also pretty dull and I feel uninspired to really get more in depth than this. So this is my post about me talking about what I don’t want to talk about instead of actually giving you something to work with. That makes me a real asshole.

Posted in:Fergie|Unsorted

2007

19

Apr

I am – Fergie's New Video Panty Scene of the Day

No Comments »

I already posted about this yesterday, but the rest of the pictures were sent in and I had no choice but to post them because it’s all part of my commitment to you. I could write about how people think she’s a tranny but it’s been done. I could write about how she’s an ex meth addict but it’s been done. I could also write about how she’s got a little chipmunk face with pornstar skin that only comes from letting dudes cum on her face while smoking cigarettes, drinking hard liquor and huffin lines of cocaine, but it’s dull. I guess these pictures are also pretty dull and I feel uninspired to really get more in depth than this. So this is my post about me talking about what I don’t want to talk about instead of actually giving you something to work with. That makes me a real asshole.

Posted in:Fergie|Unsorted

2007

18

Apr

I am – Fergie’s Panty Leak of the Day

4 Comments »

Fergie isn’t a man because she has boobs and wears women’s panties. That’s usually the defining criteria I need before fooling around with what I think is a chick. Until I see her scrotum, I am sticking to the theory that she was born a chick, she’s just a little more muscular than most dudes I know, but I guess the dudes I know are lazy drunks who think standing in the shower is too much work, so they just avoid them all together. These are supposed to be panty pictures that leaked from her new music video. I am not sure if they really are, but they passed get posted anyway, I am not sure if that makes you lucky or not, but if you are reading this site, I’ll go with not….

Posted in:Fergie|Unsorted

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