Allure Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

15

Apr

Catherine Zeta Jones Nude in Allure of the Day

I was talking to someone yesterday who was telling me that Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas have a house 45 minutes away from my house. I don’t know when they come into town, I’m thinking probably never, because celebrities have property everywhere, but if I ever find out, I expect to get arrested trying to get a similar view as these pictures offer, only I expect my view to me a lot more raw with a lot more post pregnancy labia, a lot less hair, make-up and good lighting, because I like my peeping to be as authentic as possible, without all the smoke and mirrors these magazines pollute us with and I figure I deserve it especially since I’m throwing in the towel on my freedom cuz I will be getting arrested when I get caught trying to pull this off, so I might as well make the shit worth it and the nice thing about getting arrested is that I won’t have to share a bed with my shitty wife anymore….not that I would ever bother trying to peep on Catherine Zeta Jones, she’s a little too old and boring for me, but it was a nice fantasy for a minute, but I think the only hot thing about it was getting taken away from my wife finally….

Here are some Catherine Zeta Jones nude for Allure pics….

Posted in:Allure|Catherine Zeta-Jones|Nude

2010

13

Apr

Emanuelle Chriqui and Other Bitches Nude in Allure of the Day

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Here’s another example of mainstream “Fashion” magazines bringing out the nudity because they trick bitches into thinking that it’s for art and fashion and not for idiots to jerk off to. They don’t get flagged as a NSFW site, or get blocked in schools, universities, offices and other places sites like mine are banned and they don’t lose any advertisers, cuz they spin the shit as classy and I call the whole thing bullshit…

The pictures are boring and include Kara DioGuardi naked and boring from American idol and other cunts who are barely relevant got naked for the shoot. The only picture that a 13 year old could probably still get off to is of Emanuelle Chriqui naked and standing , some Morrocan Canadian who left the family business of being the slimey, scamming, loud, tacky fucking scum Morrocan…not that that’s a job…but when you’re Morrocan and in public you sure as hell think it is….

The other bitches are Regina Hall naked and boring , Colbie Caillat naked and boring , and Jessica Capshaw naked and boring.

Posted in:Allure|Emanuelle Chriqui|Kara Dioguardi|Nude

2009

15

Jun

Fergie is Topless in Allure Magazine of the Day

4 Comments »

Fergie is showing off the amazing power of Photoshop while topless in Allure.

I hate photoshop, because with online courses, fat and ugly chicks can trick me. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to some girl on facebook because I got nothing else going for me and she told me she was a model. I went through her pictures and bitch looked pretty fucking good, I didn’t agree to meet her, cuz I hate internet pussy the most, but I did find out what bar she was at and pulled a little creeper move on her to see what I was actually dealing with because I knew it was too good to be true, she was just too eager to be hot and it turned out it was cuz bitch had one of those port stain birthmarks on half her face and looked like she was the Phantom of the Opera all the time, something she was pretty good at erasing in post production.

Not that it matters, I’m still gonna fuck her, but that’s just because I like port after every meal, it makes me feel luxurious and Portuguese.

Here’s Fergie.

Here’s some pictures of Fergie a little less boring, a little less photoshopped and a lot more rough around the fuckin’ edges.

Posted in:Allure|Fergie|Topless

2009

13

Apr

Allure Gets Girls Nude of the Day

5 Comments »

I guess Allure realizes that in these times of economic crisis, where the world is turning to the internet, unfortunately, not turning to this website, and all print magazines are slowly going broke, and dying off, like some kind of magazine holocaust, that the final stage in survival is to take that tried, tested and true formula of survival and that’s getting girls willing to get naked, naked and posting their pictures in a classy enough way, that isn’t too offensive, that doesn’t show nipple or pussy lip, or anus, or insertion, because they don’t want to piss off the few advertisers they have left, because sex sells, unless it is sex with me.

They managed to get Eliza Dushku, a girl I wanted to fuck when she was in all those teen movies and my new found love, the Cumdog Millionaire who is from some cooking show I have never seen, named Padma, these are the pictures.

Posted in:Allure|Eliza Dushku|Nude|Padma Lakshmi

2009

24

Mar

Cindy Crawford Lathered Up for Allure of the Day

6 Comments »

I hung out with Cindy Crawford once, you know in the 90s when she was at the top of her game and I was one of the biggest fashion photographers in the industry, we had a little falling out when I told her to spread that pussy wider, when she was trying to be wholesome and all American and totally against spread eagle pussy shots and she got me kicked out of the industry because she’s just that powerful and my life has been on a downward spiral ever since.

Sure, that story was a total lie, but what difference does it make, it’s the fucking internet, I did see Cindy Crawford a few months ago when she was promoting some shitty furniture line at some discount furniture store, and she was pretty fucking amazing looking, the kind of girl who I should have run up to with my point and shoot camera and ask to spread that pussy wider, only to get escorted out by security, but I didn’t.

I did go to some weird strip club this weekened, where some slow, older stripper in costume got naked and soaped herself on stage, seems a little ambitious for a whore who makes her money when she charges people to grab her tits, but I guess I appreciated the effort.

Here are those allure pics, they hit the internet yesterday, I was napping….