Jordana Brewster, the Panamanian celebrity thanks to her dad being a finance guy with enough smarts to say:

“fuck paying taxes, I’m moving to Panama, where I will get all the rich people I know to pay ME instead of taxes, in order to set them up with a TAX shelter so that I can finance my daughter in LA to get her famous, which I will use as a marketing hook to secure more money from more people who are excited by the idea of working with the girl from Fast and the Furious’ dad”…

So yeah, she’s old as shit, but still producing bikini pics cuz she feels fit, like a lot of the rich moms you see get out of their range rovers in clothing more skimpy than their teen daughters who you know are ruined by the internet because you saw them humping the air while filming a tiktok video in the grocery store, their mother holding the camera….

But yeah, she’s old, she does not-age-appropriate content with her bikinis, but the brands coming in and paying her are SO age appropriate, you know Lysol Laundry Sanitizer for your fucking face makes you scared of living cucks…..BUT IT IS GOING TO BE COVID SEASON SOON, I NEED TO DISINFECT MY CLOTHES LIKE MY HANDS WITH CANCER CAUSING CHEMICALS, you Lysol Wipe PUSSIES…it’s like TELL ME YOU ARE OLD AS SHIT WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU ARE OLD AS SHIT…..”I know, I’ll pose next to a giant laundry sanitizer”….fucking jokers…..

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It’s a long weekend here for Canada Day, you know the ICE LAND of oppression, who made us stay in quarantine camps if we traveled during covid, before enforcing vaccine passports on people so that the dirty scumbags who didn’t get the shot couldn’t go into Home Depot, Walmart or grab a coffee at their national Tim Hortons chain….these people want us dead, while celebrating grown men being naked in front of children at gay pride events, because Canada is clearly fucking crazy…

But, it’s a long weekend, so naturally, I’m not at a pool, staring at countless nude models who think I’m amazing, because I have a pool….but I am fucking lazy, so here’s an old timey bitch Jordana Brewster still stripping down like a basic instagram whore….because you don’t need instagram to be a whore…it just helps get that messaging out there….even when you’re too old for the internet like Jordana Brewster….

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In the most important celebrity news you will see today, yes this is a celebrity and entertainment hub, where real celebrity journalism happens and where you, the reader come to learn the latest events, movie premiere and releases, celebrity tabloid gossip and news, or at least where a few weirdos who don’t understand social media cum to celebrity tit being posted to social media and thus reposted here…..but yeah, in the most important celeb news, cuz you didn’t know she was even a celeb, Jordana Brewster posted her tit hanging out of a bikini on social media the other day, like a thirst trapping whore selling or trying to sell ONLYFANS content, while being a rich Panamanian kid turned actor who would only sell on ONLYFANS as part of her masturbation material, getting off to her character actror research of a old as shit woman turned internet whore…

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Panamanian National and potential tax evader Jordana Brewster, who is in her 40s, which is about 500 years old in bikini model years, has decided that she looks good for her age, probably from checking out the other moms at some pool party play dates, even moms a decade younger than her, so clearly she’s destined to have a second life as a bikini model, since acting in the Fast and Furious bullshit was so good to her, really putting her on the map, or in the jerk off targets of the weirdest group of people around who watch Fast Furious movies, there’s a lot fo them.

I dont think she looks all that bad in the header pic, almost young and fit, holding her pony tail like a hispanic video girl….with her TITS OUT….

Good from far, because you can’t see her weathered old face…

In this era of OLD LADY INCLUSION, despite hating on OLD LADY BODIES, I’ll choose this over fat ANY day…and you will to…..

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Jordana Brewster, you PANAMANIAN dream in her mid to late 40s posted up a bikini picture like she’s trying to be some kind of BOND girl, possibly to generate some attention from the new FAST FURIOUS movie she is probably not in, but was in and that should count as some spillover fans searching her on instagram in need of a “Where is she now that they’ve replaced her with some other useless cunt in a franchise that is insane to still be generating revenue and likely the evidence we are doomed as a society”….

In her bikini pic, her bikini is so low rise, you can practically see her PANAMANIAN tax evading dick….and shockingly, the old lady has no bush at all, which is a little tragic to a bush lover like me, but at her age, she probably has not choice by the wax it all off because it’s SILVER BEAVER…..

DO WE CARE.

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Jordana Brewster is a 42 year old Panamanian who you may know as the daughter of Brazilian Sports Illustrated model Maria Joao and some American investment banker who was rich enough to fuck Sports Illustrated models and drop babies inside their wombs and I guess even smarter to set up shop in Panama the tax haven….

To make things even MORE suspicious, her dad’s father or her grandfather was the president of Yale University for 14 years….where she went to school in 2003….because obviously…

Anyway, her rich kid life took her to Hollywood where she starred in some shit, landed some other shit, got famous in the process, you know to support her being rich to begin with, since being rich isn’t enough when you’re rich….and now she produces bikini porn like some instagram whore who may be too old to be in a bikini but is skinny enough and busty enough to be in a bikini…which I guess is her birth right…

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Jordana Brewster is such a fucking misogynist, or maybe she’s just a 40 year old woman who understands that women are meant to be in the kitchen, it’s far more fulfilling to cook for your family, than it is to be some ratchet miserable hook up culture slut in your shitty apartment waiting for a sugar dadddy to order you uber eats so you don’t have to get out of your lazy fucking bed and live a normal fucking human experience cuz you’re too busy medicated on SSRIs.

Maybe the whole traditional gender role is fucking HOT, especially when there’s tight jeans in a squat, because I know I love seeing women cook, clean and raise a fucking family……the whole spreading your ass for a dollar on the internet is EMPTY, I’ll still look, obviously, I love sluts, but slutty in this kind of way is better.

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Jordana Brewster was a teen soap star in the 90s, which means at least one of you jerked off to her when you called in sick, took the day off school, or was on disability because you’re a retard…and soap opera’s were your porn…it was 1995…and dial-up internet was annoying with the slow loading pictures and no videos…

Since then she’s turned 35…

She’s also done a bunchof Fast & Furious movies…and that’s about it…but I guess that’s all you need to do…just ask Paul Walker…oh wait…you can’t..he’s dead…so ask Vin Diesel…who I thought was gay until last week…only to have found out my friend gave him a blowjob…which brings up an important point…can you still get a blowjob from a girl…if you’re gay…I didn’t ask if he came from it…I just left it at that…and the answer is yes…you can be straight for pay, or to give you street cred or whatever…

Not that that has anything to do with Jordana Brewster, I mean, it may be the reason she got the job…but I figure that would involve more anus.

She’s naked in Allure, not showing her clit…so what’s the fucking point of getting naked….I guess posts like this…

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